Disclaimer:  Still not my property.  It still belongs to the fabulous Ms. Rowling.

Warning: Yup.  Slashiness ahead.  Non-graphic.  *Purrs*  And yep.  I used the name Sahriya in one of my other stories, just not for Snape's mom.  I just like it, and it's just so much fun to type.  Besides, one person read that story, so I don't see anyone as caring.

Also, sorry.  I kind of got carried away with this chapter.  It's over 2,500 words.  The entire story before this chapter is only 3,325 words. 

And this chapter could probably be just about a PG-13, but not an R, definitely.  But then again, I'm so paranoid when it comes to rating these things.  It could be PG for all I know.  Oh, yeah.  On with the chapter.  : )

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Chapter 5: Hurt

Severus sat silent in the Great Hall, doing his best to block out the voices ringing in his ears.  It was the end of winter term, the day before Christmas vacation started, causing a great amount of celebration amongst his classmates.  The fourth year Slytherin pulled a book out of the folds of his robes, attempting to lose himself in the novel.

"Snape?"  A voice asked him.  A milky white hand reached out, shaking his shoulder lightly.  "Severus?"

Severus turned towards the voice, finding a mildly amused Lucius Malfoy looking at him.  The blonde sixth year quirked his head at the expression of surprise on the fifth year boy, a small smile coming to his rose colored lips.  "What's wrong, Severus?"

"Mmm?"  Severus asked, turning from his book.  "What do you mean?"

"You're quiet."  Snape quirked his brow at him.  "Alright, more so than usual."

Severus chuckled lowly, shrugging.  "I got an owl from my mum.  She wants me to go home for the holidays.  She didn't mention how my father felt about that arrangement."

"Sorry, Sev.  The invite to spend Christmas at the Manor still stands, if you'd like to come out."  Lucius said, taking a sip of his tea.  "Get away from your parents for a while…"

"I don't see my parents as being overly happy about their only son skipping out on them for the holidays.  But then again, I'm not overly excited about seeing…" A blank look took its place on Severus's face.  Lucius recognized that look, one of his favorites.  The one that few knew of, and even fewer could fully appreciate.  "My father."

"Yes, I don't think that I would be too keen to spend time with him…  I can't stand it when Father invites him over to tea.  No offense."

"None taken.  I wouldn't interact with that man if I didn't have to."  Severus shook his head.  "I'd like very much to spend the holidays with you and yours…"

"If you'd like, we can invite your mum over for Christmas dinner.  I'd love to see Sahriya again."  Lucius said, a small smile gracing his lips.  Severus had always been fascinated by those lips.  They were the color of an ancient scar.  A pale shade of washed out pink that complimented his porcelain skin to perfection.

Lucius chuckled, pulling Severus out of his reverie.

"Hm?  Oh, that would be nice, thanks.  As much as I dislike my father, I would like to see mum for a bit over break…  Just a thought:  We should get your mum and mine and go into Diagon Alley for a bit.  They can have their little…" Severus grimaced slightly, his small smile never leaving his face.  "Women time.  And we can escape down Knockturn alley."

"Always the schemer, Severus?"  Lucius laughed outright this time.  "Alright.  It's a date."

"Great…" Severus stood up, placing his book back into his bag.  "I'm going to go get my stuff ready.  Hadn't been planning on leaving."

"Alright, Sev. See you in a bit."

-

It's been four days since I kissed Severus.  Four days that he's been avoiding me like the plague.  It seems that he's been taking a page out of my book, roaming the halls of the school, disappearing.  I think Voldemort's to blame for part of his time missing.  He was gone for a day and a half, and by the time the worry got to me, by the time I asked Albus where he'd gone, he's returned, as if nothing had happened.

No, not like nothing had happened.  He acted like it, though.  He was the ever cool, aloof, snappish Potion's Master.  You could see it in those eyes, though.  Whereas they were just cold before, they were empty now.  As if he had seen something terrible.

I went to Albus this morning, to see if I could pry any answers out of him.  He just looked at me.

"It is not my business to tell you, Remus.  I'm sorry."  He said, his voice quiet, his features seeming to show his age.  Remus heard true regret in the elder wizards voice.

"It's alright…  Thank you, Albus."

It takes me a day to finally gather enough courage to go to Severus.  The way he had reacted from the kiss, I didn't know if I truly wanted to tempt the fates and his temper.  I realize that the longer I wait, though, the harder this will all be.  And I'd rather tempt his temper now, then to let all of this emotion, all of this worry, this angst, linger.  The longer I wait, the easier it will be to back out.

And oddly enough, I don't want to back out.  The more time that I spend with Severus, the more time that I want to spend with him.  I find myself thinking random thoughts about him, in the middle of the day, when I should be scouting or guarding for the Order.  When I should be looking after things at the school.  I see myself holding him, comforting him.  Holding him tightly to my chest when he comes home after a night under Voldemort's service.

I haven't a clue where these images come from, nor do I think I care. 

It seems to take me forever to get down to Severus's personal chambers.  I listen intently, attempting to hear if he's inside.  I hear nothing at all; no potions percolating, no Severus yelling, no music, no fire popping.  Even when he steps out, you can tell, by the various wards that he puts up around his rooms.  There are no wards up.

A silencing spell.

I knock on the door, knowing that it's probably a fruitless gesture.  If he's gone to the trouble of putting up a silencing spell, he likely wants to be left alone. 

But since when have I cared about Severus's personal boundaries?

I knock several more times, to no avail.  I get fed up finally and call out his name. 

"What do you want, Lupin?"  Snape hisses through the door, as the silencing spell vanishes. 

"To…talk.  I just want to talk, Severus."  I say, attempting to keep my voice as emotion free as I can.  If he heard worry in my voice, he'd never let me in.  He's always been the kind to get defensive when anyone has shown concern for him…  I'd like to blame it on his old Slytherin, or Death Eater, habits, but he's always been like that.  Even back to when we were first years.

He had shown up for school, the first day after winter break.  He was covered in bruises, his arm in a shoddy, seemingly homemade, or house elf made, sling.  Lucius and I were the only ones to ask if he was all right.  I think he actually spoke about it to Lucius, but never to me.

I guess that's what I get for trying to befriend the lonely looking Slytherin that first day on the train.  I got teased by my own housemates, and a beating or three by his.  Our meager friendship was over pretty quickly.  But I've never stopped feeling concerned about his safety.  For a short time, he was a friend.

I shake my head roughly, pulling myself together.  I didn't even realize that Severus had opened the door, his head peering out, his face hidden behind his massive curtain of hair. 

"What is it, Lupin?"  He asked.  It seemed as if he was doing everything in his power to not look up at me.  His eyes were cast to the ground, like a child that had been caught doing something he shouldn't have.

"I just thought that we should talk, about what happened the other day…  You've been avoiding me, Severus."

"What makes you think that you're special enough for me to make an actual effort to avoid you, Lupin?  I've been busy…  Away."  He still hasn't looked up at me. 

I reach out a hand to his face, lifting his chin towards me.  He seems too shocked to react fully to this.  He lets his head move with my hands, and I can't hold back the loud gasp that emerges from my lips.

His left eye is blackened and puffy; his lip is split and slightly oozing blood.  There's a long gash on the right side of his face, starting just next to his eye and tracing along his cheekbone, down to his jaw.  His skin tone is slightly more off than usual.  There's no real yellow, sallow tone to it.  It's the color of ivory, pale and smooth, with a bit of a sickly edge to it.

"What the hell happened to you, Snape?!"  I find myself bursting out, before I can stop myself.  He attempts to sneer at me, but his lip seems to tear slightly as he does it, and he winces sharply. 

"None of your sodding business."  He pulls away from me, slamming the door shut in my face.

"Severus…" 

"Go away, damn it.  Just…" His voice holds a key of defeat in it as he speaks, as if he's forcing the words out of his mouth.  A sinking feeling appears in my gut as I hear the sound of a lock clicking.  "Just go away."

I stand still outside his door for a few minutes, my mind trying to catch up with what just happened.  I come down here to speak to the man, and I find him bleeding and broken, then get kicked out by the man that I'm concerned about. 

Something in me seems to snap, and I begin pounding on the door.  "Severus, let me the hell in, now."

For some reason, Severus unlocks the door, letting me in before slinking back to the other side of the room.

"Thank you…" I say, my voice barely above a whisper.  "Please, Severus.  What happened?"

"I was…  Sent on a mission.  For the Dark Lo-  For Voldemort."  He inhales deeply, taking a deep purple potion from inside an old, beaten looking cabinet.  He drinks the whole thing in seconds, turning to me as he drains his last drop.  "I was told to apparate to Germany, near the Black Forest…  There were people waiting for me when I got there."

"Waiting for you?"  It's my turn to sigh now, holding the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.  "What do you mean, waiting for you?"

"Voldemort likes to test his followers' loyalty every once in awhile.  It was my turn…  I got there, and he was waiting.  I apparated right into the center of a circle of Death Eaters, I think there was nearly twenty of them…

"They took turns casting various curses on me and beating me, among various other…punishments."

"What do you mean, 'punishments,' Severus?"  I ask, smelling the fear radiating from the man. 

He looks at me.  His eyes are empty.  There's no anger in them, there's no malice.  There's a hint of sadness, a hint of exhaustion, but no more.  I've never seen his eyes like that.  So…defeated.

"Severus?"

He says nothing, simply shrugging his shoulders.  "Nothing.  Never mind."

"Sev?"

"I said never…" I cut him off before he can finish his sentence.  I pull him into my arms.  He doesn't fight me.

We stand there for a moment, not saying anything.  I run my hand through the tips of his hair.  It's very soft, not the greasy texture that James and Sirius always teased him for. 

"What did they do to you?  Are you all right?  God, what a stupid question.  Of course you're not all right.  I'm sorry…" I whisper into his ear, my grip on his slight frame tightening. 

"It's nothing that they haven't done in the past, Remus.  I should be used to it by now."

Remus.  He called me Remus.  I should be angry by what he's telling me.  I should be raging, threatening death.  But I'm just too happy that he's calling me by my first name. 

Eventually concern takes over from my exultation.

"They r-raped you, didn't they?"  A cold chuckle escapes Severus's lips.  I cringe.  "H-how many?"

The fact that Severus took a moment to answer chilled me to the marrow.  I feel the hackles rise on the back of my arms and my neck, anger filling me.  "Eight."

"Eight?  Eight?!"  I repeat, over and over in my brain as well as vocally.  They hurt him.  They violated my Severus.  My Severus.  They hurt him.  I'm going to kill them.  "Lucius didn't do anything to help you?"

"He wasn't there.  Even if he was, there's nothing that he could've done.  As much as we care for each other, there's no way that we could aid each other when it comes to Voldemort's wrath.  To do so would just mean both of our suffering, as opposed to one or the others.  We made that agreement many years ago."  He sighs.  It seems as if the potion that he had taken earlier has started to take effect.  His shoulders sag slightly.  My arms seem to be the only things that are supporting him at this point.

"We can talk in the morning, love…  Let's get you to bed."  I say, my voice taking on a more calm tone.  He nods very slightly. 

I pick him up into my arms, cradling him like a child, as carefully as I would a newborn infant.  He directs me over to the bedroom, and is asleep before I can even open the door to the large, stone walled room.

I set him down lightly on the bed, pulling the thick bedspread up to cover him. 

I stand over him, studying for a moment.  He looks so much younger asleep.  The frown lines in his forehead and near his lips vanish completely.  His long black lashes flicker lightly over the top of his cheeks.  I find myself enchanted by him.  From the light snore to the quiet mumbles in his sleep.

Severus turns in his sleep, lying on his side facing me.  I sit down next to him, stroking his hair calmly.  I lean down, kissing him on the cheek, then the forehead, and finally a feather light kiss on his lips.

He shifts himself slightly, curling up towards my body.  I sigh, kicking off my shoes before pulling my legs up onto the bed.

Severus opens his eyes slightly at me.  I feel my heart drop to the floor.  He's going to yell at me and tell me to leave.

"If you're going to lay there like an over protective watch dog, you could at least get under the sheets."

I can feel my eyes bug out of my head as I nod, probably too vigorously.  I pull off my outer robe and place it on the floor, getting under the comforter.

Once I'm under the blankets, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  Does he want me to curl up next to him, to just stay there until he's asleep…?

I get my answer quickly, as he curls up next to my body, burying his face in the crook of my chin.  I place my arms around him, a smile coming to my face.

"Goodnight, Remus."  He whispers to me.  God, the name again.

"G'night, Severus."  I say just as quietly, to find that he's already fallen back asleep.  "Love you."

~TBC~

This chapter sucks, no?