Disclaimer: I own this much of Gundam wing ---
Warning: uhmmm.. just some -slight- talk of self-mutilation. Insanity. Shounen ai ^_^; FINALLY (just a hint o_O) uhmm.. morbid odd ness and some bad words.
Pairing: 2x4
Notes: if anyone was wondering where Quatre's hair came from in the last chapter it was from the night when Duo kind of.. Pinned Quatre to the bed. _;; seeee.. It's all logical. And another thing, I realized upon inspection that what Duo was referring to hitting the bone in the wrist.. was merely the tendons in the wrist o_o;; *blinks* or.. that.. hard thing that comes when you bend your wrist backwards.. that thing.. o_o;; fun fun? *cough-hide*
Chapter 17
I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I woke up. Quatre's hair was still entwined between and my shirt was still on the floor. The morning sun was creeping through the dark shades I have covering my window; just enough light for me to tell it was morning. I sat up slowly and detangled Quatre's hair from my finger. I went to go drop the hair over the side of the bed but stalled, I brought it closer to me and looked at it.
Why the hell would I care if I dropped this little piece of hair anyway? Really now, what am I going to do with it? Give it back to him? Yeah sure... 'Here Quatre, I think this belongs to you." sure, that would be great. Frame it? "Ala, Quatre hair! Marvel at the blondeness of it." Would I keep it? Eternally have a piece of his beautiful blonde hair wrapped around my finger until the day I die?
Foolish.
I drop the hair over the side of the bed and even though it's just a stupid piece of hair I almost felt a twang of regret with dropping it.
I stood up, mumbled just how fucking insane I am, and pulled some clothes I had in a pile on the floor up and got dressed. All black as usual, I felt a slight wetness on my arm after putting on the shirt, and figured one of the cuts just reopened slightly. Blood doesn't show on black unless there's a lot of it. Good thing.
I yawn, stretching slightly, and open my bedroom door, walking out into the living room. I notice that Quatre was already awake, and was sitting on the living room couch. I went to say good morning to him but as I got closer I realized his eyes were closed, upon closer inspection I settled on the fact that he was indeed, sleeping. I kneeled down in front of him and went to poke his shoulder to wake him up but stopped short and pulled my finger back. One, I remembered the cuts on his arm/back and just. didn't want to accidentally hurt him. or something. Two, he looked so cute sleeping.
I backed away from Quatre and sat on the floor, putting my head in my hands. I just called Quatre cute. Granted he looks like a girl sometimes but he's still a boy, and I'm a boy, and if I think he's cute then that would make me gay. Right? I rest my chin on my knees and stare at Quatre's sleeping form. He is cute though.
I never really seemed to think too much about Hilde, which she didn't seem to understand sometimes.
Not that it would bother me if I indeed was gay, I mean.. it .. isn't like it's a crime or anything. And it would be my own decision so I wouldn't be bothered by it, who gives a fuck what other people thing right?
Right?
I don't care what other people think, hell, I have long hair, call myself the god of death, basically flirt with everyone. What wouldn't I do? What do I care? It's just a way of life.
And just because I think Quatre is cute does not by any means mean that I love him. Or hell, it doesn't mean I'm gay even, he's just.. effeminately cute. Right?
What if I like boys, or if I like girls, or girls and boys, hell.. options are unlimited. Right?
Who the fuck is gonna give me these answers?
I run my fingers through my loose bangs, tensing my fingers slightly, noticing the slight difference in the amount of movement in my hands since I hacked at my tendons the other night.
I stand slowly and look at Quatre. I just stand there staring at him for a few seconds, minutes, hell, hours? Who knows, I stare though. I doubt it was hours though, or even minutes. Maybe a minute, tops.
Why do I care so much?
I sigh to myself and turn to go walk to the kitchen. "Dammit Quatre, why do you have to be so cute." I mutter to myself, what I thought was a fairly low voice.
"Hnn.. what?" I heard Quatre's soft voice say from his position on the couch behind me. My stomach dropped and I cleared my throat as I turned around to face him, he looked like he just woke up.
"I was singing." I say carelessly, walking up to him, hoping he didn't actually understand what I had said.
The best way to lie is to act like its true, I'm a good liar, and I've had practice. "How are you feeling this morning sunshine?" I say with an energetic voice, sitting down on the couch next to him as he works his way into a sitting position. I put my hand against his forehead to check for a fever.
"Meh, I'm feeling better then I .. did." He quickly turns away from me and sneezes, then going into a coughing fit.
"Well. it feels like your fever went down a little." I pat his back until he stops coughing. He sits back up and turns slightly to face me.
"Well, I feel a little better, damned cough wont stop." Quatre sighs, slightly annoyed and goes to tuck some of his hair behind his ears, while doing so the sleeve of his shirt falls down just enough to reveal about four cuts on his arm.
I don't know what possessed me to do anything, I knew damned well what it was and what it was from. I didn't know how he would react.
I reached up and grabbed his sleeve, not tightly but enough for him to widen his eyes quite a bit. "What's this?" I asked him, looking him in the eyes.
I knew what it was. Dammit I knew what it was.
He nearly shot up from his seat, pulling his sleeve down, tugging on it repeatedly. "It's.. NOTHING.. It's nothing, nothing.. don't.. .. It's nothing!!" He was breathing quicker, his eyes were wide.
I didn't expect him to overreact that much. I sat there, blinked. I was startled myself at how. extensively he reacted to that.
"It's nothing. I didn't.. look.. I did.. I didn't. Its nothing." He stammered, paling slightly and shifting from one foot to another as if he was just going to run as fast as he could.
"Quatre.. it's all right" I say as I stand slowly. He dashes.
He ran straight into the room he was staying in and slammed the door shut behind him. I heard the wood crack, but didn't think too much of it right then.
Holy shit. I had the smallest urge to laugh at his reaction it was that dramatic, but at the same time I was trying to comprehend what just happened. He. flipped. Big time.
Why, just WHY did I have to go and.. ask about it.
I walked quickly to his door, and without knocking turned the knob, glad to find that it was unlocked, I opened the door and half expected to see him cutting himself there and then. But he wasn't, in fact I couldn't find him at first. Then I noticed him off in the corner, curled up, hiding his head somewhere between his knees and hands. I walked over to him slowly, and kneeled down in front of him, it seemed he didn't even notice I was there.
"Quatre.?" He cringed slightly.
"I don't want to talk about it. I'm.. I'm insane, I'm a creep, I'm horrible. You'll just think I'm fucking insane and lock me up. I know it. I've evil, I'm weird, I'm crazy.. I'm sorry.. Duo.. don't.. " He looked up at me, "Don't. don't think I'm crazy."
"Quatre." I put my hand over his, trying to look him in the eye without showing too much emotion. Any emotion at this point could be bad. "Quatre I don't think you're crazy."
He pulled his hand away and hid his face again. "Yes you do! I am.. you know I am!"
I growled slightly. "Quatre! Dammit, if you're crazy then I am too." I said, realizing only after I said it that I used much to harsh of a tone. He looked up at me, wide-eyed.
"I know what the fuck it is you do to yourself dammit. I know. I know all to fucking well." I pulled my sleeve up, a little too roughly, and practically shoved my arm into his face. "Don't pull that 'I'm crazy" shit with me, no one pulls it off better then I do Quatre!!"
My heart was beating too fast, I was breathing harder, my fucking hands were shaking. My voice was getting increasingly louder with each word. I was pissed off and I had no idea why.
I watched as Quatre paled at the sight of my arm and started shaking his head from side to side as if in disbelief, I watched as I pulled my arm back, pulling my sleeve down only my slightly bleeding arm, too slowly, to quickly. My back was cold. Quatre was too far away. No, I was.
"Quatre.. I'm.." I couldn't speak. It wasn't my voice.
I tried looking at Quatre, he looked like he was crying, or screaming, crying. He looked like he was repeating 'you cant' over and over again.
I couldn't hear him.
This wasn't happening.
He looked upset, smaller then normal. Weak.. defenseless. No. He wasn't Quatre. He was a stranger, a stranger in my world, screaming, or crying, or both. I don't know him, I don't like him, I don't hate him I want to hurt him I cant hurt him. Stop this. This isn't me, he's Duo, I'm Quatre, I'm crying, near sobbing, I cant have a friend who fucks themselves up like me, its not right, they cant, I care too much about them. They can't hurt themselves, this is something only fucked up freaks like me do, Duo isn't fucked up, he's not a freak. This isn't me. I'm not here, this is not happening!
THIS ISNT HAPPENING!!
Hurt him. Grab his soft, blonde hair and rip at it. Hurt him, cuddle him, comfort him, tear him, cut him, burn him. Hug him kiss him, scratch him, bitehim, bleedhimhurthim. Pain. HelphimscarehimSCARHIMFUCKHIMRAPEHIM!!
My world rushed back to me as I felt myself lean in too quickly and kiss him.
////////////////////////////////////////////////
*hide?* uhmm.. yeah.. sorry it took me so long to write that chapter. Uhmmm.. if.. that's confusing. well.. its. Supposed to be. If I haven't already mentioned in previous chapters, duo has a slight. personality disorder? So.. that's my explanation for the end. Too much emotion involved in his recent life, Quatre flips, it brings up a tender topic with him, it kicks him to a different level of consciousness, the whole.. thing at the end I had some trouble writing.. think of it as a sort of rising cresendo of thoughts not all belonging to him and then a sudden STOP as he kissed Quatre o_o; .... I understand if you don't get it. Sorry. Hey, they kissed, be happy.
REVIEW... or I wont be tempted to write the next chapter which, now that I got rid of my HORRIBLE writers block I might actually be able to write more again ^_^;;;;
...
Please review.. flames welcomed o_o notice the title being burning. I did that for a reason.
_;;; ok.. I'm gonna go hide and deny any sort of connection to this now.
Warning: uhmmm.. just some -slight- talk of self-mutilation. Insanity. Shounen ai ^_^; FINALLY (just a hint o_O) uhmm.. morbid odd ness and some bad words.
Pairing: 2x4
Notes: if anyone was wondering where Quatre's hair came from in the last chapter it was from the night when Duo kind of.. Pinned Quatre to the bed. _;; seeee.. It's all logical. And another thing, I realized upon inspection that what Duo was referring to hitting the bone in the wrist.. was merely the tendons in the wrist o_o;; *blinks* or.. that.. hard thing that comes when you bend your wrist backwards.. that thing.. o_o;; fun fun? *cough-hide*
Chapter 17
I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I woke up. Quatre's hair was still entwined between and my shirt was still on the floor. The morning sun was creeping through the dark shades I have covering my window; just enough light for me to tell it was morning. I sat up slowly and detangled Quatre's hair from my finger. I went to go drop the hair over the side of the bed but stalled, I brought it closer to me and looked at it.
Why the hell would I care if I dropped this little piece of hair anyway? Really now, what am I going to do with it? Give it back to him? Yeah sure... 'Here Quatre, I think this belongs to you." sure, that would be great. Frame it? "Ala, Quatre hair! Marvel at the blondeness of it." Would I keep it? Eternally have a piece of his beautiful blonde hair wrapped around my finger until the day I die?
Foolish.
I drop the hair over the side of the bed and even though it's just a stupid piece of hair I almost felt a twang of regret with dropping it.
I stood up, mumbled just how fucking insane I am, and pulled some clothes I had in a pile on the floor up and got dressed. All black as usual, I felt a slight wetness on my arm after putting on the shirt, and figured one of the cuts just reopened slightly. Blood doesn't show on black unless there's a lot of it. Good thing.
I yawn, stretching slightly, and open my bedroom door, walking out into the living room. I notice that Quatre was already awake, and was sitting on the living room couch. I went to say good morning to him but as I got closer I realized his eyes were closed, upon closer inspection I settled on the fact that he was indeed, sleeping. I kneeled down in front of him and went to poke his shoulder to wake him up but stopped short and pulled my finger back. One, I remembered the cuts on his arm/back and just. didn't want to accidentally hurt him. or something. Two, he looked so cute sleeping.
I backed away from Quatre and sat on the floor, putting my head in my hands. I just called Quatre cute. Granted he looks like a girl sometimes but he's still a boy, and I'm a boy, and if I think he's cute then that would make me gay. Right? I rest my chin on my knees and stare at Quatre's sleeping form. He is cute though.
I never really seemed to think too much about Hilde, which she didn't seem to understand sometimes.
Not that it would bother me if I indeed was gay, I mean.. it .. isn't like it's a crime or anything. And it would be my own decision so I wouldn't be bothered by it, who gives a fuck what other people thing right?
Right?
I don't care what other people think, hell, I have long hair, call myself the god of death, basically flirt with everyone. What wouldn't I do? What do I care? It's just a way of life.
And just because I think Quatre is cute does not by any means mean that I love him. Or hell, it doesn't mean I'm gay even, he's just.. effeminately cute. Right?
What if I like boys, or if I like girls, or girls and boys, hell.. options are unlimited. Right?
Who the fuck is gonna give me these answers?
I run my fingers through my loose bangs, tensing my fingers slightly, noticing the slight difference in the amount of movement in my hands since I hacked at my tendons the other night.
I stand slowly and look at Quatre. I just stand there staring at him for a few seconds, minutes, hell, hours? Who knows, I stare though. I doubt it was hours though, or even minutes. Maybe a minute, tops.
Why do I care so much?
I sigh to myself and turn to go walk to the kitchen. "Dammit Quatre, why do you have to be so cute." I mutter to myself, what I thought was a fairly low voice.
"Hnn.. what?" I heard Quatre's soft voice say from his position on the couch behind me. My stomach dropped and I cleared my throat as I turned around to face him, he looked like he just woke up.
"I was singing." I say carelessly, walking up to him, hoping he didn't actually understand what I had said.
The best way to lie is to act like its true, I'm a good liar, and I've had practice. "How are you feeling this morning sunshine?" I say with an energetic voice, sitting down on the couch next to him as he works his way into a sitting position. I put my hand against his forehead to check for a fever.
"Meh, I'm feeling better then I .. did." He quickly turns away from me and sneezes, then going into a coughing fit.
"Well. it feels like your fever went down a little." I pat his back until he stops coughing. He sits back up and turns slightly to face me.
"Well, I feel a little better, damned cough wont stop." Quatre sighs, slightly annoyed and goes to tuck some of his hair behind his ears, while doing so the sleeve of his shirt falls down just enough to reveal about four cuts on his arm.
I don't know what possessed me to do anything, I knew damned well what it was and what it was from. I didn't know how he would react.
I reached up and grabbed his sleeve, not tightly but enough for him to widen his eyes quite a bit. "What's this?" I asked him, looking him in the eyes.
I knew what it was. Dammit I knew what it was.
He nearly shot up from his seat, pulling his sleeve down, tugging on it repeatedly. "It's.. NOTHING.. It's nothing, nothing.. don't.. .. It's nothing!!" He was breathing quicker, his eyes were wide.
I didn't expect him to overreact that much. I sat there, blinked. I was startled myself at how. extensively he reacted to that.
"It's nothing. I didn't.. look.. I did.. I didn't. Its nothing." He stammered, paling slightly and shifting from one foot to another as if he was just going to run as fast as he could.
"Quatre.. it's all right" I say as I stand slowly. He dashes.
He ran straight into the room he was staying in and slammed the door shut behind him. I heard the wood crack, but didn't think too much of it right then.
Holy shit. I had the smallest urge to laugh at his reaction it was that dramatic, but at the same time I was trying to comprehend what just happened. He. flipped. Big time.
Why, just WHY did I have to go and.. ask about it.
I walked quickly to his door, and without knocking turned the knob, glad to find that it was unlocked, I opened the door and half expected to see him cutting himself there and then. But he wasn't, in fact I couldn't find him at first. Then I noticed him off in the corner, curled up, hiding his head somewhere between his knees and hands. I walked over to him slowly, and kneeled down in front of him, it seemed he didn't even notice I was there.
"Quatre.?" He cringed slightly.
"I don't want to talk about it. I'm.. I'm insane, I'm a creep, I'm horrible. You'll just think I'm fucking insane and lock me up. I know it. I've evil, I'm weird, I'm crazy.. I'm sorry.. Duo.. don't.. " He looked up at me, "Don't. don't think I'm crazy."
"Quatre." I put my hand over his, trying to look him in the eye without showing too much emotion. Any emotion at this point could be bad. "Quatre I don't think you're crazy."
He pulled his hand away and hid his face again. "Yes you do! I am.. you know I am!"
I growled slightly. "Quatre! Dammit, if you're crazy then I am too." I said, realizing only after I said it that I used much to harsh of a tone. He looked up at me, wide-eyed.
"I know what the fuck it is you do to yourself dammit. I know. I know all to fucking well." I pulled my sleeve up, a little too roughly, and practically shoved my arm into his face. "Don't pull that 'I'm crazy" shit with me, no one pulls it off better then I do Quatre!!"
My heart was beating too fast, I was breathing harder, my fucking hands were shaking. My voice was getting increasingly louder with each word. I was pissed off and I had no idea why.
I watched as Quatre paled at the sight of my arm and started shaking his head from side to side as if in disbelief, I watched as I pulled my arm back, pulling my sleeve down only my slightly bleeding arm, too slowly, to quickly. My back was cold. Quatre was too far away. No, I was.
"Quatre.. I'm.." I couldn't speak. It wasn't my voice.
I tried looking at Quatre, he looked like he was crying, or screaming, crying. He looked like he was repeating 'you cant' over and over again.
I couldn't hear him.
This wasn't happening.
He looked upset, smaller then normal. Weak.. defenseless. No. He wasn't Quatre. He was a stranger, a stranger in my world, screaming, or crying, or both. I don't know him, I don't like him, I don't hate him I want to hurt him I cant hurt him. Stop this. This isn't me, he's Duo, I'm Quatre, I'm crying, near sobbing, I cant have a friend who fucks themselves up like me, its not right, they cant, I care too much about them. They can't hurt themselves, this is something only fucked up freaks like me do, Duo isn't fucked up, he's not a freak. This isn't me. I'm not here, this is not happening!
THIS ISNT HAPPENING!!
Hurt him. Grab his soft, blonde hair and rip at it. Hurt him, cuddle him, comfort him, tear him, cut him, burn him. Hug him kiss him, scratch him, bitehim, bleedhimhurthim. Pain. HelphimscarehimSCARHIMFUCKHIMRAPEHIM!!
My world rushed back to me as I felt myself lean in too quickly and kiss him.
////////////////////////////////////////////////
*hide?* uhmm.. yeah.. sorry it took me so long to write that chapter. Uhmmm.. if.. that's confusing. well.. its. Supposed to be. If I haven't already mentioned in previous chapters, duo has a slight. personality disorder? So.. that's my explanation for the end. Too much emotion involved in his recent life, Quatre flips, it brings up a tender topic with him, it kicks him to a different level of consciousness, the whole.. thing at the end I had some trouble writing.. think of it as a sort of rising cresendo of thoughts not all belonging to him and then a sudden STOP as he kissed Quatre o_o; .... I understand if you don't get it. Sorry. Hey, they kissed, be happy.
REVIEW... or I wont be tempted to write the next chapter which, now that I got rid of my HORRIBLE writers block I might actually be able to write more again ^_^;;;;
...
Please review.. flames welcomed o_o notice the title being burning. I did that for a reason.
_;;; ok.. I'm gonna go hide and deny any sort of connection to this now.