Disclaimer: I own -nothing-
Pairings: same as every other chapter *blink* 4x2/2x4 .. something like that.
Warnings: for this chapter. now.. a whole lot. the usual.. some talk of cutting, shounen ai, angst-ish, maybe some language,
Rating: still R _; just because
Notes: This chapter is dedicated to my friend Zoe.
(Oh, and by the way, in my story duo's eyes are purple. And Quatre's eyes are green. No further explanation.)
Chapter 19: Sympathize.
I missed it.
I missed not being the only one who knew what was going on. I missed having other people sharing the same problems.
During the war, true, it was tough, really tough. But I missed it all because while it was so hard, there were people like me. There were four other pilots, each stuck in a close to same predicament that I was in.
There were people who knew. There were other people who could sympathize with me. People my own age, people I could trust at some extent.
When the war was over, I lost that comfort of knowing I wasn't alone. I lost the knowledge that if I were in trouble, there would be someone trying to help me on the other side.
The war with the colonies and the world ended, and the war with my thoughts and my life started.
This time I had no one, there wasn't anyone who knew what I was going through, and there wasn't anyone there to sympathize with me.
I was fighting in a war and I had no comrades to turn to.
Sure there were support chats on the Internet that I would stumble upon, but they were too impersonal, they usually weren't even the same age or close. They were all self-righteous people who swear that they understand what you're going through, and if they could get over it then you could too.
While most of them weren't even half as bad as I was.
But there's someone else now.
Someone else, who understands what I'm going through, at least a little bit.
There's someone who can understand.
Not someone who started the whole damned thing after finding out I do it. Not someone who could never understand why it hurts so much to see them, knowing I helped ruin their life.
Someone who would understand.
Someone who might understand just how fucked up things can be.
I pull my face away from his, and look into his deep green eyes and I could see that he felt the same way. He could feel the same things that I was feeling at this moment.
He could feel the glimmer of happiness that we don't have to face this.. War alone.
He can feel that there is someone else who understands.
He can feel the similar mess we're both in.
I pull him back towards me and hold him tightly. Embracing each other's problems.
And because he knows the extent of his problems, and my problems, unfortunately, and like me.
. He can feel the overwhelming hopelessness of ever getting over it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lalala. I hope no one thought that this was gonna actually be -over- anytime soon.. heh, oh no, theres still at -least- 5 or 6 chapters left. But its summer so I'll have more time to work on it. Oh, and this chapter wasn't really defined on whos pov it was cuz they're both sorta sharing the same thoughts and stuff. its in duos pov and he was talking about hilde in case you forgot when he said someone who started it cuz they found out I did.
Oh..and yes. this still has -a lot- of angst in store ^_^;; you didn't think I was gonna let them off -that- easy right? Review and make me write the next one faster? .. It was one person's review that reminded me that I can write this now *blinks* so review o_o PLEASE? ..
Pairings: same as every other chapter *blink* 4x2/2x4 .. something like that.
Warnings: for this chapter. now.. a whole lot. the usual.. some talk of cutting, shounen ai, angst-ish, maybe some language,
Rating: still R _; just because
Notes: This chapter is dedicated to my friend Zoe.
(Oh, and by the way, in my story duo's eyes are purple. And Quatre's eyes are green. No further explanation.)
Chapter 19: Sympathize.
I missed it.
I missed not being the only one who knew what was going on. I missed having other people sharing the same problems.
During the war, true, it was tough, really tough. But I missed it all because while it was so hard, there were people like me. There were four other pilots, each stuck in a close to same predicament that I was in.
There were people who knew. There were other people who could sympathize with me. People my own age, people I could trust at some extent.
When the war was over, I lost that comfort of knowing I wasn't alone. I lost the knowledge that if I were in trouble, there would be someone trying to help me on the other side.
The war with the colonies and the world ended, and the war with my thoughts and my life started.
This time I had no one, there wasn't anyone who knew what I was going through, and there wasn't anyone there to sympathize with me.
I was fighting in a war and I had no comrades to turn to.
Sure there were support chats on the Internet that I would stumble upon, but they were too impersonal, they usually weren't even the same age or close. They were all self-righteous people who swear that they understand what you're going through, and if they could get over it then you could too.
While most of them weren't even half as bad as I was.
But there's someone else now.
Someone else, who understands what I'm going through, at least a little bit.
There's someone who can understand.
Not someone who started the whole damned thing after finding out I do it. Not someone who could never understand why it hurts so much to see them, knowing I helped ruin their life.
Someone who would understand.
Someone who might understand just how fucked up things can be.
I pull my face away from his, and look into his deep green eyes and I could see that he felt the same way. He could feel the same things that I was feeling at this moment.
He could feel the glimmer of happiness that we don't have to face this.. War alone.
He can feel that there is someone else who understands.
He can feel the similar mess we're both in.
I pull him back towards me and hold him tightly. Embracing each other's problems.
And because he knows the extent of his problems, and my problems, unfortunately, and like me.
. He can feel the overwhelming hopelessness of ever getting over it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lalala. I hope no one thought that this was gonna actually be -over- anytime soon.. heh, oh no, theres still at -least- 5 or 6 chapters left. But its summer so I'll have more time to work on it. Oh, and this chapter wasn't really defined on whos pov it was cuz they're both sorta sharing the same thoughts and stuff. its in duos pov and he was talking about hilde in case you forgot when he said someone who started it cuz they found out I did.
Oh..and yes. this still has -a lot- of angst in store ^_^;; you didn't think I was gonna let them off -that- easy right? Review and make me write the next one faster? .. It was one person's review that reminded me that I can write this now *blinks* so review o_o PLEASE? ..