Disclaimer: This is the tenth chapter.  I still don't own them.  Wish I did.  Then I could finally afford to get my serpentine belt fixed on my car.

A/N: Sorry to have implied that I was giving up on this story.  I was just having trouble writing it, and my aggravation was showing through.  I'd never planned on discontinuing it.

Warnings: Slash.  Also, this chapter is probably an 'R', but seeing as the rest of the story isn't, I'm not changing the rating.  If you don't want to read it because of it, don't.  You've been warned.  I don't fancy having this story removed, seeing as the amount of time and effort I've put into it.  Also, it's been my most popular story by far.

Woo…  This chapter kind of got away with me.  It's over 3,800 words. :)

Chapter 10: Ice

-

Severus felt his skin crawl as the man touched him.  The thin hand ran itself along the flesh of his back, leaving a burning sensation as skin met skin.  Severus felt dirty as the hand pawed at him.

"Severus Snape…  Severus Snape sounds like a snake…" The man licked Severus's ear lobe.  "Moves like one, too."

Snape cringed.  "Skin like velvet, hair like lace.  Hair black as night and eyes just the same.  I wonder how you taste…" The man licked Severus's collarbone, sending a shiver of fear down his spine.

Severus pulled away from the man, his eyes slightly glazed over.  "Please…  Leave me alone."

"Severus Snape sounds like a snake…" The man repeated, pulling Severus back into an embrace.  Severus whimpered silently, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.  He fought a losing battle to keep his cries of fear, pain, and humiliation to himself.  'Just be quiet.  Just be quiet, and it will be over soon.  Don't say anything.  Don't move.  It'll be over soon.'

He cringed as the hands on his back swooped down lower.  One caressed his lower back in a mockery of what a sensual touch was supposed to be.  The other gripped onto Severus's buttock, tightening to a bruising grip.

Severus struggled to keep up his appearance of calm, his heart racing as the other man fumbled with his outer robes.  The scent of sweat and alcohol wafted to his nose.  Severus held back a cough of food and vomit, the back of his throat burning as the stomach acid struck it.

He was struck by a sharp, blinding pain as the man entered him raw.  The pain tore through him, making him feel as if he was being torn in half.  He fought back the tears that came to his eyes.  Severus Snape would not show a weakness, no matter what was done to him.

He could no longer hold back his vomit as the scent of his own blood struck his nostrils.

"Yes…  Mmm…  Severus…" The man was lost in ecstasy, sounds that were formerly words came out now as a waterfall of lustful moans.  Severus tried to block the man's voice out as he clenched and unclenched his fists.

Severus could no longer hold back a scream as the man behind him collapsed on top of him in a sticky sweaty mass. 

The man stood up several moments later, casting a cleaning charm after pulling his long black wand from the floor where it fell.  A drug induced smile came over his face as he walked across the large room, pulling a large bottle of bourbon from a silver shelf on the wall.

"Would you like some, Severus?"  The man asked, his voice low.  It held no malice, no hate; it was a strong contrast to the man's earlier actions.  Severus curled in on himself on the bed, wrapping his arms around his legs and letting his hair fall in front of his face.  The man poured out several fingers of liquor into two glass tumblers, setting one down on the blood spotted sheets next to the younger man's still form.

The man reached out a pale hand, running it softly through Severus's hair.  Severus felt bile rising to this throat and jerked away from the touch.  "Aw, Severus…  Don't be like that.  It's your birthday.  You should be happy."

Severus sat up slowly, bringing a hand to his forehead as nausea overtook him.  He turned to the elder man, his eyes smoldering with emotion.  He felt his knees weaken as he looked at the man.  "…yes.  How ungrateful of me.  It's only my seventeenth birthday, and here I am, cowering after you hurt me, after you beat me.  I'm such a bastard."

"Sev…"

"Don't 'Sev' me, you sick, drunken, fuck.  Don't touch me."  The other man walked towards Severus, his hand outstretched.  His eyes focused as if he was suddenly sober, as if he'd just realized what he'd done.

"Oh, Gods…  Severus…" The other man's lip quivered slightly, his normally pale face taking on an even lighter hue, as if going from milk to paper.  He held out his hand to the seventh year, attempting to take Severus's hand in his own.  He snaked just outside of the recently graduated man's reach.  "I-I'm so sorry."

"Sod off…  You've been 'so sorry' before.  's never stopped you from doing it again."  Severus whispered, his voice holding a fake, even, tone, lashing out his arms toward the man.

"It was the Pancia.  You know that I can't control myself when I take it."

"So why did you take it?"

"I…"

"Exactly."  Severus stood up, gathering his disheveled, slightly ragged clothing.  He pulled on his pants and shoes quickly, his body hampered by the pain the other man caused.  He pulled his white undershirt on, the only shirt in the room that wasn't torn completely torn or blood splattered.  His bracers were stretched out of shape, and hung from his pants.

"Severus…  I'm sorry.  I love you."  The other man pleaded with his pale eyes, his face full of honest concern and regret.  Severus felt all anger and hurt melt from his heart at the sight of the eighteen, nearly nineteen, year old wizard.  His mind screamed at him as he walked over to the man. 

Severus nuzzled his head into the crevice between the man's neck and chin, his eyes closed tightly to hold back the threatening onslaught of tears.  "You've done it before.  What's to stop you from doing it again, next time you're out of your mind on Pancia and liquor?"

"I'll never hurt you again, Severus.  I swear it."  The man placed his lithe arms around the slightly trembling form.

"Y-you promise?"

"Of course."

Severus nodded, his head still in the crook of the man's neck.  He patted the man's white blonde hair for a moment. 

"I love you, Sev."

"I love you, too, Luc."

-

I lay with Severus well into the morning, my arms wrapped around him.  We're a sticky mess, sweat sticking to the duvet and our own skin.  I wake up before him can't tear my eyes from his sleeping form.

I'm fascinated by the way his thin chest rises and falls with every breath.  I count the ribs in his torso (Which reminds me that I must make him start eating more.  He's too damned thin.), and find myself wanting to lick every scar on his body.

He stirs several moments later and I pull him to me tighter.

"Good morning, Severus."  I swoop down on his mouth, kissing him before he can say anything.

"Mmm…  Good morning."  He says, his voice raspy.  It's an odd thing to hear his normally deep, 'fear inducing' voice to be laden with sleep.  It adds an extra bit of sexiness to his voice.  My stomach sinks slightly as a thought of Sirius comes into my head.  He'd think that I was crazy if he could hear what I was thinking. 

Severus takes me out of my painful reverie, his hand cupping my cheek.  "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."  I say ruefully, my eyes turning downwards.

"Is it Bla… is it Sirius?"  He asks, and I'm stunned that he's done so.  Any time that I've brought Sirius, or his death, up with Severus, he changes the subject as fast as he's able.  His wonderful 'avoid it and maybe it'll go away' tactic.

"Yeah…" He gives me a questioning look, to urge me on.  "I was just thinking about what he'd think about this…us…"

He takes a moment before speaking, as if he's trying to figure out how to word his response.  "It's not exactly unknown that I didn't like him.  But I did hold a bit of respect for him, and for his work for the Order.  Frankly, the man had balls.  (Not that I'd have ever told him so, mind you.)

"It's also not a secret that he hated me just as much as I hated him.  But, I think…  I think that if he knew that you were…happy…he'd have no problem with it.  Well, at least after his threatening me and believing that I've hexed you into caring for me."  He says the last sentence with a wink, a rare smile on his face.  "He cared about you a lot.  So I think...  No, I know, that no matter who you ended up with in the end, he would have been happy just to see you content.  That's how real friends act.  And as much as I hate admitting it, he was a great friend to you."

I feel that odd ticklish sensation in my stomach again and lean down to kiss him lightly.  "Thank you…"

Severus merely smiles at me again, moving closer to me, snuggling up against my chest. 

"Now, Lucius won't be here for another, what, six hours?"  A mischievous grin comes to my face as I kiss his at his collarbone.  He flinches slightly but doesn't say anything; I can't tell if he's flinched because of desire, pleasure, of something…darker.  But lust over takes my brain as I toss the worry away.

Severus and I get up many hours later, both thoroughly exhausted yet refreshed.  I take a quick shower and get dressed, as does he.  I watch as he pulls on his best robes, seeing that the muscles in his back are taught and bunched.  They show how stressed he is about Lucius's visit, even if he would never say so.

I sit and sip on a glass of mineral water as he dresses.  I notice exactly what he's picked out.  He pulls on a white shirt with what seems like dozens of buttons up the front of it and picks up one of his black jackets from the closet.  It's much nicer than the regular jackets that he wears.  It's made of the deepest silk that I've ever seen, the bottom hem and sleeve ends embroidered in beautiful silver thread.  The buttons aren't the black ones that are generally on his robes, but each one is a tiny, silver snake. 

Where his shirt had dozens of buttons, I'd swear that his over coat had damned close to a hundred.  He buttons each one meticulously, carefully slipping each button into its hole.

It takes a moment to realize why he's dressing like he is.  He wants to look nice for his ex-lover, yes (That particular though brings a stab of jealousy to my chest), but he's barricading himself.  If he can't barricade himself off completely emotionally, then he will physically at least.

He brushes his hair back slowly before finally turning to me.

"How do I look?"  He asks, his tone serious yet with a slight hint of folly. 

"Wonderful."  I look down at my own clothes.  They're fairly new robes, but they're still slightly frayed around the edges.  I don't care, though.  They're my favorites, and I've no reason to try to impress that bastard.  Besides, maybe it'll knock him down a notch to see the man he left with me, a werewolf former teacher who barely has a pot to piss in.

I walk over to him, taking a one of his slightly shaking hands in my own.  I bring it up to my lips, kissing it lightly.  "It'll be okay, you know.  I'm here for you."

He sighs, nodding his head.  "I know.  Thank you.  I'm just not looking forward to seeing the man who left me in so much pain that I wished I was dead for about two years after we went our separate ways…  Hell, he made me feel like that a fair amount of times when we were still together." 

A look of sorrow and anger flash across his face.  "What happened?"

"Nothing…  Nothing I care to talk about, anyway."

"Sev…" I plead.  It does him no good to keep any of this inside himself.  Damn Lucius.  Damn him for hurting Severus and damn him for making him put up these blasted walls.

"I don't want to talk about it, Remus."

I feel a snarl building at the back of my head in my mind, my almost infinite patience fading quickly.  I growl.  "What happened?"

"You know, on second thought, I don't think that I want you here when he comes."

I walk over to him, taking him by the shoulders, barely resisting the urge to shake him violently.  "Why won't you tell me what happened?  Is it truly that bad?"

Severus shakes his head, his eyes closed.  He sighs, rubbing circles on his temples, as if trying to fend back a headache.  I hate pushing his buttons; I hate making him feel pain.  I feel like some form of psychotherapist, pushing and prodding and trying to solve his problems.  But I'd rather cause him a day or two of pain, to make him healthier in the end, than not bother and have him commit suicide before his next birthday.

"Remus," He lifts his head and glances at the grandfather clock that ticks across the room.  "Please.  He should be here soon.  Will you go down to the kitchens and filch some food…  I've got plenty of wine and liquor in the cabinets, but no real food.  Should have something here to snack on for when Lucius gets here…  Maybe he'll keep his mouth shut for a bit if he's eating something."

I nod, releasing his arms.  I put my hands on his freshly shaved face, pulling him to me.  I kiss him lightly.  "Alright."

I walk over to the door, placing my fingers against my lips.  I blow a kiss to him, laughing quietly as he rolls his eyes.  "Hurry up, you prat.  He'll be here in around ten minutes."

"Yes, sir."  I walk out the door, waving my hand towards him as the door shuts behind me.

I hum quietly to myself as I walk up to the kitchens.  I pass McGonagall on my way, and speak to her for a moment.  We speak of safe topics: weather, Quidditch, Gryffindor.  Neither Sirius nor Severus come up in the several minutes that we talk.  I'm glad of that.  I don't think I could handle talking to Minerva about Sirius's death, and I don't think that the topic of my relationship with Severus would've been well received with my old head of house.

Not to mention Severus would string me up by my bootlaces if he heard me speaking to anyone about our relationship.  It's too new, too fresh.

I bid farewell to her and head to the kitchens.  I chuckle as a half dozen house elves surround me, their voices all speaking at once.  I clear my throat loudly and they all stop talking.  "Hello.  I was hoping I could acquire some food for myself and two others."

A house elf that I don't recognize steps forward, nodding her head vigorously.  "O' course, Misters Lupin.  Whatcha like?"

"Um…" I run my hand through my hair.  Severus didn't exactly specify what he wanted me to bring back.  "How about a little bit of everything?  Some meats, breads and pastries, maybe?"

"Comin' up, Misters Lupin."  She squeaks and takes off, giving directions to the other house elves around her.  They scramble about, gathering silver trays filled with biscuits and turkey and various sugary bits.  All in all, there are three trays filled to the brim with food for me to take back.  One of the elves asks if I would like help carrying them back to the dungeons, but I refuse with a smile.

"I've got it."  I pull out my wand.  "Wingardium Leviosa."

I walk back down to Severus's rooms in the dungeons, the platters of food floating in front of me lazily.  I resist the urge to pick at the freshly cut turkey.  It's always been my favorite of all the foods that Hogwarts has ever served to its students, faculty or otherwise.

I cringe, remembering exactly why I sought out the food in the first place as I reach the door leading into Severus's rooms.  I hear two voices, speaking in hushed tones as I pull open the door slightly.  They're speaking quietly, their tones hushed.  Lucius is sitting the couch, one hand on his lap, the other idly swishing the liquor in his glass before taking a sip.

Severus is standing with his back against the wall opposite Lucius, beside the fire, his eyes blank in that way of his.  I admit I don't know him as well as some, but I do know him well enough to know that that look of his means he's either furious or terrified.  You can never really tell with the man.

Two sides of myself clash about whether to walk in on their conversation.  Part of it is the manners that my mother taught me when growing up; Elinor Lupin wouldn't stand for it.  If my sister or I walked in on, or interrupted, my mother and father when they were speaking, we'd have been grounded for far too long.  Nina and I learned fast.

After what seems like far too long to be peeking into the room, I finally put caution to the wind and walk in, not bothering to knock on the door.  I set the food down on an end table before I turn to Severus and lock eyes with him for a moment, silently apologizing for taking so long.

I hear Lucius stand up off to the side of me.  His cold voice rings in my ears, and I have to fight the urge to smash his head against the wall.  "Mister…  Lupin, is it?  Don't you knock?"

"Rarely."  I smile slightly, a hint of sarcasm and fake serenity in my voice.  I wink at Severus before turning to the elder Malfoy.  I lower my voice an octave, my voice coming out close to a hiss.  "Long time no see, Malfoy."

"Not long enough, lycanthrope."  His pale blue eyes flash.  The urge to hit him returns to me full force.  I reign in my temper and slowly walk over to Severus.  I lean in close to him and whisper into his ear. 

"Sorry it took me so long, love.  Ran into Minerva on the way."  I raise my voice to its normal level and turn so I can face both Severus and Lucius.  "Have I missed anything of interest?"

"No…  I was just discussing something with our resident Potion's Master…  Now, exactly why are you here, Lupin?"  Lucius's eyes narrow at me, his voice faux calm.  "Shouldn't you be off chasing your tail or something equally canine?"

I turn my gaze to Severus, who shakes his head very slightly.  Ignoring Lucius's asinine comments, I turn back to the blond Slytherin.  I attempt to hold back a smile.  "Well, I'm here to make mad, mad love to Severus."

It takes all of my strength of will not to smile as Lucius's eyes widen slightly, and he begins sputtering.  Severus does the same.  "Excuse me?"

"Sorry…  Couldn't hold that one back.  Sev and I are working on an experiment."

"What…?  'Sev'?"  Lucius turns to Severus, his eyebrow raised in a smarmy smile.  "You let him call you 'Sev'?"

Severus glares at me for a minute before speaking.  "No, I don't."  He gestures to the food.  "Why don't you take some food, Lucius?  I need to talk to Lupin about our little 'experiment.'"

Lucius nods curtly before walking over to Severus and leaning in to whisper into his ear.  I barely manage to push down a flash of jealousy.  With the next full moon only a week and a half away, my senses are ten times that of a normal man, so I don't have to try very hard to hear what he's saying.

"Get rid of him, Severus.  We need to have some time to…talk…ourselves."

"I told you it was over, Lucius.  I don't know why you even bothered to come here."

"Oh, don't be like that.  You weren't like that last time we were together outside of our meetings with the Dark Lord."  A smile comes over Lucius's face; I find myself wanting to slap it off.  "If I recall correctly, we had quite a good time."

Severus turns towards me, his face expressionless until his features are out of Malfoy's range of sight.  His shoulders remain squared and stoic, but his face is anything but.  His eyes show a spectrum of sorrow and anger, but in my heart, I know that the anger is not directed towards me, but to the other man. 

"Severus, could I talk to you in the other room for a moment?"  I ask him quietly.  I don't bother to mask the emotion in my voice. 

He nods, and I pull him into the bedroom.  Before he can say a word, I sweep him into my arms and kiss him with a passion that neither of us knew that I had.  I pull away from him only when I feel as if I may pass out from a lack of oxygen. 

"I'm sorry, Remus."  I nuzzle at his neck, conveying the only form of acceptance of his apology as I can. 

"We shouldn't stay in here too long.  He'll suspect something…" Severus says.  The worry in his voice shines through like a beacon in the night.

"Let him."  I kiss him again.  He pulls away sooner this time.

"I'm serious…" Now I'm definitely worried.  There's an added bit of emotion to his voice.  Fear.  "Why don't you go for a bit, let Lucius and I talk for a while?"

"I thought you wanted me here…" 

"I do…  But I don't think that I'm quite ready for Lucius to know that not only am I seeing someone but that the person I'm seeing is a former Marauder?  Lucius is petty enough to use that an excuse to run back to Voldemort and I'd more likely than not be found out as a spy.  The Order can't afford that."  He sighs as he finishes speaking.  "So until that bastard falls, we can't afford to flaunt this…relationship…around.

"Even now, if Voldemort knew, he would kill me."

When he finishes speaking, I can't help but sigh ruefully.  I knew all of this in the back of my mind, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.  I knew that we could never go truly public with our…  Is it a relationship?  Is it mutual satisfaction?  I don't know.

I kiss him again and smile.  "I know.  I'm sorry.  I won't push that bastard's buttons anymore…" I sigh.  "I'll leave you guys alone for awhile."

I take his hand in mine and bring it up to my mouth, kissing it softly.  "I'll be back in an hour."

"Alright."  Severus smiles one of his rare, genuine, smiles.  "I love you, Remus."

"I know."  I wink at him as we walk out of the room.  I turn to Lucius with a sarcastic grin before leaving the room.

As the door shuts behind me, I can hear Lucius's words.

"About time…"

- - -

A/N: I want to thank all of the reviewers who were concerned over whether this story would be continued or not.  That tells me that I must be doing something right.  I love you all.