Title: My Mother

Author: Gem C

I was never told much about my mother. I know her name, I know who her friends are – they turned into my aunts and uncles when I was born, after all.

And that's it. All I could tell you. So what am I supposed to write for this essay at school? Miss Peak said the title was to be 'My Parents', and to write half on each. I can do my dad just fine! But how am I supposed to write as much on my mom as I do my dad when I really don't know anything about her.

I have asked before, I've asked many times. She's just the subject no one wants to talk about – and it's so frustrating! She's my mother! I want to know about her – I have a right to know about her! I'm seventeen years old and even my friend who only found out she was adopted one month ago has found out a load of stuff about her real parents!

In fact, that was the spark that lit this whole essay deal thing with Miss Peak. She want's us to write about our parents – what they do, who they are, how they treat us. I even asked her if I could just do my dad. She said he'd probably be glad to tell me all about my mother and that I should just ask. She doesn't know dad.

Oh, well. It couldn't hurt to ask again, right? One of them has gotta crack sometime and spill the beans. All this about keeping her a secret from me is making me think that maybe she wasn't a nice person or something – and that they don't want me knowing my mom was a real nasty piece of work.

Here comes Uncle Wes – who I can normally play like a violin, unless it's about my mother!

"Hey, Uncle Wes!" Oops. I startled him.

"Cassy, you almost certainly gave me a fright!"

"Sorry. I didn't mean too." Build up to something slowly, and he'll tell me what I want – need – to know, "… There's something I need help with for school." Why is it that line always gets the grown-ups round here grinning like idiots?

"Of course. But you know, if it's history you're better off asking your father or –"

"- Uncle Will. Yes, Uncle Wesley, I know. But this isn't history, it's English."

"English? Oh, certainly, I can help with English."

"I have to write an essay." Oh, jeez. Another broad grin – something is defiantly wrong with this man, he likes work too much. It's a similar thing with Grandpa Giles and Aunt Willow.

"Go on, Cassy."

"Miss Peak set us all a title to work with. 'My Parents'." Uh, oh, he's going a little pale.

"And you want to tell me more things about your father?"

"No. I can write everything about my dad easy. But my mother's different. All I know his her name, Uncle Wesley."

Not meeting my eyes, not a good sign.

"I think you should talk with your father about this."

"I can't be bothered!" OK, that came out a little loudly.

"Cassy!"

"Why should I even be making the effort to learn about my mother when no one seems to give a stuff! Yeah, I could go and TRY to talk to dad about her, but I already know that I'll get nothing but a mumble before he goes and locks himself in his room!"

He's looking at his feet now – that outburst shocked him. "You have her fiery temper."

Wow, take a step back, girl. Did he just say something about my mom?

"What?"

Eye contact. Good thing. "You have her fiery temper. … I'll talk to your dad, see if I can get him to tell you more about her."

What did I say? You just gotta know which strings to pull, and volia, Uncle Wes can be played like a violin.

"Cassy?" This is gonna be hard. For all of us. It's not like I don't want Cassy to not know about her mom, it's just, hard. Hard to remember.

"Yeah?" She has her eyes. Her hair. Her everything. There's a spark about her too. As there was with her mother. "Wesley, ugh, talked to me."

She's doing that cute worried thing like her mom. "Look, Dad, you don't have to-"

"- Cassy, would you come downstairs' with me for a bit? Everyone's down there. We think that it's time you should know about… about your mom."

She wasn't expecting that. "You're gonna tell me about my mom?"

"I'm going to tell you EVERYTHING. About all of us - Willow, Buffy, Alex, Giles, Wesley, Charles, William, me AND Cordy."

Her eyes glaze over, just for a second. "She wasn't bad, was she…"

I didn't understand her statement. "What?"

"My mom. I thought that you didn't want me to know about her 'cause she was apart of your life you all wanted to forget, and you didn't want me to know about her, 'cause… 'cause she was mean or something. But you say her name with such love, and I understand, you didn't tell me about her before, because it was so hard for you to think of her because you love her. Not because you just don't like thinking about her."

"Let's just go downstairs, Cassy. Everyone's waiting."

I smile weakly at everyone as I follow my dad into the room. The tension seems high, and they all look really down.

I choose a seat near Uncle Will, who hands me something. A piece of card. – Wait, it's a photograph.

"That's your mom." Uncle Alex says from across the room, his voice horse, and the look he's wearing… it's though he's trying to be strong, but it's not quite working and he looks like he's about to keel over.

I look down at the picture. My dad's in it on the left side, he looks younger. He's smiling too – don't get me wrong, I can coax a smile out of him anytime I want, but the smile in this picture, it's a wide grin. Uncle Wes is on the right. He's also smiling, and looking younger. But the person who I concentrate on the most is the beautiful smiling woman that's sitting in-between them. It could be me, our smiles are identical, and her eyes match mine. Our hair is the same too – brown and straight – maybe my hair's a little more like my dad's color, but it's hardly a major difference.

I look up – at my dad. He's still standing, leaning on the wall. Looking directly at me for my reaction. I glance back down.

"So that's Cordelia Chase." What else can I say? I've waited for this moment forever, but I never really prepared myself – I never expected that dad would falter one day and tell me about her.

I wasn't the only person to jump when Uncle Alex shot out of his chair and dashed over to me – holding out another photo.

"This is her in high school," he explained.

I took it off him and looked at it closely, surprised to find a younger Uncle Alex with his arms rapped around a younger version of the woman who I just saw in the other picture.

"We we're going out," he quietly added.

I nod in acknowledgment, and hand him back the photo.

"Cassy," Aunt Buffy began, we all looked over to her, "before we can really tell you about your mother. We have to tell you something else first, or everything about Cordy won't make sense."

They all suddenly look a little nervous. Grandpa Giles takes over, "you erm, have seen movies about Dracula?"

Uncle Alex coughs, "oh, you had to remind everyone that I was a spider eating man bitch, didn't ya?!" Well, that earned him some evil looks.

Aunt Willow shoved him, "shut up, Xander!"

I looked back to Grandpa Giles, confused. "Yeah, I've seen movies about Dracula."

"Well, he's a vampire."

"Yeah…" Why doesn't he just spit it out? We'll be here all night otherwise!

"Well, vampire's are real."

"Yeah…" Honestly!

"What do you mean 'yeah'?" Uncle Charlie asked. "You don't know about vampires! … Do you?"

"Yeah, actually I do. I'm kinda surprised that you guys know about them too."

Grandpa Giles frowned until he noticed I was looking at him, "well, don't worry about vampire's taking over because in every generation –"

"- He loves this bit," Aunt Buffy put in.

"Buffy, do be quiet. As I was saying, in every generation there is a chosen one, a girl, who –"

"- fight's against the vampires and the demons, yadda, yadda, yadda, the slayer. How do you know about this?"

Maybe I should have just NOT said anything. All this silence and staring is kinda freaking me out. … But I wonder how they know about the slayer? Do you think I talk in my sleep or something?

"How do you know about slayers?" Great. Daddy using stern voice.

"I asked you first!" Well, I did! Who cares if I sound seven.

"Cassy," warning tone is never a good thing.

"OK, OK. But don't let anyone else know. My friend Grace, she's a slayer." And she is sooo gonna kill me for spilling. "So, how about you guys, huh? Who told you about slayers?"

"I am a slayer," Aunt Buffy says, standing up, "I'm kinda retired now, though. Giles' was my watcher."

I look to Grandpa Giles, "Wesley was a watcher for a different slayer."

"Willow was a witch. She still kinda is, actually." Uncle Wes added.

Aunt Willow crossed her arms, "well, Xander was a … a … erm, he was military guy, AND a spider eating man bitch!" She smiled triumphantly.

"Yeah, well Gunn was leader of a vamp slaying street gang!" Xander quickly added.

"Gunn?" I asked. "Oh, you mean, Uncle Charlie? Charles Gunn?" I turned to face him. "So who are you gonna rat on?"

"Spike was a vampire," he said with a shrug.

I turned to my Uncle Will, who everyone else called Spike. "You were a vampire?"

"Yeah, but erm, I don't want to confuse you with the mumbo jumbo of it, so let's just say I turned human, OK, kid? – Oh, and Angel was a vampire too – but he had a soul."

"Dad?" I asked turning to him.

I was expecting an explanation, but instead he sighed, "Cordelia was my seer," he said sadly. "She was my secretary, my best friend, my darling wife, and a great mom while she had the chance."

I've never seen him look so sad, and tears are welling up in his eyes. And … he was a vampire?!

"You were a vampire!?"

And then Aunt Willow took over, and with help from Grandpa Giles and Uncle Wes, they told me about my father. The vampire cursed with a soul.

I realise now, lying in bed, they never did get round to my mother. Not properly, anyway. Like, what's a seer? Tonight I just found out more about my dad than ever before.

"Cassy?" God, dad, scare me much? I'm buyinh him a bell or something I swear to God.

"Yeah?" I sit up, and I can see him silhouetted against the light coming in from the hall.

"It's late, I know, but I just had to tell you… she loved you. God, she loved you. When you were born… in the most extraordinary situation I might add, she was holding you in her arms… and she looked up at me and what she said I'll never forget."

I lean forward, and take the piece of paper from his hand.

"But in case I ever did, I wrote it down," he added, a small smile on his face.

I looked down to the piece of paper with my father's scrawny writing on, and as I read the words, my dad recited them with me out loud.

"I can only hope, she has a heart and soul to match yours. A little baby, a little girl. I'll love her forever – no matter what… Can you believe it? She's mine and she's yours."

I look up at my dad, who was already half way to the door. "Do you miss her?" I call to him. Stupid question, really!

He turns and looks me dead in the eye, "with every beat of my heart, Cassy." His eyes close and he lets out a sigh, and I barely hear his whispered words, "with every beat of my heart."

I know this was weird, but I was daydreaming the other day, and the Angel missing Cordelia with every beat of his heart line/thingy came to me, and this was the best way I could think of to use it! Plus I enjoyed writing the Fang Gang and Scoobies and their reactions Gem