Disclaimer: I own none of the following characters. They're the property of Ms. Rowling, Warner Bros., etc.
Warning: Slash ahead.
-
Chapter 18: English Summer Rain
-
Severus Snape sat behind his desk, his hands scribbling across a parchment at a furious pace, finalizing his first test of the year, for his third year potions' class. He'd at the last minute decided against having the students both prepare a potion and take a written exam, remembering who was in the class. He thought to himself, with no small amount of scorn: 'All I need is for Longbottom to screw this up… He can't get help from Granger on this, and I don't feel like cleaning up his ruddy mess.'
He'd been so lost in thought that he nearly jumped at the knock on his half-opened classroom door. He looked up, a sneer on his face as soon as he saw who dared intrude on his space. "Lupin."
"Severus." Remus smiled amiably, running a hand through his silver tainted hair. He walked into the room and up to Snape's desk, standing in front of it. Snape smiled to himself (with no small amount of malice) as he watched the werewolf almost nervously glance about the room.
"As much as I enjoy your wonderful presence, I have work to do. What do you want?" Severus carefully put the cap back on his inkwell, and set his quill down beside it.
"I just came to collect my potion." Remus said, his smile waning. Snape's scorn still hurt him, more than he'd care to admit.
"Ah, yes. We wouldn't want a vicious dog roaming about the school, now would we? We've had enough of bthat/b particular brand of fun to last us a lifetime, hm?" Snape stood, not looking at Remus as he walked over to the storage cabinet, returning with a chalice of thick, steaming liquid. "I recommend drinking that promptly. It tends to…" Snape smiled wickedly. "Not sit well. It congeals, very much in the fashion of blood."
Remus paled slightly at the comparison of the Wolfsbane potion and blood. He didn't remember much about that night in the tunnels, but what he did remember still woke him up from a dead sleep, nightmares battering at his skull. He remembered waking up after returning to his human form the next day, vomiting at the sight of Severus's blood beneath his fingernails.
"Thank you, Severus." He lifted the chalice to his lips, stopping when Severus began to speak.
"I'd appreciate if you took that to your quarters, the staff room… Somewhere that isn't here. I've work to do. Just bring the chalice back when you have a chance."
"Of course." With that, Remus walked out of the door, unconsciously letting it slam behind him as he left.
- -
Severus stood in front of the entrance to his quarters, his hands tightly clenched at his sides. A bead of sweat found it's way down from his scalp, slowly dripping down his forehead, to the sharp angles of his cheek bones.
"Severus, do you intend to simply stand here all evening, or are you going to enter your chambers?" Albus Dumbledore asked, his voice light, despite recent developments. It had been only two hours ago that Sirius Black had escaped prosecution. It had been only two hours since he had been promised the Order of Merlin, only to have it ripped away from him. It had been only two hours since Remus Lupin had utterly betrayed him, both in word and conscience.
"Actually, I'm rather admiring this particular brick. Its shape is slightly different than the others… It's a darker color as well. It was overlooked in the building of the school, and hidden down her in the dungeons, where the lack of color will darken it more." Severus ran a pale finger across the ancient stone and mortar of the wall. "What do you want, Albus?"
"I simply wanted to make sure that you were alright, my boy. You've suffered a blow today." Albus placed a hand on the darker man's shoulder, squeezing it gently.
"Indeed. One that I do not wish to discuss. One that will not be forgotten." Severus's voice took on a far too familiar tone: it was quiet and empty, the timber colder than normal.
"Severus…"
"No. I went into that place again, attempting to help save those blasted children from a convicted murderer. I'm rewarded with a concussion and a reward that was taken away just as soon as it could be given." Severus ran a hand along the bump at the base of his skull, careful to not wince at the pain the action brought him. "I know you had something to do with it, helping Black get away… And I would prefer to not discuss my 'feelings' with you regarding the subject, for I fear that I may lose my temper and my job in one fell swoop."
And with that, Snape pressed a hand against a particular stone, opening up to his inner quarters. Once inside the threshold, he looked at the elder man. He spoke in a voice so low, it was nearly a whisper. "You always claimed to have a soft spot for the underdogs, Albus. You always come across as the man who helps those who need it. But they don't see the truth. You help the underdogs, as long as they're noble Gryffindors... If I had been in either Black or Lupin's place, you would have seen me placed in Azkaban.
"So, please. Do me a favor and don't try to give me your misplaced pity. It is not my fault that I'm in this position… It's yours." Severus leaned a hand against the wall, triggering the door to close. Before the door clicked shut, he spoke. "So if you want pity, look elsewhere. You'll never get it from me.
"May Hades take you, Albus."
- - -
Severus has been gone for three weeks now… I can't seem to get used to the extreme quiet of his chambers. I find myself pacing across rooms, flooing between his rooms and Grimmauld Place for meetings of the Order. Harry and his friends have been sitting in at more and more of the meetings. It's a bizarre thought… These children… No, not children. They're almost adults now. These young adults are the ones carrying so much of the burden of the world. Harry's just celebrated his sixteenth birthday, and yet damned near the entire wizarding world expects him to play the hero, to vanquish Voldemort. It's a cruel assumption… It's a shame that it's true.
With a sigh, I leave Grimmauld Place, apparating into Hogsmeade. I'd decided a week ago to pick up a present for Severus, a 'welcome home' gift. The man is nearly impossibly to shop for, so I settle on a packet of nice teas and a fresh journal. The man goes through them so often; I don't know how he manages to keep up with it.
I'm starting to think that he'll never come back. I know that I shouldn't be as paranoid as I am, but Severus has come to mean a lot to me in the past several months. More than I think that either of us are comfortable enough with each other to admit. I miss him so much that my heart aches.
I set out, walking back up towards Hogwarts from the small shop. I shrink the packages with my wand and tuck them neatly in a pocket. I'm grateful that I thought to do that the second that the first drop of rain his my face. I'm a wizard, and a decently powerful one at that. But the rain feels too good to even bother with a charm to keep my dry.
It's a warm rain, that starts out slowly, a few drops here and there. But it quickly turns into a downpour, plastering my hair to my head. I can't help but let a small smile creep onto my face as I walk back up to the school, taking a lesser used trail in the woods. The sound of the rain hitting the canopy of the forest is one that I've always loved. It maybe a product of my lycanthropy, or just something natural. But I've always found it calming.
The rain sets me in such a calm, content daze, that I didn't hear the footsteps behind me until it was too late to dodge. With my hand reaching for my wand, I fell forward into the mud, another form coming down with me into the mud. Just as I'm about to utter a protection spell, I realize who is sitting on top of me. I brush the rain out of my eyes with my sleeve, attempting to clear my vision.
"Severus?"
The man nodded, leaning down to kiss me lightly on the lips. "Severus!"
I take him into my arms, pulling him further down into the muck. I press my lips against his, trying to convey exactly how much I missed him, how much I needed him, into one single kiss. He finally breaks from me when the need for breath overtakes our need to kiss. I pet his hair as he nuzzles his head against my neck. "Are you really back? Are you back for good? Am I dreaming?"
"Yes, Remus. I'm back." Severus kisses my neck lightly.
"I missed you." I utter, wrapping my arms around him, kissing his cheek.
"I missed you, too." I was so wrapped up in his voice that it took me a moment to notice the bruises along his neck and collarbone, and the deep gash on his forehead.
TBC… I promise. :)
A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long between chapters. I kind of forgot this existed. But I couldn't sleep and, at five in the morning, decided to start this chapter. Forgive me?