To: Scully
From: Mulder
Re:Re: I hate you
Dear Scully,
I am sorry to hear you are having difficulty, perhaps you should take out more time for this so called self-reflection, it may prove to be helpful in situations such as this.I would offer multitudes of compassion and warmth, but I find it unsettling to learn of your displaced anger. You are projecting self-loathing onto me, however, I am proud to be your scapegoat, because I indeed do not hate you nor do I find it satisfying to ascribe blame where it does not belong, and Scully, I know how stressful things can be and I want to be your shoulder to lean on. My report is coming along beautifully.
Ah! Streetcar…you know something? You remind me a bit of Blanche.
Happy writing,
M
Original Message:
To: Mulder
From: Scully
Re: I hate you
Dear Mulder,
It has occurred to me on many occasions that you are insane. And with refutable evidence suggesting that this insanity is clinical, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I had faith in you, and you perpetually evaded these quizzical thoughts that lay dormant beyond "that face", as you have come to define it, that I perpetually wear. No longer do I doubt these thoughts. Mulder, you are insane. And this is your fault. I hate you. Lead me astray and get me suspended from work without pay for two weeks and it can be construed as a blessing in disguise; I will disperse myself into a dog eared novel or some self-reflective activity. Lead me astray to be at the disposal of a governmental conspiracy that will elucidate some of my biggest fears as truth and subject me to horrifying nightmares that have indeed accrued a prescription for xanax, my life had been enriched and saved from ever being defined as dull. But Mulder, this? I never thought I would find it so painfully difficult to complete such an easy task. And what's even harder yet is admitting this to you. Mulder. You have ruined me. You are a life ruiner. I hope you are happy.
I hate you.
Scully
P.S. A Streetcar named Desire is on TCM tonight at 8. Stella!
A smile tugged at her lips even though she had the sudden urge to put the paper weight Bill had given her for Christmas through the monitor. The gall! The nerve! At least he had made her smile.
She racked her brain for a few minutes and began typing furiously away.
To: Mulder
From: Scully
Re :Re: Re: I hate you
Dear Mother Teresa,
Pardon me for disgracing you and polluting your altruistic self perception. Since you are so selfless and endearing, I trust you will accept my most sincere apologies for any grievances I may have caused you. Forgive me. I am on my knees in shame and desperation.
Since you are completing your assignment with such ease, I am sure you would have no qualms with sending what you already have in order to help out a helpless, pathetic lost soul. You ought to pat yourself (with great exertion) on that pedantic back of yours.
HA. You are such a liar!!!!!!!
I still hate you,
Scully
She then clicked send and smiled to herself smugly. She pictured him stretched out on his couch lazily with a pile of sunflower seeds watching a porno. And she wasn't far off