Disclaimer—these characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Which makes me wonder, why am I writing about them?
Chapter 3
"Nihao!" Shampoo smiled, holding up her metal ramen box. She stepped lightly through the rubble which had once been the back wall of the Tendo living room. Nabiki, who was reading at the table, glared up at the Amazon. ::Three times in a week!:: Nabiki thought glumly,:: three times we've had to pay to fix a wall because Tarzana over there doesn't like doors.::
"What are you doing here?" Nabiki asked, folding her hands under her chin. Shampoo held up the ramen box again.
"Shampoo is here on delivery. Is Ranma home?" she asked brightly. Nabiki smiled, a cruel little smile, and considered her options. She really, really wanted to see the look on Shampoo's face when she found out about Ranma and Akane. On the other hand, she liked all her bones precisely where they were, and intact.
"No, he's gone with Akane," Nabiki said slowly, gauging the Amazon's reaction. Shampoo's brow furrowed, but she showed no signs of current homicidal intent. Nabiki's smile deepened into a malicious smirk.
"Where they go?" Shampoo asked, her tone merely curious.
"Well, according to the note Akane left. . ."
"Shampoo! My goodness, but you were quick with that delivery," Kasumi smiled, stepping out of the kitchen. Nabiki glared at her sister. Sweet little Kasumi to the rescue again, ruining all her fun. She picked up her manga again as the two smiling girls trekked into the kitchen.
"Truthfully, Shampoo, I ordered your ramen so I could talk with you," Kasumi said cheerfully. Shampoo blinked in confusion.
"You want talk to Shampoo?" she asked, putting down her delivery box. Kasumi handed her money for the ramen, which disappeared quickly. She turned and picked up a cookie, offering it to the younger woman. Shampoo took the cookie but didn't eat it. A woman who knows poisons never eats what she is given.
"Yes," Kasumi said quietly. Her angelic smile never faltered. "This morning when I went to wake up Akane, she wasn't in her bed. Ranma has gone missing too," she informed the Amazon. Shampoo's eyes grew wide, and she fell against the counter.
"Did they say where they going?" she asked, her voice rough. Kasumi laid a gentle hand on Shampoo's shoulder. She was shaking. The older girl felt a surge of pity for the Amazon but. . . there was nothing to be done.
"The note on Akane's bed said they were going to elope," Kasumi said quietly. Shampoo went perfectly still for what seemed an eternity. A cool, gentle breeze blew in from the ruined wall. When Shampoo spoke, she did not raise her eyes.
"Ranma is mine by Amazon law. Akane should no interfere," she said quietly. Kasumi smiled gently and would have said more, but Shampoo pushed past her and leapt out of the ruined dining room. With a flash of purple hair, she was gone.
"Well, that went better than I expected," Kasumi sighed, leaning against the counter. She looked down at the box of ramen. "Now I just need to tell the Kunos."
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Kuno looked around the Tendo dining room in shock. He'd seen the place before, in passing, but he hadn't fully appreciated the squalor in which his beloveds lived. His Akane and the pigtailed girl should never, ever have to eat in such vile settings. The place was absolutely falling apart! One of the walls was knocked in, no doubt by some thug bent on terrorizing his loves. . .
"Would you like more tea?" Kasumi said sweetly. Kuno looked up and saw that she was, in fact, offering more to his twisted sister. Kodachi was also looking around the place, her expression a perfect picture of appalled sorrow. He imagined her thoughts must be much like his own. She, of course, would be thinking of a much baser creature than his beloved pigtailed girl.
"No, thank you. Why have you asked us to come to this . . . place?" Kodachi sneered, turning her face away from the proffered tea. Kasumi didn't answer, instead she placed the tea down in front of herself. She couldn't take it any longer. These people were so rude and unkind, how could they have been raised in a decent household? If she had her way, she could march right up to whoever raised these cruel cretins and demand what they had been thinking. . .
"I thought I would apologize for our inability to send each of you a wedding invitation," Kasumi said softly, her head bowed. She didn't want to see those sneers anymore.
"Well, who is getting married?" Tatewaki said, disinterested. He looked towards the hallway. Where was Akane? He was certain she'd arranged this. What could she be doing? What was his love planning? And for goodness sake, what was taking her so blasted long to show herself?
"Akane and Ranma, of course," she replied. Tatewaki spit out his tea. He looked at the eldest Tendo is shock about to demand what she meant by that jest. His twisted sister beat him to the punch, however. Kodachi was shaking Kasumi, screaming in her face.
"What do you mean, MY RANMA marry that VILE TEMPTRESS?" she was screaming. Kuno pulled his sister off the shocked Tendo sister. Kasumi stared at both of them wide-eyed, her hair mussy and her breath coming on short gasps. Tatewaki knelt in front of her, hoping she could get calm enough to tell him what he needed to know.
"Where are they to be wed?" he asked evenly. Kasumi stared at him. "For the sake of my sanity, woman, where are they to be wed?" he screamed, losing his composure. Kasumi jumped as if startled.
"I... I don't know. There was just the note on her bed saying they were going to elope!" she replied. Kuno drew his sword and charged out of the house, leaving through the hole in the wall. Kodachi fixed the trembling Tendo with an icy glare.
"If you are lying, if you have made this up. . ." she threatened, her clothes falling away to leave her in a gymnastics leotard. She twirled a ribbon in Kasumi's face. "I will shred you. Do you understand?"
With that, she left the way of her brother. Kasumi stared after them in shock. No one had ever threatened her in seriousness, that Kodachi woman. . . she burst into tears.
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The Nekohaten was between the lunch crowd and the dinner crowd. At the moment, there were only six people in the whole place. Cologne watched as Mousse spilled a man's ramen all over his shirt. She sighed deeply as Mousse yelled at her customer for his own mistake. Good thing her great granddaughter had no interest in him, he was hopeless.
"Mousse, stop that. I'm so sorry, sir, he's a bit addled," she called across the room. Mousse looked up at her. "How about this ramen is free? Mousse, get over here and give this man some more ramen."
Just after she'd yelled at the penitent Mousse, the doors burst open. Cologne glared up at the intruder, sure it was someone come to complain or cause trouble. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw Shampoo.
"Great-grandmother, I need go on special journey," she announced, her eyes seeing only the shriveled old woman. She strode right past Mousse, who fell over a chair while he watched her walk by. She walked into the back part of the restaurant. Cologne watched her go, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"Mousse, watch the front!" she called out. She followed the purple hair of her youngest kinswoman back into their living quarters.
"Where are you planning to go?" she asked carefully. Shampoo's eyes were flashing with anger, and she wouldn't get any information if she was too pushy.
"I follow Ranma and pervert girl," she snapped, picking up her bonboris. She walked to her doorway and stopped in front of her great- grandmother.
"Out of way," she said, staring over the head of the crone. Cologne clucked her tongue.
"What has happened, child?" she asked. Shampoo started to step over her, but she hit the young woman on the head. "I said, what happened? You don't want to make me angry," she warned. Shampoo took a deep breath, and Cologne saw with a shock there were tears in her eyes.
"Ranma and Akane have gone to elope," she said, in Chinese. Cologne swayed on her feet, closing her eyes.
"You have failed completely, then. You have failed to kill the woman who beat you and you have failed to marry the man. The only way for you to retain any honor is to beat him as a man and you, my child, are not capable of it," Cologne answered her, letting her own tongue slip back into their first language. Before, she had insisted Shampoo speak Japanese at all times to practice. If she was going to marry a Japanese man, she would have to speak the language. Both of them knew such things were futile now. They would have to go back to China. In disgrace.
"I am going to kill that Akane Tendo. She cannot take from me what is mine!" Shampoo cried in her first tongue. She began to run past Cologne, but Cologne hit the backs of her knees with her staff.
"You will not!" she said firmly, her hair flying up around her head. She strode around to her great-granddaughter's head and took the child's chin in her hand. "You will go back home in disgrace. You will NOT break a third law by stealing another woman's husband! She may not be your Amazon sister, but Ranma is still her property now and you will NOT be a thief!" Cologne ordered. Shampoo burst into tears. Cologne left her alone, curled on the floor, sobbing out the liquid remains of her heart.
Cologne closed her eyes. She could, by all rights, kill Ranma for what he had done to her kinswoman. Never make a woman cry. On the other hand, it would be a terrible waste of talent. He was a skilled martial artist. How could she save her kinswoman's honor? The only way was to kill the girl Ranma, but that was impossible without leaving the boy behind.
Her eyes flew open. They found the unmarked jar on the shelf above her bed. Inside the jar was some water, water she'd been planning to use to bribe Ranma into marrying Shampoo. Her gaze flicked to her sobbing great- grandchild. No hope of that, but the water could still come in handy. With it, she could remove the girl Ranma from existence. She could save the honor of her kinswoman.
On the other hand, it would be so much more gratifying just to kill him and get it over with.
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The Tendo household was full of sake, food and music all night. The neighbors called to tell them to keep it down around two AM. A very drunk panda answered the phone, which was quickly snatched by the panda's wife. She hrumphed at her inarticulate husband before saying anything into the phone.
"Moshi moshi," she said brightly, a smile plastered on her face. Nodoka couldn't be more happy, her son had finally taken some manly course of action. As she listened to the people on the phone, her brow got more and more furrowed. Eventually she simply slammed the phone down on the receiver.
"When the newlyweds get back, we'll show those pompous idiots what a real party sounds like," she said, her voice low and determined. She viewed her husband and her new in-laws. A slow smile spread across her face.