Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine at all.

This is set right after the manga. I've, ah, edited it some. Enjoy!

Chapter 4

"Wow, you weren't kidding. This place is really fantastic!" Akane smiled, stepping lightly over the piles of rough blue rocks. Ranma watched her hop from stepping stone to stepping stone, wondering how long it would be before she slipped and broke something. He stayed close behind her, just in case. . . well, just in case something happened.

It was a pretty incredible campsite, truth be told. The blue stones under his feet were everywhere, big and small, with little purple orchids growing out of the cracks in the bigger ones. There were flowers everywhere, feverfew and gardenias and mums. That was really why he wanted to bring Akane here, he knew she'd love the flowers. It was one of the few places he'd trained that a girl might think was pretty. Of course, the abundance of water kind of scared him. Everywhere you looked there was another little clear pool, with little brown fish and little blue rocks all along the bottom.

"Yeah, this is where Pop and me camped our last night before going into Nerima," Ranma grimaced at the memory. He hadn't really appreciated the scenery back then, mostly because he was bound and gagged, and being hauled through the woods by a maniacal panda. He eyed the river they were crossing with apprehension, remembering. Akane reached the end of the stepping-stone bridge and turned to smile at him.

"Bet you weren't thrilled about coming to visit," she said brightly. He almost missed a stone, watching her. That smile was worth risking the water. Maybe he'd pick her a bunch of flowers later on. Girls like that kind of thing, right?

" Ah, maybe we'd better get a fire going and start heating some water," he suggested, leaping to shore. "Just in case. There's a lot of water around here," he said nervously. She nodded, still smiling, as he racked his brain for more pretty things she could coo over.

That little noise she made when they first crested the hill, and she could see the sea of feverfew, broken only by big blue boulders. . . that was what he wanted.

"There's a waterfall over that hill," he told her, gesturing. She smirked at him.

"Race you to the waterfall!" she cried, and took off at a dead run. Smirking a bit himself, he ran after her, up the hill, overtaking her just as the hill crested. He turned to stick out his tongue at her. . . And slid right into the pool at the bottom of the waterfall.

"That was SO not fair!" Ranko screamed, her red head bursting from the water. Akane giggled at her.

"Get out before your pack gets soaked through!" Akane warned, taking off her own pack. Ranko jumped out of the water and began to shake dry, getting her plenty wet in the process. "Ranma!"

"What?" she asked, innocently rifling through Akane's pack to find dry matches. She gathered some wood, lit the fire, and set a kettle full of water on a wire grate table over the flames. She turned back to Akane to find the dark-haired girl staring at her curiously.

"What?" Ranko asked, plopping down to wait for the water to get warm. Akane blushed and looked away. She wasn't going to tell. . . him or her?. . . that she'd been watching those blue eyes. Those never changed, whatever body Ranma was in. She'd know him anywhere, in any form, by looking at those eyes. On the other hand, if he were, say, a cat or a goose or a pig. . . maybe she wouldn't recognize him in just any form.

"Sorry about the waterfall," she muttered. Ranko blinked at her.

"You didn't do nothin'," she hedged. Akane looked back up at Ranko, a smile playing on her lips.

"Let's play a game," Akane said abruptly. Ranko leaned back, resting her weight on her hands behind her.

"What sort of game?" she asked.

"I dunno. I was hoping you'd be able to think of some," Akane answered quietly. Ranko sighed. Of course. There was an awkward silence as they each stared into the fire. Maybe she should go pick those flowers? Nah. Later, when she wasn't cold and wet and hungry. Maybe.

"Tell me about," Ranko began quietly, closing her eyes and letting herself fall to her back. "your life before I came to Nerima. Was it like this? Was the whole town crazy back then, or is that new?"

"Oh, it's mostly you, Ranma," Akane assured her. "Remember, most of the psychos followed you here. The only freak back then was Kuno, but he was more than enough," she shuddered, remembering. "You remember that challenge he made to the boys of our school, that no one could date me without beating me? He'd been doing stuff like that for years. Before that challenge, there was the challenge that any guy who wanted to date me would have to beat him, and before that it was a private thrashing of anyone he deemed unworthy of attending his school. . . That's why he got so bloody obsessed with me. I challenged him after he threatened one of my friends," Akane said quietly. She fell silent, staring into the fire again.

"I take it you won?" Ranko asked, just to keep the conversation going. Akane nodded. Ranko sighed and stared up at the sky, where the sun was traveling steadily towards the horizon. "That man has serious issues. I bet, when word gets out we eloped, he comes searching for his beloved pigtailed girl, thinking she's finally free," Ranma grunted in disgust. Akane smiled.

"Well, that is a minor flaw in the idea, yes. But think how much nicer it will be when everyone just leaves us alone," she said. Steam began to billow out of the kettle, and Ranko picked it up. She poured the hot water over her head, wincing as the water scalded her forehead, her shoulders, her breasts. . .

"Let's make camp," he suggested, keeping his doubts to himself.

-------------------------------

"Wow, what great gyoza dumplings!" Ranma grinned, stuffing another one into his mouth. Akane watched him with a proprietary joy. He liked her cooking! "Hey, cutie-pie, is there any more? You're the best cook!" he proclaimed, smiling at her. She blushed at the compliments, and stood to go make some more food.

"Sure, if you want," she smiled.

"You're wonderful!" he exclaimed as she walked into the kitchen, humming happily. She pulled out a bowl and some eggs. She placed the eggs beside the bowl and picked one up to crack it, but then . . . the other eggs started vibrating on the table. She watched as they danced right off the edge of the table. They fell to the floor and exploded as the world began to shake.

"Ranma!" she cried, flying out of the kitchen, into the tea room just as the back wall of the tea room exploded. Ranma was already standing to face the blast, and for a moment her eyes lost him among the debris. "Ranma!"

"Stay back!" he shouted, his voice somehow clear through the rubble. There, where the wall used to be, stood everyone who had ever had cause to think either Ranma or Akane was theirs. Akane stared at the murderous mob, which was headed by a horde of little black pigs wearing yellow bandannas.

"He. . .hey, you guys. How's it goin'?" Ranma asked, somewhat nervously. Without a word, as one, the entire mob fell on him. Ranma began to duck and fend them off but. . . suddenly he clutched at his stomach and doubled over on the ground. "Argh! My stomach! It must have been bad dumplings!" As he shouted, he disappeared among flying feet, hands, and a few knives and spatulas. . .

Then they were alone again, and she was rushing towards that limp, torn body. . .

"RANMA!" she screamed, but she could never get any closer. He got farther and farther away. . . "RANMA!"

"Akane! Wake up! Damnit, wake up!" Ranma shouted into her face as she blinked up at him, uncomprehending. She had the oddest feeling, as if she were being slung backwards into a wall, and realized she had been dreaming. She stared up at him, dazed. "Akane? Are you all right? You kept screaming for me," Ranma grunted, releasing her shoulders. She grimaced as she realized she felt like she was being slung back into a wall because the idiot had shaken her too hard.

"You always half-kill people when you're trying to wake them up?" she asked, glaring at him. He glared at her.

"No, just stubborn tom-boys who sleep like rocks!" They fumed at each other for a moment in silence. After what seemed an eternity, Ranma narrowed his eyes even further and leaned towards her. "And just what sort of dream was it, Akane? You were moaning and screaming my name."

"I. . . uh," Akane blushed, and looked away. He made it sound like. . . but she hadn't been dreaming of that! "It was a nightmare. I dreamt that everybody attacked you and you . . ." she winced at the memory of that bloody, torn body. "I'm starting to think this isn't a good idea. What if everybody takes our fake elopement too hard? What if they all get angry and attack you?" she asked, staring into those big blue eyes. He stared back at her for a moment, then shook himself as if trying to wake up.

"Eh, I can take care of myself. I'm more worried about Kodachi and Shampoo going after you," he admitted. Akane blushed. "I was going to say something soon after we got here, but. ." he trailed off, sighing deeply. "There's more, too. All that junk we've had to put up with about our wedding night. . . it may just get worse. I hope, if we tell them we're married, they'll just leave it at that and go on but. . ."

"What if they don't?" Akane interrupted. Ranma nodded. They stared at the ground for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. At long last, Akane sighed and sat all the way up, which put her just inches away from Ranma. Moonlight filtered through the thin material of the tent, just enough so she could make out the outline of his jaw. She wanted to touch his face, cup his cheeks in her hands, just so she could know he was solid. . .

No, no she didn't! What was she thinking, anyway?

"Well," she started, trying to find a way to say it. "I've mostly been embarrassed because they say things that aren't true, like when you get mad for being accused of something you haven't done. Maybe if they are true, it won't be so embarrassing. And if we don't blush every time they say something. . . maybe they'll quit," she suggested. Ranma turned red all the way from his toes to the roots of his hair. He backed away from Akane, very slowly.

"You aren't saying we should. . . you know, have. . . you aren't are you?" he stammered, his eyes very, very wide. Akane blinked at him.

"What?" she asked. He looked at his feet and tried, desperately, to regain his breath. She wasn't, surely. This was Akane. She wouldn't surprise someone like that. . . but now that he'd thought about it the image wouldn't get out of his head. . .

"Oh, ah, you know. The whole wedding night thing," he explained, willing his blood to flow in a normal pattern instead of rushing around in every direction. He felt a battle aura building near him, and looked up to see Akane glowing blue in the dark night.

"No, I WASN'T, hentai!" she snarled, lunging at him. A punch to the gut, a punch to the nose, and she left him twitching on the ground. "Forget I said anything," she growled. He sat up again, rubbing his tortured nose, and watched her with reluctance. She lay down, alone, and curled up in a ball. He watched her for a moment.

"Well, what DID you mean, then?" he snapped, glowering at her. She curled into an even tighter ball. "That's not fair, Akane, what did you mean?"

"I duffunon!" came the muffled noise from somewhere in the vicinity of Akane's head.

"What?"

"I don't know!" she snapped, sitting up abruptly. "Maybe if you'd stop being such a coward and just . . . I don't know, do something. . ."

"Like WHAT!" he snapped back. She fell silent.

"Well, you never have kissed me," she said, after a long stretch of listening to him breathe. There was another long quiet moment, then Ranma began to chuckle. The chuckle grew into a giggle. Pretty soon, Ranma was laughing so hard he ahd to hold his sides to feel like his skin would hold together.

"What the heck is so funny about that?" Akane snapped.

"It ain't for lack of tryin'!" he cried, still laughing. After a stunned moment, she joined him.

"You're right, everyone keeps interupting us!" she giggled. A thought occurred to her, and she stopped laughing as suddenly as she started. "Is that. . . is that why you wanted to go out here? Away from all the interuptions?"

He stopped laughing too. In fact, she could almost feel his blush.

"It's not, well, kind of, I mean. . . you know. . ." he stammered. "It's not just the interuptions, you know, I've never kissed anyone. . ."

"Mikado," Akane interupted. Ranma shivered.

"Ugh, don't remind me. And he kissed me, remember? Doesn't count. . . and never bring it up again."

"Shampoo?"

"She kissed me, too. And the only time I remember was that miss of marriage, and that don't count, because it's part of a ceremony."

"Oh, yeah, sure. What about that time you kissed me when you went neko?" Akane asked. Ranma didn't answer for a while. "Well? You kissed me, not the other way around. It counts."

"But I don't remember it," he said, very quietly. She narrowed her eyes at him. She hadn't thought about that for a long time, but now that she did. . . that STILL made her mad.

"Yeah, I forgot. That time you didn't know who was who, and it could have been anybody," she said, bitterly. "Tell you what. How about we go back to sleep and head home tommorow?"

"Akane, no!" Ranma snapped. She blinked. HE was mad at HER? "It couldn't have just been anyone, even when I'm a cat I . . . well, sheesh, Akane, did you ever notice that I don't go to anyone else when I'm like that? That I'm only nice to you?" he asked, pain in his voice.

Akane thought about it for a minute.

"So you meant to kiss me," she said. She grinned into the silence. "So it counts."

"Uncute tomboy," he muttered. "I bet it was your first kiss, too, and all that crap you were giving me about Mikado was bull."

"Nope, sorry Ranma," Akane answered brightly. Ranma started as if she'd just sent electricity through him.

"Who was it, then?" he asked. She smiled at the possesive note in his voice.

"Someone you've met, but you don't know him very well. My first real boyfriend, actually," she answered. He stiffened.

"Not Kuno."

"No, idiot! Of course not."

"Who, then?"

"A boy in our class. . . the one that Kuno beat up, and then I challenged Kuno, and it all went downhill from there," Akane said, frowning at the memory. "He wasn't a martial artist at all. He was a musician, he played the saxophone . . . he was really popular with the girls, and I was really popular with the guys . . . but he liked me for my personality, not because I could kick his ass. And after Kuno beat him up. . . he sort of stopped talking to me. Until Kuno made his announcement, and then he charged out there, with everyone else, to try and beat me up to win me back." She smiled a grim little smile. "The idiot actually didn't think I'd hurt him."

"I wouldn't have, either. You beat up someone who didn't know the art?" Ranma asked, softly. Beating up athletes is one thing, beating up helpless little saxophone players is another.

"No, just knocked him down. He shouldn't have been out there, anyway." Akane muttered. Ranma blinked at her for a moment, feeling there was something inherently wrong with that story.

"Didn't you like Dr. Tofu back then?" he asked. To his great shock, Akane giggled at him.

"He was so old! He was out of my league, Ranma, whether I liked him or not. My musician was smart, cute, MY AGE, and he asked me out. . ."

"I thought you used to hate boys!"

"My first boyfriend was a wuss who stopped talking to me just because I knocked him down! Then I had to fight a horde of you drooling hormone puppets every morning for months! And Kuno, don't get me started on Kuno!"

"I am NOT a hormone puppet!" Ranma declared, hotly.

"Of course not! If you were, you would have kissed me by now!" Akane announced. Ranma froze as she laughed at him.

"I didn't think you'd want. . . ." he started. Akane waved his words away, and lay down to go to sleep. He stared at her for a moment, then went back outside the tent. He stared up at the stars, his mind running through all the people he knew that played the saxophone. There weren't many, but then, that wasn't really his crowd. Maybe he'd ask Nabiki who it was when they got back. Or maybe not. They'd have enough problems. . .

Did Akane really want him to kiss her?

Akane stared into shadows within the tent, her mouth quirked into a sardonic grin.

"Coward, what did you think I wanted you to do? What's taking you so long?" she muttered.

------------------------

"Tadaima! We're home!" Akane called from the doorway. Within seconds, the entire family was crowded into the entryway, asking a thousand questions, smiling and laughing. ::At least this will get our dads off our backs,:: Akane thought, smiling at them all.

"I am so proud of you, my son!" Nodoka exclaimed. Genma and Soun were dancing little happy circles around Ranma's mother, waving white fans with red dots on them.

"So the happy couple returns. Have a pleasant night?" Nabiki asked, winking at Ranma, who blushed.

"I bet you two are hungry," Kasumi said. She gave Akane a soft hug and slipped away to the kitchen, leaving the general chaos behind her. Only Happosai stood back from the crowd, observing the "newlyweds" carefully.

"Oh, Akane, surely you didn't get married in that! And where is your ring?" Nabiki asked, gesturing towards Akane's muddy pants and bare hand. Akane and Ranma looked at each other in a panic. They were bound to have forgotten something. . .

"These two do NOT look like a newlywed couple!" Happosai announced at long last, shaking his head in dismay. "They don't have that happy glow around them! Akane and Ranma are not married!"

"WHAT!!!!?" Soun and Genma shouted, the white fans flying into the air. They rounded on Ranma, shouting generally incoherent sentences which he completely ignored.

"Just what sort of happy glow are you talking about?" Ranma asked, narrowing his eyes at the tiny old man. Happosai turned up his nose and took a deep huff of his pipe.

"Afterglow, you infantile imbecille, afterglow," he said haughtily. Ranma looked at Akane in confusion, then smiled as a thought occurred to him.

"You mean like a residual battle aura?" he asked, happy to have solved the puzzle. Happosai fell to his side, too shocked to retain his balance, then leapt to his feet. His white little eyebrows furrowed together in an adorable, frightening anger.

"How dare you claim to be married to my dear sweet Akane when you so obviously cannot make her happy? You're too stupid to know how to make a wife happy!" he cried, on the verge of tears. Akane blinked at the old man, somewhat confused. He wouldn't be talking about. . .it was Happosai. Of course that's what he was talking about.

"What!?" Ranma cried, understanding only that he had been insulted.

"It is time for your new training to begin!" Happosai announced. Ranma relaxed, his big innocent eyes confident now that they had returned to fighting. At least, he thought they'd returned to fighting. Happosai turned with a smug grin to Genma and Soun, who were yelling at each other about the faulty upbringing of their children.

"Soun! Genma!" Happosai snapped, and the two ignored him. He leapt at them, flashing his legs in kicks with remarkable speed for someone who had lived for centuries. Soun and Genma, from the floor, pleaded his forgiveness. He inhaled deeply from his pipe, and exhaled a smoke triangle.

"You two help me escort Ranma to the dojo for his training," he ordered.

"Just a minute," Akane said, glaring down at Happosai. She thought. . . she wasn't sure, but she thought she knew what the dirty old man was going to "train" Ranma to do. Frankly, she didn't want him to know. "Just what are you going to train him in?"

"Why, my dear, little Akane. How sad that you must be shackled with such a worthless husband!" Happosai sighed, hanging his head.

"Hey!" Ranma shouted.

"Don't worry, Akane, I'll teach him everything I can about making you happy!" Happosai cried, as, like a whirlwind, the four men left the house for the dojo. Akane stared after them, speechless.

"I wonder how they plan to teach him. Do you think they'll use dolls or practice on each other?" Nabiki said, dryly. Akane started. She had almost forgotten her sister was in the room.

"Onnechan!" she hissed. Nabiki shrugged.

"Well, girls practice on each other, don't they?" Nabiki replied.

-------------------------------

Ranma did not like this situation one bit. Firstly, Soun and Genma were sitting on either side of him, preventing any easy escapes. He was sort of curious as to what the old man was going to teach him, but as time wore on he was less sure he wanted to know. The old man was keeping himself busy arranging some of his "collection" on a mannequin he'd gotten somewhere. Ranma shuddered to think about what had happened to that poor mannequin.

"Now, we shall begin!" Happosai announced at last. Ranma sat up a little straighter. Happosai cleared his throat.

"Kindness is the first step towards making a woman happy. If you are unkind to a strong woman, you will never be able to progress to the following steps. The second step," Happosai continued, his eyes closed and his face deadly serious, "is the kiss."

::What the hell kind of training is this?:: Ranma thought, grimacing in revulsion .

"Every kiss should begin gently," Happosai continued. Soun and Genma were nodding sagely. Ranma wondered if he'd fallen asleep and was having a nightmare. "After that, well, it is a matter of personal taste. You must sense what she wants, what will make her happy. A kiss is the best way to learn how to test that. For example, if a woman moans in an erotic fashion while you kiss her. . ."

"We are TALKING about my little girl!" Soun interjected. Happosai's face screwed up into a little wrinkly ball.

"Do you want grandchildren or not!" he shouted at Soun. Ranma, his face already beet red, stood and tried to leave. Tried. Something heavy, which happened to be Happosai, his head with enough velocity to knock him down. As he fell his father and Tendo-kun fell on top of him, pinning him to the ground. Happosai continued his lecture from the top of Ranma's head.

"If she moans, it probably means you're doing something right. If she giggles, just head out the door. The important thing is to let her know she is wanted by the kiss. Then if she seems all right with the kiss, it is time to move on to the next phase. Holding. That means holding any part of her body, really, but it is best to start with the shoulders or waist. From the waist, inch to the hips. From the shoulders, inch to the back. Once you have the back, you can pull her much, much closer a lot easier. Now, primal instinct should kick in at some point, and if it doesn't, you have no business being married to Akane. Now, after instinct has kicked in, you must remember several things. This is the most important. The first time a maid knows a man's touch. . ."

"Would you freaks get off me!" Ranma cried, desperate for an escape now. He struggled under the two older men, but every time he got leverage he was knocked down again. He didn't want to hear this, didn't want them to see his face flush when he pictured. . . but if he told them the elopement was fake, not only would he be grounded. . .

"The first time, it hurts." Happosai asserted, as if he had never been interrupted.

"Get off me!" Ranma wailed, struggling harder. Happosai glared down at his youngest disciple. The stubborn jackass couldn't just accept good fortune, could he?

--------------------

"Akane, it's me," Ranma said softly, leaning against the wooden door. His forehead brushed the little yellow duck. Some days, he wanted to rip down that bloody happy duck. This was one of those days.

She opened the door, already in her pajamas, sleepy-eyed and irritated. She looked him up and down, her gaze lingering on his hair, still wet from the baths.

"What do you want?" she asked, managing to sound irritated and soft at the same time. He took a deep breath. Well, he hadn't forced her into the woods with him . . .

"Dad kicked me out of my room, said if we were really married we could start sleeping in the same room," he said, the words coming out in a hot rush. He wasn't sure he'd stopped blushing from that "training" Happosai had put him through. He wasn't sure he'd ever stop blushing.

"Go sleep in the bathroom, then!" she hissed, beginning to close the door. He stuck his foot in, and winced as the wood pinched his bare flesh.

"Look, you thought the elopement thing would be a good idea. What do you want to do, tell them that instead of getting married we just spend a day or two in the woods? By ourselves?" he hissed, pitching his voice low so no eavesdroppers would catch the words. Akane looked uncertain for a moment, then she opened the door wide.

"You get the floor," she said, casually, and flopped down on her bed. Ranma stared at her as, within seconds, she was sound asleep. He watched her toss and turn and reflected that, even if the floor was cold and hard, he wasn't going to get any broken bones from it.

--------------------

"Scoundrel!" Kuno cried somewhere behind them. Ranma and Akane, late for school as always, exchanged annoyed looks before Ranma turned to face Kuno. But Kuno wasn't heading for Ranma. He was heading for Akane.

"Wanton! To make light of our love and marry such a foul creature!" he cried, lunging toward Akane. She dropped into a fighting stance, prepared to dodge the blow, but then . . . Ranma was there before the blow was even close to landing. He punched Kuno in the chest, sending him stumbling backwards. The two fought for a moment, but a lot of time had passed since Kuno and Ranma were equals.

"Stay away from my wife!" Ranma cried, with a final punch that sent Kuno flying into the air. He turned to look at Akane, a child's grin on his face. "You know, now I can beat up all those guys who chased after you," he said gleefully.

Akane scowled at him, and brushed past him on the side walk. He watched her in confusion for a moment before chasing after her.

"What did I do?" he asked. She glowered at him.

"Who asked you to beat up anybody? Honestly, you sound almost like Kuno!" she snapped. He rocked back as if hit, then blinked at her in hurt and confusion.

"I do not sound like. . ."

"You do! Honestly, who ever asked you to interfere in my fights. . ."

"Well excuse me! If I had known you wanted him, tomboy, I wouldn't have agreed to go on that trip with you!"

"It was your idea in the first place, idiot!"

Some things, believe me on this, will never change.