Chapter Twelve: Romarin
I'm glad I got so many reviews, and I know many of you want me to update, but I have a pattern of when I update. If you pay close attention, maybe you'll see it. Anyway, here's chapter twelve.
**********The Rosemary Field**********
To Betty Louis Gazpacho (hope I spelled that right!): It's amazing to see how well you can predict what's coming next! The predictions that you so accurately made left me so breathless that I had to go back to the already-finished story and type this Author's Note in awe! You're amazing!
NOW, LET'S GET ON WITH THE REAL STORY!!!!!!!
"What do you call beauty?" an eager Kiran asked her French tutor, Bijou.
"Hmmm, well beaute means absolutely beautiful. Like your garden." Bijou explained as her eyes wandered the field with possibly a thousand herbs. Butterflies played, birds chirped, and the echo of the neighboring river filled the scene with serenity.
"How many herbs do you grow here?" a curious Hamtaro asked while the question was still in his mind.
"Ummm," Kiran pondered "About 1036 different types of all the greens there are out there." she said, not paying attention to the fact that 1036 was a lot of greenery.
"That explains why this places smells so wonderful." Bijou complimented as she took another whiff of the overpowering herbs.
"This place smells horrible." Andre said as he tightened the clothespin on his nose. "Why everybody acclaims these rancid weeds 'the best in the land' is beyond me."
"Andre, nobody dragged you here. I have no idea why you even came." Hamtaro pointed out.
"I came here because when Bijou said that she was going to give the farm girl over there French lessons with you, I just had to see this."
"How can you say I don't give good French lessons? I am French!" Bijou reminded him.
"You can have all the wisdom in the world, but you can also never be able to teach it." Andre stated, trying to look smart.
"O-kay, Andre. You just keep making up proverbs over there, while me and Bijou ignore you." Hamtaro said.
"Kiran, instead of teaching you boring verbs and grammar skills, let me teach you things that are interesting to you." Bijou suggested.
"Okay, like what?" Kiran asked.
Bijou smiled "Romarin, it means rosemary." (AN: it's pronounced rooz marie)
"Cool! How do you spell that?"
Bijou took out a piece of paper, and trying to write with a human pen as best as she could, wrote romarin.
"That's silly." Kiran said "It's spelled ro-ma-rin, but it's pronounced rooz marie. French has such silly words!"
"No!" a patriotic Andre spoke up, "French is a beautiful language. Only the highest aristocrats and monarchs have the talent of enunciating every syllable correctly! The only reason why you think it's so silly is because your simpleton mind doesn't have the rank nor capability of handling it!"
"Andre, simmer down. She's just a beginner. French is not an easy language. We were born French, and that's why we can speak it so fluently." Bijou explained.
"I didn't mean to make fun of your language, honest." a close-to-crying Kiran pleaded "Please don't be mad at me."
"Don't worry, Kiran. Andre is just a demented Ham who uses any excuse to raise his voice." Hamtaro reassured.
"So you're not mad at me?"
"Of course not." Bijou assured. Andre just ignored the preteen, until Bijou nudged him in the ribs.
"Owww! Women!" he muttered to himself. "Sorry" he said in a pitch that was close to the negatives.
"I don't think she heard you, Andre." Hamtaro said.
"Sorry" He said, just a teensy bit louder.
"Sorry, Andre she still couldn't hear you." Andre was getting annoyed.
"IS THE GIRL DEAF OR SOMETHING? I SAID SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! NOW QUIT ANNOYING ME YOU UNCLEAN, HIGH-SCRUPLED, SAVAGE!!!!!!!!!"
"I think she heard you this time." Hamtaro said keeping his voice calm. Andre's little eruption didn't scare him.
Bijou stared at the sundial in the herb garden for a second, and when she finally realized what time it was, she grabbed Hamtaro's arm and nudged him.
"Hamtaro, we must get back home now. We have to do umm... something." Bijou said.
"Something? Oh yes-nice seeing you again, Kiran, but we must be heading back home, we got uhh...stuff to do." Hamtaro hoped that his alibi would work. And with that said, Bijou grabbed Hamtaro's arm and headed up the dirt road towards the villa.
"I bet the stuff they have to do has something to do with their little scheme!" Andre thought to himself. And with that thought fresh in his mind, he followed them back home, this time making sure that nobody heard him.
**********The Villa's Kitchen**********
"Come on, there's no time to lose." Bijou told Hamtaro as she took a large bowl out of the refrigerator.
"I know, I know." Hamtaro said as he tried to calm down a frantic Bijou. "We have plenty of time."
"We only have 1½ hours! Now we must hurry!" she quickly explained as she read a piece of paper.
**********The Breakfast Nook**********
"What are they such in a rush for?" Andre angrily asked himself as he eavesdropped on their conversation. "What's gonna happen in 1½ hours?"
**********The Kitchen***********
Bijou stirred, poured, pureed, and stirred some more as she practically beat the contents of the bowl to death. Hamtaro stared at her with amazement in his eyes. He had never seen Bijou this... this... determined. It almost kind of scared him.
"Aren't you gonna help?" a rushing Bijou asked her procrastinating friend.
"Well, it was my job to blend the dough, but you did that already." Hamtaro said pointing to liquid like remains of whatever was supposed to be in that bowl.
Bijou stared at the bowl for a second "Whoops" she said in an oopsy-daisy voice "I guess I went a little too far."
"No, really." Hamtaro said playfully.
**********The Breakfast Nook**********
"So they're cooking something, are they? Well, I'll just have to mash this potato." (AN: I know, terrible food pun) said Andre. "Where's Stan?" Andre asked while noticing that no one had yet said 'I can hear that too' to his little soliloquies. "They're devising a plot to bring me down, no doubt. Ha! I'd like to see them try." he said as he poked his eye cautiously into the kitchen so that he could now hear and see Hamtaro and Bijou.
**********The Kitchen**********
"Ok" said a relieved Bijou "Now all we have to do is wait." she told an anxious Hamtaro.
"That's great, but now we have to get to the parlor and put this plan into action, and quickly, you know he gets suspicious." he explained as he grabbed Bijou's arm and raced down to the parlor.
**********The Breakfast Nook**********
"Okay, okay" Bijou calmed herself "All we have to do is make sure that-ANDRE!" They had stumbled into a curious little French Ham-Human.
"Good afternoon to you too, Bijou." Andre jokingly said. "What are you two up to on a day so beautiful as this?"
"Nothing, Andre. We are just going to read some books in the parlor." Hamtaro lied.
"A savage like you read the masterpieces written in French? I think not." Andre reminded Hamtaro of his lack of knowledge in foreign languages.
"Well, Bijou was going to read them to me."
"Oui" Bijou chimed in "I am going to read them to him."
"Like a mother reads to her idiotic child when he's nothing more than a mere, illiterate infant?" Andre asked.
"No, like a frien- uhh fiancée reads to her fiancée." Hamtaro elucidated.
"So we'll be our on way now, won't we Hamtaro?" Bijou asked.
"We shall, au revoir, Andre." And Hamtaro and Bijou soon started to dash back to the parlor.
"Idiots." Andre muttered. "They actually think that I, the great and powerful Andre, bought that? That savage is starting to rub off on her. Now to see what concoction they are cooking up."
**********The Kitchen**********
"Hey, it smells good in here." Andre told himself "Familiar scent, but whatever the feroce has a hand in making is eternally poisoned." Andre convinced himself. He vigilantly opened the condensed door of the oven, and he looked inside. "Cookies, cookies?! They're baking cookies, and without me, that means I can't have any. Well, these cookies won't be so sweet after I heat things up a bit." He found the piece of paper that Bijou was reading near the stove. It had instructions on how to work the oven. Andre read these instructions meticulously, and then he raised the temperature from 250° to 375°. Then he found a small timer placed upon the stove. He then changed the timer from ringing in one hour, to ringing in two hours. "Let's see who'd still want these cookies now."
After he had changed the timer's timing,(AN: Alliteration is my favorite writing technique) Andre realized that the timer was dripping with oil. "Filthy savage. He contaminates everything with his vermin-like diseases and plagues. Now, to sit and watch as the loving assembly of Hams falls helplessly, flat on their faces." Andre went to wash his hands, and then the faucet went berserk on him. As soon as he had opened the water, the faucet sprit liquid all over him. "Darn feroce. He cursed this kitchen! Wasn't it enough to infect us poor Hams, especially me, with his presence? Now I can't even get a decent hand washing out of this Human monstrosity!" The water was everywhere. Andre cleaned most of it up, but being the high maintenance Ham that he was, he forgot a small puddle on the floor.
**********Two Hours Later**********
"I would've thought that it would have been an hour by now." Bijou said to Hamtaro as they entered the kitchen.
"Maybe we were just so busy we lost track of time." Hamtaro suggested.
"Hamtaro, are you sure you set the timer correctly?"
"I followed your explicit orders right in front of you, didn't I?"
"I guess so-ANDRE!" screamed Bijou as they noticed a Ham sitting in the shadows of the kitchen.
"Bonjour, mes copains." (AN: Hello, my friends)
"You're still here!" asked a startled Hamtaro.
"I've been here for about TWO hours."
"Two hours? Oh no." thought Bijou aloud as she ran to check the timer. And of course, it read two hours, just as Andre scheduled it to.
The smell of burnt cookies careened in the air.
"Andre, did you do this?" Hamtaro asked.
"Yes, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. So sorry to burst your bubble and roast your cookies, but I wasn't going to allow a little celebration to take place without moi." Andre explained.
"Our cookies?" Hamtaro asked.
"Andre follow me." Bijou instructed as she signaled for him to follow her down the hallways, into the parlor.
**********The Parlor**********
"You jealous Ham, look in here." Hamtaro and Bijou ordered Andre as they waited outside the parlor. As soon as Andre entered, he saw the plan that they were devising.
Andre entered to a face of Ham-Humans cheering "Happy Birthday Andre!". The room had navy blue, and pure white banners stretched across it. There was a huge banner that read "Sweet Seventeen!!!!" the banner was comprehensively hand painted. There was confetti all over the floor, and balloons streaming about the place. Andre's face was hit by a wave of red.
"Uh-oh." Andre thought. The Hams stopped cheering as they saw the angered looks on Hamtaro and Bijou's faces.
"Andre, have you forgotten what day it is?" asked Bijou impatiently "It's June 17, which makes it your birthday. We were working on a plan for you not for us."
"Not like you deserved it." Andre heard Stan say.
"And these.." Bijou started to explain as she signaled for Andre and the rest of the Hams to follow her into the kitchen.
**********The Kitchen**********
"And these were also for you. Your favorite, caramel sunflower treats. I especially asked Yosei for help with the oven just so I could make them for you." She very edgily explained holding up the tray of burnt treats and the piece of paper with the oven instructions on it.
"But you let your jealousy get the best of you, and now look what happened." All the Hams scolded.
"Andre you just...you just..." Bijou had trouble keeping her giggles in "You just burnt your own birthday present!" But by the end of this statement, she was on the floor laughing. And who wouldn't? Andre, attempting to ruin the Hams' plan, ended up ruining his birthday party. Soon, all the Hams, try as they might to fight it, were giggling up a storm. Hamtaro, giggling the most.
"Stop your barbaric laughter you insignificant Neanderthals! I know it wasn't your idea to put up a party for me. I bet it was Josie. She's the only Ham who gives a cat about me."
"That's one more Ham than I thought." Hamtaro quietly mumbled to himself.
"Actually, Andre" Dexter explained "It was all Bijou and Hamtaro's idea. Just to prove that they were sincere, and wanted to start over and become friends."
"You did this for me?" Andre asked holding up a shaking finger toward the two.
"Yeah, didn't you just hear Dexter's little synopsis?" Hamtaro asked.
"I don't believe you. You two hate me, this is just a plan to get rid of me. What were you going to do? Lock me in the Parlor and watched as I suffocated to death? Or maybe you put poison in those cookies, I want you to eat one right now!"
"Andre, I'm not going to eat a burnt cookie." Bijou said.
"Ha! I knew it. You put some sort of chemical substance in here with the help of your freakish fairy friend!"
"That's enough! Andre, quit the paranoia and accept that we were trying to do something nice for you! Just because we wanted to. Because we were trying to be your friends! Now Bijou worked so hard on this, and this is the thanks she gets?!" Hamtaro angrily enlightened. Hamtaro was shaking now. Too much anger had gotten into his circulatory system. Nobody had ever seen him that frustrated before. Hamtaro started laughing. "Andre, you're even more demented and even stupider than I thought. You go the whole nine yards to see someone else get hurt, and in the end you wind up hurting yourself!" The Hams were shocked. Hamtaro had certainly gotten his point across. Nobody knew what to do. For a while, it was silent. Then Andre spoke.
"You, monsieur feroce, should not be speaking. You are one of the most, no wait-the most disgusting, putrid, immature living thing I have ever had the terribly agonizing dissatisfaction to ever lay my eyes upon. And for all of your little friends, you are just as bad. You revolting creatures live in a dome of perfection and kindness, well you know what? That can't and won't get you anywhere in this world. And I do not have to stand here and take this garbage from this orange and white atrocity." And with wanting to make a dramatic exit, Andre started storming off, but do you remember the puddle he forgot to clean up??????????
Andre slipped.
Right on his gluteus maximus, Andre was just lying there, dumbfounded. He was sore all over, and he could feel the wetness of the water through his sweater. The kitchen erupted with laughter. Andre finally got up, and saw the wicked smiles on all of the Hams' faces, well except for Bijou.
"Don't give us that look, Andre. You just made fun of us, insulted us and humiliated us, and then stormed off. And no doubt you made that puddle of water, because it wasn't there when Hamtaro and I left the kitchen. All of us Hams were preparing the Parlor, and muzzer has been asleep all day." Verified a fuming Bijou "And you hurt the feelings of me and my fiancé worst. If I weren't from such a noble family, you could guarantee much more vulgar comments from my mouth!!!!"
Andre stared at the Hams for a second, dusted off his pants, and thought about what Bijou had just said. Then it happened. "I'll tell you who's your fiancé, Bijou. And I'll tell everybody else as well. That means..." he evilly grimaced at Boss and Stan....
"HEY JOSIE, WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT OUR LITTLE FIANCEES?"
That was the moment all the Hams could taste fear.
********************
R/R Chapter Thirteen will come soon. Wait til you see what's coming next.
Tootles,
Celestial Night