Author: gamegeek2
Category: Humour, Parody
Spoilers: PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP
Rating: PG13

Summary:- Meet Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape; the first American transfer student Hogwarts has ever seen! Join her with her adventures as she befriends the trio, becomes the love interest of Draco Malfoy, Seamus Finnigan, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore and many more!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended. Don't sue me; I haven't got enough money as it is.

A/N - Okay, if you didn't get the GA references, then here are the titles!

they dont know how it happened by hpcutie89 - Reference - 'unspoken thing'
Agony In Pink - Look in the God Awful Fanfiction (w w w . godawful . n e t /forums) 'Golden Oldies' thread. Reference - 'Aah, the agony I'd be in without pink!'
Monopoly, Anyone? - Fanfiction deleted. Search for 'Monopoly, Anyone?' at GA. Reference -/OMG, liek hes SOO sexee! & hes askin mi if i wanna sit in is LAP!!!11one!!1 dO THE HAPPY DANCE!! /

And to end  this author's note, let me just say a load of thanks to Almighty Shortest, Atresica and Naurin! Also, NO thanks to HaRry-oBssed for 'reviewing' my story because I tried to help you with your Mary-Sue. And, please take note of the 'Mary-Sue; A PARODY' title. Notice the word 'parody'?

I guess I'll shut up now. Please read and review!

Mary-Sue; A Parody
Chapter 2 -  The sorting, and the new DADA teacher: Darthy

The Hogwarts train slowed down to an abrupt halt. Celicia and Harry opened the compartment door to reveal the glaring face of Draco Malfoy who had never existed until now, even though he should have made a cutting remark at Harry somewhere on the train ride.

"Aah, Potty," he sneered. "And the W--" Draco's features softened slightly as he saw the beautiful, long pink-haired girl, with curves all in the right places. He looked her up and down, savouring the delicious features on her face; the shy smile, plastered on her full, red lips; her delicate, perfect nose, with afew freckles scattered across the top of it; her pink-tinted cheeks; and her eyes. Her silver-violet eyes that changed colour depending on her moods. Oh, how Draco loved those eyes!

"And the Wonderful, sexy girl!" he practically purred. "Please, do, tell me your name! My name is Draco Malfoy!" he greeted the Wonderful, sexy girl with a tip of his ha-- er, his new, shiny hat that his mum gave him as a leaving gift.

"Pleased to meet you, Draco!"she smiled beautificially at him. "My name is Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fu-"

"No, Celicia!" Harry screamed at her. "Don't think of saying anything to that snobby, upperclass Death-Eater prick!" Harry grabbed Celicia's shoulders, and dragged her away from Draco. "And you!" he turned around, and shouted to Draco. "You, stay away from my girlfriend!"

Draco watched Celicia as Harry led her away to the magnificent, old, beautiful castle which was called Hogwarts, even though they should've boarded the Thestral-driven carriage. For you see, Celicia had wandlessly transported them just outside of Hogwarts.

Damn that bastard!  he narrowed his eyes angrily. He ALWAYS gets what I want! Pissing, Potty-head, pig-faced prick! I swear, if it's the last thing I do on Earth, that I'll get Celicia for myself! I'll do anything to get her, even if it includes giving up my Death-Eater rank!  he contiued thinking, with a slight hint of foreshadowing.

With an incredibly heavy heart, Draco turned away from the transported forms of Harry and Celicia, and made his way silently, slowly, and angstly towards the school carriages.

Celicia looked dreamily up at the building which she was about to enter. It was magnificent! The grey, pulchritudinous walls were carved admirably, and with almighty excellence. The lake which surrounded the astonishing castle was a calming, turquoise blue, with streaks of delicate, silver moonlight reflecting upon it.

Harry smiled handsomely at her. "Shall I take you inside, Celicia?" he asked, offering his hand. "Celicia." he uttered softly, his tongue carressing her name, if it was ever possible for someones tongue to stroke a name.

"Yes, Harry," she whispered in the cool night air, taking his soft hand in her own. "But I need to go to McGoonagull straight away, and line up with the other first-years that should be arriving later." she spoke with an infinite amount of knowledge about Hogwarts, even though she was an American transfer-student, and shouldn't know these things. But, she was a Mary-S-- err, she was perfect.

"Oh yeah," Harry said sadly, "I forgot all about Macgunnagolll, and you having to line up with the first-years. I was hoping we could skip the beginning feast, and do some quick snogging up in the Astronomy Tower."

"Me too..." Celicia sighed. "But, I've got to go; the first-years are here now, with that buffoon, Haggard."

Harry's eyes flashed angrily for a moment, and then out-of-a-trance-like, but then his features returned to normal as Celicia spoke once more.

"Cya, for abit, Harry!" she said, her voice with a slight tent of an American accent.

"Bye, Celicia!" he called back to her, watching her flawless body run towards the entrance hall where mcgunagol and the First-Years were standing, boy's eyes ogling the beautiful, older girl that was effortlessly travelling towards them.

"Hello, Professor McGonaGal!" Celicia greeted the older Professor warmly. "You're probally wondering why such a perfect girl like me should come to this beautiful-yet-rubbish school like this!"

"No, I actually wasn't," Minerva narrowed her eyes at Celicia. "I was wondering why Ms. Full-Of-Herself was enrolling at an English school called Hogwarts, instead of staying at The Salem Witches Institute." she questioned.

"Oh, well, you know, I've got to, um, er, go on some transfer-student things, and, well, Salem Witches selected me, and, I got to transfer to Hogwarts."

"Right..." McMoogle said, not believing Celicia's story. "And who from Hogwarts is travelling to The Salem Witches Institute, then?"

"Ermm..." Celicia wracked her brain for a person she knew enrolled in Hogwarts. "N--Neil Shortass!" she shouted. "No, no, Nick Lungbum! Nope, not that...It's Nevillia Longbottom-chan! Darn, not that either...Stupid Japanese words...Um...I know! He's Neville Longbottom!" satisfied with her answer, she relaxed, and a smile played about her moonlit face.

"Neville Longbottom, you say? I wonder how such a clumsy boy is going to find his way about in America." mAcGONAGOL said to herself rather then Celicia, as she was now believing Mary's-- Celicia's utterly believable story.

"Well, go and line up with the First-Years then. I'm sure Dumbledore will allow you to be accepted straight into sixth year; you're extremely intelligent, so you don't have to take your O.W.L.s. Did you join C.R.A.P. last year, though?"

Celicia nodded; she remembered joining the Committee to Repudiate Abused Punctuation despite the wishes of her only two enemies; a brown-haired, hazel-eyed, short freak of a girl called gamegeek2, and a weirdo - an insane grammar and punctuation freak - called Cricket.

"Good, good." McTabby smiled at Celicia. "You're obviously very high in academic education. Now, please join the First-Years!"

Celicia obeyed McDonald's command and lined up behind a green-haired, cross-eyed midget, who is absolutely irrevelent to this story.

The First-Years then began entering the Great Hall. Just before Celicia could be seen by the occupents of the Great Hall, she looked around at her surroundings. Five long tables occupied the massive space inside the room, all with thousands of candles shining brightly above them, floating in the air. Four of those five tables were laid with glittering golden goblets and plates. The seats and tablecloths were decorated in magnificent colours; green, red, yellow, and blue, and she wondered what they signified. Or rather, she knew what the colours signified.

Hundereds of people sat in seats, looking extraordinarily bored. Until they saw her.

Boy's mouths opened, saliva escaping, rolling down their chins; their eyes were bulging from their sockets rather alarmingly. Girls scowled at the new girl, as they were obviously jealous of her looks, except for one girl in particular.

This girl, was Blaise Zabini. She recently had a sex-change for no apparent reason. Although, that reason could be that her father bullied her into having one, since she was mistaken a  hell of alot of times for being a girl.

Even though her appearence was now of a girls, she still secretly fancied girls, such as Pansy Parkinson, Cho Chang and Hermione Granger.

But now, she had a crush on one specific girl; Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape.

But, who cares about Blaise Zabini? Nobody.

So, after everyone in the Great-Hall stopped ogling and scowling at Celicia, macgunalge stepped into the Great Hall, even though she should've been there anyway.

In MaCfuwjle's hands, was a four legged stool, with a pointed wizards hat lying ontop of it. She silently and carefully laid the stool down upon the Great Hall's floor. All of the First-Years looked nervously at the torn, black hat. Suddenly, a rip opened near the brim of the hat, and the hat began to sing:

You may belong in Gryffindork,
Where the great and mighty dwell,
Or you could be in Dufflepuff,
Where the losers in there smell.

You could be in Slythering,
Where the cunning and daring reside,
Or perhaps in Ravingclaw,
Where most boffins have always lied.

And last, but not least, you could be in Gryfflerilaw,
Where only the best can go,
As you're loyal, strong, cunning, and intelligent,
You've got all of your powers to show!

So, unite together forever,
Until the end of time,
First, because it's for the plot-line,
And lastly, it's 'cos the author's lazy to rhyme.

Everyone in the Great-Hall burst into loud applause that moment, including the now smiling faces of the previously scared-to-death First-Years. Celicia was beaming, but also worried; would she go into Hufflepuff? That would be very bad for her reputation. She hoped that she would go into Gryfflerilaw; afterall, that was the best house out of the other four that the Sorting Hat named.

Celicia was shook out of her thoughts as McGoongle read out a name from the top of a piece of yellowing parchment.

Adolf, Hitler! she called. Hitler stepped up towards the Sorting Hat, spat on it, and kicked it off of the four-legged stool. He screamed something incorherrent whilst afew of the Hogwarts Staff members dragged him away.

Rolling her eyes, mackenzie continued on with the list of people. It went from Asswiper, Uran to Nobody, Irma. Then, Celicia was next, as you see, five letters of the alphabet mysteriously disappeared.

Snape, Celicia! McG0N/-G01 called, her voice reverbarating off of the walls of the enormous Great Hall.

Gasps were heard, when Celicia walked foward. She swayed her hips seductively, as she walked towards the frayed Sorting Hat. With grace, she sat down silently, whilst putting the Sorting Hat upon her head. It fit perfectly.

Aaah, the Sorting Hat thought to her, You're extremely powerful, cunning, loyal, and intelligent, so I'll just place you in Gryfflerilaw! because we all know that you're going to end up defeating Voldemort! The part in bold was directed towards the occupents of the Great Hall.

Everyone cheered. All of the teachers. All of the people at the Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff tables. They all applauded and screamed and whistled because Mary-Sue-- erm, Celicia was not only the traits of all of their houses combined; it was because, naturally, in a parody of a Mary-Sue (in this case, Celicia), everyone loves her!

Celicia grinned and curtsied, just before she sat at a table which she magically conjured. She wandlessly summoned two chairs - from somewhere - and sat down in one of them, whilst looking pointedly at Harry, and then to the chair. Harry walked down towards the two-seated table, robes billowing, and sat down in a comfortable, plush, pink chair. He gave Celicia a little peck on the cheek, and whispered to her, "I knew you'd get into Gryfflerilaw; you're so brilliant, and you definatly deserve it."

"Thanks," she smiled beatifically at him.
"You're welcome," he replied.
"Damn!" Harry cursed. "That blathering old fool, Dum-Dum-Bore is speaking again!"

"Blah, blah, blah, Filch now has a list of 8453 items which are currently banned from Hogwarts, blah, blah, blah, Forest is restricted , blah, blah, blah, Celicia, as you may have seen is a new transfer student, blah, blah, blah, Darth Vader is our new DADA teacher, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Blubbering Nitwits make Odd Tweaks.

Suddenly, a loud noise was then heard from outside the Great Hall door, which was then thrust abruptly open, to reveal the black armour clad body of Darth Vader.

"Anybody home?!" he shouted into the Great Hall. "Brilliant! I'm your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher! Anyone want some cookies?" he asked, lifting up a tray full with heart and bear-shaped chocolate chip cookies.

Celicia rolled her eyes. Darth Vader, she thought, as she remembered the movies of Star Wars (even though she shouldn't have electricity, she had designed a Wizard TV, which ran off of Eckeltricitree, the wizaring equivilent of electricity), has truly gone MENTAL.

I hope you liked this chapter! If you're wondering how many GAFF references there are this time, then there's three, again! But, this time, I'll explain one of them, and the C.R.A.P. acronym.

tent - In a badfic, there was a line which said, 'my eyes had a red tent in them'.

C.R.A.P. - On godawful. n e t , there is a group called C.R.A.P. -- the Comitee to Rescue Abused Punctuation. The founder is called Cricket, and I'm a proud member (my name is gamegeek2 on the boards)! :D

Please, remember to read & review!