GCN-anime-dragon: Yo.

Kagura: Yo yourself.

GCN: Wait. What? What the hell are you doing here? This is a Rurouni Kenshin fic. Shoo! Shoo! Git!

Kagura: Whatever.

GCN: :::sigh::: ANYway, I'm back! Finally, I know it's been far too long. I deserve to be shot. Or stoned. With ROCKS, mind you. Anyway, I'll cut down on the chatter and just update already. Sheesh. I could blame the delay on me watching too much anime. That would be my prime excuse. A friend loaned me "Gad Guard" and I was WAY too amused for my own good. That and my recent obsession with Gundam SEED…I proclaim my love for Yzak! :::Smacks Self Really, Really Hard::: Eeeee! MINE!

:Author is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by:

WARPED REALITY: CHAPTER 9

"That...noise...that...noise..." Kenshin grabbed at his head, felling overwhelmed by the aura of the machine as it worked. This action upset his balance, and he started to fall.

The blade of the Sakabatou slipped on the smooth, blood-slicked floor. Kenshin fell back hard, cracking his head on the floor. Too weak and struck to do much of anything, Kenshin felt himself sinking inward, into himself. He became vaguely aware of many hands grasping at him, shaking him, but only could speak one word.

"Kaoru..."

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"Kenshin! Hey! Kenshin!" Yahiko grabbed the small rurouni by the arm, gently shaking him. Had Kenshin just passed out?

Sanosuke had a hold of Kenshin's shoulders. He looked none too happy. "It looks as though he finally snapped out of it. Damn it I didn't think he was actually gonna do it." He set Kenshin back down on the ground gently. "Now what?"

"I don't know? Can we carry him?" Kaoru/Megumi wondered.

Aoshi/Misao kneeled down, in the next motion scooping up Kenshin and throwing him over his/her shoulder. "Seems like it. Damn! He doesn't weigh anything at all!"

"The chibi-chan couldn't weigh that much anyway." Misao/Aoshi muttered, crossing her/his arms and looking down the tunnel. "The mission still stands. Kaoru needs us, and we've wasted too much time with this chicken shit anyway." He nodded toward Soujirou.

"What will we do with him anyway?" Sano asked, standing up.

Yahiko and Kaoru/Megumi walked over to were the Tenken still lay sprawled across the ice. His eyes were still open wide with pain and he was panting fiercely. With a high-pitched grown and cough of blood, he rolled over and was able to clutch his sword.

"Stay…stay back. Stay away from me!" Without any strength at all, Soujirou swung his sword around. Yahiko and Megumi stopped in their tracks. Didn't the Tenken WANT their help? They were not monsters after all, Yahiko was too caring for his own good and Megumi was a doctor. Maybe they could undo some of the damage that Kenshin had done.

"You…don't worry about me. You have to…stop him."

"We know. But stop trying to act all tough, young man. I can help you stop the bleeding at least. Maybe you would have enough life left to do something with it. Get out of this hellhole for example. Really be free." As usual, Megumi was blunt. But unlike normally, she was right on the dot. Without realizing it, she had struck a cord within the Tenken.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Takani Megumi. The real one you were hired to capture. I hope you understand the seriousness of all this. We need to find Kaoru. And we need to find a way to get our bodies back to normal."

"And hopefully no waiting on that last part," Misao/Aoshi added.

Soujirou looked at each of them in turn with wonder. "Are all of you? Are all of you switches, glitches by the machine?"

"Not all of us." Sanosuke got up into his face. "Just the kitsune and Ice Boy here, and the girl. Also Kaoru, the one we're looking for ended up as the Kitsune." Soujirou looked around again, confused by Sano's odd way of wording things. "But more importantly, what's a glitch?"

A shoe hit him in the head, from Misao/Aoshi's direction. "How is THAT more important?!" 'she' squeaked.

"The machine…" Soujirou began.

"Is it a disturbance? Because that's what Kenshin sensed, and whatever Kenshin senses is always important, so that must be the source of the switches, ne?" Yahiko blurted out in a rush, not pausing to see if he was making any sense at all.

Soujirou replied, "Hai…the disturbance…is the source."

"We need to hurry!" Yahiko declared, taking off down the tunnel.

"Oi, chibi, wait up!" Sanosuke caught him by the back of his shirt. "We are in a hurry. But there is one thing that's been bugging the shit outta me since this whole thing started."

"What's that, Sano?" Aoshi/Misao asked. She adjusted Kenshin…he was making 'her' arm fall asleep.

"How is it frickin' possible?! People don't just switch bodies! It's impossible, physically impossible." Sanosuke kicked at the floor in frustration.

"I would have said the same thing too, years ago…" Soujirou attempted to sit up, was wracked with a fist of pain, and decided it was best to lie back down. "But then I saw it happen. Gold appear from rocks, or from air! People being transported with no meaning. The very chemical makeup of the atmosphere is…changing. How did you think that Kanryu was able to re-obtain his wealth?"

"He…" Kaoru/Megumi searched for the words.

"He created it," Soujirou stated, spitting out blood. "With that machine…with alchemy."

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GCN: Ahhh! Okay, Okay! I get it! Don't kill me! Honestly, I had this all thought out BEFORE I saw Fullmetal Alchemist. (Speaking of which, that's on tonight. Too bad me no have cable.) I'll admit, the word "alchemy" wasn't in my vocabulary, but the basic jest of Kanryu changing rocks and people into gold and power WAS the idea. So don't get odd on me…especially you, Sano99, or if you ever actually read this, Kenshin's Chick. Reading on….:::slaps self::: For those of you who haven't had the joy of watching Fullmetal and might not know what alchemy is: it's just the basis of a science used in transforming one object into another. There are all these laws and principals and other crap, but Kanryu is ignoring those laws anyway, so I'll leave it at that!)

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The weary band continued further into the tunnel. Kenshin muttered a few random syllables in his slumber, but never fully regained consciousness. He was juggled awkwardly between Sano and Aoshi/Misao, his bloody sakabatou still held in a death grip in his little hand. Yahiko marched up front, with Kaoru/Megumi and a pissed-off looking Misao/Aoshi in the back.

The ice on the walls began to shrink as the temperature rose, the walls beginning to show their stone skin. The floor seized to be a bumpy, gravel-ridden source and became smooth and polished, with tile patters so elaborate and beautiful, Sanosuke was sure they couldn't have been made with human hands.

And so in this manner, they pushed further in…

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Megumi/Kaoru remained motionless on the floor, her hair a wild mess and her clothing soiled with grit and blood. Kanryu towered over her, breathing heavily. Once he was sure that the girl was indeed either dead or unconscious, he pushed up his rectangular glasses.

"Well, that's certainly one thing out of the way." He hissed, turning back towards his machine. He chuckled, rubbing his hands together maliciously. "Now then, my precious, what riches do this one need next? Gold? Silver? All the wealth of every Western land?"

The machine hummed thoughtfully, beeping in its own possessed manner. "I could have it all!"

The psychotic crime lord was too busying rolling in his greed that he didn't notice that a group of newcomers had flooded into the opening of his room. They continued to remain an illusive presence until the 'shink!' of unsheathing swords alerted him.

"Ho ho ho, what's this?" he mused.

Kenshin's eyes were fluttering, but he didn't register the situation. Sano set him down, as Aoshi/Misao toyed dangerously with Aoshi's twin kodachi. 'Oh the havoc I could wreck,' she chuckled to herself.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing! Those aren't toys, y'know!" Misao/Aoshi interjected squeakily. He missed his swords…he didn't have any clue how to work with the knives and disks that Misao used as her shinobi weapons.

"What? I can use these! Just watch me!" Aoshi/Misao scoffed, pretending hurt. Sano grunted and looked at Kanryu, his fists ready for the using.

Unable to let the argument settle at that, Misao/Aoshi prodded, "So, what's your plan to use them for?"

Laughing manically, Misao chuckled, "Cut off his widdle head…" Aoshi just groaned, deciding to ignore her and pay the much-needed attention to their enemy.

Yahiko, subtle as always, rushed in front of the others, holing both of his fists up in a threatening matter, shouting, "Alright you scumbag, we're here for Kaoru, and your evil scheme ends here." (The others all sighed exasperatedly.)

"Ada? You think so? We'll just see about that, little child." Kanryu brushed his hand up against the machine.

Before Yahiko could interject with a shout of "Don't call me little!!" The machine washed the room with an unearthly red light; buzzing and frantically whirring it's gears. From the panel on the front, where Kanryu's hands had touched it, to probes began to stick out.

The probes lept from the machine into Kanryu's waiting hands. To the disbelief and awe of the others, they had become to gleaming halberds right in front of their eyes. Kanryu held them out in front of himself, pausing only a moment before slashing Yahiko (who was stupidly the closed) right across the chest.

"Yahiko!" a chorus of voices cried.

"Ah!" the boy squeaked before he hit the ground hard beside Megumi/Kaoru. The blades were real! That evil bastard had created real weapons in less then a second. What other deadly secrets did that monstrous machine hold? As the boy whirled around frantically, facing his enemy, as another thought passed through his mind: He must protect Kaoru…if she was even still alive….

"Daijoka, Yahiko?!" Kaoru/Megumi hollered over the ensuing insanity. Tran: "Are you ok?"

"You're gonna pay, you ass!" Sanosuke charged forward, drawing back his fists for a major two-on-one punch. Kanryu smirked, raising the halberds to guard himself. Misao/Aoshi came out of nowhere, flipping over the psycho bad guy to attack him from behind.

"Give me back my body!" the little ninja was surprised indeed when Kanryu took his other weapon and slashed at him. The golden blade missed by barely an inch. Since when did the crime lord have such skill? It wasn't possible! Could it be another gift from the cursed machine??

Aoshi/Misao ran forward, taking advantage of Kanryu's distracted state. The kodachi held forward, 'he' charged strait for the bastard's belly.

Sure that she had succeeded, Misao began doing a mental happy dance. Yet… it was sadly short lived. A breath before the blade would skewer him, Kanryu jerked his halberd to the left, throwing an off-balance Sano into his friend.

"HO HO HO HO!!" More evil laughter. What the hell was up with this?!?! Less than a minute into the fight, and already everyone's first attacks had been parried or otherwise rendered useless. What were they going to do…?

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GCN: Two things to know: 1.) Yes, everyone did seem more crazy than usual, I give it that. It was one of those days! 2.) A halberd is like that thing Seung Mina uses in Soul Calibur II, specifically the Cousk (sp?), the one with red handle and gold tip, with the ability to guard-break. There was a bunch of useless info, I know.

That's that. GEEZ it was a LONG time before I updated, and this was a little short, and hai, I do deserve your annoyance. Throw candy at me. It's harder than vegetables and tastes so much better. Though, I do love my veggies. Like cooked carrots and peas and broccoli and beans and corn and …

ACK!

I'll stop these Author's notes before I loose my mind! (Would it help you to know that I'm sitting here wearinga headband and big poofy kimono looking shirt, having had nothing to eat today but Reese's Swoops, Mt. Dew and Tomato soup? Probably not.)

I'll be seein' you on the other side! Ja ne!

--- GCN-anime-dragon