She hesitated. God knows how many times she walked back to her room before finally going out; how many times she fought to finally say the name of the hospital to the cab driver who almost kicked her out; and just how many times she almost touched the knob before finally letting herself in.
Here in Haruka's room.
She didn't even know why she came. She planned to go away, to find a place to settle in a land away from so many beautiful memories and a painful one that later she knows, she'll not regret.
But here she is anyway. She was on her way out to finally go when Darien came to tell her what happened--that Haruka attacked a youma without her senshi form, that both he and Serena are in a bad shape and has to be sent to the hospital. She decided to see him, thinking that this must be the right time to say goodbye.
She expected a quiet conversation. She just have to say a few 'how are you doing's and 'take care's, maybe, then say goodbye and then turn away. She expected the pain that would follow Haruka's words, professing his love for Serena and telling her that he's sorry. Since the beginning, she knew she wouldn't stand a chance against Serena in Haruka's heart. Hadn't Haruka changed for her? Changed what he was and even sacrificed his senshi form? She guessed Haruka wouldn't do that for her. Not in this lifetime. She's going away but God knows, oh God really knows how she loves him--then and now.
She absently drew a hand to the very slight bump on her belly as if gathering courage from the living child inside.
She walked to Haruka's bed. The room is divided into two, the other is for receiving visitors and the other, the patient's room. The curtains were all closed and there's not a single flower nor fruit on the table. Finally coming to Haruka's room, she didn't expect to find Haruka looking distressed, his arms spread out on either side, sheets roughly rumpled, hair disheveled, cheeks wet with tears and eyes sore and blank, staring straight on the white ceiling above.
"Oh God, Haruka! What happened to you?" she ran to his side, almost panicked at the sight of Haruka. She never saw him like this before: completely vulnerable. She was about to call the nurse when a hand held her arm tightly.
"Michiru..." his eyes are dark and bore deeply in hers, "Stay..."
There was pity. But more, Michiru ached for the pain thatbher love feels. 'Her love'... she almost laughed bitterly at the thought. No... that was over but despite of that, she held Haruka's hand tightly, as if telling him to hold on. 'Hold on, I'm here...'
"Why?" Haruka's eyes didn't leave her. Cold, hard, yet pleading for the answer to his question.
"What is it?"
"Why did you love me?"
"I don't know. I just d--" 'do. I still do, Haruka. I still do,' She desperately wanted to say. Not because of the baby but she really does. Even after when she saw that Haruka slowly drifted away; when she learned, she felt that Haruka has become Serena's. She cried. She was in pain. But she let go. Michiru knew that she couldn't hold her back then. When Haruka became a man, she knew it wasn't for her. She knew. And she wished she didn't. "I just did, Haruka. That's what I felt. I loved you for everything that you are, for who you are... and for what we were."
"Yes, you did," tears came, eyes pained as if dreading to hear what was just said. "Why? Why did I change? You loved me Michiru. I loved you too. But why? What happened?"
'What happened?' it echoed in Michiru's ears. She wanted so much to ask, 'What happened? Was my love not enought? Was I not enough?'
She wanted to break down. Tears are impending to fall. But she swallowed them in. Her chest hurt with the effort, but she tried. Haruka had been strong for her and she will try to be now. For him.
"I don't know Haruka. I guess..." she breathed, pushed away the lump in her throat, "I guess love just left us."
Haruka didn't speak--looked away, looked at the closed windows wishing the wind to blow away his feelings. He wanted to ask more. More questions, more why's. But he knew, Michiru couldn't answer them all. She knows it's hard for Michiru. It shamed him to let her see him like this--weak. But then, Michiru always knew him... and "her"; saw all "her" weaknesses, "her" shame, "her" pride. She saw and knew them all. The "she" held on to her. They never had huge problems except for petty fights which usully ends up smoothly, sweetly, romantically. They had fun raising Hotaru, who's now in Setsuna's care, and he deeply misses how the baby called "her" Haruka-papa, now that he remembers it. Had he forgotten how their music blended perfectly as they were perfectly together?
Yes, he's like to admit. Maybe Michiru is right. Perhaps love just left them. Left him empty and asking for more. Could it be that he was bored from such perfection of togetherness? Maybe. He liked adventure, risks... and look at where he ended up? At the hospital bed with a broken leg and a broken heart.
A broken Haruka.
A glow of green light surrounded Michiru like aura. Haruka looked up, saw Michiru's calm face, her eyes closed. 'What's happening? What is she doing?' he began to wonder. He sat up and watched as the aura gather onto Michiru's hands which touches Haruka's broken left leg. "Michiru what--" He felt the warmth. Haruka felt the soothing warmth that slowly healed the painful numbness of his leg. And the warmth somehow soothes his spirit. It was like embracing calmness.
He looked at Michiru and almost panicked when he saw beads of sweat on her forehead. "Michiru, stop!" She did and he could sense her shallow breathing. "Are you okay?" he touched her face, "You shouldn't have done that. I thought..." he moved his broken leg and found it completely healed, "I thought only Hotaru could do something like that."
"I'm surprised too," Mihiru said and with a half laugh said, "I guess it's my way of saying goodbye." There, she said it.
That caught Haruka off guard, "What? What goodbye? Are you leaving?"
"Yes. I think it would be better for all of us."
"Better? What about the baby?" he suddenly remembered it and wondered if what Michiru did earlier can hurt the baby.
Michiru sighed,"I will take care of the baby. Don't worry."
"Are you going to deny me my child?" Quickly, he felt his strength coming back as a surge of anger filled him. Is that what Michiru's trying to do?
"No." Michiru quickly answered. She hadn't thought that Haruka would have such idea. "But I can't be around while you and Serena..." she didn't want to go back and think about it, "It would be more convenient if I'm not around to remind you of such obligation."
Haruka doesn't know what to say. This is getting more complicated. Serena will constantly think of his infidelity while Michiru's around. Will she allow them to get back together in the first place? And Michiru? What of her? Haruka... he wanted to take care of her and the baby. He suddenly had a strange inkling to be there for her when the baby's born. He will be a father and he also wanted to be there for the child. But he loves Serena and he couldn't leave her. What will he do? What should he do? Haruka cannot afford to lose either of them.
Michiru was surprised when Haruka suddenly stood up and started collecting his clothes from the nearby chair. There was anger in his eyes. She stood up too, preparing to receive what Haruka has to say. But she was dumbfounded when Haruka faced her, his voice hard as stone. "Stay, Michiru. Let me think about it. Just stay and we'll talk about it later." With that, he stormed out of the hospital room.