I've had these chapters written for awhile. I apologize for not posting them! Thank you all for your reviews!!!
Part 13
Willow felt the sand beneath her feet. It was hot, almost to the point of burning. She was wandering, searching for something. Searching for something that she knew she wanted so badly. She paused, looking around her. All she could see were miles and miles of burning hot sand, and she knew that if she stayed there, stayed in that spot, she would be safe, but if she went on and continued her search... She could lose everything.
She took a deep breath and began to walk across the desert, feelings of confusion, worry, and regret running through her mind. She came to an oasis, knowing that they were supposed to be there. They were supposed to have been there. But she was all alone, standing at the edge of a huge lake. She looked down into the pool, and she knew that it was bottomless.
"She's right there."
Willow glanced up from the water and saw Buffy coming towards her.
"Buffy..." she cried desperately, "I didn't know, I mean, I didn't mean to do it, please help me Buffy."
Buffy's face was set in a grimace and she snorted, "you lost your chance long ago Willow Rosenberg," and then she took a tiny step forward.
Willow could feel herself falling before she hit the water. It was icy even though it was surrounded by so much sun. She knew that this was it. That she was lost. Had lost her chance. This was it.
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Tara sat on the end of her girlfriend's bed watching her toss fitfully in her sleep. "Oh sweetie..." she said quietly to herself "sweetie."
She felt herself frowning; her pain and sorrow had slowly turned into anger and disgust. She had no idea exactly what Sheila had said or done to upset Willow this way, but she did know that whatever it was must have been absolutely horrible, and had a huge affect on her.
What sort of mother doesn't notice when their daughter is hurting? What sort of mother lets their daughter suffer alone, and they themselves remain happy and smiling? And how could someone as wonderful and amazing as Willow have such a heartless person for a mother?
The rain was coming down outside and Tara knew that it was getting late, but she couldn't bring herself to wake the redhead.
She ran her hands gently through Willow's hair, studying the pained expression on her face.
Tara stood up quickly when she saw her wince in her sleep. She couldn't bear to see her in this much pain. 'I have to make it better. I have to stop this'. Tara walked over to the door and reached out for the knob. 'I have to stop this'.
"Wha...Tara?" Willow asked, opening her eyes. "Tara!?" she called out louder when she couldn't find her.
"I'm here sweetie!" Tara ran back across the room and sat down next to her. "I'm here."
"I thought you'd gone." Willow said mournfully.
"No, I'm here sweetie, I'll never leave you." Tara said.
They sat in silence, Tara catching glimpses of despair and pain in Willow's eyes.
Finally, she spoke, "Will?"
Willow looked up slowly.
"Are you...do you wanna tell me what happened?" Tara asked, crawling closer to her on the bed.
Willow looked across at Tara and opened her arms, welcoming the embrace. "Why does life get so hard Tare?" she asked, letting the question hang in the air.
Tara held her, desperately wanting to have the answers, but knowing, at the same time, that she had none to give. "I...I don't know Will..." she said softly "I wish I did...but I don't."
Willow nodded, resting her head against the blonde's shoulder. "Everything was so wonderful Tare... we were gonna tell them and we would have been free... we would have been able to be together anywhere...school, home, the mall, you name it."
Tara listened to Willow, her heart aching more with every word, 'we were gonna...we would have, but not now?'
Willow took a deep breath and continued, head bowed "I don't know Tare... maybe I was just being too optimistic... there is nothing I want more than to be with you" she looked up at Tara, "But... not having Xander and Buffy...and having people glare at us and hate us just because we love each other...I hadn't counted on that Tare... and I know what I want to do, I know that I want you...but.. Tare..." she said, her voice cracking, "I'm so confused now...I'm just so confused."
Tara held Willow tightly, letting her cry. 'I was so selfish to want her to do this...god! Why was I so selfish!? I won't let her ruin her life like this. I'm not worth it...', she could feel the redhead shaking in her arms, 'that's it Miss Maclay, you need to get up and walk away before you cause any more damage to this girls life'.
When Willow's tears slowed, Tara leaned over and kissed her head. She took a deep breath and spoke, "It's late sweetie and I should go...my dad...he's probably worried sick," she said, giving her a small smile, 'she doesn't need me around right now, I'm only making it harder for her to decide to leave me,' "so I really should go cause I didn't tell him where I was going and he's probably at home, dinner waiting and everything, wondering where on earth I am." She rushed her words, standing up slowly and edging her way towards the door.
Willow looked up at Tara and nodded, "I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked, barely above a whisper.
"Of course you will." Tara said, a grin plastered on her face, 'this is cause I love her... she doesn't need me around...I just mess things up...but god do I love her.' She walked over to the door, "Never forget that I love you Will... you know that... right?"
Willow nodded, "bye Tare... tomorrow...I'll see you tomorrow."
Tara nodded and smiled, walking out of the room and down the stairs, increasing her pace as she went.
'This is for Willow, I can't let her make this sacrifice for me...I am not, have never been, and will never be worthy of such a sacrifice... no... I have to pretend I am happy and don't care...I have to be strong...for Willow..strong.'
"I can do this." She said softly but forcefully, as she reached the front door. She could hear the rain coming down outside. She knew she was going to get wet but she just didn't care. "I can do this," she whispered, as she walked down the path away from Willow's house.
It was pouring and Tara was soaked before she reached the sidewalk. "I can do this." she said, walking down the street in the direction of her home. "No!" she said, finally breaking down and sobbing, leaning against a tree, "I really can't do this." Her tears mixed with the rain as she cried, making it almost impossible to tell one from the other, "God, I can't do this."
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Willow sat on her bed, numbed, the past few minutes playing over and over in her head. 'I just let the only person I could ever love, walk away... I just let her walk away... I can't let her...I need... I didn't say I loved her.' Willow thought, standing up and pacing the room, "I didn't say I loved her... I need to tell her...now."
Willow ran down the stairs in a desperate attempt to make up some of the time she had wasted. She ran past the door to the living room and saw her parents in there. Her dad, Ira, reading the newspaper and Sheila appeared to be working on a fundraiser for one of her noble causes. They didn't even notice as the red-eyed Willow zoomed past the door.
'I'm gonna find her and I'm gonna tell her I love her.. cause I love her more than anything and being with her matters more to me then.. it matters more to me then.. anything.. my parents and Buffy and Xander included.. being with her makes my world right and I don't care what they think now. If they don't love me for who I am then how can they love me at all!?'
Willow stopped in front of the door, a small look of determination on her face, "I love you too baby.. and I'll prove it."
Willow walked to the entrance to the living room. Her parents continued with their individual activities. She coughed to get their attention. Her dad glanced up briefly then looked back at his paper. Her mom, completely oblivious to everything, didn't even blink at the sound.
The redhead's heart was beating so hard in her chest, she thought it might break it. She sighed shuffling her feet, then turned and walked, slowly, out of the living room.
"Mom... Dad..." she said, stopping completely in her tracks and turning around to face them. She took a deep breath and continued. "There is something I want to tell you."