Disclaimer: The concept of Ranma 1/2 and Naruto belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, and Masashi Kishimoto. This is a product of pure amusement values, with no profits made.
"Ran." Sandaime gestured, and Ranma stepped closer to the desk.
"Hokage-sama?" Polite.
"My name will fine, Ran." Sarutobi said, giving him a kind smile as he set the sheaf of paper down on the desk.
Cologne cackled, almost grandmotherly, "Son-in-Law, coming for help again?"
"Sarutobi-san." He smiled, nervous. "I understand this is sudden... and err... regulations..."
"No, no." Kind eyes crinkled, and Ranma swallowed the stab of familiarity, grateful when the Hokage looked down, gesturing to the form he had filled out. "Retirement from the ANBU... quite reasonable, given your situations..."
"Ah... well..." Heat rose to his cheeks. "About the err... property damage, that is... see... there's a..."
Sarutobi chuckled, biting into his pipe in mirth. "Don't be so nervous, Ran. Just between you and I... good work."
"Ah..."
"I'm still taking it out of your pay. The Hyuuga Clan isn't very happy with half of their residences torn away, though I must say, they are recuperating quite well with time." The older man picked up a pen, tapping against the paper, specifically, at the few blanks left in the form. "Any thoughts on a new job? Though I suppose you'd want a break for the big day coming up, eh?"
Ranma tugged at his pigtail, resisting the urge to wince. "Well... I was hoping..."
"Mommy?"
The feline mask snapped up to the little girl, peeking from the door. She was dressed in pink pajamas, her tiny hands clutching a teddy bear half her size protectively. Wide eyes, innocent eyes stared at him, then at the mess of red on the floor. "Where's my mommy?"
"... to teach some stuff at the Academy."
Scribble. Relief with the lack of inquiry.
"Good, good. We can work out the details later." Sarutobi gave him another smile, "Although, this...."
"What about it?"
"I don't suppose you'd take Jusenkyou as a family name... no? Well... we can't have you nameless, Ran. You'll be building a family, and a clan."
"Sarutobi-san... I... I..." Conflict.
I will only bring death to the Saotome name.
"You came from the Water Country, right?"
"Ah... yes?" Taken back.
"Mmm..." Sarutobi nodded, looking down at the paper, "Reasonable, given your rather... close affinity with water."
He stared down, down, down, the vast blue coming closer, closer, closer. No... he was the one who was closing the distance between them, the wind screaming in his ears as his body whizzed through the air.
He took a deep breath. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
SPLASH.
"Here."
Ranma blinked as the form was sudden thrust in his face, then blinked again at the sight of Sarutobi's hand-writing. "Eh..."
"Objections, Ran?"
"No... It's fitting." Ranma smiled, brushing a finger over the words, silently testing the name against his tongue...
"Well then." Sarutobi nodded at him, chewing on the pipe, "Welcome to the Hidden Leaf Village, Special Jounin Instructor..."
Umino Ran.
-------
"Ow!" Ranma objected loudly, "Stop poking me there... hey! Leave my pigtail alone, you crazy girl!"
Wap.
Tsunade huffed, and pulled at the braid. "If you'd stop trying to RUN AWAY! Jiraiya!"
A hand descended on his arm, tugging him down.
Hmm... to break, or not to break... Ranma scowled, conjuring six different ways of snapping various ligaments on his white-haired friend's appendage, and sighed, allowing himself to be forced back into his seat. "Tsu-chan, I appreciate this, really, I am. But I don't think..."
"Oh shush!" Golden-brown eyes curved happily as she continued to fiddle with the camera in her hands. "It's a celebration, Ranchan. Now sit still."
"But I don't wanna." He retorted sulkily.
"Hush." Tsunade retorted, "'Sides, you need a picture for your profile, and this'll be perfect after some adjustments."
Jiraiya grinned at him, half-crouched to his right, and rested his elbow on Ranma's shoulder. "Congratulations, Ran, you're an official member of the Hidden Leaf Village. Say... let's celebrate later at the bath house, eh?"
"Not happening, Jai." He shot his lecherous friend a withering look, "There's no way in hell that I'm helping you peep on the girl's side."
"Come on, Ran!" Jiraiya lowered his voice to a whisper after a fugitive glance at Tsunade. "It's not like you're gonna see something you haven't saw before, heck with that bod of yours..." He paused to wipe the trail of drool that threatened to descend from his mouth, "You're starting to worry me, Ran! Any hot-blooded male would jump at the chance to see some lovely female flesh..." He paused again, a dreamy look entering his eyes before he forcefully shook his head, "I'm thinking that blood-line of you is affecting ya... A real man wouldn't pass up this chance... Aren't you manly enough?" (1)
Nodoka gave him a cheerful smile that chilled him to the bone. "My son! Why don't you take a peek at the bathroom while Akane's taking a bath, it's what a real manly man would do!"
Ranma twitched. "No. Way. In. Hell. 'Sides... what would you know about being a man, Frog-Child." (2)
Jiraiya grinned, completely unabashed. "Spoilsport... ow! Bitch! Ow! Watch the hair!"
Tsunade gave the messy white locks another hard tug before settling behind Ranma, wrapping her arms around his neck loosely, and dug her chin into the top of his head. "You deserve it, pervert. Orochimaru, get over here!"
A shadow detached itself from the wall silently. Blue eyes caught a gleam of gold before Ranma wrenched his face away, eyes pinned to the reflecting lenses of the camera, sitting innocently on the battered table.
The familiar scent of fresh pine, mixed with wet moss and the leathery tang of reptilian musk settled to his left, strands of raven mingling with his own.
Silent. Waiting. Hoping.
"Smile..." Tsunade murmured above him.
Ranma twitched.
FLASH.
"There!" Slim hands reached over his head, plucking the camera from the table before settling down on the adjacent seat. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
He breathed a soft sigh as he was suddenly free, Jiraiya plopping down across the table, and Orochimaru next to the white-haired shinobi, though with infinite more grace.
Now or never...
"Oh." Ranma cleared his throat. "By the way."
Three pairs of eyes stared back at him.
"I'm getting married." Ranma declared quietly, blue eyes shifting down to the table.
Tsunade squawked, followed by a strangled noise as Jiraiya choked on his sake. Orochimaru's shoulders stiffened for a fraction of a second beside him, then deliberately relaxed. He could feel the piercing gaze of those serpentine gold eyes.
He kept his eyes pinned to the tabletop.
"Who!? When!? Why!?" He winced as Tsunade leaned over the table, knocking over her bottle of sake, and shrieked into his ears. Jiraiya was still coughing, though Orochimaru was being nice for once, and had began to thump the white-haired man's back.
"A Chuunin girl, Tsu-chan, I told you about her..."
"What!" Ranma winced at the raised volume, and suddenly, he was grabbed by the front of his shirt, and dragged off of the chair as she continued to scream into his face. "She's 17! And you've only met with her a few times! Are you insane?!"
Ranma scowled back before turning his face away, his lips pressed together tightly.
Tsunade's hands twitched around his collar, then released him, and he straightened the front of his shirt before he replied, blue eyes silently counting the numbers of scuff marks on the table. "I asked. She said yes. Wedding's... tomorrow."
Tsunade was twitching, her lean frame shaking into a fine frenzy, and stilled. "I take it back. You're both insane..." She muttered quietly, slumping back in her seat.
"Why?" Orochimaru's voice was as calm and collected as ever. "It's rash. Unlike you, Umino."
Blue eyes locked into serpentine gold.
"Because I want to." Ranma smiled slightly. "Although, I suppose you would never do anything rash, would you, Ochi'?"
Forgiveness.
Twitch. Jiraiya snickered, and Tsunade covered her mouth with both hands.
A moment of deliberate silence.
Relief, and...
"Ochi'?" The word was hissed with unspoken death threats menacing underneath.
Ranma grinned, "Why not? It suits you."
"No. It does not." Orochimaru glared back.
"Oh..." Blue eyes laughed silently, "I'm sorry, Maru-kun!"
Jiraiya roared, and almost fell off of his chair. Tsunade's shoulders shook madly.
A vein popped on the pale shinobi's forehead, half-hidden under the curtain of raven hair.
"No like?" Ranma gave shinobi another big grin. "How about Maru-chan... Gak! Watch where you're throwing those!"
Orochimaru simply replied with another dozen shuriken.
-------
"Anou..."
Tsunade looked up from her desk, blinking in confusion before the recognition sank through, and gave the Chuunin girl a reassuring smile. "Yes?"
"Anou..." The dark-haired teen fidgeted, brown eyes darting back and forth across the room, "Tsunade-sama..."
The chair scraped against the floor loudly as she stood up, leaning over the desk with a large grin on her face. "Nonsense, dear, just call me Tsu-chan!"
"Anou... that won't be proper, Tsunade-sama..." She blushed, and looked down.
"Why not?" Golden-brown eyes curved into a cheery smile, "Ran does it, and since you two are..." She raised a fisted hand, pinky wiggling in the air, "Mmm?"
The blush intensified, "It's... it's... well... umm... like... well... see... umm... Tsunade-sam..."
"Uh-uh!"
Meekly. "Tsu-chan."
"That's a sweetheart." Another knowing grin. "I can see why Ran was so taken with you..."
"Anou... Tsuna... Tsu-chan, could I... ask you something? It's about Ran..."
Gasp. "Don't tell me! Did you two forget to use protection?!" Golden-brown examined her with sudden intensity, hiding their laughing gleam.
"No! It's... No! Not... not like that!"
Laughter. "Just playing with you, dear... now tell your darling Tsunade-oneesan what's bothering you... I mean, shouldn't you be preparing for the grand day?"
Shuffling. "It's nothing, really... Just that..."
"Mmm?"
"It's all so surreal, that he would... would ask me to marry him... Tsuna... Tsu-chan." Chocolate brown eyes looked down. "I'm so confused. Sometimes he watches me, and it's like he's seeing someone else through me..."
-------
He shivered as cool fingers trailed down from his neck, smooth and gentle against his skin.
Tha-dump. Tha-dump. Tha-dump...
"There is an one-in-ten chance to survive this. Probably less, considering how disorganized your Chakra is." Familiar presence murmured behind him, brushing the pigtail away to expose his throat.
Silence.
"Do you trust me?"
Ranma closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of rain and leathery tang. "Always."
Lips brushed against the nape of his neck in a mockery of tenderness, seconds before the twin needles of pain stabbed deep into the bone. He gasped, once, his body seizing up, every fiber of his muscle clenching in pain as the mark on his back responded with its own burst of spreading agony.
Tha-dumptha-dumptha-dumptha-dumptha-dumptha-dumptha-dumptha-dump. Tha...dump. Tha... dump...
Tha-dump.
-------
TIMELINE – Year Six, late July.
(1) Another scene that was written by Lizzie, and modified into this fic with her consent, hooray for 'teh Lizzie'!
(2) Anyone else beside me realize that the kanji Jiraiya used in describing himself is reserved for pre-puberty kiddies? Meaning they're virginal?
Ah well... the mystery of 'Umino' has been revealed, in more ways than one, eh? Some more stuff happens, as times goes on... Ain't all just so grand?
Lizzie? Random burst of plotline inspiration attacked! Think you could drop me a line on YIM sometime soon? Pretty please? Yeah, I know you're super busy, but this won't take long... I think. Thanks!