Disclaimer: The concept of Ranma 1/2 and Naruto belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, and Masashi Kishimoto. This is a product of pure amusement values, with no profits made.
He opened the door on the second knock, and received a bucket of cold water in his face.
"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Red-marked face was suddenly inches from her own, with Jiraiya's grin looking ever sunny and clueless before engulfing her in a hug which borderlined on groping. "How's the married life?!"
"Jai." Ranma twitched as she was released after a long moment, but opened the door further for the white-haired shinobi to bounce in, muttering over her shoulder. "You'll never change no matter how much I beat it into ya..."
"Ran." Warm liquid poured down his head, drenching her hair and back, and she shivered as the tingle danced once more along her skin. A light peck on his cheek, and he blushed slightly. Tsunade giggled, tossing the glass to him, cherry-pink lips moist and glossy, and she slipped through the door.
He rubbed at his cheek, the smudged lipstick sticky against his skin... and stilled at the sight of the third visitor.
Orochimaru inclined his chin, earrings dangling. "Congratulations, Umino."
"...Thanks." He murmured, "Didn't think you'd show, Ochi'."
Serpentine eyes glared at him half-heartedly. "I thought I told you not to call me that."
Ranma grinned, gesturing into the room, "You did."
"Hmph." Black and white slipped past him, carrying the scent of fresh pine needles and damp moss into the room.
Click.
He closed the door softly, and immediately scowled. "Ji-rai-ya!"
The guilty party looked up from the crib, the stack of colorful magazines clutched in one hand. "What? It's a present for your kid, Ran!"
"No." He stumped over, and scowled at Orochimaru's look of amusement before ripping the colorful magazines from Jiraiya's hands, followed by a bop to the head. "Confiscated, Jai. And don't you dare open your gourd here either!"
"Tch... no appreciations for the finer points of life these days..." Jiraiya mumbled darkly, and carefully picked up the small bundle in the crib. "Married life certainly gets you all uptight. We hardly see you around anymore."
"That's because you spend all your time in..." Ranma grimaced.
"Not all the time!" Jiraiya retorted, grinning lecherously. "Come 'round some time, Ran, sake shouldn't be consumed without good view, and Tsunade don't offer... much..."
Orochimaru plucked the bundle from Jiraiya's hands, scooting out of the way with familiar ease as the ash-blonde moved in towards the white-haired shinobi, smacking him into the wall with a casual bat of her arm.
Ranma chuckled. "Grow up, you two... err..." He waved his arms frantically, "Careful there, Ochi'..."
Orochimaru held the bundle with both hands away from him, which had gurgled unhappily from the settlement, he commented after a moment, "It's... cute."
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks, Ochi'. It's a boy, by the way."
"Hn." The pale shinobi shrugged, handing the bundle to a huffing Tsunade, who immediately began to croon over the baby with a recovering Jiraiya.
"He's a beautiful baby, Ran." She smiled at him wistfully, golden-brown eyes misting. "Reminds me of Nawaki... when he was born..."
Jiraiya winced from her side, and patted the ash-blonde's shoulder in comfort, with his carefree smile firmly in place. "Makes you want a kid of your own, mmm? What was that guy's name, Dan?"
"It's not like that!" Tsunade protested, rosy hue rising to her cheeks, "Dan and I are... just..."
"Just what?" Jiraiya grinned, wiggling his brows, "I saw you two getting pretty cozy the other day, gonna pop the question and settle with a kid of your own soon, eh Tsunade?"
"Shut up." Tsunade retorted, her cheeks crimson.
"Ha! I knew it!" Nimbly dodging her half-hearted attempt to wack him on the head, Jiraiya slung an arm over Ranma's shoulder, dragging the pigtailed man closer. "Never thought you'd be the first of us for a family man, Ran, and a kid too."
Ranma smiled, tugging at the ends of his pigtail. "Neither did I... by the way, can I borrow a couple of your frogs sometime?"
"Eh?" Beady-black eyes blinked at him with incomprehension. "Why?"
"Space's getting tight, Jai." Ranma replied, gesturing to the small apartment. "I'm thinking it's time to move out, ya know, get a place big enough for a family... There's a nice piece of land near the forest. I could build a... home there, with some help."
Silence.
"I didn't know you knew architecture." Orochimaru murmured from the wall.
"Saotome." Nabiki gave him the glare that promised a thousand deaths, "Fix. This."
Ranma gulped, and grabbed a discarded mallet from the giant heap of rubble that once resembled a decent dojo, "Fix! Sure! No problem!"
He shrugged casually. "Eh... just some patching-up when I was younger."
"But why my toads? Why me? You know how much work it's gonna be?" Jiraiya almost pouted. "Why not Tsunade or Orochimaru?"
"Jiraiya you idiot!" Tsunade scowled, embarrassment aside, cuddling the baby to her chest, "Slugs don't have arms, nor do snakes... and I think it's a wonderful idea... oh... Ran! What are you going to name him?"
Ranma grinned, and tugged the ends of his pigtail once more as Jiraiya moved away. "Ah... well... we've been discussing that..."
Golden-brown eyes smiled at him, hugging the baby to her chest with Jiraiya pulling funny faces over her shoulder. "He has his mother's eyes..."
"Pity, isn't it." Orochimaru murmured, and shrugged again as three withering gazes were shot his way.
"Tch, can't you be nice for once?" Jiraiya frowned at his friend, then snorted. "Oh right, I forgot, you're just you."
Golden eyes narrowed.
"Break it off you two." Tsunade hissed, stepping back with the baby as the two glaring at each other.
"Hey!" Ranma declared loudly, clapping his hands together.
Three pairs of eyes stared at him expectedly. He sweatdropped. "Err... about the names, I was er... hoping to hear your guys' opinions."
Silence.
"...Manda's good."
Ranma's eyebrow twitched. Incredulity thick in his voice. "After your snake, Ochi'?"
"Heh." Jiraiya grinned, laughing eyes focused on Ranma as he jerked a thumb at the pale shinobi. "Bad idea, Orochimaru... how 'bout Gamabutan!"
The twitching escalated into a visible vein. "I am not naming my son after a toad..."
Tsunade opened her mouth, golden-brown eyes shinning with mischief, "Of course not, Ranchan, how about..."
"Oh don't even think about it, Tsu-chan!"
Laughter.
"Seriously." Jiraiya said, wiping a stray tear from his eye, "What are you going to name him?"
Ranma smiled slightly, blue eyes glazing in remembrance. "My... father's name was 'dark horse', and my name meant 'wild horse'..."
Jiraiya held up a hand. "Let me guess... 'sea horse'!"
The pigtailed man sweatdropped. "Err... nevermind... I think I'll drop the 'horse' theme..."
"Sea otter?"
"No!"
"Sea urchin?"
"No!"
"Sea lion?"
"No!"
"Sea ox?"
"No!"
"Sea pig?"
"Oh shut up Jai!"
Tsunade laughed.
"This will never change."
-------
Akane's face smiled, and Ranma was caught between the urge to smile back, and bury himself in a deep hole from its innocent brilliantness.
"Did you enjoy yourself today, Husband?"
"I did... Wife." He murmured, "Thank you for... well..." ... getting out of the house so Ochi' won't do the glaring-thing at me so much...
"It's no problem. I had some loose paperwork to finish up anyway, and Auntie was very pleased by my visit. She wanted me to bring our son next time... were you able to decide a name for him?"
"Well..." He grinned sheepishly, "Jai made a list, so..."
"We shall certainly keep them in mind..." She trailed off softly, the smile fading away. "Ran... Husband?"
"Yes, beloved?" The endearment slipped easily from his tongue, his tone ever sincere.
"Do you think... that you would be able to love me... someday?"
Silence.
"I'm... I'm sorry." Akane's face looked away, long raven braids concealing her face from view. "I shouldn't have."
"... No..." Stormy blue eyes closed, and he was suddenly tired, so tired and painful and regretting every second of his living, breathing existence. "I am sorry."
-------
"I am sorry." She murmured, numb. Her ash-blonde hair disarray from the ponytails, her clothing torn, and dirty with mud and blood that splattered over half of her face, and her hands were shaking. "But I am leaving the Hidden Leaf Village."
He nodded slowly, biting back words of useless sympathy. "Does Sarutobi-san know?"
Tsunade looked away, choking back a sob. "Nawaki and Dan... they were my world, and now... I... was hoping... that you could deliver the message to Sensei... I can't... can't face anyone right now."
"I will, Tsu-chan." He wrapped his arms around her slowly, and pulled her to him, inhaling the scent of loss and death as she returned the hug, sobbing quietly into his shoulder. She was soaked, and freezing cold against his body, and it was all that he could do, to offer the simple moment of bodily warmth.
I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sorry for Nawaki and Dan, I'm sorry, because I know how you feel, to lose your world.
"Where will you go?" He murmured into her dirty hair once the sobs began to die down, clutching her tightly against him.
"Anywhere but here, Ran..." Golden-brown eyes, red and puffy from tears looked up, and she hiccupped, "It hurts, Ran... it's hurts so much. I can't... can't..."
"Shh..." Ranma brushed a brotherly kiss on her forehead before pushing her back gently. "I understand, Tsu-chan, go. I'll do the rest."
Tsunade sniffled, wiping the streaks of tear from her face. "Thanks, Ranchan... take care of Jiraiya and Orochimaru for me, will you?"
He smiled sadly, yet made no promise. "When will you return?"
"Perhaps never..."
-------
TIMELINE – Year Seven, early June.
o/-Four little monkeys, jumping on the bed-/o
o/-One fell off, and broke her neck-/o
o/-Momma called the doctor, and the doctor said-/o
o/-No more monkeys, jumping on the bed!-/o
Oh yeah!