Was that who I thought it was? No, my eyes had to be playing tricks on me. Shaking my head, I looked again. Sure enough, it was my all-time favorite band, Good Charlotte. I just couldn't figure out what they were doing in a lowly town like Rocket Town.
"Um, excuse me, Miss?" Joel, the lead singer, walked up to the counter of the CD store I worked at.
"Yes? Can I help you?" I couldn't believe they were talking to me, looking at me. I thought I was dreaming. But I kept my cool.
"Do you know where the Latin section is?" Billy, the quietest member and my favorite asked. I knew immediately I was turning red. I had never felt that shy. It was unlike me to feel so shy. I was usually pretty outgoing, unafraid to talk to anyone. But this time was different. I guess I had a pretty good reason for being shy though.
"Right over here. Come on." I vaulted over the counter and began to lead them over towards the Latin section. I thought that was a pretty odd request coming from Billy. But I didn't think too much more of it. I desperately wanted to tell them I was a huge fan of them, tell Billy how I practically worshipped him, and just talk to them.
"Here you go. Say, aren't you guys Good Charlotte?" I asked casually, pretending not to feel as psycho as I did inside.
"Yeah. We're gonna record our new album here." Benji replied, pushing his brother. 'We have a recording studio here?' I wondered. I never knew that.
"That's what I thought. Oh, and aren't you Billy Martin? Wow, I never thought I'd ever meet you guys in person. You guys are, like, my all-time favorite band. And you Billy, I practically worship you. You're my idol." I couldn't hold it back anymore. I just let all my praise and thanks pour from me like a waterfall.
"Thanks. I'm guessing you're a really big fan." Billy smiled. That was one of the few times I ever saw him smile. He never smiled. I guessed I was witnessing a rare event. Paul, Joel, and Benji were shocked.
"She got Billy to smile. No way! That's impossible!" The others were still shocked.
"Are they always like that?" I asked, glancing over at the other spazing band members.
"Pretty much, yeah. If you think it's bad just watchin' them, try living with them." He nodded and smiled again. I loved it when he smiled.
"Guess what? I play guitar too. You were the one who actually inspired me to." I randomly said. I suddenly felt like I had said too much.
"Really? It's nice to know that someone likes me for a change." I could tell he was suddenly interested in our conversation.
"What do you mean?" I asked. There had to be others who liked him. Maybe they didn't like him as much as I did, but still I doubted I was the only one.
"For as long as I can remember, it's always been about Benji, Joel, and Paul. When have I ever been included in that? Never! I don't even feel like a part of the band. I never did. There's never been any Billy. Just Benji, Joel, and Paul." Billy finished his heartbreaking story. It wasn't sad because he was a star that was being ignored, but because I knew how he felt. I knew the feeling of being ignored, of being pushed aside. I never liked it. And for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt like that. I guess I wasn't alone and just knowing that made me feel a little more comfortable.
"Hey, I know what that feels like. You're not alone. It's a terrible feeling, I know." I tried to comfort him. Benji, Joel, and Paul must have gone to look at the CD's because when I glanced around, they were gone. I returned my attention to Billy. Maybe he wasn't as happy as he seemed.
"Listen, thanks for talking. It…really helped. I wish I could find someone just like you." He thanked me. He caught me off guard by suddenly switching topics. What did he mean by 'someone like me'?
"It's no problem. If you need any help, come find me." I left Billy to look at the CDs. When I had left the aisle, I collapsed against the end of the rack. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Now, more than ever, I liked him more. My heart my racing, my legs were shaking, there were butterflies in my stomach. I peeked around the corner and saw Billy standing there casually, looking at the back of a CD. He looked so hot just standing there. I sighed and went back to work. A few minutes later, I heard something that caught my attention. It was Good Charlotte, and it sounded like they were arguing. 'This can't be good. I'd better go see what's up.' I thought. Following the sound, I stopped when I saw the group. I quickly ducked behind one of the CD racks.
"Just go away, Billy. We don't need you here." Joel said loudly.
"But I was just-." I heard Billy begin quietly.
"No buts! Just go away!" Joel insisted.
"Look, we've been talking, and…we're disowning you." Benji interjected. My heart sank.
"But…why?" I could tell by the tone of his voice that Billy wasn't happy. I didn't blame him.
"We found a better guitarist than you. You're starting to get…old. You know?" Paul said. Somehow, I knew that wasn't the real reason. Billy was the best guitarist ever, and there wasn't anyone better than him that could replace him.
"Now, since you're not one of us anymore, you need to go away." Joel ended the argument. And with that, the now guitarist-less Good Charlotte left the store.
"…Okay." Billy whispered. A delayed reaction. My mind was racing. I knew I had to help him. I stood up and pretended to be organizing CDs when I noticed him. He was sitting on the ground. He looked like he was about to cry.
"Billy? Hey, Billy? You okay?" I asked gently, kneeling down next to him. He nodded.
"What did I do wrong? Am I really losing it? I can't be. Oh my God, what am I gonna do?" He said, covering his face with his hands.
"Is-is there anything I can do for you?" I asked.
"No thanks. Right now, I've just gotta worry about finding a place to stay. I've got nowhere to go." He replied. Even when he was sad, he was still polite.
"Umm…you can stay with me. I mean, if you want to." I offered. I was shocked at myself. I never thought I'd say something like that so suddenly.
"Sure. Thanks. So much for recording the album." He agreed. That surprised me. He sighed deeply. I rested my hand on his back. I felt so bad for him. At that moment, I made it my mission to seek out Good Charlotte and find out why they disowned Billy. Nothing else mattered. I'd die trying if I had to.
"I think I can get off work early. We can go back to my place and…talk…more, if you want." I said, getting up to go find my boss. I doubted she'd believe me when I told her what had happened. But, to my surprise, she understood and let me go early. She had always been really nice.
"Thanks again. I don't think anyone else would've done that." Billy thanked me again when I met him back in the store. And all the way back to my apartment he thanked me.
"Here we are. It's a little cramped so…sorry. It's really meant for one person, but I guess I can make an exception." I lived in a tiny apartment not far from where I worked. It might've been cramped for two people, but since I was the only one living there (before Billy), it was just fine. As we walked in the door, I knocked over one of my easels. And it was the one that would fall apart even if you just looked at it, and you could never put it back together.
"Stupid easel." I cursed under my breath as I stood it back up, trying to keep it from falling apart.
"You're an artist too? Cool!" Billy said, looking around. Art supplies littered my apartment.
"Huh? Oh yeah. Feel free to use any of it." I said as the easel fell apart. I just left it sitting in pieces by the door. I had known Billy was an artist, too, but I had always had that artistic blood. For once, art wasn't something Billy had inspired in me.
"Wow. You made all these?" Billy asked, looking at all my drawings and other art projects I had leaning up against the walls or sitting on (much more sturdy) easels.
"Yep. All of them." I said proudly. If it was one thing I was proud of, it was my art.
"You're amazing. I wish I was as good as you." He said, still slowly pacing around while looking at my art.
"Hey, you're good too. I've seen some of your drawings. You know, I've been thinking of trying to sell a few of these. Maybe make some extra money and get some more space around here. Do you think I should?" I asked thoughtfully.
"Sure. I don't see why people wouldn't buy your stuff. I'd save your faves though." Billy replied. That was a good idea. I did happen to have a few drawings that I'd done that I really liked. I was thinking of hanging them around the apartment.
"Hey, you wanna help me hang a few of these? I could use your opinion on where to put them." I asked Billy, not knowing he wasn't in the room. Turning around, I saw he wasn't there. I felt stupid for talking to someone that wasn't even there. But how was I supposed to know he wasn't there?
"You know, I never caught your name." Billy said. I jumped. I didn't know he had come back.
"Oh, I'm Izumi. I know I'm not Japanese." I always had to say that because people would bug me about being an American with a Japanese name. Besides, it wasn't my real name. I changed it awhile back, my other name was too common, and it just didn't fit me.
"That's pretty. You obviously already know me." Billy replied, sitting down on my old, tattered sofa.
"Thanks. So, you wanna help me hang some of my pictures? I could use your opinion on where to put them." I asked sweetly.
"Of course! Anything for you. But…can we do it later? I want to get settled in, I mean, if that's okay with you." He sighed. I sat down next to him. He smelled really good.
"Yeah, that's fine. Even though there isn't much room to settle in." I said, embarrassed. I knew it wasn't my fault that my place was so small, but I still couldn't help feeling a little embarrassed.
"So, how's things?" I asked randomly. For your information, I was real good at committing random acts of mindlessness.
"Not so good. You know why." He sighed. I felt bad for him again.
"You know, I'm not gonna let them get away with that. They had no right to do that to you. And, even if I die trying, I'll get them to give you the real reason and a real explanation. I'll find them, no matter what. Nothing else matters now. Not work, not family, not friends. I'm putting you first." I lectured. It was unlike me to give weird little speeches like that.
"You don't have to. This is something I should deal with on my own. I caused the problem, so I should fix it." Billy shook his head. I wasn't going to let him say no.
"You can't. This is too big to fix on your own. No offense, but I don't think you're strong enough, emotionally I mean, to solve this on your own. Seriously, you're gonna need help." I definitely wasn't going to let him say no. No one ever said no to Izumi.
"Hmmm…maybe you're right. I can't do everything on my own. Alright, you can help." Billy finally gave in. I silently cheered in my head. I knew what helping Billy meant. Spending 24/7 with him, even though I would've been spending time with him since he was temporarily living with me, I knew I'd get to spend even more time with him then. I wasn't going to leave his side.
"So, why do you think they kicked you out of the band?" I asked. I tried to get him to talk, to try to get him to feel better.
"I'm not sure. I don't think I did anything. Maybe I did, but I just don't know it. I don't know about lots of stuff right now. I just wish I had some time to clear my head." He said, inhaling deeply. At that second, I wished there were some way I could help Billy forget his troubles for awhile. I didn't want to leave the apartment, and I'm pretty sure he didn't either. Maybe I could make him dinner and we could watch a movie. Or maybe…maybe I could give him one of my infamous massages. I loved to give people massages. I hoped he'd accept.
"Hey, Billy, want a massage? I give pretty good massages." I offered, silently praying.
"Sure. Maybe it'll get rid of some of this stress." He accepted. I nodded, partially to Billy, but more to myself because it felt like a victory to me. Getting off the sofa, Billy sat down on the floor in front of me. I couldn't believe I was about to give a massage to my favorite rock star. An adrenaline rush blurred my vision for a few seconds, but it passed quickly. I never thought to ask where he wanted me to start, so I just started at his neck and decided to work down. His skin was warm and soft. I slowly rubbed his neck.
"Wow. I feel a little bit better. You're good." Billy said, hanging his head.
"Thanks." I knew I was blushing. Nobody ever really appreciated the good job I always did with my massages. Billy was the first.
"You've got really strong hands." He commented.
"Oh. Just tell me if I'm hurting you." I couldn't think of anything else to say.
"No, no. It's nice." He smiled. I liked making him smile. I swear, it could've been a new hobby. We fell silent. But just the silence was relaxing, almost serene. I don't know if Billy detected it, but I could feel a lot of love flowing in the room. It was a feeling I had never felt before. It wasn't that exhilarating feeling you get when you have a crush. It was a peaceful feeling, a calm, quiet feeling. I wasn't sure if he was feeling it too.
"That's good. Thanks." He said suddenly, breaking my train of thought.
" I can keep going if you want. I don't have to stop." I said, resting my hands on Billy's broad shoulders.
"Alright. If you want to." Billy gave in. I'm not sure if it was just me, but I was positive he was teasing me, flirting with me. Not that I had a problem with it, mind you.
"You know, you don't have to worry about me. You just worry about you." I said. It was true. I didn't need him worrying about me on top of all his other problems. I didn't want to create any more stress for the poor guy. He had already been through enough.
"I know. I just don't wanna…make you uncomfortable." He said uneasily. I could tell he was embarrassed.
"Listen, I'm just fine. You have a lot more to deal with than I do, and I don't wanna add to any of that. Oh, and if you think you're being a burden, you're wrong. It'll be nice to have someone else to talk to around here." I admitted. Living alone could get lonely.
"Hmm. You read my mind. Are you sure you don't mind me staying with you? Cause if you do, I can go somewhere else." Billy said. He was always polite.
"If I didn't want you here, I wouldn't have asked in the first place. And, besides, you said it yourself. You have nowhere else to go." I pointed out. I had the sudden urge to start petting him. Another random act of mindlessness.
"Yeah, you're right. I'll repay you somehow." Billy reached up and touched my hand. I almost melted.
"You don't need to. Seriously. But, if we do find the others, are you gonna rejoin them? I mean, that's if they want you to." I asked. Maybe it was too early to ask what he was going to do. But, surprisingly, he had an answer.
"No. Why should I? If they were mean enough to kick me out the first time, why should I trust them to not do it again?" There was a bitter tone in Billy's voice. I don't think he liked talking about it.
"You're right. But, what are you gonna do? I mean, where are you gonna live?" I asked.
"I'll figure it out when the time comes. But right now, I just need time to-." I interrupted him.
"Heal. I know you do. And you can take as much time as you need to." I finished for him. He looked back at me, lost for words. I was good at finishing other people's sentences. I smiled slyly. He smiled back.
"I just…I just don't know what to do anymore." Billy was starting to get worked up. I had to calm him down.
"Shh. Don't think about it. Don't think about anything. Just relax." I shushed, laying my hand on his head. Stupid, I know, but I just wanted him to settle down. He was starting to get me worked up too.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Billy asked.
"Because you just had your heart ripped out and stomped on. I know how that feels. And besides, no one should have to fight their battles alone." I smiled. To tell you the truth, I really didn't know what it felt like to be rejected like Billy had, but it sounded like the thing to say at the time. I thought that maybe it'd relax him.
"Thanks. No one has ever been this nice to me. You're, like, the only friend I've ever had." I doubted that, but I went with it anyway.