Tatsumi found Watari half an hour later in the garden where the scientist was sitting under a large Sakura tree, arms wrapped around his knees, staring off into space. His hair fell wildly around his shoulders, unbound, unkempt, and his glasses were perched haphazardly on his nose. Tatsumi could almost feel the pain radiating off his lover and it was close to instinct to go to him.
"Taka?" he asked softly.
Golden eyes rose to look at him and Tatsumi winced at the forlorn, beaten expression in them.
"Oh, Taka," he whispered and sank down to his knees next to the younger shinigami.
"She's gone," Watari whispered.
003. Tatsumi had known from the moment the guardian angel had disappeared that his lover would have a problem with it; it was quite expected. The owl had been with Watari for all his life as a shinigami, had been his companion, his friend, his confidant. She had been everything to Watari that he had needed, even when he had found a lover and partner in Tatsumi. She had been a silent observer, had listened to him when he had felt the need to talk, better than any psychologist would have ever been. She had been his life line before he had put down roots in Meifu - and he missed her like he would miss a family member.
The Shadow Master touched one arm and rubbed gently over it, then, as Watari leaned into his caress, he pulled him into his embrace.
"She's gone," Watari whispered again. "Just like that."
Tatsumi was silent, just holding him. His fingers carded into the wavy blond lengths, stroked over the trembling back.
"She was always there for me, Seii. Always!" Tears glistened in the golden eyes. "She was there ever since I came here. From my second day on. She was just there, even when I ... I never knew..." The tears spilled over and Tatsumi tightened his hold, closing his eyes in shared pain. "She just came to me and I never knew what she was, Seii. She protected me."
Hands clenched into his shirt, fisting into the fabric and ruining it. Tatsumi didn't care if he looked like he had slept in his clothes to the others; he didn't care if anyone missed him at work; he didn't care about anything but the man in his arms. Watari needed him and his job be damned.
What you do to me, Taka, he thought briefly, smiling humorlessly.
He held his lover for a long time, listened to his sobs, his cries, his suffering words. He knew this wouldn't just pass in a day or two. 003 had been an integral part of Watari's life for thirty years. Now he knew the truth about the tiny owl, about what she was, and she would never return.
It had broken something inside Watari.
Tatsumi hoped time would heal the wound.
########
And time passed.
Watari Yutaka went to work every day, from nine to five, but he wasn't the loveable screwball everyone knew. Gone was the bright smile, the light in his eyes. There were no new experiments, no excited chatter about this or that, no budget requests, no ominous sounds or smells coming from the lab. There was only a man going to work, completing tasks, and also one single assignment which he didn't talk about with anyone. Not even Tatsumi, who had given it to him. Tatsumi knew he had completed it without much fuss, had brought the lost soul home, and had handed in his report. Typed, not scribbled. Detailed and precise.
Tatsumi's worry multiplied with every day. After a week it was reaching a first peak -- Watari had declined an invitation from his lover. Tatsumi watched the younger man leave the office after work, something inside of him yearning to take the pain from his soul.
After the second week Watari's behavior hadn't changed, but he was a bit more sociable now and then. The smiles were painful, conversation was almost agony, and Tatsumi was slowly reaching the end of his patience. It was then that he walked into the lab and found his lover staring at the computer screen, looking small and lost and so very much alone.
"Taka?" Tatsumi asked.
Golden eyes flew up, wide, almost dilated, in a pale, haggard face.
"Seii?"
It was a cry for help.
"Yutaka." And then he held him in his arms, Watari crying softly.
He embraced him, held him tightly, and pressed a little kiss on the tousled hair.
"It's okay, Taka," he murmured. "It's okay to mourn."
"She isn't dead!"
"No, she isn't. She left and you're alone."
A sob tore from the too thin body.
"But you have to go on, Taka. Let us help you. Let me help you," he whispered.
The tear-stained face looked at him and suddenly Watari lunged forward, kissing him. Tatsumi caught the desperate man and weathered the assault, holding, supporting, kissing him.
"Help me," Watari begged brokenly. "I can't go on like this. I miss her so much!"
Tatsumi sank down on the ground with him, cradling his suffering lover. "I know, Taka, I know."
########
He gazed at the sleeping man next to him, let his eyes roam over the slender form, followed the line of muscles under the deceptively smooth looking skin. Each breath was soft and deep, a sign of his sleep. Blond hair lay in a tousled mess and Watari would probably complain about it in the morning, but Tatsumi didn't care. His lover would never cut off the long strands and if he should ever be tempted, Tatsumi would try and convince him not to do it. He loved the feeling of the silky mass underneath his touch.
Watari's face was relaxed, free of the lines of pain that resided there when he was awake. Tatsumi had taken care to chase away the memories with his touches, caresses and kisses, concentrating only on the pleasure he could give the man he loved so much. Watari had truly lost himself in his pleasure and had surrendered to the Shadow Master's manipulations, crying out his release.
Tatsumi sat up and smiled at the sleeping form. Maybe sex wasn't the ultimate healing power when it came to personal loss, but at least some of those bottled up emotions had been released in the climax. He hoped Watari would let him in more, would let him help ease the pain of 003's loss, and one day Watari would be back to his old self.
########
More days passed into weeks and while Watari put up a better front, inside things were getting worse. He knew he was playing a role and he also knew that he wouldn't be able to stay in that role for much longer. Tatsumi didn't believe him anyway, but he left him his space and the time he needed, but for how much longer? It had been a month now and it wasn't getting better. They met up for the weekends, had fun, had sex, but Watari's past was more and more taking over.
Watari wrapped his fingers around his already cold coffee mug. He hadn't taken a single sip from the bitter brew, just prepared it automatically because that was what he always did at this time of day. He had had a wonderful evening with his lover, Tatsumi being more gentle than ever, and he had melted into his touch, needing it more than ever, almost craving it.
You were so easy, Yutaka.
Watari squeezed his eyes shut against the sharp sting that suddenly appeared.
You had been desperate, face it, Yutaka.
Desperate to have something that would take his mind off of things ...
I thought you liked those games.
With a desperate sob Watari flung his mug against the wall and buried his face into his hands, as his mind started to wander again, back to a time he had thought forgotten...
Watari stood hesitantly in the doorframe to his dormitory room, the room that would be his home away from home for the next years; which he would have to share with another student. He felt a little intimidated by the huge campus and the fact that almost every student was at least three years his senior. The disadvantage of being a genius, he sighed. But he would manage, get used to it. Like he had managed everything else his parents had come up with, fulfilling their every expectation. He was a good son.
"Stop staring and come in, kid," a male voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and Watari looked up to see who was talking to him - and froze.
Dancing brown eyes, sparkling with little flecks of gold, a dazzling smile directed at him... Watari couldn't help but stare at the apparition of male beauty standing in front of him.
"Kid?"
"Don't call me kid. I'm Watari Yutaka."
"Hm. So you're the whiz kid I'm gonna share a room with from now on, huh?"
A hand was stretched into his direction.
"Fujikama Yukihito. I'm a freshman like yourself, so most likely we will have the same classes."
Watari took the hand and shook it, finding himself a little overwhelmed.
"So, which one would you like?
"Huh?"
"Bed. Which one?"
Oh. Right. Bed.
"The one at the window."
"Good choice. I already took the other one. So, about those classes..."
Watari unpacked his things and listened to Yukihito asking him about his classes, answering automatically. And those brown eyes were resting on him the entire time.
Strange.
Watari stepped out of the shower, toweling off his damp hair when he spotted Yuki sitting at his desk, groaning.
"I'll never get this stuff into my head 'til tomorrow. How the hell do you manage that, Yutaka?"
Watari smiled and bent over Yuki's shoulder to glance at what his roommate was working on.
"Those equations? It's easy once you get the general drift. Look..."
Watari grabbed a pen and started to scribble down the solutions, explaining while he went. Looking up he glanced directly in a pair of deep brown eyes, and found his breath catching in his throat.
"Y-Yuki?"
"You really like this stuff, don't you?"
"Sure."
"And you're good at it." There was a thoughtful tone in his roommate's voice, and brown eyes roamed over his body for a second. "I think I can get it from here. Thank's, Yuta."
"Anytime, Yuki."
Watari stumbled back into his room, still shaking with laughter. Being with Yuki, going out into town with him was a guarantee for having fun, though the other students usually were making fun of him, and of Yuki for hanging around with him. But Yuki didn't seem to care, and Watari felt somehow grateful. It could have been some really lonely years otherwise.
Yuki closed the door behind them, chuckling.
"I've never seen Sen make such a dumb face. Kid, you drove him off real good."
Watari grinned. "Learned from the best."
Walking further into the semi-lit room he stepped onto something hard and unrelenting and stumbled with a sharp yell of surprise. Strong arms wrapped themselves around his middle before he could hit the floor, steadying him.
"Kid, be careful where you're going. Don't want to hurt something now, don't we?"
Dark brown eyes, almost black, looked at him, as Yuki had caught him, was still holding him, and Watari froze. It felt... he didn't know what it felt like but he could very well sense the heat rushing into his cheeks.
"T-Thanks, Yuki. I'm all right now," he managed to stutter. But his roommate wouldn't let go.
"Say, Yuta... have you ever - been with someone?"
"What? Y-Yuki, I'm... no, of course not. I'm only sixteen..."
"So what? I'm nineteen."
"Yuki!"
Watari's face was burning with embarassment now.
"Did you at least kiss someone?"
Watari just shook his head, unable to voice the answer with his body still pressed flush against the other boy's.
"That can be changed."
Amber eyes widened in absolute shock when soft lips brushed over his, the hold of the strong arms around his waist tightened. Gasping he felt an inquisitive tongue invade his mouth, waking sensations he hadn't felt before - and which were quickly starting to rush through his body, concentrating themselves in his groin. Oh gods... his roommate was kissing him. His very male roommate was kissing him! And he liked it ... very much so. Was responding ... reacting ... no! Before he could push against the other boy's chest Yukihito seemed to sense his discomfort, letting him go. Large brown eyes looked at him, reflecting some uneasiness of his own.
"Now you know my secret, Yutaka. I love men."
"Yuki ... "
A hand cupped his face gently.
"Sshh... don't worry. I won't touch you again. Not unless you ask me, that is."
Watari gaped.
Watari pulled the blanket closer around his nude body and shivered. Not that it was cold in his room, no. Something else was bothering his mind lately, very much so. It was a little taller than him, had a pair of dancing brown eyes and a smile that melted his heart. And a well defined body to go with it. He had felt that body pressed against his when Yuki had kissed him, and ever since that day he had been restless. His hands wandered over his skin and he bit his lower lip, trying his best to suppress the moan that threatend to escape. Damn, but the memory of that kiss alone was giving him ideas, making him all hot and bothered within seconds. And the object of his wet dreams was sleeping in the bed right on the other side of the room every night, was stepping out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around slim hips...
This time the moan did escape as he let his hands slide over his thighs. Damn!
"Yuta."
Damn!! Yuki had heard him.
"Hm?"
"Either jerk off in the shower or let me lend you a hand, but stop torturing a man, will you?"
Watari froze, feeling his heart hammer in his chest at the sleepily uttered words, the image that arose, the idea...
"Yuki?"
"What?"
He slowly lifted his blanket.
Watari's body jerked against the bonds holding him down, and he gasped into the gag when he felt them bite into his flesh ever so lightly. Yuki smiled at him, his lover kneeling between his wide spread thighs, fingers dancing over his skin as he pushed the hard toy deeper into his body. Watari moaned, the mixture of pleasure and pain almost too much. A part of him asked himself why the hell he had agreed to this again, why he allowed his lover to play with him this way. Simple - because he loved Yuki, and Yuki loved to tie him down every now and then, enjoyed the sight of him bound and helpless. Yuki had been his first, and ususally he was a gentle lover, bringing him to heights he had never believed possible. They had been together for four years now and Yuki had taught him everything he knew, and some things they had discovered together.
Watari glanced at his lover and hissed when Yuki pinched his nipple painfully, and dark eyes glanced back, shining with love and desire. Watari supressed a yelp of pain when Yuki pulled out the toy, roughly entering him without any further caress, and started to move with deep, hard thrusts, fingers clenched into his hair.
"God, Yuta," he moaned into his ear, increasing his speed, "I love you. You're perfect..."
...Watari pressed his hands onto his revolting stomach and stumbled into the bathroom.
You were so easy, Yutaka ...