Disclaimer: See previous chapters... "Hold On" is owned by Good Charlotte, also.

Recap: Sean broke up with Ellie. It isn't too soon for Sean and Emma.

(Ellie's POV):
Chapter Title: This world/ This world is cold/ but you don't/ you don't have to go/ your mother's gone and your father hits you/ this pain you cannot bare.

"...and they thought she was pregnant! Can you believe that?!" Ash exclaimed, furiated.

"That's horrible, but Ash, she's a slut, what can you say?" I asked.

"Yeah. That's true," she replied.

"Hey, I'm gonna go talk to Sean, okay?" I questioned.

"Yeah, sure," she responded.

I trucked down the hall until I reached Sean's locker.

"Hey you," I said, pulling him into a kiss.

"Ahem."

We looked up and there stodd Raditch, himself.

"No PDA in the hall... please," he said simply, before walking away.

"Well, that was embarassing," I laughed, I could feel my face getting hot.

"It's not the worst thing," Sean joked.

"Omigod! Guess what?" I said, suddenly remembering why I was here.

"Um... let me see... you're going to that concert this weekend?" he guessed. There was a local band called "The Whatstheirfaces" playing this weekend that I wanted to see, but of course, I have to help mom around the house.

"No, but... Ashley went to talk to Paige about changing the lyrics on one of our new songs, and Manny and Craig were standing there, saying that Manny is pregnant... isn't that insane?" I asked.

"Yeah," he added. There was a pause for a minute. Sean tugged at the bottom of his shirt, it was his nervous habit, I had noticed. "Ellie... I uh..."

"Yeah?" I questioned.

"I... I... I think... that we... you know... need... some... time apart...?" he replied.

Wait... what?

"I... don't... think that... Sean," I sobbed

Ellie, don't cry, don't cry. Act tough. You're tough. You can do this. But I couldn't, I could feel the tears coming.

"Look, Ellie, I'm sorry, but I think it's only fair to you..." he trailed off.

What? Is this reverse psycology or some crazy shit?

"Fair to me? Fair to me, Sean? how is this fair to me?" I asked, the tears reflecting in my voice.

"Ellie, seriously, it's for the best," he responded.

It's her. My worst fear has come true... he's dumping me for her... that perfect, prude, little Emma.

"It's Emma, isn't it? You still love her," I guessed, removing the tears from my eyes.

"Ellie, I just... I don't know... I'm not sure, that's why we need to do this... take a little break until I figure things out," he said, sounding a little confused, himself.

How could you do this to me?!

"Yeah, whatever, Sean," I replied, coldly, my eyes about to explode with tears.

I headed for my locker. I threw some books into my bag and was about to head to class when Ashley approached me.

"Elle, what's wrong?" she asked, concerned.

"It's nothing," I told her.

"Ellie, I have never once seen you cry... this is something," she retorted.

"He- he- he broke up with me," I stuttered.

She gasped, "Ellie, that's horrible." She pulled me into a small hug.

"I know, Ash, I- I- I loved him-" I trailed off.

Then the bell rang.

"Elle, is it okay if I head to class? I swear I'll meet you here after class, okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

She took off down the hall. I grabbed my bag and headed for the bathroom, which was, conveniently, located near my locker. I checked to see if the stalls were empty- which they were. And then I went into a stall and locked it, I couldn't risk anyone finding me. I laid my bag down and sat on the toilet. I opened the bag and pulled out the small, shiny object that had been upon my skin many times.

Don't do it, Ellie, snap the rubber band. But I couldn't... the rubber band didn't take away the pain as much as the razor did.

So I slowly rolled up my sleeve. I put the razor near my wrist, and was about to dig into when I heard someone burst into the bathroom.

"ELLIE! DON'T YOU DARE DO IT!"

I quickly hid the razor in my pocket and opened the stall door. There stood Ash.

"Do what, Ash?" I asked innocently, though I knew exactly what she meant.

"You know what I mean, Ellie!" She exclaimed, pretty mad.

"Ash, I wasn't gonna... well, you know..." I lied.

"Ellie! Don't lie! I know you were gonna," she replied.

"No, I wasn't!" I yelled.

"Then why is your sleeve rolled up? And why is there a razor sticking out of your pocket?" she questioned.

"Ash, I couldn't help it, the pain was too much, I loved him for Christ's sake, why doesn't her understand?" I screamed.

"Ellie, you know that saying, 'Let them go, and if they come back, you're meant to be?'" she asked.

"Yeah, but-" I said.

"'Yeah, but' nothing, let him go, maybe he just needs some time," she responded.

"He left me for her," I said.

"Ellie, he's confused. I was too, after- well, after Craig did what he did, but he needs sometime," she started, "give him time. He'll come back around, eventually. You guys had so much fun, remember how upset he was when he thought he had to leave you to go to Alberta?"

I nodded.

"See, if he didn't love you, he wouldn't have been upset, get it?" she asked.

"Yeah," I told her.

"Ellie, you can't keep doing this to yourself, no matter how upset you are. Okay?" she questioned.

"I know, but sometimes I get caught in my moment of pain. My mind's not working, you know?" I asked.

"I know, Ellie," she replied. "Remember, 'Hold on/ if you feel like letting go/ hold on/ it feels better then you know.'"

"Hold On," by Good Charlotte... that was kind of Ashley's way of telling me not to cut. That was the first thing she said when she found out about me cutting.

I started crying, again.

"I'll try, Ash, I promise... I'll try," I said between sobs.

Hey guys,

This is one of the hardest chapters to write. I really love Ellie as a character, but it was hard for me to get inside her head. This is probably also, one of the deepest chapters I've written. Well, anyways R/R. Oh, and check out Teen People's new issue, the girls of Degrassi are in there, showing off make up, and I must say, Stacy looks quite different without all the Ellie make up, but they're all very pretty.

Ciao,

Shelby