Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Remus, Sirius, James, or Severus. Tough
world, huh? None of them are mine...except in dreams. : P (peter I can do
without...)
Author's note-Hooray for reviews! I'm starting to build up to something, I think. Note that I'm not sure what I'm doing, this story is completely unplanned.
THE FOLLOWING IS Severus SNAPE dood.
I finally reached my common room without further interruption, save almost tripping on a carpet that was never there before. As I passed by the staircases I glimpsed Black stomping, crying like a baby into his common room. Seconds later he was followed by Lupin. What could make an insensitive oaf like him cry is beyond me, and truth be told, I didn't care.
As my thoughts returned to tomorrow's lesson, the 'tableu' of a white jackrabbit with a waistcoat and an innocent female child in a periwinkle dress looking over the bush at him. Our common room portal.
"Cellophane."
The door swung open, revealing a rather typical Slytherin scene. Lucius Malfoy and his lackeys sat on the couch, random girls from varied years and houses sitting in their laps, all of them holding firewiskey and cigerettes. They were taking out their heroin and marijuana and I deemed it best to head upstairs immediately. Suddenly there was a knock on the picture at the end of the room as I was halfway up the stairs. I turned to hear a very drunk Lucius call out:
" Snape, dnyour ickle fwiend fwom Gwiffendork iz here..."
I backed down the stairs and pushed Lucius aside, surprised he didn't collapse from his intoxication and closed the portrait before I saw who had called upon me.
"Severus, we need to talk," Lupin whispered. He sounded anxious.
"....We need to talk," I repeated, slightly confused but trying to hide it.
"Yes...Do you have anywhere private we can go?" he asked hesitantly. He was playing with his tie, and I had never seen him so worried. I escorted him down the hall to the little nook where I had sat many times before until Potter popped out from under the stones.
''What do you want, Lupin?" I asked, making sure not to sound harsh. That was the first time I took notice of my natural tendancy to jump down people's throats before I knew what they asked for. "Something important?"
"Very....Er--Severus...You see...It goes like this...Just recently I found something out about you. I found out that you l-liked me." My heart stopped. So that was the reason he insisted on being in my company. Teasing. " But I want to assure you right now--I had no ill feelings about you from the moment I found out till right now, and I will never have a problem with it. But, there is a matter that we need to clear up before things become too mixed up that we can't resolve anything."
I couldn't respond. I couldn't speak. My breath was somewhere else, perhaps my feet. I had no idea whether to tell him to shove off or to listen and see if it would be to my liking. I had too much hope.
"The thing you need to know right now is....I like you. I like you in t-that way. I don't know if you still like me like I like you, Severus, but I felt it was best for us to both get it out in the open before any more hearts were broken."
"...N......No." I was as shocked as you are. "Remus, I can't. I--I won't. I don't know who you heard it from, but I don't like you. Point of fact, I dispise you. A Gryffindor werewolf--a monster, and a human from Slytherin? Where was your head, Lupin? Probably yet another plot from your little Marauders to find another thing wrong with me. Well, you could tell them this time that they have it completely wrong, a little honest truth from me to you. And one more thing---don't try to be my friend unless you mean it. Honestly...." I finished on a whisper as quiet as I began, stood up, gave him a last look of fake disgust and walked back into the common room. Another glance at the inebriated dorm mates of mine and I was sent out of my misery. Would I wind up like them? Some girl hanging on my every word simply because she's drunk? Would I wind up like Lucius, telling every lie known to man just to try and get in a girl's pants? I decided, no.
Worst comes to worst and I would never have a relationship. On second thought, it was the best plan of action. Boy or girl, I wasn't made for this kind of thing, no matter how much I wanted it. It was all fake, anyway.
Just like Remus J. Lupin.
When I thought about it more that night, however, I found my pillow and face soaked with tears I didn't remember crying. But I did remember the thoughts that must have passed throught me when I did. I missed my one chance that I would never, as long as I lived. I missed my one chance at the boy I had loved since my first year. 5 years wasted in one single moment.
As disgusted with Remus as I thought I was, nothing could compare to how much I hated myself.
.
Author's note-Hooray for reviews! I'm starting to build up to something, I think. Note that I'm not sure what I'm doing, this story is completely unplanned.
THE FOLLOWING IS Severus SNAPE dood.
I finally reached my common room without further interruption, save almost tripping on a carpet that was never there before. As I passed by the staircases I glimpsed Black stomping, crying like a baby into his common room. Seconds later he was followed by Lupin. What could make an insensitive oaf like him cry is beyond me, and truth be told, I didn't care.
As my thoughts returned to tomorrow's lesson, the 'tableu' of a white jackrabbit with a waistcoat and an innocent female child in a periwinkle dress looking over the bush at him. Our common room portal.
"Cellophane."
The door swung open, revealing a rather typical Slytherin scene. Lucius Malfoy and his lackeys sat on the couch, random girls from varied years and houses sitting in their laps, all of them holding firewiskey and cigerettes. They were taking out their heroin and marijuana and I deemed it best to head upstairs immediately. Suddenly there was a knock on the picture at the end of the room as I was halfway up the stairs. I turned to hear a very drunk Lucius call out:
" Snape, dnyour ickle fwiend fwom Gwiffendork iz here..."
I backed down the stairs and pushed Lucius aside, surprised he didn't collapse from his intoxication and closed the portrait before I saw who had called upon me.
"Severus, we need to talk," Lupin whispered. He sounded anxious.
"....We need to talk," I repeated, slightly confused but trying to hide it.
"Yes...Do you have anywhere private we can go?" he asked hesitantly. He was playing with his tie, and I had never seen him so worried. I escorted him down the hall to the little nook where I had sat many times before until Potter popped out from under the stones.
''What do you want, Lupin?" I asked, making sure not to sound harsh. That was the first time I took notice of my natural tendancy to jump down people's throats before I knew what they asked for. "Something important?"
"Very....Er--Severus...You see...It goes like this...Just recently I found something out about you. I found out that you l-liked me." My heart stopped. So that was the reason he insisted on being in my company. Teasing. " But I want to assure you right now--I had no ill feelings about you from the moment I found out till right now, and I will never have a problem with it. But, there is a matter that we need to clear up before things become too mixed up that we can't resolve anything."
I couldn't respond. I couldn't speak. My breath was somewhere else, perhaps my feet. I had no idea whether to tell him to shove off or to listen and see if it would be to my liking. I had too much hope.
"The thing you need to know right now is....I like you. I like you in t-that way. I don't know if you still like me like I like you, Severus, but I felt it was best for us to both get it out in the open before any more hearts were broken."
"...N......No." I was as shocked as you are. "Remus, I can't. I--I won't. I don't know who you heard it from, but I don't like you. Point of fact, I dispise you. A Gryffindor werewolf--a monster, and a human from Slytherin? Where was your head, Lupin? Probably yet another plot from your little Marauders to find another thing wrong with me. Well, you could tell them this time that they have it completely wrong, a little honest truth from me to you. And one more thing---don't try to be my friend unless you mean it. Honestly...." I finished on a whisper as quiet as I began, stood up, gave him a last look of fake disgust and walked back into the common room. Another glance at the inebriated dorm mates of mine and I was sent out of my misery. Would I wind up like them? Some girl hanging on my every word simply because she's drunk? Would I wind up like Lucius, telling every lie known to man just to try and get in a girl's pants? I decided, no.
Worst comes to worst and I would never have a relationship. On second thought, it was the best plan of action. Boy or girl, I wasn't made for this kind of thing, no matter how much I wanted it. It was all fake, anyway.
Just like Remus J. Lupin.
When I thought about it more that night, however, I found my pillow and face soaked with tears I didn't remember crying. But I did remember the thoughts that must have passed throught me when I did. I missed my one chance that I would never, as long as I lived. I missed my one chance at the boy I had loved since my first year. 5 years wasted in one single moment.
As disgusted with Remus as I thought I was, nothing could compare to how much I hated myself.
.