Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Remus, Sirius, James, or Severus. Tough world, huh? None of them are mine...except in dreams. : P (peter I can do without...)

Author's note-Funny story---I really actually don't like Severus.

THE FOLLOWING IS BY SEVERUS SNAPE

As much as I knew I would regret it, I went down to the Great Hall for dinner. However, I found myself looking not at a Remus sitting with Black, but next to the disgusting, ratty, round Pettigrew child. As relieving as I thought it would be, if action wasn't taken it would not be another hour before Black would have won Lupin over at last. It was rather inevitable. 5 years of friendship does more than 5 years of silent adoration, however better one person may be for the other compared to the adversary at hand. But there was still time if I built up to courage to clear up the matter with Lupin after escorting him away after dinner. The key phrase is IF in that sentance, though. As it should be known, I was not one for courage. During my thoughts I found myself attacking various dinner foods on my plate until I noticed the mushy mess of pie, broccoli, and some red product on my dish was making me slightly nauseated. So I pushed it aside, aware that my fake hungry had ebbed as quickly as it came.

Dialogue raced through my mind. Various apologies and 'I have loved you since my first year' re-ran like muggle sitcoms in my brain until I thought I had the best idea of what to tell him--if I ever did. But what did someone in my position have to lose, after all. I was a friendless Slytherin who had a gay crush on a beautiful Gryffindor whose friends dispised me in every way. Dignity was of no matter any more. There was, in fact, nothing to stop me. So, I stood up from the table and, as nonchalantly as I could manage, strolled up to Lupin and tapped lightly on his shoulder. He turned very quickly, but without coldness. I was grateful for this.

"Er--Lupin, may I speak with you?" If there was dignity to lose, I would have felt its absence right about now.

"Of course, Severus," he replied calmly, standing up from his also uneaten dinner.

We walked down the hall and around the corner to the staircase. Nobody would be coming out for another hour.

"What is it Severus?" Lupin asked. I was shocked at the lack of hatred in his voice. It was mild and cool as always, but slightly hesitant.

"Well...I.....er...." I found myself pacing and decided to stop. Slightly shaking, I sat down next to him. "It's like this....W-when you s-said that you were...a-a-at-atract-attracted t-to me, I went into a sort of...shock. I went into a defensive mode and I said some pretty harsh things that, well--to be quite honest, I didn't mean at all. I meant the exact opposite, in fact--"

"You really hurt me back there, Severus. You don't know how hard you hit me when you said what you did--lies or no," Remus replied quietly, looking at a scar on his arm and tracing it with his finger. "You've been saying those kinds of things forever, and if you didn't mean it this time, you never meant it. Why do you feel the need to be like that?"

I wasn't prepared for him to reply, I still hadn't explained myself. But I decided to answer anyway.

"It's a long and difficult story to tell, Lupin, but don't deny that your little friends haven't said worse to me."

"This isn't about them, this is about you and me," he stated harshly. I was taken aback by the sudden iciness of his voice. I had never heard that tone from him.

"...Yes. Well..."

"I had never in my life been rude to you. I've made a point of avoiding confrontation with you because I always felt that you were a good person beneath it all. Tell me what to think now, because I really don't know," he continued, glaring at me with red eyes.

"If you'd let me finish you'd hear me say that I didn't mean it. I'm not used to affection, Lupin, especially not from someone I've...Well, not from someone I've liked for 5 years now without any returning of affection. Put yourself in my shoes," I declared evenly. "You were about to tell me once that we weren't so different, you and I. You're wrong, because I'm a coward. I'll admit it, Lupin, I'm a complete fuckin' pussy when compared to you. I don't have the courage to be honest."

"...You're not a--"

"I am, Lupin and don't you deny it. Now, listen, I'm doing my first brave thing by saying I'm sorry and--Lupin...Remus, I loved you since I first saw you on the train. I-I love your kindness, your ability to see beauty in even jackasses like me, your intelligence, your fragility-- and for once in my life I know someone likes me back...or did. I don't know how you feel now, but R-Remus--if you'll consider--"

"Severus, right now I am in one of the worst situations I've ever been in. I did have affection for you but you quickly made me lose it. You're very different than I thought you were and I need a lot, and I mean WEEKS to think over you and I even being friends again. Right now I'm in the company of people who love me for who I am and are never afraid to show it. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go to bed."

And with that he stood up and left, but not without turning at the last moment and whispering a soft "I'm sorry things went so badly. I would have really liked to have been with you"

It was that last turn and comment that made me want to jump off the edge of the Earth.