I open my eyes and looked around the unfamiliar morning atmosphere that was my bathroom, I'm normally use to waking up in my room and having my pillow covered in drool.
My eyes were still a little crusty from all the crying, I stand up and look into the mirror... big black bags are under my eyes, my eyes are blood shot, swollen, and blank.
How did I fall asleep in the bathroom anyways? Ah, I remember now... I threw up... at how real this was... so real I couldn't stand it that I just threw up... who the hell does that!?!
The phone is ringing... 3 o'clock already?
I walking into the dining area of my apartment and answer, "Hello?"
"Jou?"
"Honda? What's up man?"
"... why weren't you at school?"
"Eh, slept in."
"... Really?"
"I just woke up actually."
It really wasn't a lie! I did sleep in... with no intention of going to school today.
"Hmm... wanna hang out?"
"No... I just wanted to spend the day alo--"
"I'm bored and my mom is being anal, I'm just going to say that I am coming over to do homework! I'm not taking no for an answer! Adios!"
After that the phone just gave me a dial tone... I sigh and hung up the phone. If Honda is coming over, I'd better go clean myself up before he sees me like this...
15 minutes, a knock is at the door, "Come in!" I yelled.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Honda greeted as he took off his shoes at the front and walked towards me.
"Sup man?" I said in a trying-to-care kind of voice.
"You know, they're having a firework show down at the university? Everyone's going! We should go too! It's the biggest firework show of the year in Domino!"
"Nah... I wanna watch TV. There's going to be a new episode of South Park tonight."
"We'll be home before that! Let's go!"
How in the hell can Honda be acting so happy!? Isn't it obvious that I don't want him around!? Doesn't he realize that I SLIGHTLY look like I'm dying or something?! I must be a great actor or something. Might as well get it out... at this point... I really don't care who knows at this point... well...
I do, but this is Honda...
wait, what if he freaks out that I've had sex with another guy!?
... whatever, I've lost the person I loved more than anything, hey, why not risk your best friend, too?!
"Honda... Look... I... have a problem... you probably won't be able to except this but--"
I was interrupted when I looked up at him and saw a serious look on his face.
"I know, Jou... I know about you and Kaiba."
Shocked, I scream at him absent-mindedly "How!? Were you spying on me?!"
"No, it was all on accident believe me... I just heard you to... in your bed room one day..."
I look down at the floor and began playing with my watch, this has become a habit.
"Jou, what happened? Please, tell me!"
I stopped playing with my watch, the sound I was making earlier was the sound of my watch, making a click sound every time I touched it, turned into a sob. Yes, I was crying infront of my friend... something I'd never do.
Honda pulls me in and holds me... what the hell!? He isn't calling me a pussy or anything!?
"Jou, please? Let me help you? Tell me, please?"
I pulled myself away from him and sniffled.
"I... Love him... so much... he doesn't love me."
I heard those words perfectly clear, they echoed in my mind all night and it's happening again now. I ended that sentence with a sob and fell back into Honda's chest... crying just as hard as I did last night. I have a headache now, crying takes a lot out of you.
"Shh" he soothed as he ran his fingers through my hair, "Jou... even if Kaiba doesn't think you're beautiful, or perfect, or love you... I still think you are."
I look up at in shock... He thinks I'm beautiful? He thinks I'm perfect? He... loves me?? Who would!? Why would he think these things!? Oh god, why couldn't Kaiba feel the same?! WHY!?
"I know how Kaiba treats you... yelling at you if you make one measly mistake and he'd embarrass you for it, making you look bad when you duel, or even act like a fucking human for that matter, always saying something was wrong with the way you dressed or how you puny, dirty, and grungy you look... I think you're wonderful, Jou. I always have." He said with a serious look on his face, he said that into my eyes... my soul felt slightly warmer.
"God... I just... this is too fast! Why did you say that!?" I cry even harder into his chest.
"It's the truth. I've always... loved you... Katsuya Jounouchi. And to see you like this... it's ripping me apart."
... Holy fucking armadillos Batman... someone actually fucking cares about me?!
"Do you wanna... kiss me?"
"... if, that's all right... can I?"
"Y-yeah..." holy crap this is corney I thought... I guess I've learned my lesson from Kaiba, don't jump into anything unless you're sure... heh better to ask questions first, right?
Honda closed his eyes and slightly parted his lips and gently placed them on mine, fitting his lips on mine and the tip of his tongue licking the crease on my slightly puckered lips, I opened my mouth a little and felt his tongue in my mouth. I returned the offer and put my tounge in his. My hands start roaming his back as he places a hand on my left cheek. I attempt to run my fingers through his hair, his hair isn't long enough... I got use to running my fingers through long hair I guess. While he's kissing me, tears stream out of my eyes, this kiss felt a lot more... special than Kaiba's.
He pulled his tongue back into his mouth and slowly closed his lips and pulled away from me, looking at me.
"H-Honda?"
"Jou, just... wow... I've been wait for that forever" he said with a nervous laugh.
I just smile up at him... am I going to be with Honda now?
"Jou... as much as I want to be with you... you can't you need time to get over Kaiba. I'll give you all the time in the world. I'll wait for you, as long as it takes."
Damn! Could he read my mind or something? I completely melted in Honda in that kiss... almost like as if I wanted to fall in love with him......
.... No...... Love... is an act of narcissism. We only love, because we like the feeling and the thought of it. You're not in love with the person. You're in love with how YOU feel or the thought of you receiving love. That's how I felt in that kiss, I felt loved. I have to realize that. Then again, the whole goddamn world needs to realize that. If you really love someone, you'd want them to be better than you, you'd alow it, and be proud of it... I allowed Kaiba to be better than me... I really loved him for it. His accomplishments and happiness were mine. It was so obvious that he didn't love me. If you really love someone you should be able to protect them. If you really love someone, you know you can't live without them... that theory is also an example of narcissism, just to be around for YOUR benefit. If you really love someone, you can't expect everything to be perfect 100 of that time, that is also narcissism. Love always has to go how YOU want it. In love, you go with the flow... that's how it felt with Kaiba... with Honda, it was the cliche "OMG, he kissed me! I wanna marry him and love him forever! Yay! He loves me! Who wouldn't!? I am so the best! And he's lucky! So am I!" you feel great, you feel like everything is perfect. But really... this isn't love. You love the moment, you love the fact that you just received love. Honda doesn't love me... he likes the thought of me and him loving each other. We'd be lovers of loving love. That's never a good way to go.
When the hell was I, Katsuya Jounouchi, an expert on love? Hell... I must've had a long talk with myself last night. Am I so sure I want to think that way about Honda? Am I positive that he is thinking this way?! Holy shit, this whole "love" thing was making my head spin.
I give him a warm smile accepting his little proposal.
"Thank you, Honda. I'll keep that in mind. I might not be the Jou you know after I deal with my demons."
"I'm willing to go through anything with you Jou... I always have. You know it."
Sighing, I pull him close and smile, "Thank you."
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...Sorry about the long "love" thinger! .o Just my little philosophy on love. My bad! xD I'm bad at explaining things, sorry if no one had any idea about what I was saying! It's just how I feel about love from afew my past experiences. --;
And the "Holy Fucking Armadillos Batman!" thing is an inside joke with my and my friends a few years ago!
Thank you very, very much to those who commented. It gave me so much motivation, you wouldn't believe.
I'll update again soon.