(An: Ok… it wasn't the end. So sue me. I had no intentions of continuing this, but Di suggested I do the B-hood and the X-men. Having a severe case of writers block on anything but crappy humor, I decided to do just that! Oh, things in – are my actions… they kind of sneak in there.)
Todd and Pietro were cowering behind the couch. Why, you ask? Well, for starters, the Acolytes were running around their house. John was acting like Gollum, Remy was quoting "The Raven" at the top of his lungs, Piotr was singing Veggietales songs at the same volume, Sabretooth was playing with a ball of yarn, and Mastermind had dragged them all over to the B-hood house because the Acolyte base was defunct due to all that. Speaking of Mastermind, he was the reason for all of the Acolytes… um… "oddness" and therefore was the one the B-hood wanted to shoot.
But, getting back on topic: Second, the doors and windows had suddenly acquired locks and bars, so there was no way out. And third, Lance was so mad about missing his date with Kitty that he was making small tremors every thirty seconds and the foundation of the house was trembling alarmingly.
"I say we HeX-bolt him!" Wanda said to Lance.
"Good idea," Lance agreed.
Wanda was just about to send a blast of bright blue energy at the monkey-like-
"Ok, ok, you think I look like a monkey! Can we move on now?!"
-"Dude, you're not supposed to talk to me. And I enjoy crushing your self-esteem. Now then, without FURTHER INTERRUPTION, we move on."-
Mastermind sprang up from his seat in the shadowy corner. "No! Now you shall feel the RAGE OF MASTERMIND!!!"
Wanda and Lance looked at each other. "…Um…"
"What exactly IS the wrath of Mastermind?" Wanda asked, somewhat timidly.
"What I did to those guys! And it's the RAGE of Mastermind!" Jason cried, pointing at the Acolytes, who paused in their odd happenings to stare.
Todd and Pietro sprang up, screaming, and tried to run off. However, they banged into the wall and sat there, dazed as Jason ranted.
"All right, then, let the chaos begin," Jason said. "Oh, and you guys are pardoned. Except you." John, Piotr, and Remy all stopped what they were doing, and sat down by the wall to watch. Sabretooth just kept playing with his yarn, though.
Jason rubbed his hands together, grinning, and stepped back into the shadowy corner from whence he came, eyes glowing yellow.
Todd, Pietro, Lance, Wanda, and Fred all suddenly stood up ramrod straight and walked into the kitchen.
"Why'd y' put 'em dere?" Remy asked.
"I need to think of a good revenge," said Jason. "Now be quiet or I'll take away your picture of Rogue."
Remy squeaked and huddled deeper into his trench coat, clutching a small picture.
John, curious, peered over his shoulder. "Is that Rogue… in the shower?"
Remy hugged the picture, a smile of utter bliss on his face. "Yes."
"Can I see?"
"NO!" Remy cried, springing up and trying to run out the window. However, he, like Todd and Pietro, had forgotten the bars on the doors and windows. He banged his head on them and lay in a daze on the floor.
"Poor boy. He's going to miss all the fun," said Mastermind. "Now then, to business!"
Mastermind decided to have his way with Blob first, since he had the least characterization.
Blob came out of the kitchen, dressed in a leather cat-suit, which was covered in zippers. He was singing, "Oh yeah I'm fat!" to the rhythm of "Bad" over and over again.
The Acolytes gave Jason strange looks (well except for Sabretooth). "What is it with the singing and the dancing?" Piotr asked, looking confused.
Jason shrugged. "There's something oddly appealing about it to me. Perhaps it has something to do with this quote: 'DANCE MY PUPPETS, DANCE!!!'"
"That's creepy," said John.
"Da," Piotr agreed.
"Now then, moving on!" said Jason.
Blob danced out of the room, still singing.
"Contestant number two!" Jason cried.
Todd came hopping out. He was wearing Pietro's costume, and was doing a dance. It appeared to be the moonwalk (1).
The two conscious Acolytes turned to Jason with a raised eyebrow.
"Wait for it…"
Out of nowhere a spotlight came out and focused on Todd. A mic came out of the ground and Todd grabbed it. "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!" He crooned the song, rocking back and forth.
"That's just dumb," said Pyro.
"Keep your opinions to yourself or I'll make you do a Legolas impression."
"Ooh! More fangirls!"
"What about Gimli?"
"I'm not that short!... am I?"
Meanwhile, Toddles had finished his song and was standing there in a daze, a trail of drool going down his chin.
"Never mind," said Jason, going back to his subject. "Run along, Toddy."
Todd blinked and then hopped out.
"Now then, moving on…"
Next up came Pietro. He was wearing a tight tight fishnet shirt and a pair of black leather jeans.
-author screams and goes off to find brain bleach-
"Stop being so melodramatic!"
-"Aah, shuddup and get on with it!"-
"Yeah, yeah," Jason muttered. He then waved his hands.
Pietro began to strut- not walk, strut. As if that wasn't creepy enough, he began to sing. "I'm too sexy" while slowly pulling off his shirt.
"That is so gay, mate," John said, shaking his head.
"It's a plea from the author to appease rabid fangirls who may've been angered by the Legolas/John comment."
"Ah," said Piotr.
"The way you phrased that made it seem like a slash pairing," said John, twitching slightly.
-"Hmmm…"-
"Don't you go getting any ideas!"
-"Wasn't gonna, you neener head. I ship Legolas/Storm. So ner. Now get on with it!"-
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Jason muttered. "Anyway…" Jason waved his arms again.
Now it was Lance who came strutting out, dressed only in a towel, which he had wrapped around his waist.
"Seriously, are you gay?" John asked.
"NO! This is mental eye candy for the authoress and her freaky little friends," Jason cried, outraged. "Now shut up!"
Lance began to dance, his hand never losing the grip on the towel.
-"I'm not all that crazy about Lance, ok? And anyway, this is only PG. Nudity would up it to PG-13."-
Lance ignored the author's comment and started singing, pulling out a bottle of Herbal Essences. "I'm gonna rock you senseless!" (2) He proceeded to sing the rest of the song, dancing around and washing his hair. He finished, bowed, and walked off to that little stretch of non-existence where Todd, Fred, and Pietro were also waiting.
"…" was the Acolytes response.
"John's right," said Remy, who had snapped out of it in time to see Lance's little performance. "Dat is really gay."
"Oh, shut up!" Mastermind cried, eye twitching.
-"You should get that looked at."-
"You're no better!"
-author sticks tongue out at protagonist-
"This is really bugging me," Mastermind muttered. "Well, Wanda's the only one left."
John sat up straighter, rubbing his hands together. "Now that's what I'm talkin' about!"
Wanda came out, in a black robe, a pointy hat on her head. "I put a spell on you, because you're mine! All right!" She began to dance around, singing the song and staring at John the whole time. At the end she ripped open her robe, revealing her corset shirt and shorty-shorts and slid on her knees, ending up a few feet in front of John. She stood up, and walked off to join the other B-hood members.
"You're not making her do that, right?"
Mastermind shrugged. "Personal influence does shine through my mind control."
"COOL!"
Jason shook his head. "Why am I cursed with such immature, juvenile compatriots?"
"Isn't that redundant?" John asked, in the tone of someone inquiring about the weather.
"How can someone who knows a word like 'redundant' put tinfoil in the microwave?" asked Piotr.
"Hey! I only did that once!"
"We still had to get a new microwave," Jason and Remy chorused. (3)
"Ah, shut up," John muttered, sulking.
"That's what I've been saying all day to you!" Jason shouted. "And now for the big finale!"
The entire Brotherhood came out, still dressed in their costumes. They linked arms and began to can-can while singing. "Brotherhood of the misunderstood, live and die here in all likelihood, you livin' in this town, better pray for sundown, and when you walk around, you keep your eyes down!" After this… um, inspiring performance, they bowed one last time, then went back into the kitchen.
"Dat was really weird," Remy said.
"Da," Piotr agreed.
"Definitely," John added.
"YARNY WARNY MEEoooWWW!!!" was Sabretooth's ten cents.
"Ah, but it was worth it," said a very satisfied Jason.
"It was still weird," John, Remy and Piotr all said in unison.
Sabretooth just made a purring kind of noise.
Suddenly there was the biggest tremor of all. "WHY AM I IN A TOWEL?!"
The Brotherhood house could simply take no more. There was a cataclysmal shudder as the entire place swayed and then… BOOM!!! The house collapsed, leaving the very shellshocked Brotherhood and Acolytes peeping out of the wreckage. "What just happened?" Jason asked, freeing himself from beneath a large beam.
"I t'ink we need a new place t' stay," said Remy, blowing up the wood slat that trapped him and John.
"But who do we ask?" said John, standing up.
"There's only one group we can ask," said Wanda, giving Lance a meaningful look.
"Oh no, I'm not goin' to them again," said Lance, shaking his head as he backed off.
"To the X-men's house we go!" Jason cried. "I suggest you put that away before we get there," he added, pointing at Remy's picture of Rogue.
" Non!" Remy cried, running off.
"You! Sic him!" Jason cried, pointing at Remy.
Sabretooth abandoned his yarn with only one sad look and pounced on Remy, nearly cracking his skull on the pavement.
"Ooh, that's gonna hurt in the morning," Jason said, wincing. "Come on, we need to go beg solace at the X-mansion."
(Next chapter, whenever it comes out, will feature the X-men, trapped in the mansion due to Defcon 4 while the hapless B-hoodians and Acolytes try to avoid the defense system and get inside, as they get ever crazier… It'll be out eventually.)
(1)Quickwart, anyone?
(2) It's from a commercial for Herbal Essences. Go figure.
(3) Quote from "I could grab it with my nubs", about the only John/Remy fic out there. Very cute.