Chapter 1: Don't Know Myself

Disclaimer: Gravitation is the property of Murakami-san, and since I am not her, then I don't own it. Simple, right? I DO own Sousuke, though--he's my weird, made-on-impulse original character. Even if he isn't all that important to the story, and probably won't ever appear again, please don't steal him. Thank you.

Like last time, the less-obstructing notes are at the end of the chapter. I'm trying to lessen the effects of my blabbing so I don't bother everyone as much...does this work better? Or do you all like reading the longer author's/authoress's notes at the beginning of the story? Please let me know, so I can make this work to YOUR preference.

Anyway, enough about all that. Enjoy this chapter, everyone.

"I just wanna get up and scream,
Say what I want to and not have to sift
Through all those fragmented memories of a broken self..."
 --From my original song, 'Don't Know Myself.'

"Here. I thought that after all that crying you'd want something to drink...although, you did spent a lot of time in my shower just now. You didn't drink up all the bathwater, did you, Shuichi?"

Gratefully accepting the mug of steaming tea from his friend, Shuichi smiled—but it was so brittle that Hiro almost likened it to a thin mirror, ready to crack any moment. "...Thanks a lot. I really appreciate everything you've done for me."

"It's not a problem." The redhead softly answered, sitting beside Shuichi on his bed—or, as it seemed, their bed, since Shuichi was presently snuggling himself in his comforter. "That's what best friends are for, right?"

Damp pink locks shifted up and down as he nodded in agreement. "Yeah...I guess you're right. Still...much obliged, Hiro."

Hiro exhaled deeply, releasing a breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding in while waiting for Shuichi's response. "So...you ready to tell me what happened to shake you up so bad? You aren't usually like this, buddy."

A pair of luminous amethysts shivered with a fervent emotion unfathomable to one not perceptive enough to figure it out. "...I'm sorry. I can't--"

Hiro unexpectedly grinned, patting Shuichi on the head affectionately. "Hey, don't sweat it, man. You don't have to tell me if you really don't want to...I'm just asking if you were ready or not."

Like he had expected, the smallest hint of a smile appeared on Shuichi's face. "...Thanks. I promise that I'll explain it to you...just not right now."

That's what I was afraid of you saying, Shuichi. Hiro thought mournfully, turning away from his friend so Shuichi did not have to see the frown curving his lips and worry lines forming on his forehead. Because if whatever happened is so bad that you don't even want to talk about it...then what could have possibly just occurred to make you like this?

"Umm...are you sure it's alright if I sleep here tonight, Hiro? I mean, if you need the space, I can always just go back to my parents' place and crash there for the night..."

Hiro's eyes narrowed in scrutiny and dismay, and Shuichi automatically knew what his next words would be. "Your parents' house? Yuki-san didn't kick you out again, did he?"

A quiet sigh of half annoyance and half defeat. "That's...part of the problem." Shuichi bowed his head, staring at the pallid sheets of Hiro's bed. "But, I dunno...he seemed pretty upset about something when he told me to get out. I think he needs some time to himself right now, that's all."

"Shuichi, how long are you gonna let this go on?" The firm yet gentle grip on Shuichi's shoulder expressed his serious, though he had meant to say the words in a more flippant manner. "If Yuki-san doesn't want you around, why do you keep going back to him?"

"It's not that, Hiro! I'm not such a...a masochist that I'd just keep going back to get hurt!" Shuichi cried defensively—though for whose defense it was, Hiro wasn't really sure. "It's just...I really care about him...and if he wants to be left alone for a while, then I respect that..."

"I can see that much." It probably hadn't meant to sound the way it did; but even Shuichi could tell his friend's voice was full of bitterness.

"H-Hiro...?"

"I'm gonna go sleep on the couch tonight. You can get some rest here if you want."

It was more a command, if anything, though. Shuichi didn't even the voice to shout for him as Hiro shut the door behind him, finalizing that the conversation was, indeed, over.

The city lights sparkled and glistened in the distance, and the taxi cab driver, a middle-aged, obese man of 45 years sighed when the light finally flashed from red to green. From Tokyo International Airport to his destination was supposed to take about two hours—but an unexpected traffic accident delayed them, ('them,' referring to the taxi driver and his passenger), much more than expected, and now night blanketed over the city like a cloaking veil.

Normally, Myoujin Sousuke liked being friendly with whoever his passenger was; by nature, he was a sociable guy, but there was also another reason he did this. It was now a known fact that if you were polite and kind with a customer, they would provide an extra tip if you were lucky to catch someone considerate enough to do so.

But since the very beginning of their ride together, the young teenager had only spoken once during the three-and-a-half-hour trip: when he had thanked Sousuke for picking him up when he had called for the taxi. Strangely enough, he seemed quite mature and well-mannered—a rare sight for someone in this day and age, at that age. Sousuke sighed deeply as he recalled his own wayward son, who always seemed to be getting into trouble with everything imaginable...

Shaking his head, Sousuke glanced at the rearview mirror long enough to catch the downward-facing head of the dark-haired Japanese teenager. "Hey, kid. Are you okay back there? You've been awfully quiet throughout this whole way—and mostly anyone stuck with a delay like this would have complained at least once!"

A pair of obsidian orbs flicked up to stare at the back of his driver's head. "...I'm alright. Just busy with a project right now...that's kept me occupied the whole way. I had been hoping for some time to finish this for a while now, anyway."

Sousuke scoffed again when they hit yet another red light. "Dammit...seems like Fate's conspiring for us to hit all the stops. So, what're you doing back there, anyway?"

The male grinned softly, holding out his sketchbook to Sousuke. "Why don't you see for yourself?"

Surprised, Sousuke's eyes widened behind their glasses as he stared at the image in front of him. "Holy shit...kid, you're pretty good! And isn't this--?"

"Sakuma-san is the person I came to Tokyo for; not for anything or anyone else." He smirked, carefully taking the piece of artwork back from the driver. "And for complimenting my work, I'll give you an extra hundred yen piece added to your payment."

Sousuke smiled, too; although for different reasons. "...Thanks, kid."

It was only a few minutes longer until they reached their destination: a complex of highly-expensive studio suites. Sousuke had to raise an eyebrow at the dark-featured male exiting the taxi, even after he received his proper payment and was helping his passenger get his suitcase out of the trunk.

"Hey, kid...you know someone who lives here? This is one hell of a place your friend's got, if it is..."

The teenager grinned yet again, taking his baggage from outstretched hands. "Oh, believe you and me when I say this, mister: it's not my friend who lives here. In actuality, I'm crashing at my brother's place for a while."

"Your brother?!" Sousuke was gaping. "You in a family of celebrities, kid?! What's your name?"

"...Usuegi Tatsuha." Tatsuha said as he walked off towards the front lobby of the apartment building. "And I'm related to the Japan-renowned romance novelist, Yuki Eiri."

"Ryuichi-san? Can I speak with you for a moment, please?"

Sakuma Ryuichi grinned childishly upon hearing his name, and nearly skipped into Tohma's office with Kumagorou in tow. "What did you want to talk with me about, no da?"

"Well, it's concerning your concert tomorrow...I'm worried for your safety, Ryuichi-san. You don't have a proper bodyguard now that Mister K is with the Bad Luck Project." The flaxen-haired president frowned, soft features contracting a bit. "I'm thinking of looking for a bodyguard for you...it will probably be a random selection, unless you have someone specific in mind..."

Ryuichi frowned, staring at Kumagorou left ear and decidedly biting on it. "Um...ffan fwee haff Faffuffha-fun, fnn?"

"Excuse me?"

He stopped nibbling on his pink bunny to speak normally, smiling again. "I asked if we can have Tatsuha-kun take care of me. He called me a few days ago and said he was coming to Tokyo soon, and I think he's arriving tomorrow, na no da!"

"...Well, I'm not so sure if that's a good idea." Tohma told him, uncertainty evident in his voice. Tatsuha-san is so young, still, and I doubt that he would be able to act mature enough around someone like you..."

"But...I wanna see him..." Ryuichi replied honestly, tugging on a stitch that ran loose from Kumagorou's belly. "Tatsuha-kun got my number all by himself and I think he wants to be my friend, no da...I know we only met once, but I wanna get another friend!"

Tohma finally gave in to his longtime friend and band mate, albeit with a quiet sigh of exasperation. "Alright, then...honestly, Ryuichi-san, no one can resist it when you put your mind to things and actually try to convince someone...he can stay with you and protect you, but only for the concert tomorrow because you asked. No exceptions."

"Ah! You mean its okay!? Sankyuu, Tohma!" Ryuichi chirped, already out the door. "Don't worry—one day alone is JUST fine, no da! Kuma-san and I are really grateful! Well, see you tomorrow!"

As the olive-haired singer dashed out of the room, however, he lost the happy bravado midway and began walking normally. I don't even know why I want to...

...I just know that I want to see him again.

"Hen desu ne, Kuma-san?" Ryuichi nuzzled Kumagorou with his cheek, staring at the ceiling as he walked. "Even I don't know what I'm doing sometimes. When everybody wonders what I'm trying to prove...

"...I go and ask the same thing of myself."

Wow, you guys actually like my story?! Wahhh...I'm so happy! Domo arigatou gozaimasu, minna-san!

A special thanks goes out to Yaoifangirl15, goku-the-saru, (thanks for putting me on your favorite authors' list!), and clari-chan for being the first ones to review Paradise. Hugs for all of you! Everyone else, thank you too for the moral support--I love you guys, too!

I've even gone to everyone's pages and read (at least) one of everyone's stories...you're all great writers, too, you know, and I'm glad to have read your works.

Oh, and could anyone tell without the added song lyrics that the titles of every chapter are song titles? It goes the same way here, too...if you know the song, then you might find out that the lyrics fit the mood of the chapter. I am going to try and do that every time I add a new part to Paradise. I hope everyone likes this idea...if not, please let me know.

Lots of hope for the next chapter...this one was a bit less angst-ridden than the last, but I assure you that things should pick back up next chapter. Once again, lots of thank you's to everyone, and see you in chapter 2.