Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi: The Next Generation.
A/N: This little one shot came to my randomly today, so I just had to write it. It also contains spoilers for episodes that have not aired in the USA yet, particularly Time Stands Still (part two), Neutron Dance, and Bark at the Moon.
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At an early age, you learn that everyone has their special little guilty pleasure. That guilty pleasure is something constant that will be there when you feel as though the world has stopped turning. It's a shame, how some of those are considered completely and utterly wrong. Drugs? Can't do them, they'll ruin your life. Stealing? Against the law, you can go to jail. However, those are all inanimate objects and actions. What about people? People are such a different playing field when it comes to guilty pleasures. There are emotions and a bunch of other messy stuff you have to deal with. I just wish it wasn't complicated like that. I wish that there weren't barriers preventing me from divulging in my guilty pleasure. But no, he has a girlfriend who he worships like a queen. I'm supposed to be loyal and respect that. Screw loyalty and morals. I want what I want and there's no stopping me.
However, there is. That ugly little concept known as unrequited love.
There's always been this desire bubbling inside me for him. It weighs me down. A fire burns and howls inside of me. However, I've distracted myself from listening to the commands of that fire. I often teased him. I often attempted to brew a jealousy inside of him. He never budged though. He was a rock and I was just poking him with a frail branch. Everything I did was never enough to have him fall into my grasp. I've always been on the brink of breaking him and attempting to scoop him up. But then he's had his distractions. He's been broken by girls who perfected the craft better than me. They knew his blue print. They could make him treat them like a queen while jealousy bubbled inside of me. I don't know why I was never successful though. I mean, hello? I could get a guy to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I knew how to control them, crawl under their skin and leave only an empty shell of their former being. I could break them and torture them. Maybe he knew that. Maybe he didn't want to get involved in the tangled web that could possibly become our relationship. He was never a confrontational kind of guy. If confrontation came to him though, he would claw and fight back. He knew how to survive. We had that in common.
He's never played the game I've wanted him to play with me. I've always been "just Paige" to him. I've always been just his best friend's girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend now, but that's just a minor detail. I'm not even sure if they're on speaking terms considering that Spin stabbed him in the back multiple times and twisted the knife with the last stab. Spinner betrayed him and hurt him. In my eyes, Jimmy should not redeem Spinner. He shredded apart Jimmy's future and his glory. Anyone who does that to someone should be chewed completely and spit out with no remorse. But Jimmy Brooks is a humanitarian; he forgave Spin after the whole MP3 incident in grade nine. Ugh, whatever. Forgiveness isn't exactly my best friend.
Seeing him lying there in that hospital bed ate away at me. I just couldn't live with the fact that someone had felt such bitter hatred towards Jimmy. I still can't. Now he's damaged goods. He's no longer the star of the sports realm. He's now a statistic with school violence and part of a disturbing trend. If I had my way, I'd scream at Spinner right now. I'd shout obscenities at him and ask him why he did what he did. But knowing Spinner, he doesn't even know. The boy has the intelligence of a toaster oven and for a year he was my boyfriend with the intelligence of a toaster oven. I guess I'm also the queen of mistakes as well.
And I'm also totally over Jimmy Brooks. I mean, I can't exactly have him on my mind when I'm too busy playing tonsil hockey with Matt Oleander, Degrassi Community School's resident Teacher Assistant. Because if I weren't over him, I'd be in his hospital room confessing my undying love for him. Right? Because if I weren't over him, I wouldn't be on a date with said teacher assistant right now. Right?
So that means I've rinsed myself of Jimmy Brooks.
Right?