Yes another chapter I promise things will start looking up soon for Hermione and Ron! A happy birthday to my beta and best of luck on her driving test tomorrow! Also a big thanks to her for fixing all my silly mistakes and trying to make heads and tails of what I have written. And as always to the DB crew you are all awesome thanks for the support in everything- remember just keep swimming.
With the chapter title- I had to change songs on you all. The song Once Upon a Dream had ran out of lyrics (I was only planning on a 5 chapter story but realized there was so much more that needed to be said). So I have just borrowed two lines from the song 'In His Eyes' also from Jekyell and Hyde. Thanks for all the reviews, please keep reviewing!
Disclaimer- If you haven't figured it out from chapters 1-5, I am not JK Rowling and will never be JK Rowling. Sorry with that said it also means I don't anything but the plot.
Chapter 5: If I'm Wise I would walk away and gladly
"Ron! " she jumped up looking at him in shock. What was he doing here? He was not supposed to be here, this is not how it was supposed happen. Thousands of questions were racing through her mind and it seemed like hours before she could finally choke out one of them.
"Why are you here?" barely registering the words she looked at him again. Why had she asked him that? Not- How did you find me? or What are you doing here? She instead asked him Why?. It was then she realized she really wasn't that surprised to see him here. She should have known that he wouldn't have listened to her, when had he ever? But what she didn't understand was how he had found the note so quickly.
"We need to talk." he said moving towards her. She looked at him really for the first time. He looked so tired the bags under his eyes were more apparent than they had ever been and the eyes themselves had lost so much of the light they used to carry. What worried her was she saw the same look in her eyes every morning when she looked in the mirror
"Ron, look we can talk tomorrow or the day after, just not tonight okay?" she sighed.
"No Hermione, we have put this off long enough," he started anger slightly edging his voice "we are going to talk tonight, right here, right now."
"Fine Ron," she conceded, "How did you know that I was here anyway? I thought you were staying at the Burrow until Sunday?" If he wanted to talk fine then they would talk but it was going to be on her terms, she told herself.
He took another step toward her making the distance that separated them only a few feet. "You know that is kinda funny actually. I was in my room at the Burrow thinking of you, wondering what had happened to us when and I decided that we finally needed to talk this out." his voice was beginning to rise in volume as he took another step closer "So I went home to talk to you and what do I find? An empty house! Everything that was yours is gone and all I am left with is a photo album and a damn note Hermione, a damn note!"
She started to interrupt him but he put up a hand to stop her "No I'm not done, not by a long shot. Do you think that I don't know you? Did you really think you could just leave and hide from me for the rest of your life? Come on Hermione give me some credit here. I have known you for how long?"
When she didn't answer he prodded again "How long Hermione? Come on answer me."
"Fourteen years." she said, the anger starting to build
"Fourteen years is a long time and honestly it has taught me a few things. After I read the note I knew where you'd gone. This has always been your safe place, it was easier for you here."
"I contacted Dumbledore immediately and he confirmed what I already knew. Finding you on the grounds wasn't hard either, you always came here when you were upset or after we'd fought. This was your place and everyone knew not to bother you when you came here, even Harry and I would stay away."
"Then why didn't you stay away tonight Ronald?"
"Because Hermione, I've stayed away long enough now. I am tired of living like this. Judging by your note I know you are too. So let's talk," he said anger now controlling every feature "I am ready to hear whatever you have to say."
"Ron," she began trying to control her temper "I think that you should go. I told you everything in the letter, it is going to be better for us this way, I don't want to keep causing you all this pain it isn't fair to you or your family."
"Hermione!" he yelled "I am tried of this. Stop trying to act so noble and like a picked on little martyr. You have been doing this for five months now and it is not going to work tonight. I am not leaving until this is resolved one way or the other.
Though he was angry she could hear the pain in his voice. Instead of softening her it made her bristle. She was the cause of his pain- why couldn't he get it through his thick skull that if she left he would be better off?
Seeing that she wasn't going to answer him he started again his voice becoming very still and soft "Please tell me what I have done wrong? I would at least like to know that."
She looked at him in disbelief. Did he really think this was about something that he done? That was ludicrous.
"Ron," she sighed "You haven't done anything. It is just going to be better for you this way. Trust me."
"Better for you, I think is what you meant to say." the anger again returning
"No Ron, better for the both of us. You don't need me or want me around anymore, we both know that so if I just leave..." he was right in front of her now so she turned her back on him and started walking toward the lake "Merlin Ron- you weren't even supposed to know I had left. I was trying to make this easier for the both of us, so we didn't have to have this conversation. I didn't want to hurt you..."
"So you left a note? Really I thought Hermione Granger was supposed to be the smartest witch of her time. Did you really think that a note was going to take care of anything? Honestly."
She looked at him, not registering that he had finished talking. He hadn't called her by her maiden name in five years, not since they were married. He had always been so proud that she was his wife, a Weasley, that he made sure no one had ever forgotten that. She could feel the anger in his words now and it made her even angrier. What right did he have getting mad at her? He was the one that was forcing them to have this conversation.
"Ron, you and I both know that the marriage was over the day Richard died. We were just living a sham and I couldn't take it anymore." she said no longer even attempting to control her anger.
"That wasn't my choice, Hermione. You were the one who turned away. You were the one that wouldn't talk about anything. You were the one that walked out." he spat at her
"Really Ron- this is why I just left. I didn't want to have this discussion. I saw my opportunity and took it. Is there really anything wrong with that?" she questioned
"You know, you really are selfish sometimes." he said in a low voice "Did you know that? This isn't always about you Hermione. You weren't the only one who lost a child that day. You may think that you are but I was his parent too. So don't pull the 'I really don't want to hurt you' speech on me. The person you really didn't want to hurt was yourself."
She just glared at him not really noticing the pain evident in his expression.
"Can't you see you are not the only one hurt by all of this? Harry and Ginny lost their godson, my parents lost their grandchild. There were so many people that were hurt that day and instead of pulling together and leaning on each other for support like we have always done- you simply pulled away and started to live in your world of self pity. I have tried to be supportive, I have tried to help but I am done now. I can't do this anymore. If this is what you want that is fine, it is your decision. But stop trying to pretend that you are doing this for the rest of us!"
"Ron I am not staying to listen to this." she said turning to leave
"You stay right where you are Hermione or so help me."
"So help me what Ron? What are you going to do? Leave me? Well new flash- I have already left!"
Ron looked startled and hurt started to show in his face but she didn't care anymore. She had tried to be polite. She had tried to be understanding but she was done now. She hadn't even wanted to have this conversation he was the one forcing it.
"You know what Ron. You are right." he looked at her startled "You should be done with this relationship now. Because you know you really haven't been here the last few months either. Have you even really stopped to look at me and ask me what is wrong? Have you? Did you know that I can't stand looking at you everyday because I am afraid one morning you will look at me and realize I was the one that took your son away from you. Do you remember the last time you kissed me or even held my hand?"
He looked at her, guilt apparent in his face but he still made no move to speak.
"This is what I have had to live with Ron, your blame. You wouldn't give me the time of day and everyone else took pity on you. 'Oh, poor Ron'" she mimicked "his wife doesn't go anywhere anymore.' 'Oh look at the poor boy he lost his son and now his wife is treating him like dirt.' 'What a wonderful man he must be to put up with her' you know what Ron I think that you have enjoyed this attention."
"Enjoyed?" he echoed "Enjoyed? Do you really think I have enjoyed this Hermione? Do you think the last few months have been a picnic to me? Do you think I am looking forward to telling my sister and best friend that their best friend is not going to be at their wedding? You couldn't even tell them yourself, you had to leave it to me!"
"Do not bring Ginny and Harry into this, Ron." She warned
"Why not? You know you should have seen the look on Gin's face this morning when I arrived without you. She really wanted to talk to you and get your advice. She has been the one telling me to give you more time to work things out. She thought you would eventually come around. She looks up to you Hermione though I don't know why. I wish she could have seen and heard you tonight. She could have realized that the person she admired all these years cared nothing for her happiness at all."
Without knowing what she was doing she reached out and slapped him. He took a step back holding his cheek, just staring at her. She was still angry but the anger was again giving away to guilt. What had she done? He was right he was right about everything. She had only been thinking of herself but she still thought that leaving was the best answer. Closing her eyes she tried to get control of her emotions. Hoping that when she opened them he would be gone.
He wasn't though he still stood there staring at her. She looked at him and shame overwhelmed her.
"Ron," she sighed "I don't want to do this anymore. Do you really think this has been a picnic for me? Everyday I have woken up with a fear that today will be the day you realize what I have done to you. What you have lost because of me. I just couldn't do it anymore. It is my fault that Richard died. Can't you just admit that? This is my entire fault."
"You know what Hermione, we are through here. I can't play this game anymore. If you want me to leave I will but stop blaming yourself for our son's death. You did not kill him Malfoy did. Or have you forgotten that?"
He turned to head back down the path to the castle but he stopped hearing her next words.
"If I had let you kill him that day this never would have happened."