Chapter 18
The wind blew fiercely in the cold of the night but, thankfully, the snow was only intermittent, instead of the blizzards they had endured earlier.
Zaruyon had curled himself into a tight circle, and Kuja huddled in the center, pressed against the flesh of the dragon's stomach, warming himself at their meager campfire. Zaruyon's massive bulk shielded Kuja from the worst of the wind, and the fire was at least enough to thaw the dragonbond's freezing limbs.
"Oh, Zaruyon," he murmured, pulling his blankets tighter around himself and laying his face against Zaruyon's scales, "you put up with so much from me. Flying me in, helping me climb, carrying the supplies, keeping me warm like this. I don't deserve this kind of loyalty from anyone, let alone a dragon."
The voice in his mind chuckled warmly. I am a large creature, Kuja. Why should I not use my bulk to shield you from the wind? It's there anyway. Why should I not carry you up stretches of rock that are too steep for you but easily passable for me? What trouble is it to carry a few packs when I hardly even notice the weight, especially when they would be such a burden to you? No, you are not asking anything of me that I am not perfectly willing to give.
Kuja smiled and closed his eyes. "I'm not sure what I ever did to end up with friendship of someone like you, Zaruyon, but I will forever be thankful for it."
Zaruyon's tail tip was draped across his snout, and to all appearances, the dragon was asleep. But though the large eyes were closed, he was very much alert. Kuja was infinitely glad of someone to talk to; Zaruyon had offered him more assistance on this trip than he had ever hoped for, and a good thing too. The climb was taking a lot longer than he had anticipated. Every second that ticked by, he knew that Blank's condition back at the castle was growing worse and worse. He prayed silently that he would be able to retrieve the antidote, and that he could make it back in time.
He had nearly dozed off when Zaruyon spoke to him again.
Kuja, why are you doing so much for this Gaian?
"Hm? Oh." Kuja pulled the blanket across his face as a particularly fierce gust of wind made it around Zaruyon and whirled the snow up against them. He waited for it to subside before replying. "It's my fault he's this hurt. I have to help him."
Is that the only reason? Zaruyon asked.
Kuja's first instinct was to bristle at the insinuation, but he clamped down an iron control on his emotions and tried very hard to think about it, to analyze what he felt instead of simply succumbing to it. "I suppose..." He swallowed nervously. "Blank means a lot to me. He's the first real friend I've ever had, if you don't count my brother. He cares about me for myself, not for my power, or my prestige, or my looks, or anything, just... me."
Are you in love with him? Zaruyon asked bluntly.
For a long time Kuja didn't answer. "Would it be so bad if I was?" he said eventually, his voice very soft.
Zaruyon's tone was warm when he replied. No. Not at all. I am glad for you that you have found someone to care about. I simply wished to know. And I had wondered whether you had clarified it in your own mind yet. For I have seen the evidence of your love for him. I do not wish for you to be afraid of it.
"That's kind of you, Zaruyon," Kuja said.
Zaruyon did not reply, and Kuja began once again to drift off. In the back of his mind, he processed Zaruyon's words. Was he truly in love with Blank? The thought made him want to laugh at himself. Who was he to know what love was? How could he possibly have anything to compare it to? He simply knew that he felt a connection to Blank that was stronger than anything he had ever felt. And he didn't want that connection to end. Not by death certainly, but even after Blank had been saved-
'If he can be saved.'
-he didn't want them to be separated. The very thought made him feel cold inside. He wanted to be with Blank. He wanted to stay with him, and talk to him, and feel the way he stroked his tail, and the sweet pleasure of his kisses.
'I do love him,' Kuja thought as the darkness of unconsciousness began to creep about him. 'I love him, and I want to be with him. Forever.'