Hey guys i know could i have gone longer without posting? sorry about that --- here it is. I know i haven't spoke to some of you guys in a good while but hey guys i'll get to it soon. - - - sorry again alot of hectic stuff going on right now! ! ! Here is LIGHT UP MY LIFE LITERALLY!

Part 5 - the one she once was

Phoebe walked through the park, it was now around an hour since she had left the coffee shop and she was still thinking of the words they had spoken to each other, the father of the dead child and herself. She couldn't look at him through out there meeting, not fully in the eyes because what little she did see showed way too much emotion, more than Phoebe could handle – she was trying to deal with her own, his added to it would have magnified the intensity of her emotions greatly.

He had asked questions, and Phoebe had managed to keep it professional – she managed to answer like a fire fighter, facts, figures and the probability was what ruled the convocation. She talked like – like she had not been emotionally traumatized by the event, like it had not affected her. She was unsure of how she had managed to do that…but she had. DID the training really work? What she was taught kicked in and Phoebe just spat out the answers. Even if herself she didn't believe them.

It was the end of the convocation that had killed Phoebe the most, he thanked her – the father who had lost a child, thanked her for her attempts to save his family, and thanked her for saving his life. Phoebe only wished that he could be thanking her for saving his baby. But he couldn't.

Right now she wanted to be alone, no sisters, no boyfriend and no emotional people. Just herself, She needed to sort all of this out.

-----

She had done the searching for herself, now she walked towards the door of the person that she needed to be held by. Lifting her hand she knocked it twice. It did not take long for the door to be pulled open, "Phoebe, Jesus…I was worried. You were meant to be here hours ago, like four and a half. Are you okay?" He asked pulling her into a tight hug.

She complied and put her arms around him, "Sorry, I didn't mean to be late…I mean I left the apartment over five hours ago but…" She stopped, and then looked up at Darryl, she kissed his lips softly, "I love you" she said

"I love you too Pheebs" He sighed in relief kissing her forehead, "Where were you?"

"Coffee shop with…the dead baby's father" She explained

He pulled back, "What! Are you okay?" He feared that Phoebe was emotionally broken from this

Phoebe nodded, "yeah…well as fine as I can be with all of this…"

There was a pause, "Come on come in and sit down… movie and pizza while we sit in front of the fire sound good?" He asked

"Just what I need" She answered

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They had eaten the pizza and were sat on the chair in each others arms, "So you are going back…you know that means I don't get to see you as often…I mean the past few weeks…I really like having you around…not working nights and stuff"

"Well to be honest, I need to get back into it…if not now I do not think I ever will"

"I worry about you…every time you walk out of here to go to work…I worry" He admitted

"I would not have it any other way" Phoebe smiled,

"I sit up wondering what you are doing…if you're okay…where you are" Darryl looked over at the burning fire, "I'm scared for you"

Phoebe hugged him and rested her head on his chest, "I do the same when you leave me…every morning you leave the apartment and I wake up wanting you so bad and fearing I'll never see you again, fearing that something will happen to you"

"I wish that I could make everything better for you" he admitted

"only I can do that…but been with you helps" She admitted, then after the silence Phoebe then again spoke, "Piper wants to know the guy that leaves so early" Phoebe then smiled, deciding to lighten the mood

"Really and what did you say?"

"I told her I was innocent before running out of the apartment" She laughed, Darryl also laughed, "She really wants to know who the cute guy with the great smelling aftershave is you know"

"Really, and what are you going to tell her" Darryl asked as he hugged Phoebe to his chest running his hand through her hair.

Phoebe felt so relaxed, and for the first time in ages settled, she closed her eyes and answered, "I have decided to tell them about …my fantastically great and very sexy boyfriend…"

"Really?" He asked, "Are you sure about that…because I thought…"

"Baby did I ever tell you that you think too much?" Phoebe asked as she looked into the fire

"No… but you always tell me how much you love me"

"Is that right? I don't recall" Phoebe teased as she turned so she was now lying on her back looking up at him

"Oh you don't remember, come on…are you telling me that you don't remember this?" He asked bending down and kissing her softly, Phoebe moved while still kissing him onto his lap and he put his arms around her. She pulled back from the kiss, "I love you" She spoke softly as she hugged him, "I love you so much" She spoke into his neck.

"I love you too baby" he said as he hugged her close

"I'm sorry" Phoebe spoke, "I'm sorry about everything"

Darryl moved his hand to Phoebe's lower back, "Nothing Phoebe, nothing at all to be sorry about" He reassured her, she sat back a little and looked into his eyes, "Nothing" He said again. She kissed him again. She loved this guy.

As they sat in each others arms, Phoebe just wanted to know why? Why had it all happened? Why had everything in the past weeks happened, "I am going to tell them" Phoebe said as she sat on his lap with her head rested on her shoulder, Darryl was running his hand through her hair as the two spoke.

"About us?" He asked

Phoebe nodded, "Yeah, you know why I haven't before right?" She asked as she kissed his neck, "I really love you Darryl, I mean beyond anything I have ever felt before…I'm scared I'm going to lose you and that's why I didn't want to tell them. I have trouble dealing with other peoples pressure and stuff."

"I understand Phoebe, I get it. I fell the same way that you do about this, relationship. I don't need your sisters to know for you to prove anything Pheebs, honey tell them because you want to not because you feel you have to."

Phoebe smiled; she loved how understanding he was, supportive and loving. "I want them to know who the great guy is who has been watching out for me, I want to be able to wake up with you lying next to me in the morning. I want you to know how much I love you"

"I know Phoebe…and I love you too" Phoebe kissed him; she kissed him softly and fell once again into his safe loving hold. She belonged here, with him. The only thing she hoped for was that she could get passed the fire and…get through it all mentally gaining the strength to actually get back into action. And once again be able to be the fire-fighter she once was.

But would she ever be that person, the one she once was?