Awakenings
Part 2
Where the hell was she?
I've been searching for her for the last couple of hours and it's like she disappeared. This was so not like her. Why did she run? The Samantha Carter I know would never runaway she would face any situation head on. But then again I haven't known what has been going on her head for sometime now. With things spiraling out of control between us I never thought I would see the day that she would run from her problems. The Samantha Carter I knew would never had let the bastard hit her.
I gripped the wheel worrying that in the state of mind she had left the hospital she might hurt herself or worse be involved in an accident. My hands started to hurt I could see my knuckles were raw from the punches I had inflicted on Paul.
I corrected myself. His name was Pete, I had to remember it even though I hated this name that had change everything between us.
I wasn't sorry for beating him up I'd rather enjoyed it. It was hard to control the rage I felt. It was like everything I had been holding back was unleashed on him but he deserved everything that I had dished out. He dared harm the woman I would die for. The bastard dared to hit my Sam. I was planning on making him pay for that but now was not the time. I needed to find her and get her back to the hospital before it was too late and she would have to live with the guilt of not being there for her father in his last hours.
This day had started out good I was taking a couple of days off going up to my cabin to go fishing and I was going to try to start a life with Kerry.
I was loading thing into my truck and waiting for Kerry to arrive from the airport when there was a knock on my door. It was Sam. She looked distraught I asked her what was wrong. She said she was sorry for all the pain she had caused me. That she was wrong for trying to find happiness with Pete when she knew she could only be happy with me.
She turned to me and asked "Jack, if I gave up Pete, broke off my engagement and retired from the SGC would you find it in your heart to forgive me and give us a chance to finally take it out of the room," she whispered to me and took my hand.
I was taken aback. This was everything I had wanted to hear from her for so long. That she did care for me. But was it too late. Was she doing this because I had found someone else? Was she just toying with me so that I could still be her back up plan if things with Him didn't go right?
I stepped back and I saw her flinch. I didn't know what to say. I was angry. I walked away and looked outside. What did she want from me? She had moved on I was moving on and now that she wasn't the center of my universe she comes running back to me and professes her love. No. There was something missing her something that had made her come to this decision.
I asked her why she was doing this. That she had made the choice for both of us when she started to date super cop. I told her I only wanted her to be happy and it had turned out to be with another man and even though it hurt I did not stand in her way. I told her it wasn't fair to me or Kerry. That life was like that you couldn't change it on a whim.
I knew I had hurt her with my words but I didn't care. She was the one that had initiated this whole thing she should be made to suffer the consequences of her actions. I said that I was sorry things weren't as she wanted but dammit I was tired of waiting in the wings and I only took her lead and found someone new.
She said she was wrong to have given up on our love but she wanted more then I could give her.
I threw my hands up and said that was not my choice it was her decision to leave it in the room that I was more then willing to bend the rules to be together but I had respected her wish and then threw at her that we had made a silent vow to wait till we had finally defeated our enemy but it had been broken when she decided to get a love life.
She was angry now. I didn't care she had hurt me and now that someone other than an alien women had found me attractive she wanted me back. No thanks been there done that.
I told her she should leave, that Kerry would be here any minute and that we were leaving for the cabin at first light.
She gasped and tried to stop the tear that had escaped her eyes. She knew what going to the cabin meant. I had asked her countless time to come with me but she refused each and every time I had asked.
I remember looking for Carter after she had left her father's room. I knew she would have taken this hard, I turned the corner of the hallway to see this bastard yelling and shaking her and then raising his hand to strike her across the face. The blow was so hard she was knocked to the floor but she didn't fight back. My rage took over. I let out a roar and launched myself at him. I knocked him down, dragged his body and proceeded to pummel him with my fists with the firm intention to hurt him.
Teal'c and Daniel came running after they heard the bastard yelling for help. Teal'c came behind me and pulled me off of him I was struggling to get out of his grip and Daniel was yelling at me to stop. In a way, it was a good thing I may have killed him if they hadn't stepped in. Kerry went to help pick Pete up and to see if he was okay and the look she gave me was full of fear and disgust. For a second I wondered what I could have found in this woman, she so wasn't Sam. She had condemned me before even getting all the facts.
I yelled at Daniel and told him what Pete had done to Sam. Teal'c let me go and let out a low growl and proceeded to finish the job I had started.
He knocked Pete to the ground and was yelling at him of the many ways he would avenge his friend's injuries. Daniel pulled Kerry out of the way telling her she had better call security because he was about to start beating Pete as soon as Teal'c was done. Security came, as did a doctor to check Pete out and transport him to the emergency room Kerry went along not wanting to be with us in the mood we were in.
How long had he been doing this to her? Didn't the bastard know that people would kill him for hurting her? Thinking of how long this might have lasted I felt nauseous, he was violent with her, with the only person I cared about, and whom he should have cared about. He said he loved her, he had proposed to her and he had hit her. I should have killed him when I had the chance. There was no excuse for striking a woman or child in my book it just wasn't right.
I looked around and found that Sam had left without letting anyone know where she was going. One of the nurses saw her get into a cab and we called the company to see were she had been dropped off. They had taken her to her home and I went to see if she was okay.
I stopped on the side of the road and called Daniel for an update. I told him I had searched her house and found her bike missing. I called the SGC and told the SF's to be on the look out for her. Daniel said he had gone to every places he thought she might be.
Teal'c had just called him and said he was on his way to the airport to pick-up Mark. Petey boy had called him to tell him his father was in grave condition and might not survive the night. Mark had hopped on the first plane to Colorado Springs and would be arriving soon.
This could have been a problem but I had called the President and had given him a watered down version of what was going on. He had given me permission to let Mark see his father but he had to have one of us with him at all times. He said to tell Carter that she and her father were in his prayers and that he hoped all would turn out all right.
Daniel said he was getting worried and wondered if he should call other hospitals since we didn't know the extent of her injuries. I was silent. I wanted so badly to go back and hurt Pete more but calmed myself and told Daniel that was a good idea, I was going to call the Colorado Springs Police and have an APB put out on her. He agreed and asked me to call him if and when I had found her.
I hung up and started to massage my right hand.
Where are you Sam? Your father needs you right now and you decided to runaway. Where things that bad in your life that you couldn't ask for help? I chided myself and thought why would she come to you ? and why do you care?
I covered my eyes and answered out loud, 'you care because you've been hopelessly in love with her for the past 8 years and you hate to see her this way."
Love, how that word could either make or break a person.
If only she loved me as much as I loved her. But why would she? My mind responded, "she did once, or maybe you thought she did. You blew it Jack, she's moved on".
Everyone loved Sam. From every single tomarried man at the SGC to Narim, that nerd looking alien from Tollana, Marty the Tok'ra, the glowy light guy, hell, every freakin alien we had come into contact with was in love with her. I snorted and thought that even Thor had a thing for her.
So why do you care O'Neill? I asked myself? You've had every opportunity to do something about it and you haven't. The bullshit line you feed each other of the war against the Goaul'd, the regulations always an excuse.
You were the one that kept telling her to get a life, pushing her away from you, saying it was best for the team and when she finally does get a life you just stand back and let that weasel take her away from you leaving you alone again and with only yourself to blame. What did you try to prove by hitting him? That you were her guardian angel? If so you should have told her you loved her and you'd have avoided all this. You wouldn't be running around right now looking for her.
I started my truck and went to Janet's house maybe she was hiding out there. I started to think and wondered when did we grow so far apart, when did she stop caring?
Things started to change when she went missing in that gas bubble thingy on the Prometheus. I had felt my life had ended when I received the call from Hammond telling me that Carter and the Crew from the Prometheus were overdue 16 hours from checking in. He asked me to come in from my week down time to see if I could help them figure something out.
Emptiness was what I felt and questions started to float around my head.
What if we didn't find her? What if the ship had blown up in hyper drive and I never got to tell her how I felt. What if she was hurt and trapped on that bucket of bolts and was calling me to help her.
I started to curse at myself. Why did I let her go alone? I should have come along to keep her company. Why didn't I just hog tie her and finally take her fishing with me?
I got to the mountain in record time only to have Danny come up to me and brief me on what was happening. He had suggested we go to planets that were in the route the Prometheus was taking to see if they had crash-landed there. I asked if they had been stranded on any of those planets then why they don't just use the Stargate to get home.
Poor Danny didn't have an answer for me but I went along with his theory, it was better than anything I had heard so I was willing to hope that maybe she was okay.
My hope was wavering after our 7th time through the gate with no word or any signs that she had been there or if the ship had crash-landed.
Danny asked if the Tok'ra had come up with anything. The General said that they had completed a trace of the route the Prometheus had taken and had come up empty handed. I stated if they stayed on course if not then what. No one could answer me so I left.
I started to close everyone off from me. I needed to cope and I was doing a bad job of it. My patience was wearing thin and I was about to explode. I was feeling helpless and needed to do something. Teal'c followed me to our locker room after the last bust. I told him I didn't want to hear it but still he stood and waited.
He began to talk and told me how Sam had felt when I went missing with Harry. He said she had felt helpless and could not cope with the thought of never seeing me again. He said she had been upset and had clung to him and cried on his shoulder.
She cried for me. Why? I tried to figure it out but didn't get a chance. The Prometheus had contacted the SGC to let us know that they were on their way back but were stopping at PX345 to transport Sam to get treated for her injuries.
I was happy we had found her but was worried about her injuries. It turned out to be a concussion but she would recover from it. The girl had brain cells to spare so she would be just fine. I felt relief. She was safe and I swore that I would keep a closer eye on her and if she decided to go off world again she would have me tagged along whether she liked I or not.
I sat with her in the infirmary just staring, enjoying the quiet time together. I was sitting close to her and had taken her hand. She had dark circles under her eyes and it pained me to see that. If I could I would take her place. Janet had walked in on me holding her hand. I let it go and jumped back not wanting to be given the third degree as to what I was doing.
Janet just checked her vitals and said nothing. I grabbed a stool and started to play with my yo-yo. She told me she should be waking soon and if I had anything to get off my chest now would be a good time. She walked out before I had a chance to respond. Was I that transparent? Was my heart hanging on my sleeve? I let out the breath I was holding and sat back down not wanting to strain our fine line between love and duty.
Sam started to stir. She saw me and said the one word that could always undo me.
Jack.
Whoa! She called me by my first name. Where did that come from? Should I get Janet or were we about to have that long overdue conversation when I profess my love and give it all up for her and retire.
I blurted out « excuse me? » and waited to see which way she would take this.
She seemed more coherent and said she was sorry and whispered our safe word.
Sir.
I quelled down my disappointment and said that a concussion could do that to you.
She started to ask how long she was gone and I went on one of my Carter like explanations to make her laugh and she said Sir again.
I answered her and said it was only 4 days. I wanted to say the 4 longest days and nights of my life but I held my tongue. Once again, thinking about it, I shouldn't have, we were alone, she was receptive, I'd been so worried that my heart was ready to burst out of my chest. But I didn't. and from that moment on things started to go awry.
I told her about the shindig that Teal'c and Daniel were planning and there was talk of cake.
She smiled, God how I missed that smile and added it was my idea. I got up to leave, needing to put space between us before I made a fool out of myself and grab her and kiss her and other things. I asked if she need anything magazine, yo-yo, me?
She said no that she was fine and right before I left she said thank you, I came closer to her and asked for what and she said nothing. I wanted to know what that meant but let it go and responded to her to think nothing of it. Why? What was the risk?
I left her alone then and went to see how the plans for the party were going and to tell the guys that Sam was awake. The party was a success. She had a great time and the cake was excellent. I was just happy to be in the same room with her and to hear her laugh was all I needed to keep my torch for her burning.
I got to Janet's and made my way inside. It looked like no one had been her for sometime. I looked in all the bedrooms and came up empty handed. I went to the mantle that had pictures of all of us. I picked up the photo of Janet, Cassie and Sam they were in the middle of a giggle fit. I outlined her face with my finger and wished she had not had to endure the past year. I took the picture and left. Marking Janet's house off from my list of places to check I got into my truck and went to the cemetery to see if she was there with Janet.
Things started to go back to normal after the whole Prometheus thing. No signs of Anubis or his Super Soldier and Daniel and the Tok'ra were making great progress in developing a weapon to kill them.
Carter seemed more relaxed and I had even caught her daydreaming once. I didn't pay to much attention thinking she was contemplating a new doohickey.
But things came crashing down around me when I was riding the elevator with her and she started to hum.
My heart nearly stopped. I could feel the bile rising to my throat and closed my eyes as I felt the coldness sweep into my heart.
I opened my mouth and the word that came out was humming.
She looked startled and said was she and I told her she was. She apologized but didn't say anything.
I knew I would regret the next question but I had to know if my gut instinct was true.
I asked her what was his name and she tried to cover it up and I said humming again.
She looked at me and I wondered if she could see my heart breaking. She said his name was Pete and that her brother had set her up. She said he was a cop and said that the whole situation was pretty pathetic.
I thought the only pathetic thing around here was me, having seriously thought that she could have been interested in an old broken down man like me. She said it was nothing serious, was she trying to let me down trying to save this old mans feelings. I retaliated and sarcastically said that it was hum worthy so it must be something. She tried to explain but I told her it was none of my business I put on my brave face and said it was great and that I was happy she had finally gotten a life.
The doors opened and I got out needing to get away from her. I could feel her staring after me but I didn't turn around, I had no right to. I had given up those rights when I refused to follow my heart. What I had to do was trying to cope with it, accept it. Since I hadn't been able to spit out my feelings, I had to behave. At first, I didn't quite succeeded, I went home and got drunk.
I had lost the reason I had used to still be at the SGC. Didn't we decide to keep it in the room? It was like a promise for the future. We can't act on our feelings now but in the near future when we get rid of the Goaul'd, we'd be together.
In every alternative universe we were together, but this one... I should have retired and proposed to her that same day. I'd lost her to another man who was probably younger and carrying a lot less baggage that was what kept floating around in my mind.
I kept my feelings to myself, willing me to go along with it and pretending it didn't bother me. We were getting ready for the stakeout and I asked how was Pete was, being the glutton for punishment that I was and just love to twist the knife that was now protruding from my back.
She said that she thought he could be the one to understand her job and what she did if only and she left it at that. I knew she didn't understand what her words were doing to me but my heart broke a little more that day and I decided to let her go to let her find her happiness and if it happen to be without me then I would have to accept that.
I nearly blew a gasket when I found Loverboy outside of our stake out trying to shoot at Osiris with his gun. He could have gotten Sam killed trying to come rescue her.
Come to her rescue, what a joke, she never needed any help, she could take care of herself, and if needed, I was there, she didn't need that nosy stalker. I found out later that the bastard had followed us to Daniel's and had been staking us out. He had to know what Sam did for a living. When he was hit she looked terrified. I pulled out my cell and called for help while she tried to make him comfortable. I called Hammond and told him the situation we were given clearance to bring him there he was given security clearance since he had been witness to Osiris.
I finally got to see the other man. He was younger than me and looked like a nice guy. I wanted to talk to him and was on my way to his room when I was nearly floored at what I saw.
There in front of me was Sam kissing him. I felt sick to my stomach, I turned quickly and bumped into the door, I needed to get out of the mountain, I needed to breathe. My poor heart could only take so much.
I was almost to the elevator when she came upon me. She wanted to thank me for getting Pete clearance so she could explain what we did. I couldn't speak and just nodded. I couldn't look at her. I would crumble if I looked at her lips, the same lips that had been kissing another man. These same lips I had kissed once, in a loop that now seemed like it never had existed.
The doors opened and I stepped in, she followed. I finally got the nerve to speak and ask if she shouldn't be with Paul. She smiled and corrected me telling me his name was Pete. I asked if he was all right and she said he was fine. She grabbed my arm to make me face her.
This surprised me, she asked if I was all right. I couldn't let her break through my defenses. She asked again and looked into my eyes with hers. I couldn't mask my hurt, I heard her gasp and she let me go. I turned to face the elevator and whispered to her that I was happy for her that she had found her happiness, that she deserved so much more. The doors opened and I walked out.
She kept following me and wanting answers. Hell Sam ! you're the smart one, you know I wouldn't cross the line, and now that you've found someone else, I need to keep my distance. A week at the cabin would do that I could drink myself to oblivion each and every night and try to erase her kissing him from my mind. At least I could try.
I didn't find out till later that the bastard had done a background check on Sam. Hammond had been alerted by Agent Barrett that someone had been inquiring about Sam, Daniel and me. They found the agent who had done the inquiry and he had fess up that Petey boy had asked for the information. Hammond asked me how I wanted to proceed with this and I said that he hadn't find anything on us and I didn't want to hurt Sam anyway. This could put a barrier between them and I told him we should just wait and see.
Things were strained after that. I avoided her at all cost. I would find out her routine and made sure I was not anywhere near her. Danny and Teal'c started to notice but before they could say anything she asked to go to the Alpha Site to help out her dad with the new weapon to fight the Super Soldier. Hammond gave her the okay and I felt relief knowing she would be off world and not with the bastard. I was jealous. That had never happened to me. I couldn't stop thinking about her, whatever I did, wherever she was. And knowing that onweekendsshe was with him, in his arms, accepting his kisses, giving him her body was driving me mad and sick. Being away from him for some time was in a way comforting. I could go and see her and he couldn't. that was my last privilege, having her for me off world.
We got word that Anubis and his Super Soldier had attacked the Alpha site. My heart was lodged in my throat. Was she safe? Did she get to the beta site?
We got to the Alpha site and were struck by the amplitude of the destruction. I needed to find her to make sure she was safe. I started to pray in my mind and promise God everything I had only to have her back safely. Even if it was not for me. I preferred to have her alive with him than not. I mentally blocked the word dead from my mind. She was safe somewhere.
We split up and we set out to search for survivors. Reynolds let it slip saying who could survive this. I wanted to slap him but only gripped my P-90 and walked towards the trees.
We found Jacob and he told us what we already knew, Anubis' Super Soldiers had attacked. He said he had the weapon that could kill them but Sam had the power unit. I asked him were she was.
What he said tore me to the core. He said he didn't know where she was or if she was still alive. I let out a ragged breath and told him not to worry. I would find her and bring her back safe. Jacob nodded and thanked me. I told Daniel to get him back to the gate and to inform Hammond that Teal'c and I would be continuing the search for Carter.
Crazy thoughts were running through my mind. I needed to find her, I needed to tell her that I cared for her. I needed to rescue her and keep her off world. My heart couldn't take the stress of not knowing if she was safe.
When we heard the explosion, we ran toward it.
I came over the ridge and nearly fell. There she was, hurt, dirty, a dazed look on her face. I was about to call out when the Super Soldier rose and was facing her ready to shoot. I saw her close her eyes and accept her fate.
I started to shoot, as did Teal'c. The Soldier was distracted and that was all she needed. She made her way to some boulders, I followed suit. I started to shoot with the weapon Jacob had given me and when it didn't work I asked Carter for the power source, she handed it to me without saying a word.
I killed it and was happy when I did. It tried to take away my life, my only reason for living, my last chance at happiness.
She asked me if it was dead. I asked Teal'c who confirmed it and I said yeah. I asked if she wanted to get up.
She looked like hell, there was a gash on her leg and it looked like she had another head injury. I had to remind her to start wearing her helmet again. We couldn't have her brain scrambled any more or we'd lose vital information. She looked ready to collapse.
She did something that I never expected.
She asked to rest a minute. I was in awe. Here was a perfect opportunity to tell her how I felt but I was afraid to cross our invisible line. She looked on the verge of exhaustion and I made up my mind, I told her to c'mere,and she did, without hesitation, she just melted into me.
I was in heaven. I was giving comfort to the woman I loved. Yeah I said it, I love Samantha Carter. She snuggled closer and closed her eyes. I ran my fingers through her hair like I always wanted to. I came close to kissing her but Teal'c came over to see what was the delay.
I told him to contact the SGC to tell them the soldier was dead and that Sam needed medical attention. He gave me a raised eyebrow but I chose to ignore it. I didn't want this to end so I waited a little longer, knowing the medical team would be coming. I looked down to see that she had fallen asleep. I came back to reality then. She needed Pete to comfort her not me. He will be there for her and help her heal. I started to get up and she didn't stir. By the time I stood up the Medical team had gotten here. I had fooled myself again, fooled my heart. Of all men around her, why would she need me when she had Mr Right back home ? Resting on a colleague's shoulder after a hard time was a normal reaction, she didn't uttered any word to me or acted like she needed something more than a little comfort.
They took her back to the SGC and I decided that I would not cause any waves and stayed away. I just checked in on her when she was sleeping. I had come close to ruining her relationship with Pete and I had to stop my selfish self and let her pursue her happiness. I debriefed with both General Hammond and Jacob.
I was filled in on the breakdown of the Tok'ra and Rebel Jaffa alliance and blamed the Tok'ra for leaking out were our Alpha base was. Jacob denied it and I said I didn't want to hear it. I left the briefing room and was getting ready to leave when Jacob came to say good-bye.
He asked me for a favor. He asked me to keep an eye on Sam. He said that she had seemed not herself at the Alpha site. I waited to see what else he had to say.
Did Sam tell her dad about the new boyfriend? He chimed in saying he thought it had to do with Pete. Jacob had met Pete the last time he was on Earth, said he was not impressed and that Sam could do better. He was too clingy like Jonas use to be and it seem that Sam was only going through the motions.
He said he wanted his little girl to have a normal life but he also wanted her to be happy.
I knew there was a reason I loved Jacob. I played dumb and asked what did he mean. He started to point out little quirks that he had seen. He thought she was running away from her problems, following the will of a man that was giving her what she wanted, what she had missed for so long, and that her judgment was, maybe, clouded by this rediscovery of love, without seeing the consequences and wished he had more time to investigate what was really going on in her life. I said that I'd keep her safe and that if anything happened I would be there to protect her.
Jacob did something that nearly floored me.
He asked me if I loved his daughter. I turned red and opened my mouth and gave him a great impression of a fish.
He smiled and said he knew it. He then asked me why I never did anything about it. Again I was speechless. How could I explain to him what I couldn't to myself? What it was to be a loser, who preferred tostand on the sidelinesthan making a sane decision.
He came close to me and said that he knew about the regulations and he new we would never cross that line that we were too good of soldiers and he knew I would never do anything to harm Sam's career. But he said there was a time when rules are made to be broken and that I would have his support if and when I decided to profess my love for his daughter.
"You are not what I had in mind for a son-in-law Jack, hell you're too old for her but I see the way you look at her. It's the same way I use to look at her mother and I know you would never harm her. But if you did Selmac will personally deliver you to Anise and tell her to experiment away."
I snorted and whispered thanks. I told him that I thought I was too late, that what he'd said was true but Sam's new beau was everything I wasn't and that I don't think she cared for me. Jacob shook his head and said that I should follow my heart and if his daughter refused me then she was a bigger fool then he thought.
He left with me contemplating what I should do. I loved her and I had gotten permission from her father to pursue this. I needed to think. I left without seeing her. If I had gone to her I would have gotten down on my knees and proposed to her right there. Told her I never wanted to feel as helpless as I had these last couple of months and that I loved her, that if I had waited too long I would understand and not stand in her way for finding happiness.
I made it to the Cemetery , pulled to the curb. I had bought some flowers from a vendor at the gate and was disappointed when I didn't see Sam's bike anywhere around. I got out of my truck and went to visit my friend.
I placed the flowers next to some that were almost dying. Sunflowers must have been Cassie's. She knew how much Doc had loved sunflowers. I knelt down and started to talk to Janet explaining to her everything that had happen and asking her to keep an eye out for Sam. I said I wished she was here, that she would have shown Sam what a bastard Pete was and would have warned her about this psycho. I left in search of Sam wondering were else she could be.
I got back into my truck and my phone rang; it was Teal'c saying he was at the airport but Mark's plane had been delayed. General Hammond had just arrived and said he would wait with him. He asked if I had found her, I said no, that I was running out of places to look for her. Teal'c said he understood and then handed the phone to General Hammond. I briefed him on everything. He let out a curse when I told him what had made Sam run and I asked if he could see if the bastard was still in the ER. He said he would then would get back to me. He suggested Hunter's Ridge, it was by the mountain and she would go there to work or think sometimes. I thanked him and said I was on my way.
I started my truck and headed out to Hunter's ridge.
On the way to the ridge I thought of Janet again. Her loss was a blow to all of us at the SGC but especially to Sam and Cassie.
I shook my head and thanked my lucky stars that my vest had protected me from the staff blast that had almost ended my life. It took me by surprise. One minute I was rushing to knock off a Jaffa soldier that had gotten to close and the next I'm on my back with my life flashing in front of me.
The "what ifs" that had held us back sprang into my mind. What if I didn't want to keep it in the room? What if I had retired ? would we be married by now and have little O'Neill's causing havoc? What if I don't survive this and I never got to tell her what she means to me?
I started to drift off, I heard her cry out in anguish "Sir", my good little soldier, I'm dying and she still can't call me Jack. I want to laugh but the darkness starts to engulf me. I could feel her. If I make it through this I'm going to have to reprimand her for almost getting herself killed trying to get to me.
Pain. That's all I feel. Her small hands are pulling me to safety. She's strong. I try to open my eyes but can't. I'm fighting a losing battle. I don't want my last moments with her like this. I want to see her smile not crying over a fool that could never have her love.
I heard her cry out. I opened my eyes hoping that she has not been hit. I pray to god that she's okay. I grasp her hand and she looks at me with tears in her eyes. She doesn't look hurt so, are those tears for me?
She bursts into tears and I try to shake the bleariness in my brain. She runs off and I call out to her. Something wasn't right and I needed to go see what it was. Teal'c came to me and informed me that Janet had been hit.
My fault.
That's the first thing that comes to my mind, if I had shot the soldier that was going towards Janet's and Daniel's position… I closed my eyes and asked how bad. Teal'c doesn't answer and I know. Our sweet Janet would not be walking through the gate ever again. One child was motherless again. One best friend would be in mourning and would have to take the responsibility for said child. And three men would have to be there to pick up the pieces while trying to mend their own hearts.
I was lucky, a couple of bruised ribs that would heal, but dealing with this loss that was so close to home. I did a lot of thinking those days in the infirmary. I wasn't getting any younger. I had to think of the future. I had almost lost Sam twice in only a couple of months. SG1's luck was running out.
I made up my mind to retire and profess my love to Sam. Tell her that I didn't want to lose her, that my life would end if I ever did. I would tell her that I was tired of living alone and if she could find it in her heart to love me I would cherish and protect her till the day I died.
She came to see me while I was dressing. She had her soldier face on and asked how I was and how lucky I had been that the staff blast hit me were it had. I stopped and mumbled a lot good it did Janet.
I saw her wince and berated myself for opening that wound again. I changed the subject and asked how Cassie was doing, she said she would survive. She looked like she was about to lose it but came up with our safe word again.
Sir.
I stopped and waited to see what she would say. I saw tears running down her face and her turning to hide them from me. I wanted to tell her she didn't have to hide, that I understood how she felt and that this whole situation was so unfair.
She turned back around and I was taken aback at what I saw shine in her eyes. She was telling me she loved me but couldn't do it with words. I tried to speak but the only thing that came out was « come here. »
That was all she needed. I pulled her into my arms and she melted into me. She hung on to me for dear life, she was crying and I could feel the tears on my cheek. I wanted to kiss her so badly I turned my head into her neck and inhaled her scent. She always smelled clean like a newborn baby. I whispered to her that I was here, that I was not going anywhere and we would survive this. She didn't say a word, maybe I didn't say it out loud but it was what I was thinking.
We held each other for hours. I never wanted to let her go. I had made up my mind, I was going to Hammond's office and retiring, tell him that I couldn't fight what I felt for Sam any longer and I wanted out while I still had the chance to have a normal life with her.
She spoke at the memorial service. It was hard for her but I was there every step of the way, when she would seem lost in her thoughts I would bring her back to reality. I was there for all of them, they needed me as much as I needed them.
Cassie was so brave, I was so proud of her and when she had her anxiety attack before the service I told her if was okay if she didn't come; her mother would understand. I suggested we all stay at my house to bond, I just wanted to spend more time with Sam. I missed our times together and I was going to fight for the woman I love.
The nagging side of my brain was saying: what if she doesn't love you in that way. What if she only wants you as a friend? You're going to ruin your friendship if you profess your love. I didn't care. I was going to lay my emotions on the line, let her into my heart and hope she'd feel the same way.
I gripped the box in my pocket. It had been there since yesterday when I went to the jewelry shop to pick it up.
I was going to throw caution to the wind and give her two gifts: my letter of resignation from the SGC and an engagement ring with a note asking her to make me the happiest man on this planet.
She went home to pack some things and I was going to pick her up, I was going to do it at her house today and see what my future held.
I got to hunters ridge and started to look around. I went to her favorite rock that overlooked the valley. She wasn't there. I started to walk down one of the paths and tried to forget that day I walked into Sam's house.
The door was open and I was about to call her out and I had the ring in my hand when the rug was pulled from under my feet.
There she was kissing Pete. My heart dropped to my stomach and I stepped back. I was going to leave but she looked up from her kiss and I didn't have time to mask what I felt.
Coldness, sadness, emptiness, incomprehension, disappointment.
There would be no future for us. It was only an old man's dream that a brilliant, young beautiful woman would want to spend her life with such a loser. If ever I needed a proof, she just had given it to me, and in the most fiery way.
I put the ring back into my pocket and started to apologize for barging in and that son of bitch asked what was I doing there.
I looked at Sam and she explained what had happen. Something bugged me, if he was so important to her, then why hasn't she told him of the most traumatic thing that had happen in her life, the loss of her best friend. She used little words to explain to Paul that Cassie needed her and us to help coping with her loss. She asked what he was doing there and he said he had gotten some time off and wanted to spend it with her.
I left, telling Sam I would explain to Cassie that Paul had come into town and that we would be able to handle any emergencies, I turned away, not giving her any time to object. I cursed myself for being such a fool.
"You are so out of your league with her O'Neill, give it up. She's found someone else, stop being a doormat, get on with your life and stop behaving like a teenager."
I got to my house and Daniel looked like he had cleaned out the liquor store. I grabbed a beer and Danny poured me a chaser and we toasted Janet. He asked me what had happened to Sam and I told him Paul had came into town and she wanted to spend time with him.
Cassie seemed upset. She said that she didn't like Pete, that whenever Sam was at their house he would constantly call her to see what she was doing.
We sat around and started to watch TV. Daniel passed out and Teal'c was into the Twilight Zone marathon.
I went outside to my deck and started to star gaze. I didn't hear Cassie come up the ladder till she was behind me with her hand on my shoulder.
I asked her how she was doing, she just shrugged her shoulders. She sat on the lounge chair and started to shiver. I sat next to her and opened my jacket. She snuggled closer and thanked me.
She started to talk about what she was feeling. She was scared we would all be taken from her and used Sam as an example.
"He has her and he isn't the type to share Jack. What's going to happen to me? will I be thrown out? Will he be a wedge between our friendship. Why can't she see that he's so wrong for her? When will she see that you two are meant to be together and you when are you going to tell her you're crazy for her?"
This wisp of a girl just explained my dilemma in one sentence. I hugged her and said it was complicated, that she should accept Pete as part of Sam's life but if he ever did anything to harm her or hurt her feelings, she'd let her uncle Jack know and I would take care of the problem.
She laughed but then quieted down and started to sob saying she missed her mother so much that she wished more than anything she was here with her. I held her and rubbed her back telling her I wished the same thing, but I was here for her always, no matter what.
Sam came to my house the following day and I couldn't stand to see her. It just brought back what I had walked into the day before. Cassie was cold to her when she asked her when she was coming home. She answered as soon as Pete would leave and then asked if there was anyway she could move in with me. Sam looked at me and I couldn't hold back what I was feeling, I could see the hurt in her eyes but I didn't care. I wanted her to feel a piece of what I was feeling. She left to go back to him and my heart closed her off a little bit more.
Ikept walking until the path ended but no signs of Sam. I decided to go to the park that she and Cassie used to go to. I got into my truck and headed out. It was getting late and I still had no clue were she was. I recalled more of the past months and how I had literally shut her out of my life or tried to. Yeah, tried to. I've always been good at hiding my feelings, a real pro. Too much of a pro.
Things were strained between us. She was called away to Los Angeles to follow a lead with Agent Barrett, another one in Sam's long line of admirers.
I had a long talk with myself and concluded that I would never have her, that I was destined to be alone. I didn't want to be bitter any longer so I decided to bite the bullet and be happy for her. When she got back I invited the whole team to my house for a barbeque, even invited Paul. He was out of town and I was secretly glad. But I told her that I was happy for her and if Paul was what made her happy then I was happy for her.
We had a wonderful time talking and teasing each other. Sam and I betted a whole month of house cleaning that I couldfinish a crossword puzzle by the next morning.
I was going to win. I wanted to show her that I wasn't such a dim wit.
I never got to finish that puzzle or got to collect on my bet. We had found a repository of Ancient data and I downloaded it again in my brain.
It sounded like a good idea at the time. Daniel said it should have been him but he didn't see the look on Sam's face that made me do it. She would have done it if I hadn't. She would have sacrificed herself and taken the load.
I couldn't let that happen. I would rather die that have anything happening to her. I did it knowing the consequences, I was the logical choice. No family ties and if I died not much would change, and now I was sure I wouldn't be missed too long. Sam had Pete and her family. Daniel had Sarah, Cassie had all of themand Teal'c had his son and Ishta now. Once again I was the safest bet.
We got back and I requested time to get my affairs in order. I went to see Charlie, telliig him to make room for me, I was on my way. I smiled, at least I had that to look forward to. I went to see Sara and told her goodbye. I went home, checked my will and made sure everything was in order. I then sat down and started to write Sam a letter filled with all my regrets at not have followed my heart and why I never crossed the line.
I went up to my deck and spent the night there. I had made peace with myself and would wait for the inevitable.
She came the next day, she was more beautiful than I had ever seen her. I wanted to reach out, to grab her and smother her with kisses. But I couldn't do that to her, I couldn't scream my love out knowing she would feel guilty loving someone else and I wanted her to be happy to move on with her life and not mourn me.
I was aloof with her. It hurt to be in the same room with her knowing I could not have what I wanted. She asked questions and I shot them down. I was the jackass colonel again.
She got up to leave saying this was a bad idea, that I wanted to be alone. No Sam I don't want to be alone, I want to pick you up and drag you to my bedroom and make passionate love to you before I start talking to you in latin.
I told her to finish her beer then she'd have to wait an hour before she could drive. I was trying to make light of our situation. She said it should have been her to take the down load. I snorted and said was she nuts, that she was a treasure (my treasure) and one of the country's natural resources. She smiled. I stared at her, engraving that look and keeping it in my mind. When things would go tough later I would bring up this image to get me through it.
She was about to say something and I held my breath but we were interrupted by Teal'c and Daniel.
I started to see things and my mind was working overtime. I retrofitted the ship to go faster. I was working on something when she came to talk to me. She was babbling not like the Carter I knew. I stopped her, I knew what she wanted to say but stopped her. I didn't want her to live the rest of her life mourning me so I stopped her, caressed her cheek and told her I knew. I looked into her eyes and there was the proof I needed to know she did love me.
I defeated Anubis and his soldiers that day , and I became the human popsicle.
The last thing I saw was Sam. I wished when I'd woke up that she would be the first thing I'd see.
When I was finally pulled out of deep freeze it wasn't Sam's face I saw but Daniel's, Teal'c's and Thor. I was told she had been captured by fifth and had beenkilled on the Replicator ship. I nearly lost what was in my stomach. I put my best soldier face on and started to work on a weapon to blast that son of a bitch to hell for taking the only thing that made sense in my life.
She had come to rescue me and I ended up rescuing her. When Thor said he'd detected a life sign in our vicinity my heart started to beat again. It had to be her. Daniel started to call out for Sam while I started to run; we split up and when I heard Teal'c yelling my name I ran as if my life depended on it. He had found her and I wanted to get to her and take her into my arms and never let her go.
She looked at me and my world was right again. She was safe and sound but then she said the word that brought me back to reality.
Sir.
I knew we were back to were we'd started; nothing had changed. We got back to Earth and I was promoted.
Did I really want this or did I want to retire? I was contemplating this when I talked to Daniel and casually asked him how things were going since I was gone. He filled me in. When he got to Sam he tried to hide the fact that she was still seeing him.
I made up my mind to throw myself into my career what ever I could do with the limited time I had to show the higher ups they didn't make a mistake in assigning me to be the head of the SGC.
I decided to promote her. She deserved it, she had worked her tail off and it was my last act that I would do for her, my way of saying goodbye.
To say she was surprised would be an understatement. But those sparkly eyes told me all I needed to know.
I had lost her for good. She was happy with the way things were. I had to let go now, let her go, from me, from my mind, from my life.
I buried myself into my job, getting all my reports in order, staying in my office and reading up on all the base's personnel. I had a direct line to General Hammond. He was a life saver and whenever I said I wanted to resign he was there to talk me out of it, telling me to do things naturally then everything else would be simple after that.
Watching my old team leave without me was hard. I wanted to protect her. Protect them. But I couldn't go off world I had other responsibilities.
My biggest challenge was when Ba'al had claimed he had my team held hostage. All the images of what he had done to me came crashing through my head. I had to save them I had to save her.
If I had to sell my soul to the devil I would. I tried to act aloof, even threatened to send our asylum seeking Goaul'd back to appease the bastard, but I kept my cool.
It turned out to be a false alarm and everything went back to normal. The President came for a visit and I even got my picture taken with him.
My phone shook me out of my daydream. It was Teal'c informing me that Mark had arrived. They were on their way to the hospital. I told him I still hadn't found Sam, I was going to the Park where she and Cassie used to go to. He asked if I had gone to Janet's and the Cemetery, I said I had but found no signs of her. He said he would inform Mark and General Hammond, asking me to call as soon as I would find her. I said I would and ask that he do the same. I was almost to the park when I realize the last couple of months had been the hardest between us. I had to move on because my life had been in such a standstill, if I didn't get moving it would all crash down around me.
I authorized for Teal'c to get his own place off base. He was as thrilled as T could get about having his own place. Daniel and me took him shopping and helped him move in all his new stuff. Carter said we should throw him a housewarming potluck and I agreed only if she would help me with the arrangements.
The day came and all the SGC personnel came to see T's new place. Of course that weekend had to a Pete weekend. He showed up with Sam, my heart shrank a little more. They looked like The happy couple, greeting everyone. I did my best to avoid them. I snuck outafter telling T that an emergency had came up at the base, I was needed.
He smiled and said he understood. I gave him his gift. A year's free rental card from Blockbuster and told him to knock himself out. I left knowing the door that I had left slightly ajar between me and Sam had officially been closed. I had no rights to ask her not to come with him. I just hoped she'd have had a little sense, been smarter than that and kept this party private, an SGC party. But she hadn't. she wanted to show me, show us, that she was Pete's now.
Things got worse the coming week T was accused of murdering his neighbor's boyfriend. T could do what they were claiming.
Sam suggested bringing Paul to help and I was pretty desperate at the time since we had no jurisdiction outside of the mountain and agreed. He came through for us I thanked him for helping Teal'c out.My pride was nothing if it'd helped free Teal'c. My pride…what was left of it.
Things looked strained between them I could see concern on Sam's face. I had to hide my smile. Maybe the door hadn't been closed. Maybe the happy couple weren't happy any longer. back home that day, I wondered how many times I had changed my mind these last months, jumping from hope to despair. Like losers do.
That all came to a crash a couple of days later I was in the midst of gathering information for my quarterly budget report and I had asked Sam for some files. She came in and the first thing I noticed was the ring on her left finger.
Out of instinct I grabbed her wrist and heard the door to my heartshut I had lost her I was no longer the main man in her life; butwas I ever? The question was obvious but I've always denied it. I looked at the ring, then at her.
I let her go saying that Pete was a lucky man and dismissed her. I couldn't say more, I would have lost my lunch right there in front of her. I needed her to leave, I didn't want her to see the effect this was having on me.
Thank God the phone rang. It was the President. She started to speak to explain but I picked up the phone and asked her to shut the door behind her as she left.
The hurt in her eyes almost undid me. But why was she hurt? She betrayed what I thought we had. A vow to wait until we could be together, a vow that was now broken. what did she expect? That I'd take her in my arms and congratulate her? Saying sweet things about the situation?
I finished my call with the President. He insisted that I come to Washington to meet some of our Allies and be a representative of the Stargate Program. I jumped at the chance to get out of the mountain, out of Colorado.
I told Daniel and Teal'c I was leaving for Washington, to keep an eye on the place. I also casually brought up Carter's name. Daniel gave up all he knew. He said he had found out about them after I had and that Sam had handled this wrong. He said, "I thought we were friends and since this is a life altering decision you would think she would let us know and not find out through the grapevine. I, er, I think I can imagine your feelings Jack. I'm extremely disappointed by Sam's behavior toward us, and toward you he pressed my arm and I thanked him.
So it had made it to the grapevine no wonder everyone was being extra friendly to me well I had to show them that I was okay with this and move on. She had, so why shouldn't I.
I went to Washington, shook hands, vetoed the idea of more Allies team joining the SGC and basically got on everyone's nerves. I so wanted to go home but to what? An empty house a fridge full of Guiness? My house was empty. Leaving me alone with a head full of memories. Sad memories. I was wondering why I had hesitated to press that damn trigger, that day in Charlie's bedroom.
I took a commercial flight back. I was seated reading a magazine that hid my Mad magazine. I was chuckling when an attractive woman sat next to me. She smiled and I smiled back. I was in my civilian clothes and she seem to give me the once over. I got comfortable and asked her if she wanted the window.
She smiled and said no but asked if I would share my Mad Magazine with her. I smiled back and said it was last month's issue since I hadn't received this month's yet. She got up, searched her carry-on bag and handed me this month's mag.
Sweet! I said and she asked if she could read last months since she had misplaced her copy. I said sure and introduced myself to her.
Her name was Kerry Johnson and I think she liked me. She laughed at all my jokes and she touched my arms a dozen times. I thought it was a hoax why would this attractive woman want totalk to me? I had let my feelings forCarter interferre with my life that whenever a woman started to pay attention to me I'd run for cover.
It turned out that Kerry was going to Colorado Springs to start her new job. She was going to be on the oversight committee regarding NORAD.
My eyes lit up. I asked her who was she supposed to meet and she looked into her notes and said a General Jonathan O'Neill. I told her I knew him well. She wouldn't like him, he was a hell of a grouch, a reall pain in the ass and everyone hated him.
"oh, really," she asked, quite worried and asked how come I knew so much about said General.
I pointed my finger at me.
She was in shock and said I was kidding. I pulled out my credentials and she started to laugh and asked if I had bought the NORAD line. I winked at her and said no.
The rest of the flight went by fast. When we landed Kerry asked me if there was a nice hotel. She looked at me longingly and I almost gave into my animal cravings but I liked her and said I'd be happy to take her to a nice place close to the mountain. I took her, got her settled and asked her out for a bite to eat.
She made me feel great. She loved sports and hockey was her second favorite sport football being the first.
I drove her back to the hotel and she waited till I opened the door for her. She was pretty but not as pretty as.
I stopped myself I had to remember that this life was over. She called my name and asked if I was okay. I answered I was tired and wanted to get home. I had an early day. She understood, gave me her card with her cell number and said she looked forward to seeing me tomorrow. She leaned close and gently kissed me.
I pulled back, smiled and said Yeahsurebetcha.
I left her and contemplated what had been handed to me. Someone to love. A second chance. She wasn't Sam but Sam had made her choice and maybe I should move on. I had to. Struck of luck or gift from god, she was here. And she was interested in me. I could not let it slip.
When I got back to the base the next day Sam was off world and the meeting with Kerry and the rest went smoothly. I explained details and I could feel her staring at me. I wasn't used to so much attention that I was stammering like a teenager.
Daniel noticed it right away and asked me what was going on. I told him I was moving on. He looked confused, asked me to explain. I told him about Kerry, the plane ride and dinner and our first kiss.
Daniel didn't know what to say. I asked what did he think. I needed reassurance that I was doing the right thing. He smiled and said he was happy for me. If Sam could find happiness with Pete then why couldn't I with Kerry. but I could see something behind his eyes, something that was bugging him. And bugging me.
Things were going great with Kerry I had forgotten the whole dating scene and she made it easy for me. God this woman was a godsend. It was such a new thing to be with a woman who never dressed in BDU's, who was always prepped as if she had an appointmentwith the President, she was so attractive but never showed it.
She would always try to tease me in the most inappropriate places and moments. I'd grown to like that. A lot. That was something Carter couldn't give me. After sometime she'd wanted more but I wanted to wait. She did know how to get me worked up but I couldn't finish the job. She asked point blank one night if there was someone else and I answered no too quickly. I could see the hurt in her eyes as she got up from my couch and said she had an early day. She left but not before saying she hoped that I was not toying with her. That I had made her feel safe and that she wanted so much more than I was willing to give. She asked me to trust her, that she would never harm me.
I kissed her and said I did trust her and that things would change I promised. I began to think that, in sometime I'd be able to forget Sam and totally move on with Kerry, but I still had Sam in my mind, way too often.
I got to the park and went through all the parking lots. I didn't see her bike anywhere. I didn't know where else to search and my phone was ringing. It was Kerry.
She asked if I had found Sam. I said no. She told me that she was sorry for not talking to me before I left. I asked were she was and she said at her hotel then asked me to come to her. I said that I couldn't, that my friends needed me. She said she needed me, I had frightened her with what I had done to Pete. I apologized and told her I couldn't come and asked her to understand.
She said she did. She understood that I was madly in love with Sam and as much as I tried to deny it, she had known the truth as soon as she had walked in on us at my house. I didn't say anything, trying not to hurt her. I whispered she was wrong, that I cared for Sam and maybe I had loved her once but things had changed and I could never break the regulations.
She was silent and said to call her when I had found Sam. She said she had left her purse at my house asking if I could bring it to her when I had a chance. I told her I would and thanked her. Asking me why, I just whispered for nothing.
I decided to head to my house. I'd pick up Kerry's purse and bandage up my knuckles. I remember back to when Sam had finally got to meet Kerry.
Things had gotten pretty intense between Kerry and me at the base she was always close to me and I had come to depend on that.
We were in my office I was waiting for some reports from Siler when Kerry walked in and sat on my desk. I asked what she was up to. She purred she was about to seduce the man in charge.
I wagged my eyebrows and said that would be me. She chuckled deeply and I laughed with her when there was a knock on the door. Sam walked in on us.
She looked to be in shock. Why? She had moved on and what was I suppose to do? Stand by and watch her play house with Pete? Kerry turned around and looked between us. That's when her mind started to work. I cleared my throat and she came out of her stupor. She apologized saying it was nothing important and left.
Kerry started to ask questions. I explained who Sam was. Kerry got up to leave, I grabbed her hand, stood up and kissed her. She grabbed my face and kissed me aggressively. I said « lunch » she smiled and said only if she got to have cake later. I told her she was on.
She left my office and I called Sam right away. I left a message for her to call me but the day dragged on. I was about to go to lunch when Daniel informed me that Sam had left for the day saying she was ill.
That was too much of a coincidence but I didn't say anything. He then asked if I had told Sam about Kerry. I said no, she had not been around and I hadn't got to doing it.
He just said oh and asked me if I wanted to go have lunch I answered him that I had a hot date but maybe some other time.
Things were on a roll with Kerry, I was beginning to have feelings for her. She had to go to Washington but promised to be back in two days. I said I'd be waiting and that I was scheduled for some time off and we could go up to my cabin to fish.
She smiled and whispered that she knew there was no fish in my lake but she had other things in mind we could do to pass the time away.
I was going to commit to her. She was taking me at face value and was still here. I think she even cared for me. no one had done so since Sara. Not even…I swept the idea of her away. Sam wasn't anything anymore. My Future was Kerry, she was the one I had to focus on.
I was getting things ready for Kerry's return. She said she was on her way; I told her to pick up some take out so we could make an early departure the next morning to the cabin. She said that she loved me before she hung up; I told her liar and hung up.
So someone did love Jack O'Neill… I was thinking that when there was a knock on my door.
It was Sam. She looked distraught. I asked her to come in then asked her what was wrong. She started to tell me that she had made a mistake, that she wished she could change the last couple of months.
I couldn't believe she was telling me this. I started to get upset. Her safe bet wasn't there waiting in the wings and had learned that there were other women out in the world than Samantha Carter and now she was telling me that she wanted things to change. I lashed out at her saying I was just following her lead, that I was moving on with Kerry.
I even said I was taking her fishing with me. She looked at me with so much pain that I almost took it back. She took a deep breath and said if she was to give Pete his ring back and resign from the SGC what would I do.
I was in shock. Resign? Her ? resign and give Paul his ring back? I was about to answer when Kerry came into the house and saw us together.
She introduced herself and I took the food from her hands. She insisted Sam should stay and eat.
The woman I had loved for years on one side and the woman that was offering me a future and loved me on the other.
I didn't get to think to much about that because my phone rang.
It was the SGC. An emergency had arose. They were looking for Sam. I said she was there they told me that Jacob had crash landed in Groom Lake. Things did not look good, we needed to get to the Academy Hospital ASAP. I gave them an ETA of 10 minutes and hung up.
What I walked into was something that had taken me by surprise. Sam was attacking Kerry saying what made Kerry think she wasn't good enough for me.
I angrily looked at Sam and asked what was going on. Kerry got up and came next to me saying that Sam had attacked her. Sam looked to be dumbstruck. I gave her a glare saying how dare she behave like this in my house, with the person I was with.
She said she had enough of these lies and if I wanted to believe Kerry so be it. She was almost out the door when I grabbed her by the arm. She started to pull away when I told her to stop acting like a child and listen to me.
I filled her in on the situation with her father. She let out a cry and started to ask questions. She asked me to let her go since this was none of my concern. She wanted to hurt me by saying that Jacob was nothing to me but she was wrong. Two could play at that game and I used my trump card.
Colonel, our other safe word.
I said I wascoming along and since she was in such a state of mind I would be driving. Kerry came along wanting to keep her claim on me and to show Sam that I had someone. Sam took the front seat and I could see Kerry fuming in the back. Being jealous did not look good on her. Maybe there were other sides to her that I had chose to ignore. We got to the hospital and Sam ran in.
By the time I parked my car and apologized to Kerry for messing up our weekend we were inside the hospital. Paul saw me but not Kerry, he yanked Sam's arm and started to demand what I was doing here. He started to cause a scene and I nearly lost it when Sam yelped with pain.
I gripped his arm and started to squeeze till he let go. I so wanted to pound on this cockroach so badly to let out my frustration but now was not the time and place.
Sam ran passed us and made it to her father's room. I was briefed on what the doctor knew about how Jacob had arrived here. The prognosis was bad and I knew Sam would need all of our support. Daniel and Teal'c arrived and I went to brief them I saw the door closed and new Sam had left the room. I went in search of her knowing she would need someone to listen to her.
I found her in the corridor with Pat. They were arguing again. He was violently yanking her arm and screaming at her, but at first I couldn't understand what he was saying. All I knew was that my blood was nearing its boiling point.
She pulled away from him and I saw her taking the ring off her finger and handing it back to Pat, telling him to go away.
He suddenly screamed that she was nothing but a bitch and slapped her full force in the face, so hard that she fell to the floor.
I jumped on him with only one thing in mind: kill him, kill him for what he'd just done.
I started knocking him, as hard as I could. One after another, without a stop.
Sam tried to separate us but I soon heard her run away.
I got to my house and saw her car still parked in the front. I went to my door and was surprised that it was open. I must have forgotten to lock it in the haste to get to the hospital.
I walked in and found Kerry's purse. I walked by my liquor cabinet and it was ajar. My best bottle of whiskey was missing. Okay someone was in my house and it looked to be a kid looking for booze hopefully. I walked into the kitchen and found my ice tray half emptied. Definitely kids. I walked to my patio and saw the door opened slightly. I walked outside and what I found there was not what I suspected.
Her bike.
She had been here all the time. I was angry but relieved. I looked through the house and found nothing. There was only one place else to look.
I climbed the ladder to my deck and there she was, with an almost empty bottle of Irish Whiskey, in my comfy sweater.
What was wrong with her? I wanted to lash out at her. Her father was lying dying in the hospital and she was here at my house drowning her sorrows. I walked up to her and saw the purple bruise on her cheek.
I nodded my head and sat next to her, started to shake her. She fought back. I shook her again and she said to give her five more minutes and she mumbled something that sounded like Pete.
That was it. She needed to get up. I grabbed her upper arms and started to shake her harder. I was angry that she cared so little for us, that she couldn't tell us what the hell had been happenining in her life and I yelled at her.
What the hell was she doing here? Here, at my place.
She looked at me, cringed and started to whimper I held my breath and waited for her answer.