***
I sat down at my desk, and turned my computer on. I logged in and sent my friend, Brooke and instant message.
Breanna_N: Did you get grounded last night?
Brooke_C: No, are you kidding? I did get a major lecture tho.
Breanna_N: My mom was actually pretty cool about it.
Brooke_C: I thought Dad was going to freak when he caught us at that party.
Breanna_N: I know what you mean, I was so freaking out. I thought he was going to kill that guy.
Brooke_C: Speaking of that guy, what happened when you went upstairs with him, anyway?
Breanna_N: You don't want to know.
Brooke_C: Yes, I do.
Breanna_N: No, you don't.
Brooke_C: Breanna!
Breanna_N: Use your imagination.
Brooke_C: ..... OMG you didn't!
Breanna_N: I told you, you didn't want to know.
Brooke_C: What was it like? I mean, he's the most popular guy in school. All I've been with is losers.
Breanna_N: That's not true.
Brooke_C: /:)
Breanna_N: It wasn't anything special. I was drunk, he was horny. That's all there was to it.
Brooke_C: Are you too like an item now?
Breanna_N: I doubt it.
Brooke_C: You should call him.
Breanna_N: And say what? 'Hey, I'm the girl you slept with last night?' Yeah, right. He probably doesn't even know my name.
Brooke_C: I think he really likes you. I've seen the way he looks at you.
Breanna_N: You think?
Brooke_C: Yeah, I do. Call him.
Breanna_N: *sigh* okay, hang on.
I picked up the phone and dialed Justin's number.
"Hey," I said when he picked up. "This is Breanna."
"Breanna, hi, wazzup?" he asked.
"Nothing much, I just wanted to talk to you, about last night I mean," I ran my hands nervously through my hair.
"Oh," he said. "Don't worry about it, I wont tell anyone."
"That's not what I'm worried about...I mean, that's sweet but..."
"Just say it already, Breanna," I heard him laugh lightly.
I smiled. "I forgot what I was supposed to say."
"That's so cute," he said. "Listen, if you don't want to date or anything...that's cool with me. Just so you know."
"You don't want to date?" I asked.
"That's not what I'm saying."
"Then what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that whatever you want to do is fine," he said.
"Oh," I said. "Do you want to give it a try?"
"Tomorrow night, pick you up at seven?"
"Okay," I said and hung up the phone.
Breanna_N: We have a date for tomorrow night!
Brooke_C: YAY! You have to let me do your make-up.
I hesitated before typing: Breanna_N: No thanks, I think I'll do it myself.
Brooke_C: Cool, I got to go. Dad's coming.
Brooke_C has logged off.
***
I stood in front of my mirror. I was wearing a pair of denim hip- huggers, a pair of platform boots and a spaghetti strapped tank top. My make-up was pretty plain, with my signature dark eyeliner and clear lip gloss.
"I'm not sure about this," Mom said.
"Mom, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, okay?" I said.
She raised her eyebrows. "Was this guy at the party the other night?"
"Actually...it was his party. But he wasn't even really there, he was upstairs most of the time," I said leaving out the fact that I was up there with him.
"Be careful," she said.
"I promise," I hugged her and headed downstairs when I heard the doorbell ring.
***
We sat in the car at a stop-light. "Where do you want to go?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"There's a club downtown," he said.
"Uh," I started. "I don't think my mom would like that very much. I mean..." I started laughing at how dorky that had sounded. "That's not what I mean, I just mean that with my coming in drunk like I did the other night, I think it would make it worse if she knew I was out club-hopping."
He laughed. "Okay, okay. How about a movie?"
"Sure."
***
After the movie, we went to the park and he turned the car off. He put his arm around me.
I hesitated and opened my mouth to say something but he kissed me. I managed to pull away when his hands started roaming.
"What are you expecting?" I asked.
"Nothing..." he said. "I mean, after the other night...I thought....."
I nodded, "Yeah, I know what you thought." I sighed and opened the door.
He grabbed my arm, "Wait, Brie, I'm sorry, I was being a jerk. Come on, get back in. please?"
I held his eye contact.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed like that," he said. "I won't do it again, I promise. I want to give us a chance, okay?"
"Okay," I said. "But I'm not who you think I am. I'm not what you think I am."
He put his arms around me in a hug, and then started the car. "Do you want me to take you home?"
"Do you want to take me home?"
"Not really," he said. "But you look tired."
"I just have a headache," I said. "I've been through a lot lately."
"Want to talk about it?" he asked.
I looked at him. He actually looked like he cared about me. I was really surprised. Maybe he did have a heart. "Sure," I said.
***
"So," I said. "My dad is in Europe on a photo-shoot, so that means my mom has a lot more time to worry about me...when she's not working. And Brooke is putting me under all this pressure to dress like this, act like that, it's just too much." I leaned my head against his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea," he said.
"Nobody does," I said, my voice breaking. "But hey, I'm the daughter of Emma Nelson, environmentalist crusader, protector of the weak, defender of the shy," my voice was dripping with bitter sarcasm. "The girl who got pregnant and gave it all up for one guy. My life's bound to be screwy."
He laughed. "Don't talk like that, everything will be fine."
I took out a cigarette and lit one up. I inhaled deeply and relaxed, then handed it to Justin. We shared the 'smoke' together and talked. It was cool to get my mind off of things. It felt really nice.
I sat down at my desk, and turned my computer on. I logged in and sent my friend, Brooke and instant message.
Breanna_N: Did you get grounded last night?
Brooke_C: No, are you kidding? I did get a major lecture tho.
Breanna_N: My mom was actually pretty cool about it.
Brooke_C: I thought Dad was going to freak when he caught us at that party.
Breanna_N: I know what you mean, I was so freaking out. I thought he was going to kill that guy.
Brooke_C: Speaking of that guy, what happened when you went upstairs with him, anyway?
Breanna_N: You don't want to know.
Brooke_C: Yes, I do.
Breanna_N: No, you don't.
Brooke_C: Breanna!
Breanna_N: Use your imagination.
Brooke_C: ..... OMG you didn't!
Breanna_N: I told you, you didn't want to know.
Brooke_C: What was it like? I mean, he's the most popular guy in school. All I've been with is losers.
Breanna_N: That's not true.
Brooke_C: /:)
Breanna_N: It wasn't anything special. I was drunk, he was horny. That's all there was to it.
Brooke_C: Are you too like an item now?
Breanna_N: I doubt it.
Brooke_C: You should call him.
Breanna_N: And say what? 'Hey, I'm the girl you slept with last night?' Yeah, right. He probably doesn't even know my name.
Brooke_C: I think he really likes you. I've seen the way he looks at you.
Breanna_N: You think?
Brooke_C: Yeah, I do. Call him.
Breanna_N: *sigh* okay, hang on.
I picked up the phone and dialed Justin's number.
"Hey," I said when he picked up. "This is Breanna."
"Breanna, hi, wazzup?" he asked.
"Nothing much, I just wanted to talk to you, about last night I mean," I ran my hands nervously through my hair.
"Oh," he said. "Don't worry about it, I wont tell anyone."
"That's not what I'm worried about...I mean, that's sweet but..."
"Just say it already, Breanna," I heard him laugh lightly.
I smiled. "I forgot what I was supposed to say."
"That's so cute," he said. "Listen, if you don't want to date or anything...that's cool with me. Just so you know."
"You don't want to date?" I asked.
"That's not what I'm saying."
"Then what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that whatever you want to do is fine," he said.
"Oh," I said. "Do you want to give it a try?"
"Tomorrow night, pick you up at seven?"
"Okay," I said and hung up the phone.
Breanna_N: We have a date for tomorrow night!
Brooke_C: YAY! You have to let me do your make-up.
I hesitated before typing: Breanna_N: No thanks, I think I'll do it myself.
Brooke_C: Cool, I got to go. Dad's coming.
Brooke_C has logged off.
***
I stood in front of my mirror. I was wearing a pair of denim hip- huggers, a pair of platform boots and a spaghetti strapped tank top. My make-up was pretty plain, with my signature dark eyeliner and clear lip gloss.
"I'm not sure about this," Mom said.
"Mom, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, okay?" I said.
She raised her eyebrows. "Was this guy at the party the other night?"
"Actually...it was his party. But he wasn't even really there, he was upstairs most of the time," I said leaving out the fact that I was up there with him.
"Be careful," she said.
"I promise," I hugged her and headed downstairs when I heard the doorbell ring.
***
We sat in the car at a stop-light. "Where do you want to go?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"There's a club downtown," he said.
"Uh," I started. "I don't think my mom would like that very much. I mean..." I started laughing at how dorky that had sounded. "That's not what I mean, I just mean that with my coming in drunk like I did the other night, I think it would make it worse if she knew I was out club-hopping."
He laughed. "Okay, okay. How about a movie?"
"Sure."
***
After the movie, we went to the park and he turned the car off. He put his arm around me.
I hesitated and opened my mouth to say something but he kissed me. I managed to pull away when his hands started roaming.
"What are you expecting?" I asked.
"Nothing..." he said. "I mean, after the other night...I thought....."
I nodded, "Yeah, I know what you thought." I sighed and opened the door.
He grabbed my arm, "Wait, Brie, I'm sorry, I was being a jerk. Come on, get back in. please?"
I held his eye contact.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed like that," he said. "I won't do it again, I promise. I want to give us a chance, okay?"
"Okay," I said. "But I'm not who you think I am. I'm not what you think I am."
He put his arms around me in a hug, and then started the car. "Do you want me to take you home?"
"Do you want to take me home?"
"Not really," he said. "But you look tired."
"I just have a headache," I said. "I've been through a lot lately."
"Want to talk about it?" he asked.
I looked at him. He actually looked like he cared about me. I was really surprised. Maybe he did have a heart. "Sure," I said.
***
"So," I said. "My dad is in Europe on a photo-shoot, so that means my mom has a lot more time to worry about me...when she's not working. And Brooke is putting me under all this pressure to dress like this, act like that, it's just too much." I leaned my head against his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea," he said.
"Nobody does," I said, my voice breaking. "But hey, I'm the daughter of Emma Nelson, environmentalist crusader, protector of the weak, defender of the shy," my voice was dripping with bitter sarcasm. "The girl who got pregnant and gave it all up for one guy. My life's bound to be screwy."
He laughed. "Don't talk like that, everything will be fine."
I took out a cigarette and lit one up. I inhaled deeply and relaxed, then handed it to Justin. We shared the 'smoke' together and talked. It was cool to get my mind off of things. It felt really nice.