Broken Inside

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

I don't see what was wrong with her old self. What was wrong with her when she actually wore clothes? I don't get it. Why did she feel she needed to dress hott ot get attention? I thought after everything with Craig, she'd get it. She didn't. She's making her mistakes over again. And I can't do anything to help.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She'd been pregnant. She'd gotten an abortion. After that, her parents started constatnly fighting. Often over her. They're getting a divorce. Her dad already moved it, and her mom's hardly ever home. Whenever her mom is home, she's got a different guy over, and pushes Manny away. She can't seem to find anywhere she fits in at school. She can't hang out with Paige, like she used to. She can't hang out with Liberty, not that they did much before. She can't hang out with JT and Toby, the thing with JT is too awkward, and she and Toby were never really close.

I haven't seen a smile on her face in what seems like years. Not too long ago, I saw her crying in an alley near The Dot. I guess she couldn't find anywhere else, she had nowhere else to cry. So she was forced to cry in a random alley. She doesn't belong anywhere anymore, and she can't find a place to make her own. There's too many problems aroudn every corner for her.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Today I saw her talking with Craig. He had walked away, leaving her standing there, reaching out for him. I thought she was going to fall to her knees, crying, like in movies. I walked over to her. I didn't speak a word, I just stood there. I wasn't sure what I could say. She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"What happened to me?" Tears started pouring out of her eyes, as she asked me this.

"I wondered the exact same thing," I confessed to her. At that time, my throat had tightened up, as though I was going to start cryign too.

She put her arms around me, and wept into my shoulder. I was surprised. But I huged her back, in a small attempt to comfort her.

"Be strong," I whisper. "Be strong now."

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

Two days later, she walks through school with just a blank expression on her face. Almost as though she has no emotions. Like she's empty. Neither of us mention what had happened. I realize, so many people seem to think none of this had an effect on her. They think she feels no regret for the aborrtion. So they call her a slut, brainwashing her into thinking it's true. It's not. She hides her feelings from everyone.

How can they not realize its affected her? She's fallen behind in everything. No more cheer squad. Bad grades. No friends. It affected her to the point that she doesn't seem to care anymore.

I heard her talking to herself in the washroom. She didn't know I was there, she figured she was alone. She said she can't remember what hapy is. She said she can't remember how to smile correctly. She said she lost her freams, and her mind's following them away. She said she feels so alone, that she can't find somewhere she belongs.

She reminds me of Humpty Dumpty. The poem went like this:

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,

All the king's horses, and all the king's men,

Couldn't put him back together again."

Manny once sat on the wall, being one of the most popular girls. She had all sorts of guys wanting her. But then, she made the giant mistake of having sex. The pregnancy and abortion represnt her fall. And now, no one can put her back together again. The pieces of her are spread out too far.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

I follow her home, and peek through the window. I hope she doesn't mind. I watch her go in the door, she calls for her mother. No reply. I watch her look around, to find no one there. She leans up against the wall, and her lip begins to quiver. She breaks out into tears. Her back slides down the wall, as she ends up on the floor. She's got her knees curled up to her chest. And I can hear the soft words she speaks, even from here.

"I want to go home."

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah