Disclaimer: I own nothing; if I did, I would be rich and famous and wouldn't be writing fan fiction.
CHAPTER SEVEN: PUSHING ME AWAY
I finally look up at the group of people now clustered about me. I glare at each one of them in turn, letting my hatred of them show before I began my tirade. "I am not insane as all of you were so willing to believe only minutes ago. But that doesn't mean that I am the same person that I was before. No...I see through all of your lies and false sentiments now, through your coercion and manipulation. And I have no intention whatsoever of forgiving you—any of you." Here I pause, gauging their reactions to what I have said so far. They all seem somewhat stunned and confused, as if they cannot comprehend why I would speak to them like this.
Snape—the greasy bastard—is the first to recover from the shock. "Potter, your sanity has always been questionable and still is, but regardless, in light of the information Dumbledor has just provided us with, I am sure we can have your name cleared, or at the very least let you roam Hogwarts freely." Hah! I'll bet he thinks that by saying that all my anger and resentment will just melt away. Stupid bastards always hated me, no doubt he still does; he doesn't even have the decency to admit that he was wrong about me, let alone apologize.
"Having my name cleared, though I seriously doubt that will happen, won't make up for any of the things that all of you did to me; it doesn't even come close to it." I speak loudly enough for all of them to hear me, though I don't yell, the venom in my voice alone is enough to make them cringe.
Ron seems to be a bit affronted by what I've said; his eyes flash with anger before he takes a step towards me, as if he is about to threaten me. "Harry, why are you acting like this?! Don't you get it; we saved you! You should be grateful that my dad brought you here!"
Now it's my eyes that are flashing with anger as a give Ron a heated glare and a sneer. Who does the stupid bastard think he is?! "Oh, I see that you're calling me Harry again. Has so much really changed in the past five minutes, Ron?"
I wait for him to respond, wanting to hear what he has to say, what he truly believes, before I go on, though I'm fairly certain of the answer I'll receive. "Of course things have changed! You're innocent now!" And he doesn't surprise me. Now's my chance to really tear into him.
"Innocent?! I was always innocent. And you want to know something else, why I'm acting this way? I should think it would be fairly obvious. You did this to me—all of you. You condemned me to hell...and I survived it. But not as Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived, the Golden Boy of Gryffindor, your precious little puppet is dead. You didn't really think a soft, goody-to-shoes like him could survive a morbid, desolate place like Azkaban did you? Or did you even think about that when you sent him there? Ah...perhaps it's not that you didn't think about; just that you didn't give a fuck. After all, he was a murderer...he deserved it. It's pathetic, you're pathetic. You think I need you now? You think I should be grateful to you for saving me?! You're the fucking bastards that sent me there in the first place, and I'll be damned before I have to thank worthless scum like you for simply realizing that you made a mistake, the biggest bloody mistake of your miserable lives. All the 'I'm sorrys' in the world wouldn't even began to make up for what you did to me. You made a huge, fucking mistake, and it's too God damned late to correct it." I hadn't yelled. I hadn't had to. I spoke with conviction, not particularly loud, but with the deepest loathing that my desensitized heart could muster. I could tell that they were shocked. Dumbledor had lost that God damned twinkling almost always present in his eyes and most mouths were slack with alarm and undeniable hurt.
I felt a sense of pride that I had caused this sort of reaction and a smirk invariably made its way onto my face, but a scowl quickly replaced it. They were actually surprised. They had screwed me over, fucked up my entire life, left me helpless and hopeless all alone to rot, and they had the nerve to be shocked that I was mad at them. I sent each and every one of them my best death glare, I doubt even Snape...hell even Voldemort himself couldn't rival it, before stalking away from them, not leaving them a chance to recover and, undoubtedly, say something that would only raise my ire more—if that were even possible.
The magical bonds they had created around me to make sure I wouldn't escape while they were transporting me had fallen in their distress, and I was free to leave as long as they didn't recover too quickly. I headed towards the forbidden forest; I would much rather face any of the creatures I could possibly meet in there than be forced to face the people who had betrayed me again.
Just as I made my way to the edge of the forest, stepping into the darkened woods, someone shouted out for me to stop. I think it might have been Mrs. McGonagal, but I don't really care enough to bother trying to decipher whose voice it was. I started to run, eager to lose myself under the thick canopy of trees that blocked out the light and help shield me from anyone who might come in after me.
I tired quickly, my muscles having atrophied somewhat during my stay in Azkaban, despite my frequent pacing. I glanced surreptitiously around, making sure that I was alone and wouldn't be found if I stopped now.
I spent the next ten minutes or so looking for a suitable place to rest, one that would help hide me from prying eyes and predators. The roots of an old tree, though I know not what kind it is, large and twisted, coming quite a ways out of the ground and creating a small alcove at the near the trunk that was just what I had been looking for. I grabbed a bit of brush nearby before situating myself in the small, secure space, placing the brush in front of me to help hide myself even better.
I didn't feel comfortable going to sleep at the moment, not ready to let my guard down that much yet. So I just sat there, my knees curled up against my chest and my head resting against one of the tree roots.
Without something to distract me, my mind began to ponder what I was going to do next. I was free, a concept that seemed somehow foreign to me despite the numerous times I had dreamt about it while locked in my cell. What the hell was I going to do now? I certainly couldn't live in the forest forever, but where else could I go?
The thought of living out the rest of my life as a muggle entered my mind, but the idea was quickly dismissed. After all, when Sirius had escaped, even muggles were informed...even in the muggle world I would be thought a criminal. So where could I go; who could I turn to?
I didn't have an answer to that, so instead I decided to concentrate on the immediate future, finding a place to stay in the long term could wait. I could probably stay in the forest for a couple of days, find some berries or something to eat...God I wish I had paid more attention in Herbology; what if I eat something poisonous? That would be ironic, wouldn't it? Right after I escape, I die from eating poisonous berries.
The thought was not reassuring. My helplessness in this situation finally sinking in, I placed my face into my hands and began to cry and laugh at the same time, my bitterness pouring out.
When I was done having my little mental breakdown and had finally pulled myself back together, I pondered my situation once again. Think, Harry, think...where can you go? Nothing immediately came to mind, but I still had a couple days to think of something; I figured that I could survive in the forest until then...somehow.
Author's Note: Once again, thanks to everyone who reviewed! I hope you all liked the big confrontation! I know the ending is kind of weird, what with Harry going into the Forbidden Forest and all...let me know what you think about that whole idea. I don't exactly know where I'm going to take it from here...the next update might not be for quite some time (especially since finals are next week and then I'm going to Florida for two weeks and don't know if I'll have access to a computer.) I know this chapter is kind of short, and I'm very sorry for that, but this just seemed like a pretty good place to stop it. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, hopefully I'll be able to update again soon.