Part 5
When I see how much work it entails for Ellen to bring water for my bath, I really wish I hadn't asked. She apologises for the time it takes, pointing out that everything in the house is 'a little old-fashioned'. Still, Slayer strength has uses that have nothing to do with demons, so I help, carrying the water with her. She's embarrassed that I'd help, but she also seems relieved. She explains that the boilers in the individual bathrooms no longer work due to lack of maintenance, but doesn't seem to bemoan her fate. The fact that we're working together seems to put her at ease and she tells me how, when she was looking for a position, most places would only consider her for a kitchen maid due to her youth, but she felt she was more able than that, having helped her mother for years in her position in a small household. When her mother died, she was essentially homeless until William and his mother employed her. Comparing her life with that of other girls she knows, she is convinved that she has much more freedom with the Spencers than she'd have in a bigger household, and it's obvious that she is very fond of Mrs. Spencer.
When the bath is full, I tell Ellen to go and relax for a while, and go to enjoy my bath in peace. Lying back in the hot water feels so good. And, once I'm dry, Ellen helps me dress and arranges my hair in the comb. When she's finally happy with my appearance, she goes to get Mrs. Spencer who comes in to see. She seems to think I'll do, and so she escorts me downstairs to where William is waiting for me.
His reaction almost causes me to trip on the stairs. His look of absolute awe reminds me of something I'd all but forgotten -the night Willow and the others brought me back, and Dawn found me and took me home. Spike came into the house, angry with Dawn because she'd scared him by running off, and he spotted me coming down the stairs. Then, the realisation that I wasn't the bot came gradually, and when it was complete, this is how he looked. Amid all the conflicting emotions of that time, that memory had been lost, but now it hits me full force.
Somehow, I make it to the bottom of the stairs, and William takes my arm to escort me to the carriage. I use those few moments to try to compose myself. I want to kiss him, to hold him, to … but I know that, were I to try any of those things, I'd terrify him. Keeping physically remote from him is almost painful, but I steel myself to be content with his arm.
We make the short journey in almost silence. I ask about some of the sights I see, and he answers factually, but his nervousness is almost incapacitating.
We arrive, and once again, the requirements of getting ourselves out of the carriage and into the house take over for a moment, and then we're being greeted by our host, a Mr. David Hodgeson. He's physically big – maybe Angel's stature, and, come to think of it, I can see something in his manner that reminds me of, well, not Angel perhaps, but certainly of Angelus. His smile is rather too wide, and to be honest, it's predatory. His words are perfectly polite, but his meaning isn't, and while he doesn't respond in kind, William obviously understands.
We move into a room full of people, and a few greet William and look curiously at me. Most seem to ignore us. Unfortunately, that means that we're standing alone, which allows our host to accost us again. This time he seems intent on hearing all about me.
"So, you're the mystery lady! My mother heard all about you from Mrs. Spencer. I hear that Spencer here found you lying in a gutter, is that true?"
His voice is loud, and I feel that everyone in the room has turned to look at us, but I do my best to remain calm. Words seem to have failed poor William.
"Mr. Spencer found me, apparently injured, and was kind enough to come to my aid," I reply carefully.
"Ah, yes, always the gentleman is Spencer."
He turns as someone else approaches. He is quickly introduced as Edward Wilkinson, but he insists on taking William away to speak to someone else. When I go to follow, he tells me that the conversation will be dull for a lady, and that I should stay with our host. William looks over his shoulder at me as he is almost dragged away, and I know he's concerned for me. I smile back at him, hoping to convey the fact that I've faced worse than David Hodgeson.
"So, Miss… Buffy. That's an odd sort of name, isn't it?"
"It seems to be," I admit. "But it's all I can remember."
"Ah yes. You were injured and have lost your memory."
"That's right," I agree, but I can feel malice coming off this man in waves.
"You'll forgive me for saying that it all seems a little … unlikely."
"If you're implying that I'm lying, then I suspect I won't forgive you," I reply, putting as much steel into my voice as I can.
If anything, my answer seems to make Hodgeson smile even more widely. He turns to look at William who, on the other side of the room, seems to be rather upset.
"I suspect Spencer is quite smitten with you," he says as I follow his gaze.
"Mr. Spencer has been a perfect gentleman."
"Oh, I'm quite sure he has. He doesn't have it in him to be anything else."
"I don't see that being a gentleman implies a lack of anything," I disagree.
"I've got to say, I'm impressed."
That doesn't seem to be connected to our previous conversation, so I'm confused.
"What exactly impresses you?"
"Well, your plan, of course. I mean, it was a good idea. It surprises me that a pretty thing like you would have the brain for it. So, did you come up with it on your own, or is there some man behind it?"
"What plan?"
"Well, your plan to get yourself into the home of some gentleman or other, so that you could compromise him. Obviously, you must be disappointed that it was Spencer who found you. Not only does he not have two spare pennies to rub together, but he's too much of a gentleman to actually take advantage of you. Still, you can make up what you like, and I suppose even such money as he can get together will be welcome! Or better still, with Spencer, you can probably persuade him to marry you."
"Mr. Hodgeson, you are completely wrong about me. I have no intention of duping Mr. Spencer into anything. However, the simple fact that you could concoct such a theory proves that you are not the man Mr. Spencer is."
"Ah, denial. I suspected as much. But, never fear. I won't tell him. Your plan is safe. However, there will be a charge for my silence."
"You can say what you wish, but I'm sure Mr. Spencer will not believe it."
"At first? Oh, I'm sure he won't believe. But, when I announce it to the assembled company, he will be embarrassed. Especially when I denounce you as a filthy whore and insist you leave my home. And what will that do to his mother? Poor thing, already so weak – a shock like this? Well …"
"So, let me guess. My choice is to either be a filthy whore, or to be denounced as one?"
"Ah, your understanding, of course, convicts you. Still, you will probably enjoy the price – certainly more than you will enjoy anything that milksop can give you."
He places his hand on my arm, as if he's trying to move me elsewhere. I put my hand on his arm and squeeze it with every ounce of strength I have. And, of course, I'm a Slayer.
The noise of surprise he makes is extremely unmanly, and his face is red.
"Very well, I see you have made your decision," he announces. Then, in a louder voice, he says, "I think you had better leave. Or do I have to call the authorities?"
Thinking that I can save William the worst of what is to come, I start to leave the room, but he stops me, grabbing at my arm again. I push him away, but the room is too full of people for me to give a public show of strength without questions being asked.
"We are asked to believe that this … woman … is one of us, but has lost her memory. Spencer, here, picked her up from the gutter. He has dressed her up and brought her among us, but I suspect she is nothing more than a gold digger. Everything about her shrieks that she is not a lady. Well, you are not welcome here, and if Spencer had any sense, he would not tolerate you in his home any more."
There is shocked silence for a moment, and then what seems to be thunderous chatter. One or two others, including Wilkinson, start to laugh loudly as if it's all a tremendous joke. I start to move towards the door, desperate to get out. I'm jostled as I go, everyone, it seems, trying to get a better look at me. I keep going, determined not to do anything to make things worse for William. Once outside in the street, I run a short distance – anything to get away from that house.
Once I'm far enough away, I look back, keen to see whether William has followed me. There's no sign of him. I'm saddened by that fact as it implies that he believes Hodgeson.
I turn to move further away, but I hear my name being called from a carriage that's just drawn up outside. I turn around in confusion, and see … Giles! I run towards him, and he helps me into the carriage.
"Giles! What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you, of course. This stupid magic of Meena's. Harmless? Sent us back in time. Dropped me in the middle of London in 1880. I had to find my way to the Council of Watchers and persuade them to help me. Took forever, of course, but they helped in the end. Got them to get their seers to find you. I've even worked out the magic that she used. I was actually already aware of it, but didn't make the link. I'll tell you more when we're safe."
"Giles, it's complicated. I've …"
I turn towards the window of the carriage then, and spot William standing, staring at me from across the street. He pulls himself erect and walks towards the carriage.
"I didn't believe him," he says, his eyes moist. "I couldn't get out of that room – people laughing at me, making a fool out of me, but I could bear that. Then, coming here, and finding it's true. You were working for someone, and he was here, waiting, watching you. Well, congratulations, you fooled me. I should have known that no one …"
"William, it's not true. If you come with me, I'll explain."
"I'm a fool, but there are limits to my foolishness. Still, I think there is good in you, Miss Buffy. I wish you well."
He walks away then, and as I try to get out of the carriage to follow him, Giles grabs me from behind.
"Look, I don't know what all that's about, but it can't be important. We've got to get back to the Council. They're working on a way to send us back, but time is of the essence."
I hesitate for a second, and Giles tells the driver to go. By the time I look out of the window again, there's no sign of William.
We drive to the Council buildings, and Giles takes me inside and straight up to a large room on the top floor. Once inside, it looks like the nerve centre of a library convention, with men sitting at long tables, poring over large, ancient-looking books.
"Ah, you found her!" a voice greets us. "So, this is our Slayer from the future!"
"Yes, Wallace, this is she. Buffy, this is James Wallace, the head of the Council of Watchers in this time."
I shake his hand, but Giles is impatient of the niceties.
"Have you completed your work? Are you ready to send us back?"
"Well, we know what to do," he offers. "But I'm afraid there's got to be a delay. From what you told me, you fell asleep at about eleven at night, is that correct?"
"As close as I remember," he agrees.
"Well, we need to be as close as we can to that time when we send you back. So, it'll have to wait for another couple of hours."
Giles' shoulders slump at the news. "Thanks, Wallace. I was hoping to get back immediately. The danger of being in another time, and changing things, …"
"I understand, old chap, I really do. Still, you're here now, and everyone involved in this will be made to forget once you've gone." He turns to me. "If you'll just give me a list of everyone you have affected since you arrived, I'll see to the arrangements."
I tell him what I know – about William and Mrs. Spencer, and Ellen, and about the party. It seems to me that it would be a good idea for everyone to forget, and for more reasons than just the possible effect on the future.
Giles leads me to a small room down the hallway from the nerve centre. It's got some comfortable chairs and a table. "Sit down, Buffy, and I'll tell you what we discovered."
I sit down, feeling I should be doing something else, but unsure what it is.
"The magic Meena used is well known to the Council. As she said, it's an ability that is passed down from mother to daughter, but in most parts of the world where it exists, it's not considered something that is sullied by the presence of a man. What happens, though, is that it becomes more powerful, and somewhat unpredictable. It's perfectly possible that the belief of Meena's family that it is sullied by men stems from this fact. And, of course, if they have hidden it from men for many generations, they may no longer realise the true situation. My presence in the room changed the outcome. Instead of dreaming of a time in the past, we actually travelled here. However, it's dangerous. If we alter something here, it could do untold damage in the future. If, for example, you were killed in this time, then perhaps the Master will succeed in opening the Hellmouth, or the Mayor will ascend, or Angelus will succeed with Acathla. You must see that it is imperative that we return to our own time with as little contact with this one as possible. I have no idea how we came to be separated, but all we can do now is make the best of the situation. I know this has been very rushed, but we'll be home again soon."
I know I'm being unusually quiet as he speaks, but somehow, I can't bring myself to talk. The vision of William's face at the carriage window is in my mind, and once again, it reminds me of Spike so much it's like a physical pain. Comparisons between William this evening and Spike all those times I chose to hurt him – telling him he was worthless, and that I could never love him – it's almost more than I can bear.
Giles is speaking again, so I try to shut out my memory of William's face, but I can't, not completely.
"So, these people you've been with? What were they like?"
"The Spencers? I can honestly say that they're two of the loveliest people I've ever met. But then you know one of them."
Giles looks blankly at me for a moment.
"You mean Spike? You were trying to dream of Spike as a human, weren't you?"
"Yes. If he's finally gone, I just needed to know more about him."
"And that was him you spoke to from the carriage, was it? I know it was dark, but I can honestly say I would never have recognised him. But you don't look well, Buffy. It's obviously been a traumatic experience for you. Why don't I go and see if I can get us some tea? Will you be alright here?"
I manage to tell him that I'll be fine, and at first, I sit quietly. Then, various things start going through my head. Giles said something important, and I try to remember what it was. Then, on an impulse, I'm on my feet and out of the door. I leave the building, grateful that years of Slaying in heels has, at least, made it possible to run dressed even as I am.
Once in the street, I head off, as closely as I can tell, back towards Hodgeson's house, and once there, I keep going, back to William's, looking for him as I go. I've got to explain. If he's going to have his memory wiped, then it doesn't matter, but I can't go back to my own time with him thinking that I could do that to him. Logically, I know it can't make any difference, but I'm not operating on logic now.
When I get to the door, I knock on it, and it's opened by Ellen.
"Is Mr. Spencer here?" I ask, breathing hard.
"No, Miss Buffy, he isn't. The carriage is, though. Albert was under orders to return later for you. What happened? Have you been hurt?"
"No, I'm fine, but I've got to find him." I turn then, walking this time back in the direction I came from.
If he didn't get home, then where could he have gone? I delve into my memory, desperate for any idea. There's got be a clue somewhere.
Giles. He said it. The year is 1880. That's the year William disappeared. That's the year Drusilla …
The memory of what little I had discovered about William Spencer comes back to me then. He was at a party, but left early and alone. He didn't wait for his carriage, but he never got home. If this is the same night – the night he died …
Right, I may not be able to track William, but I'm the Slayer. Drusilla should be easy to find if I put my mind to it.
Ignoring the odd looks I'm getting from passers-by, I stop and reach out my senses. I get a couple of minor tingles, but then I feel it, and I know it's familiar – familiar in the way both Angel and Spike are familiar. I follow the sense, moving quickly, finally ending in an area where there are fewer streetlights and narrower roads than before. The sense is very clear now, there, in that building.
I walk in, the gloom even greater inside than it had been in the street, and I spot her. She's feeding, but as soon as I enter, she seems to sense me, and moves away from her prey.
Ignoring Drusilla, I rush towards him. She's already drunk from him, and he's very weak. He opens his eyes as I approach.
"Miss Buffy." The name is said with a reverence that's hard to imagine.
"William, I'm here."
"No, you're not, but it's a pleasant last memory."
There's a hiss from behind, and Drusilla starts to move towards me.
"Here's the pretty Slayer, but she's too early and too late. The stars told me he would be my dark Knight."
I get up from William, ready to lash out at Drusilla, but there's another figure in the doorway. I start, half expecting Angelus, but it's Giles.
"Buffy, what are you doing? I told you how important it was not to change anything. Why don't you ever listen?"
"Because it's important that he doesn't die hating me. It's a travesty that he has to die at her hands and become something he would have hated. Maybe I can change it – maybe I can save him."
"And go back to our time to an open Hellmouth in Sunnydale? Because that would be the likely result."
"Then I could stay here – live my life here with him."
"And those you care about? You have affected so many lives in your own time; saved the world so many times. What if no one else could do it? The world we come from isn't perfect, I know that, but it's not too bad, is it?"
"But it doesn't have him in it," I answer, my voice sounding weak and tearful.
"I know, Buffy, but it's not your decision to make. You know that."
And with those words, I know he's right. I can't save William. I saved the world a lot, but I can't save this man.
"If I can't be with him, then at least give me the chance to let him die without believing the worst of me."
"I told Wallace who you'd met, and what his likely future would be. He has assured me that the spell to erase memories will include him, whether he's alive or dead. It won't make any difference."
"But you see, Giles, it'll make a huge difference. He saved the world, but didn't believe I loved him. I've got a chance to put that right, sort of. I need to do this."
While we've been speaking, Drusilla's been standing just out of the way, swaying to some music no one else could hear. She's made no effort to attack. I watch her for a moment.
"I just need to talk to him," I offer. "I won't interfere, just, please, give me a few minutes."
"The stars told me about my dark knight, and Miss Edith says you can't stop me from having him."
"Please, a few minutes."
She nods her head, but Giles steps between us, a cross held high. Drusilla hisses, but retreats only slightly.
Taking the opportunity, I kneel down beside William.
"I thought you'd gone," he whispers.
"No, not gone. I need to tell you something."
"No, no more lies. I want to remember when I thought you could care for me."
"I do."
He doesn't respond, so I make it clearer.
"I do care for you. I love you. It's not what Hodgeson thought. Really. The truth is … much stranger than that, but I never meant to hurt you. You must believe me."
"I must be a greater fool that I thought," he murmurs, looking into my eyes. "Because I do believe you. Your face speaks the truth."
I try to take a deep breath then, but a sob escapes. There's so little time and so much I need to tell him. This is probably the last time I'll ever see his face, the last time I'll be able to touch him, and it hurts. Even if he survived in LA, it's clear he doesn't love me any more, and that makes the finality of this moment even more heartbreaking.
"I love you. I love you so much that living without you is like living without sunshine. I need … you to know that. Not just in your head, but deeper."
He smiles then. "Somehow, I never thought I'd have any romance at my death. This is my death, isn't it?"
"Yes," I whisper. "I'd save you if I could, but …"
There are tears in my eyes, running down my cheeks. That seems to spark something in him. He tries to sit up, but his eyes glaze over and he gives up the attempt, taking a moment to recover.
"Tears? For me? I thought the only tears would be from my mother. Buffy, it's not up to you to save me. I should be the one to save you. Don't cry, please. If you love me then I can accept death."
The comment about saving me hits me harder than you'd think – reminding me again of just after they brought me back. He said 'Every night I save you'. I don't think I really understood how he felt until now.
"Buffy, we must go. If we don't leave now, we'll be too late." Giles' voice is insistent, but I can't tear myself away.
I move closer to William, not sure what to do, and his hand comes up to wipe my tears away. And then I kiss him. I press my lips to his, and the kiss is sweet and tender and so full of love that it almost breaks my heart.
"Buffy," Giles voice interrupts again. "Someone's coming."
I feel it then, another vampire approaching. Angelus, I'd guess.
I turn back to William.
"You believe me, William? That I love you?"
"I do, Miss Buffy. I really do."
I can't look at him any longer, or my resolve will be gone. I get up and Giles and I go out into the street where he's got a carriage waiting. We climb in, and as we move away, I look out of the back in time to see the unmistakeable forms of Angelus and Darla approaching.