Author's note: I am sorry for being very tardy in updating, but I will try to finish this. I have been very busy the whole year because I'm from Singapore, and this year was my important GCE O levels year. This story is going to be very long, as I am trying to detail the life Henry Jekyll could have led before the formation of Edward Hyde. As again, reviews would be greatly appreciated!
Special thanks to all who have reviewed my first chapter. Your comments have been greatly appreciated, and they fuelled my ambition to finish my fic. As many have pointed out earlier, it is not "dollars" I mean, but British "pounds". I'm sorry for the error.
Chapter 2
Sixteen year old Jekyll was studying hard in the dormitory he shared with Lanyon and Utterson, his two closest (although older) friends at school.
The room was quiet, save for the occasional turning of pages and the scratching noise of pen on paper.
Jekyll was just about to carefully copy down some notes when the door suddenly flew open, and a cheery figure strolled in.
The newcomer smiled, displaying white but slightly crooked and uneven teeth. His blonde hair had been combed rather messily, and the vibrant light of youth could be seen radiating from his round, flushed face. "Hey Harry! I've a got a little treat planned for you! Utterson-" His light grey eyes flew to the other figure in the room, crouched over an immensely difficult looking book on law. He sighed. "You're welcome too, but given your current state of affairs-"
"Explain to me," Jekyll said, with a definite coolness in his voice, "How you are so sure that I would even be coming with you? I have much to study, and your… rather boisterous arrival has caused me much problems." He held up the ink splattered note book where his pen had skidded over the paper.
"I'm really sorry, Harry!" His friend said in genuine alarm. "I-"
"It's all right," Jekyll smiled tiredly. "I have not written much on it… I can always redo the notes." He tore off the ruined page and crushed it into a ball.
He liked Lanyon, despite the latter's rather immature character for his age. It was almost impossible to remain angry at the bubbly and good-natured man, who was as kind-hearted as he was clever.
"Oh come on, Jekyll! Don't coop yourself up here like an old hen, studying like there is no tomorrow! Let's go out and have a bit of fun!" Lanyon said excitedly. "I've a offer you can't refuse…I've heard from the rest that there's a really good gathering in the pub near here…"
"If that is what you deem as fun, Lanyon, I am afraid that I would have to say no," Jekyll said coolly. "Our exams are almost upon us. I have no wish to idle away my time indulging in useless activities."
Lanyon stared at his stern-faced friend whose face was currently hidden behind a thick book on mechanics and rolled his eyes.
"Good god, what has happened to you? You were so wild, and used to enjoy parties even more than I did! We've only just returned to school from our break, for goodness sake! The teachers have not taught us anything important yet!"
Jekyll shuddered. "I dare not think that way. I failed last year. I failed to reach my expectations."
"You have got to be joking, my dear Harry! You were second place out of the whole level last year!"
"I was second. Not first. My father cannot accept that. I cannot accept that."
The world has no room for the one in second place…
Utterson looked up from his book on law. "Come now, Jekyll! It is rather silly, I think, holding yourself to such high aspirations! And besides, you are somewhat of a genius. Everyone knows that. Why, you are younger than all of us in class! Second place is exceedingly and extraordinarily good for someone your age!"
"I absolutely agree on that, old chap!" Lanyon said enthusiastically.
Jekyll gestured impatiently from behind his book. "Well I do not. How can one be happy if one is not the best?"
"Well, I'm contented, and I was third," Lanyon said.
Jekyll quickly bit back a sharp retort.
Utterson sighed. "I was tied with you for second place, Harry. But really, I see no need for this topic in the conversation."
"You all don't understand…"Jekyll said in frustration, voice shaking. "Much as I want to succeed, I doubly don't want to let my parents down. They made me into who I am today. Especially my father."
Silence.
Perhaps it was due to his tiredness because of the late nights he spent studying, or perhaps it was the stress, but Jekyll suddenly found himself unable to think coherently and started to ramble.
"I-I also don't dare back down… I can't back down and relax…he will kill me! Hit me!"
"Harry…?"Utterson asked in concern, his black eyes widening slightly.
But still Jekyll carried on, unable to stop the torrent of bottled feelings bursting forth from his mouth. "Beat me until I am but still alive! You all don't know what happened when he found out that I was only second place last year…"
He closed his eyes tightly and a spasm racked through his body.
You stupid and worthless boy! You have been playing and lazing around at school instead of studying, haven't you?!
No, I didn't! Please father…
Second place… that's as good as being the last. You are a Jekyll, there is no excuse for such a poor performance!
But…
Don't argue with me! I see that I will have to exact more severe punishments to make you understand the importance of being the first…
No, please give me one more chance! I will try much harder next time, sir! Please…
Turn around and bend down.
What happened next was so terrible and violent and humiliating that he immediately forced it out of his mind.
He could not sit for a month after that incident.
"I will succeed, I have to succeed! Life has no meaning if you do not! What must I do to make him see what I go through? I so badly want his approval… I will do whatever it takes to get it! Why am I like this? Why am I so frivolous and rebellious? Society has no need for scum like me! I have to be first!"
Jekyll trembled violently, two hands gripping his pen tightly, bending it. Suppressed anger lent strength to him, and he snapped the pen in two.
"Oh god, I am so frightened that I would never be able to reach his expectations as a son. I don't want to be a failure! I want to be good… I want to make my parents happy… I want…I want…"
His wide eyes stared at the broken pieces in his palms, at the dark ink washing over them like blood.
"…I want my father to acknowledge me."
With that, Jekyll started to cry uncontrollably, running fingers desperately through his brown hair. Tears splattered down onto his books and notes.
Utterson and Lanyon both stared at him in shock. It was the first time the two friends had seen calm, well-mannered Jekyll lose control like that. They stood there like statues, not knowing what to do or say.
The minutes ticked by, tension increasing with every second that passed. And still there was silence, saved for Jekyll's anguished sobbing.
Finally, Utterson stood up. The heavy book fell from his lap and onto the floor in a heap, but he ignored it.
He walked over to Jekyll, who had buried his face in his arms.
Putting a hand on his friend's heaving shoulders, he said quietly, "Harry? Are you all right?" Jekyll flinched slightly at his touch, but did not draw away.
Utterson squeezed Jekyll's shoulder gently. "Please calm down."
A short pause.
"Academic results are not everything, Harry. Do you really think that Lanyon and I are your closest friends merely because of your academic successes and ingenuity? That we would spurn you if you were not intelligent? I would think not! What drew us to you was your character and nothing else. Your calm demeanour, your selfless personality and the way you hold fast to your beliefs… those are what that is the most important in a person. There is more to this world than always being number one, you know…"
Jekyll suddenly stood up abruptly, letting Utterson' s hand slide from his shoulder.
"Much as I appreciate your kind words, I am afraid I am in no mood to be lectured," he said jerkily, avoiding Utterson's stunned and hurt gaze. "You and Lanyon, please think of what I said earlier as mindless rubbish. My mind tires, and I'm afraid that I have wasted your time with such nonsensical gibberish. Pray forgive me."
He quickly walked from the room, slamming the door behind him hard.
Jekyll leaned against it, wiping tears forcefully away from his burning face with his sleeve.
I can think for myself! Who does Utterson think he is, talking to me as though I am a three year old?! Does he think I know not of the things he speaks of? Does he think that I really want my life to be this way? No one understands me… no one!
He began to wander aimlessly down the long corridors of his school.
After some time had elapsed, Jekyll started to feel a bit remorseful and embarrassed by his behaviour.
It was very wrong of me… I was the one who lost control… he was only trying to help…
No! He was just lecturing me… turning me against my father's wishes…
Utterson is one of my best friends. He is cautious and steady. He would never do that!
I don't want a rift between him and me, but if he stands in my way of achieving my goals…
It is not his fault! He is oblivious as to what I really think!
The two main voices in his head argued and bantered, growing louder with every passing minute. His brain throbbed painfully and suddenly, a strong wave of nausea overcame him.
Rushing to the toilet, he only made it just in time before he retched.
Gripping his stomach tightly in pain, Jekyll bent over the sink, gasping and heaving.
Vomit splattered down.
Shaking, he drew away, wiping his mouth with a trembling hand.
He turned, and was stunned to see Utterson standing right behind him. "John?!"
"I followed- I mean, I came to see if you were all right," his friend mumbled, not looking at him in the eye.
Silence.
"I'm fine," Jekyll finally replied, perhaps a little too harshly.
Utterson winced slightly. "I-I also would like to apologise. It was wrong of me to… to well, lecture you. I should have let the matter rest. I should have realised that it was also highly embarrassing for you. Lanyon and I would never speak about this incident again."
Jekyll stared at him with red eyes, not moving.
Utterson coughed.
"Well, that is all I wanted to say. I think I had best be going now."
Turning, he made as if to walk away, but not before Jekyll's hand found his arm.
"No, no. It… it is I who should apologise, not you. You did nothing wrong. You meant well… I allowed my feelings to overcome me, and I fear that I was too harsh and rude. Please forgive me."
A small smile graced Utterson's sombre features and Jekyll, for the first time in many days, felt a grin stretch across his mouth.
"Let's see what sort of gathering Lanyon has planned for us, shall we? I think I do deserve a slight break."
Seven months later
Everything is going wrong… why am I reduced to doing this? If anyone finds out…
Jekyll peered at the sleeping forms of his roommates fearfully, hoping that neither of them would wake up suddenly.
His pen flew across the small scrap of paper in front of him, scribbling down bits of important information that he feared he would not be able to remember the next day for his exam.
The candle next to him danced merrily, throwing flickering flames of light over the contours of his exhausted face. Dark circles hovered beneath his eyes, and premature wrinkles creased his once smooth forehead. His hands, tired and calloused because of the endless writing of notes, begged for him to stop.
But he dare not.
Images of what his father would do to him if he did not get first this time round played only too well in his head.
He remembered his screams, his pain…
…and his father's disappointment and anger.
I so badly want his approval… I will do whatever it takes to get it!
I cannot let him down again… I have to take the risk!
The exam was finally over.
Jekyll stood in the empty toilet, throwing water vigorously onto his face. He still could not believe what he did during the exam when he forgot the answers to several of the questions.
He had cheated.
And luckily, no one caught him. His professor had even given him a pat on the back after the exam, with a secret assurance that he was bound to do well.
Taking a step back from the sink, he wiped his dripping face with a handkerchief.
"You are a lousy, cowardly cheat," a voice sneered behind him.
Jekyll froze, time seeming to stop to his numb senses.
Heart hammering wildly in his chest, he turned around slowly.
A man of a small build was framed in the doorway to the toilet.
"W-what are you talking about, Edward?" Jekyll stammered, striving to keep fear and guilt from his shaky voice.
Edward took a step forward, closing the door behind him shut with his foot.
"W-what am I talking about?" he taunted, mimicking Jekyll's stuttering voice. He paused as the other man blanched. "You lying, cheating bastard! I saw you! I saw you take that piece of paper out when you thought no one was looking!"
Jekyll backed again towards the sink, breathing heavily.
"That's impossible! You must have made a mistake!"
His voice had become slightly shrill.
No! This cannot be happening!
Edward advanced on him slowly.
"Don't lie! I know why you did it! You cannot bear the thought of losing out to me again, can you? You must always be first…" He threw back his head and laughed horribly. "I can't wait to tell the teachers and all the other students about this… you will be expelled! Disgraced!"
Jekyll closed his eyes. This has to be a dream… a nightmare…
"You are so pathetic… a gentleman, resorting to such underhand means to attain top marks…"
When he opened his eyes again, Edward was still there, sneering. This was going to be one never ending hell for him…
"But I am going to give you a chance to give in, to face the consequences like a man," Edward continued, voice sounding strangely distant to Jekyll's numb ears. "Will you have the courage to own up, or are you just going to crouch down here like a whimpering rat?"
"Please, don't tell anyone about this! I'm begging you…" Jekyll choked out in desperation, swallowing his pride. He knew that denial was useless. "This will cost me my life! My father…"
The other man smiled, eyes narrowing cruelly. "You really should have thought of that before you cheated, you stupid fool! This is excellent. Your parents will be so proud of you I'm sure…"
"Leave my parents out of this!" Jekyll snarled angrily.
"Oh, touchy…" Edward smirked. "Of course, dear Jekyll will do anything for his father right? I wonder… where did your father go wrong? Did he bring you up to cheat and lie? Well, if he did, he's done a very good job indeed. I applaud him."
Jekyll felt a blind rage filling him, threatening to overwhelm his line of reasoning.
Almost without thinking, he felt his fingers slide into his pants pocket and close upon a hard object.
His pocket pen knife.
Oh, how I loathe and hate that man…
He stole my position as first…
He made me go through all that pain last year…
He forced me into this!
This is all his doing!
And now he's here, taunting me… insulting my father…
The pen knife's blade flicked out.
He will pay for that dearly.