The 12 Labors of Cyborg

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. I do not own Greek Mythology. I own this story. Steal it or the idea, and I will put a world of hurt on you. What can a 19-year-old college student do to hurt you? Do you really want to find out?

A/N: Without all the hip-horal about the Centaurs, the Erymanthian boar- catching a wild boar- is an incredibly boring quest. Thus, I'll spare all of you the 'boar'dom of this labor, and set up the next chapter instead.

~~~~~

The Quest of the Cheesy Poufs

~~~~~

If he stretched just a little… just a LITTLE higher, maybe he could reach it…

Beast Boy shouted in frustration as the Gamestation Controller, enshrouded in an eerie black light, bobbled just out of the reach of his hands. He transformed wildly between animals- tall giraffe, reaching elephant, screeching eagle… but he just couldn't reach it!


"OH COME ON!" Beast Boy shouted.

Something almost like a smirk invaded Raven's features as she watched Beast Boy hop up and down in a futile attempt to capture his controller. "That game is loud, pointless, and kills brain cells- something which you have precious few of and should protect with all your might," Raven said quietly, "I'm doing you a favor."

"But Raaaaven," Beast Boy whined, "If I don't practice, Cyborg will totally whup me next time we play!" And then, the insult sunk in, "HEY!"

Raven rolled her eyes, and the Gamestation controller dropped into the green changelings hands. With a shout of success, Beast Boy swooped over to the game.

Raven watched him play for a few minutes. No wonder Cyborg kept on winning… Beast Boy was horrible at this game. Every few moments, his pixilated car would flip and burst into flames, or go flying off of the race track, hit a tree and… burst into flames. "I hope you realize not every vehicle is so prone to self combustion…"

"Not true!" Starfire exclaimed, appearing alongside Raven. She had a bottle of mustard clenched in her hands. "Lunar Buggies of my home world are known from exploding at the slightest jolt! We use them to kill young and foolish talking birds."

"What's wrong with you?" Raven asked rhetorically. Luckily, before she had to listen to Starfire's answer, Robin came stalking into the room.

"Raven, you forgot the Cheesy Poufs," he admonished her.

Slowly, very slowly, Raven rolled her eyes. They disappeared so far back in her head that for a moment Robin wondered if they would ever find their way home. And then, she fixed a glare on him. "I refuse to be seen buying those flavorless orange sticks of wheat excrement."

"But Raaaaven," Beast Boy whined again, "I like those flavorless orange sticks of wheat excrement!"

Robin looked momentarily perturbed. Actually, everyone except Beast Boy did- he was too busy staring, wide eyed and drool-lipped, at the computer screen. Robin cleared his throat. "Regardless of your personal opinions of wheat excrement- I mean, Cheesy Poufs- Raven, they were on the list," he said reasonably. "Now please go out and get them." He paused. "Besides, you got Starfire her mustard…"

"It usually keeps her quiet," Raven mumbled. Starfire was now floating around the room giggling and taking sips out of the mustard bottle. The telekinetic's face darkened even further as she watched Starfire float past. "Usually…"

Robin sighed. "Please, Raven?"

"Yeah, please, Raven?" Beast Boy echoed, turning back towards her. As soon as he looked away from the screen, his pixilated car exploded. "Damn it!"

"Fine. I will get you your flavorless wheat excrement," Raven said darkly. She turned and strode out of the room.

"Thank you friend Raven!" Starfire called after her.

Her mustard bottle glowed black for half a second, and then exploded, showering the room and the three remaining Teen Titans with mustard. Starfire screamed.

And Raven… she almost laughed.

Meanwhile, Cyborg saved a kitten from being hit by a car. "Another great deed under my belt," he thought with satisfaction.

And then the kitten bit him.