Feedback: it's like oxygen.........
Part Six
"I'm not jealous."
Buffy slammed the door on the Washing Machine.
"I'm not jealous."
Her words faded into silence as she finished setting the cycle. She scowled to herself as that silence crowded in on her accusingly.
"I'm not."
With one final push of a button, the machine whirred into action - the sluggish sound almost mocking to her ears - and she couldn't help but kick it in response.
"Stupid... thing. If I could slay you I would."
"You know... I'm pretty sure that talking to yourself is one of the first signs of craziness."
She jumped as the soft voice, warm with humour, sounded behind her before gathering her wits and calmly turning around to face its owner.
"Xand! I didn't hear you come in."
"Ah, the beauty of having a house key." He grinned widely as he fished said key out of his pocket to wave in front of him. "See? We should have done this back in Sunnydale... now there's no need to interrupt you and make you rush to the door when you're in the middle of... of... uh... what exactly are you doing? It looks like a cross between talking yourself into seeing a therapist and slaying the laundry."
A small smile graced her lips and she shrugged non-committedly.
"Nothing much."
Shaking his head, still with his trademark mile-wide grin on his handsome face, he took two steps forward and pulled her into a hug that lasted for several long moments before he released her.
"I don't believe that for a minute. So, what's going on?" His right eye sparkled with amusement as he regarded her. "Who aren't you jealous of?"
"Jealous?" She let out a short, awkward laugh. "There's no one jealous around here."
"Uh-huh." His eye narrowed at her suspiciously for a moment. "So... who are you not not jealous of?"
Opting for a change of subject, she moved past him, leading the way into the kitchen. "So, Xand. What's up? Want some tea? Coffee? Juice? Anything... liquid-y?"
"Ah. So there's a guy involved in this." Barely stifling a chuckle, Xander followed her and leaned against the counter, watching as she pulled a carton of juice out of the refrigerator and taking two glasses from the drainer.
"What? No. I... that's ridiculous." She tried to laugh it off, but even as she spoke, a deep blush betrayed her, roaring up the sides of her neck against her will. "Why would you think that? And... and... why are you here anyway?"
"Good to see you too, Buff." Laughter filled his voice as he spoke. "And in answer to the question that you didn't intend me to answer, the fact that you've turned into 'Buffy-who-will-do-anything-to-avoid-the question' all of a sudden kinda gives it away. Plus, the attractive shade of red you're wearing right now is the very same one you always wear when quizzed about your love-life."
"I'm not wearing..." She looked down at her outfit in confusion for a moment before realising the meaning of his words. "Oh."
"Yep. Told you. Definitely a guy. The point when you deny your clothing before you deny your feelings proves my entire point. I can read you like a book."
With a sigh of defeat, Buffy poured out the drinks and handed Xander his as she tried to buy herself a little time. Still stalling, she silently beckoned him to follow her through to the sitting room where they sank onto the couch together. After several long moments, she at last felt brave enough to break the silence, weighing her words carefully as she spoke.
"Technically, Xand, you can't. Read me, that is. You see, you talked about me having a love-life... but that involves firstly having a life, and secondly having someone in it... which I don't."
"But there is a guy that you'd want to be in it?" He thirstily downed half of his drink, watching for her reaction out the corner of his eye.
"Yes... no... well... maybe. I don't know. I'm too confused right now. There's kinda a lot going on and it's really complicated."
"Gee, thanks for clearing that up." The grin that had started to form on his lips faded before it even achieved full-width as he saw the depths of sadness in his friend's eyes. "C'mon Buff. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help."
"No." She shook her head and focused her attentions on removing the dirt from under her nails. "You can't. No-one can. How can they if I'm not sure of what I'm feeling right now?"
Xander looked at her in surprise. "Buffy... this is so unlike you. I've never known you to be in such a state over someone. Please, Buff... if you won't talk to me... talk to somebody. You know, maybe Giles can help -"
"No!" Buffy's head shot up and she stared, panicked, into Xander's startled face. "Not Giles." She lowered her gaze again, fighting to soften and calm her voice. "This isn't something I can talk to him about." Her gaze flicked back up briefly to meet his. "Please. You have to promise me you won't breathe a word of this to anyone. Especially Giles. I just... want to work this out on my own for once. I... need to... for me."
Confused and at a loss as to how best to respond, Xander returned his half-empty glass to the coffee table and wrapped an arm around Buffy's shoulders.
"Of course I promise. Although, it's not like you have to be worried about what Giles will say. He's cool. Plus, you know, it's not like he wouldn't approve of whoever it is... unless it's Angel again. It's not, is it?"
Attempting a half-hearted smile at Xander's run-on sentences, Buffy shook her head.
He let out a relieved sigh in response. "Well, then. Why don't -?"
"Xand?" She interrupted, determined not to let him finish the question.
"Yeah?" He tucked a stray lock of her hair behind one ear, watching, intrigued, as she struggled to guard her emotions.
"Can we not talk about this?"
"Sure." Silencing his inner confusion, he responded instead to his instincts and pulled her into his arms fully, allowing her to curl up into a tight ball against his chest. He looked down at her blonde crown in silence for a moment before reaching for the remote and switching the television on for a quick distraction that he knew she'd be grateful for.