Feedback: it's like oxygen.........
Part Eight
"Oh god... what is wrong with me?"
"Nothing... just relax... you're trying too hard."
"But I'm useless."
"No you're not. You're a natural. Just try not to tense up so much."
"But why? I mean, tense is good. It stops me from dropping this thing... and let's not forget just how expensive it would be if I did."
"I understand your concerns, Dawn, but you have to trust me on this. The more relaxed you are the easier chord changes will be."
"Hmm. If you say so." She looked up at him, noticing that he only seemed half-there, but chose not to comment. "So... I got the 'E' chord and the 'A' and 'D' chords down... but I just can't figure this 'G' chord out. Help me out here, Giles... tell me what I'm doing wrong. I just can't seem to get all the notes you showed me... I don't have enough fingers."
"It's simply a matter of practice, Dawn."
"Practice what? Practice hurting my hand?"
"Dawn, if you're not willing to put in the effort..."
"I am! I've been working my butt off continually for the last couple of weeks driving Buffy and everybody up the wall. I've had to put up with their yelling and their threats all in the name of... what? Education? Music? Talent? Trying to be good at just one thing in my life? I'd say that I damn well am putting in the effort."
Giles' mind caught on a single phrase in her rant and his eyes widened in astonishment. "Just one thing?" He lowered his guitar to the ground and slid forward to perch on the edge of the couch where he leant toward Dawn and lifted a hand to rest it reassuringly on her shoulder.
"What on earth makes you think you aren't good at anything else?" When she didn't answer, he slid further forward until he was on his knees in front of her. "Dawn?"
"Hey, don't worry about me, Giles. I'm over it. I was over it a long time ago. Right about the time that Xand told me I wasn't special."
"He what?"
"No, not like that." She shook her head emphatically. "He didn't mean it horribly. He... he said that I'm extraordinary. But that doesn't stop me from occasionally imagining that just for once I might stand out in a crowd like Buffy does. You know... maybe have her looks, if I can't have her powers. Or maybe her intelligence... 'cause sometimes - not very often though - she can be really smart. Like when she came up with the whole 'let's turn all the Potentials into Slayers' idea. That was unusually smart of her. See? That's what I want to do. Have one great idea... or do one special thing. Maybe... if I could just excel in just one thing and if people appreciated it, then that would be enough." She paused for a moment, and then added, "But, like I said. It's just a... daydream, now. I'm over stressing about it. I just focus on what Xander said, instead."
He stared at her in silent wonder for a long moment and when he eventually spoke his voice was full of emotion.
"What happened to you, Dawn?"
"Huh?"
"When did you become so mature?"
"Oh." She gave a slightly embarrassed grin. "I still have my crazy moments... but... thank you for the compliment." Absently, she plucked the strings of her guitar. "You and Xand are the only ones who get it. My need to do something special... to be someone special. Before... you know, before ... I was this... this thing of... I don't know... evil? I'm not sure... I mean... I was this key. Sure, Glory wanted to use me for evil purposes... but that doesn't actually make me evil. After all, if she needed me to unlock the doors, then I must have locked them at some point... and that's a good thing... right?" She barely noticed as he gently nodded. "But no one told me that. No one worked it out. I had to do that for myself... but I'm glad I did, 'cause it made me realise that I don't have to live in Buffy's shadow anymore. I can just be me... independent in my own right and I can be good at stuff without people wondering if the world is gonna end. So... now I'm just waiting for the one thing that will come naturally to me. I mean, everyone has something... and, who knows? Maybe this stupid assignment..." she curved her hand around the fret board forming the chord shape she'd been struggling with as she finished, "... could be what I've been waiting for." She grinned at him as she let the fingertips of her right hand fall steadily across the strings sounding each note perfectly.
"You've got to admit, I'm a fast learner."
Giles chuckled, his expression conveying his admiration and pride in both her maturity and abilities.
"You definitely are."
After a brief pause, he reclaimed his guitar and attempted his best school-teacher-like voice.
"Okay... we have a few more basic chords to look at today and then we might look at some simple songs."
"Simple, like... 'Love Me Do'?" She grinned as he groaned in defeat.
"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"
Still grinning, she shook her head. "Nah-ah. That's good bribery material, which reminds me..." A mischievous glint appeared in Dawn's eyes as she casually remarked, "Buffy might come asking about that sometime."
Giles' eyes widened in panic. "Please, tell me you didn't tell her about it."
"Relax, Giles. Isn't that what you've been telling me? Just relax. I only mentioned it to her in passing. We were actually talking about other stuff." She giggled at his still-worried expression. "Besides, it's normal to do idiotic stuff when you have a crush on someone. I should know." Anther giggle escaped. "Actually, that was kind of the 'other stuff' me and Buffy were talking about. Not your crush. Mine - apparently. She thought I was only learning the guitar to impress a guy. As if I need to... I mean, if there was someone I wanted, I would just use my womanly wiles to win him over."
At last a smile broke through on his features, the frown fading as his eyes crinkled up with mirth. "Well, of course."
"Uh-huh." She watched him for a brief second, warring with herself as she thought of that earlier conversation, before at last commenting, "You know... she's been acting kind of weird lately. Well," she corrected herself, "weirder than is normal for her."
Instantly, any indication of humour died at the mention of Buffy's odd behaviour, as Giles recollected how she had acted around him earlier and the conclusions he had drawn. He attempted to keep his voice calm, even though he knew Dawn would hear the concern at the root of it.
"I had noticed."
"Really? I mean... you've noticed too? 'Cause this isn't just strange... it's really strange. She's acting like she's jealous of something or someone. When we were talking earlier... I kinda got the impression that our lessons have something to do with it."
"Do you think so?" Giles frowned, pondering the possibility, his mind recalling her interruption of that first lesson. "Hmm... I think I may have an idea what's bothering her." A determined expression settled on his face as he turned his attentions back to his guitar. "Don't you worry about your sister, Dawn. I'll have a word with her. Now, let's move on to some more of these chords, shall we?"