"Love is a tricky thing. I never trusted it. Never wanted a damn thing to do with it. Women were, in my opinion, a bunch of sidewinding sluts. Each one could be bought at the right price. They'd steal your heart while they emptied your wallet all in the same friggin breath. I liked it that way. I was happy thinking of it that way. It made working with them easier. Take away the potential for getting a nice piece of ass and working with a woman became a friggin walk in the park.
But damn if she didn't come along and fuck everything up. My ideas, my notions, my solid brick wall of distrust I felt towards the whole friggin lot of 'em. Kaida Oko. That woman. That woman changed everything. Maybe it was her ability to shoot anything with a trigger, maybe it was the fact she drove like a goddamn lunatic, maybe it was the way she smoked her friggin cigarettes - her lips barely touching the filter. Every time I had to watch her smoke I cursed that cigarette. That lucky fucking cigarette. It was blessed. Blessed to be able to have such an intimate relationship with her mouth - her body. The smoke moving through her lungs. The nicotine being absorbed into her bloodstream. I never wanted to be a friggin cigarette so much in my life.
And friggin hell, she was beautiful. Painfully, ridiculously beautiful. I thought I'd seen every beautiful woman in the world. I'd seen so many beautiful women I had become numb to them. In my line of work, you see lots of beautiful women. In Paris. Monaco. Rio de Janeiro. You get the idea. But nah, I was wrong. This woman was the.. The pinnacle. The perfection. She was the ultimate combination of the goddess and the whore. She was my unicorn.
Once. I slept with her once before we left. The three weeks we were in Tokyo working on that heist her and I played this fucked up game of cat and mouse. She'd chase me. I'd shy away. Then I'd turn around realizing what an idiot I was being and attempt to go after her hoping I hadn't totally blown the whole friggin thing. The first time I kissed her, I thought my heart was going to implode in my chest - taking my ribs with it. The pressure was that great. But it wasn't a bad pressure, it's the kind of pressure you get when you've been waiting for something for so long that when it finally happens your body is in denial of the reality of the moment.
She had this smell. It was her hair. When I finally got close enough to smell her.. Ah friggin hell, it was like.. It was like.. I dunno what the hell it was like, I just know I will never find that smell again. I dream about that smell, and I wake up sweating with my head feeling like it's going to friggin pop. Just 'poof' there it goes. Up in fucking smoke.
I made a mistake. I know it. I pulled a friggin Lupin and I mixed business with pleasure and now I can't get that bitch out of my head or my nose or my dreams. It's like she burned her image onto the back of my skull, right behind my eyes, and now she is all I can see. Her skin. Her hair. Her eyes. Her mouth. Fuck, man, I'll never get her out of there. No matter how much I smoke or drink. No matter who I kill. No matter what I steal. No matter where I go. There she'll be. There she will friggin be."