The feelings I'm experiencing are kind of hard to explain right now. It's like standing dazed in the middle of a highway while cars are roaring past you; their headlights blind your eyes. You're afraid to move, afraid to take a step, but you know you'll have to eventually because staying there is not only dangerous, but also stupid. You try to scream for help, but no one can hear you. No one can help you make your decision. No one can help you cross to safety.

What happened the night before is kind of blurry now that I look back on it. So much had been revealed to me in one night. I didn't really know how to take it, supposing…there was any certain way I was supposed to. Really though, how does one react to all of that? So when Yuffie said I was going to leave with them, I…found I couldn't argue.

After managing to kill off those things back in the industrial area, we left as quickly as we could. Since we were such a strange group, we took the back streets to avoid attracting unnecessary attention. It was really cold, and I couldn't stop shaking. But that easily could have been from the adrenaline still coursing through me. Beatrix and that man, Julius, were kind of quiet.

Kind of.

They both seemed to find Spider's anger amusing.

…It feels weird, calling that girl 'Spider'. To me, Spider was a cat. She's…not even really human is she? All these twists and turns are so overwhelming. I still can't get over the change Yuffie went through. She seems a shadow of her former self. There are hints of her old habits and personality there. But she seems like almost a completely different person. I don't know what brought the most change; the two years we spent away from each other, or this new 'demon' side that she has been fused with.

She seems to always be thinking about something now. Her face gets the preoccupied look people have when they're pondering a serious puzzle. I remember her being bright and inquisitive, with a sharp eye for detail (she was trained as a shinobi after all), but never had I seen her so…focused. No offense to her, but she never really could sit still long enough to work anything out. She was the kind who would work on a word search for five minutes before doing something else. Another thing I've noticed is that she seems to be on constant edge. Maybe it's just with the recent events, what with Beatrix's harebrained scheme and her meeting me 'ahead of schedule' so to speak, but I think there's something else there. Her anger seems to have evolved from the shallow teenage temper tantrum to something darker and more dangerous. This scares me, but strangely enough, I think it scares her too.

We had a short talk about how she's dealt with her new body, and as she tells me, her new mind. She says the world seems different now. Looks different, sounds different, feels different...and she doesn't understand it. She says she thinks things she never would have before. Knows things she had never known before. She doesn't understand any of it. So of course, neither do I. But I suppose I'll get used to it.

If I can get used to a talking robotic cat riding a giant stuffed mog and a large talking tiger that could very well beat me on a math quiz, then I can certainly get used to my friend being half a cat demon.

(It's frightening, the relationship I've had with cats over the years)

But now switching to a completely different note: Yuffie's friends are strange.

They all act…I'm not sure how to say it. When I lock eyes with one of them a chill runs up my spine. Some things there, I see it, but I don't know what it is. When Ern was telling me about Yuffie and the past week, I got the feeling he was leaving some things out. I hope I'm just being paranoid, I don't know if I can take another surprise. I'm sure Ern was being honest. He's such a nice man, if only a little odd. In fact they're all odd. Seeing a girl like Beatrix jump and climb up a bare streetlight the way she did…that was beyond strange.

That was freaky.

And it's been ages since I've heard anyone speak with Midgaran accents, and hearing them speak brings back memories of when I owned 7th Heaven down in the slums. "Bloody hell", "wanker", "pricks". I think Julius is the worse of all of them when it comes to slang.

Beatrix is second.

But they are all nice, really. (But I'm still mad with Beatrix, don't get me wrong) When we arrived back at the hotel, they were very polite and sympathetic. The large blonde man, Taerk (odd name), and Julius escorted me back to my own room, where I gathered my things and checked out. Needless to say, I was happy to say goodbye to Mr. Monroe.

Meridian, who's the leader of this little group Yuffie seems to be joining, is very cordial. He always refers to me as "Ms. Lockheart". Yuffie says he'll be doing that until he feels familiar enough with me to start using my first name. He shows patience that you don't find often anymore. The entire group was very accepting of me. Of Spider, however…

They argued for a while whether it would be wise to take her with us. Whether it would be wise to keep her alive at all. Taerk seemed particularly adamant about that last point. Just at the suggestion Yuffie blew up. She called Taerk a "stupid muscle-headed moron with as much common sense as a donkey's ass". (At least her colorful choice of insults stayed the same) Silently I agreed with her, not with the insult of course, but about killing Spider. I myself was still too…well, shell shocked to speak at the moment really, but I was enough in it to know that it was wrong to even think such an idea. After all, demon or not, Spider was still a living being, a child no less, and a child who just so happened to have saved my life.

Meridian didn't want to take the chance of bringing a full-blooded demon with us. Like Beatrix had said before back on the street, he said this was a different case from the decision he had to make with Yuffie. In a nutshell, Yuffie could be trusted.

Spider couldn't.

So Yuffie, Beatrix, and Julius spent half an hour trying to convince Meridian it would be okay. Julius and Yuffie both were very firm in their arguments. Beatrix piped in every now and then, but I think the real reason she bothered speaking was to see if she could get on Yuffie's good side again. Considering Yuffie's still upset with her, I don't think it worked.

Eventually Meridian conceded to bringing Spider along, as long as someone watched her at all times. He threatened that if need be he personally would get rid of her. I think this bothered Yuffie, because she said in a way that made me nervous, that there wouldn't be a need because she herself would watch Spider.

At this point I wanted to say something. I was already feeling so helpless, I felt if I didn't find my voice again and take a stand, then nothing out of all of this madness would be under my control. I would be just a leaf in the wind.

But I didn't speak.

I just couldn't.

When everything had been agreed, we left for the docks. As fate would have it, we had to wait for the ship for Kalm to come. I was getting more then nervous. We weren't safe, I thought. Now that I knew there were demons among us, I couldn't stop checking the shadows and the faces of all those who passed us. It's been ages since I've been in a situation where my life was truly in danger.

But as I gazed around, waiting for the ship to come, I stopped as my eyes fell on none other then Spider.

She was standing apart from everyone else, shivering a little, as she was still naked underneath the jacket, a fisherman hat jammed over her head. (She had complained that if she had to wear the hood again, she would change back into a cat, where all 'the humans' could see her) She was still wearing the jacket Beatrix had given her, and it dragged behind her like a train dress. The sleeves swallowed her arms whole, and I smiled unconsciously at how ridiculous she looked.

She kept giving Yuffie this look that seemed to be born of…well…fond contempt. Really weird, explaining it, but all of what I'm talking about is more then out of the ordinary anyways, so it doesn't matter.

Spider had a close relationship with the demon that changed Yuffie into what she is now. I guess I can relate to what she's feeling, but not really.

When Cloud had joined Avalanche for the first time, he was so like Zack in everything that he did. He moved like him, talked like him, dressed like him. I imagine what's unfamiliar to me in Yuffie's new personality, must be familiar to Spider in her memory of the demon she knew. What a strange concept that is…and a sad one too.

The very demon Spider had known as a brother is now gone, and in his place is a girl whom she never met, maybe only heard about, who moves and acts like the demon she knew…But isn't the demon she knew. Rather, she's her alleged enemy.

Plus, to make matters worse, an entire group that she had come to recognize as dangers now surrounds her. She has everyone reason to be anxious, or worse, afraid. More then I do, when you really look at it, and she's only a girl.

I feel bad for that. Before I found out she was a demon, she was a friend. When I was alone, wallowing in my depression and going insane, left with the lack of direction in my life, she was there to give me company. I'm sure the treats I gave her helped some, as did the belly rubs. But being there is being there. I want to think I can be there for her now, even with the truth finally revealed. But…

I can't.

I'm still trying to come to terms with everything else.

Well…at any rate, seeing her brought a sense of comfort to me. That's even more solace I stole from her, come to think of it. And, then, I took solace from her without her even realizing it. My consolation's locked away somewhere, I'm sure. If she were to look at me without my knowing, looking for some kind of reassurance in my presence, I doubt she'd find any.

I think I'll try to open up to her more. …It's only fair, right?

With this comfort settling on my nerves, I relaxed and sat back on one of the benches available. The ship was already on the horizon, and in another hour it was pulling into the dock.

There weren't many other people boarding with us that night. I guess Kalm, even with its increase in size, doesn't attract much of a crowd at the start of the week. But I guess it was more a matter of time then popularity. If we had a choice, we would have waited until next day to sail to Kalm.

We got on the ship okay. Spider stuck close to Yuffie the entire time, giving everything around her a sulking glare. Yuffie didn't look too chipper as she boarded the ship. It seemed her problem with seasickness still hadn't left her. I myself was ready to go to bed. There were still a lot of thoughts going through my mind, but I was way too exhausted to touch upon any of them willingly.

One of them involved Cloud and that night back in Costa del Sol.

I really didn't want to think about it. I still kind of don't, but I know I'm going to have to face it eventually. What's the point of me writing in this journal/diary if I'm not going to reflect?

My feelings were simple and straightforward.

I felt guilty.

Horribly guilty.

Cloud had actually been telling me the truth, strange as his story was. The shirt he was wearing certainly didn't help with things and neither did those two women. But after what I went through, I guess I can't talk. I'm worried about him. I want to know he's okay. I tried calling the house sometime ago, but no one picked up. I hope with all my heart nothing has happened to him.

…Note to self: Try the house again. If he's still not there, call Barret and the others. Maybe they can tell me where he is?

Okay…so we're on the ship. The ship is pretty big, and everyone splits up without a word, going into their respective rooms. Beatrix and Mikau share a room. Meridian shares a room with Taerk, Ern, and Julius. Yuffie shares a room with Spider, and I, feeling sheepish, get a room of my own. (I don't know how I remembered that so well, and I really don't know why I bothered listing this. I guess it will help explain things if I wrote down where everyone generally was…)

Going into my own little cabin, I went to close the door and saw the all the others shuffle past, where I wouldn't be seeing most of them again until we reached the shore.

Sitting alone on my little cot, I stared at the wall for a while, trying to keep my mind clear, like I had earlier that day. I pinched myself a few times, to try and convince myself that this wasn't a dream, and I was really where I was. My body was exhausted. I wanted to sleep so badly, to wake up in the villa with Cloud at my side, like the way things used to be when we were happy together. But of course, reality is cold and cruel, and wouldn't even grant me that one little reprieve…

I'm sorry. Let me get back on track.

So after what seemed like an eternity of staring and pinching, I snapped out of it enough to get up and leave my room. The ship was rocking softly on the waves, as ships usually do, and after sitting for so long, just staring, I wasn't prepared for it.

Moving up the steps to the deck, I got dizzy and stumbled my way out into the air, catching myself on a nearby chair. Startled, I tried to get a grip on myself.

"Are you okay?"

Honestly, being scared silly was not what I needed, but Meridian achieved that with ease as he just about appeared out of nowhere, his hair blowing in the wind, making him look for all the world like some kind of god or something. Giving him a wide-eyed look, I shook my head, and he smiled softly at me. "I'm sorry to have frightened you. It wasn't my intention." He stepped back a little, and I straightened, becoming more used to the motion of the ship.

Was this how Yuffie felt all those times? I thought. How horrible.

Still wearing that soft smile, he looked up at the stars and said, "It's a beautiful night."

Swallowing, I nodded mutely. This time it wasn't my shock that was keeping me quiet. More like my awe.

With the moonlight shining down on him, and his hair flipping about his face, I was struck by how…surreal he seemed. Once again, I was hit by that one detail…that one detail that I just couldn't place. It set him apart. So much from anyone I had seen in my entire life. The way he looked up at the moon…it was so…lovingly.

Together we stood in silence, just gazing up at the stars. The cold didn't bother me so much, as the seconds ticked by, and I became used to the comfortable silence that was settling in the air.

After a while, Meridian looked at me and asked softly, "So…what do you make of things?"

At this, I just stared at him. I hadn't made an opinion about anything really…except that it was all bizarre and shocking. Did he want me to decide, there and now, what I would do there on in?

I shook my head, "I…can't really say." Looking down at my shoes, I half-whispered, "Yuffie's so different. And…well…Spider isn't an ordinary cat. Beatrix lied to me, and my…Cloud, had been telling me the truth."

Meridian frowned, "Cloud? Cloud Strife? What did he tell you?"

So I explained. Meridian listened with rapt attention. His expression was blank, but I could see a spark light up in his eyes as I told what had happened that night in Costa. When I finished, he rubbed his chin.

"So there are angels now are there…" He murmured, more to himself then to me.

Crossing my arms, I asked him, "So what are you and the others? Why do you fight these creatures? Why did you take Yuffie in?"

Those barely scratched the surface of all my questions.

Glancing at me, he sighed. "We are…a group dedicated to stopping these demons in anyway we can." He explained shortly. "We fight because of our beliefs, and because this is our home. When we found Yuffie, we saw an opportunity to understand the demons better-"

"But Yuffie ISN'T a demon." I interjected, half angry, half panicked.

"Not a full one. She still possessed a lot of the powers a full-blooded demon would, and though she herself still doesn't know the full extent of her abilities, it was a plus for us all around. Demons can sense their own kind. Her being a half-breed shouldn't stop that. And the power she can wield holds a massive potential against the demon hordes."

Irritated at hearing the word 'demon' again, I grumbled, "How can you just keep calling them 'demons'? Their just monsters from…somewhere else."

"It's what they call themselves, therefore what we call them."

"And what do you plan to do with Spider?"

His face darkened a fraction. "We're going to squeeze every bit of information out of her. She should know about the demons plans and where a lot of them are. Once we get our feet back onto the ground, we'll use that information to our best advantage."

"She's not a tool."

"She isn't human."

Feeling insulted, I glared at him angrily. "You can't just use her up and throw her away like that! She isn't evil, she isn't even a teenager for Ifrit's sake!"

And at this, Meridian raised an eyebrow at me. Coolly, he replied, "If you're so confident of her supposed 'humanity' and innocence, why haven't you thanked her yet for saving your life?"

My cheeks flared and my claw tightened. But I couldn't say anything. He was right. He was absolutely right.

Meridian had come across as a gentlemen, an aristocrat, and a soft spoken leader. But seeing him now, all I could think was how much of a prejudice jerk he was.

And I felt horrible, because in truth, I was no better then him.

Unlike me, who was so mad I couldn't even think up something decent to say, he didn't seem bothered at all. His hands were in his pockets and when seeing I wouldn't say anything, he returned his gaze to the night sky.

Irritated, I left.

And it was on my way to my cabin that I found Yuffie sitting slumped against her own door. Alarmed, I stammered her name.

"Yuffie!?"

She looked up at me, and I immediately pitied her. She looked a wreck. I suppose being half a cat demon didn't help her any with her problem of sea sickness.

Green faced, she smiled weakly at me. "…Hiya Tiffy."

Trying to ignore the shiver I got when her eyes locked with mine, I frowned down at her. "What are you doing sitting out here?"

Yuffie's face soured and she pushed herself up into a better sitting position. "That little brat won't shut up."

I blinked. "You mean Spider?"

"Who else could I be talking about?"

I shrugged, "Do you think it's wise to leave her in there alone?"

Yuffie snorted. "The worse she can do is get her head stuck in a pillow."

"What was she bothering you about?"

"She's 'hungry'."

"Did you tell her to wait till shore?"

"Yes. She still wouldn't shut up."

"You do know she's looking to you right now. No one else will have her."

"Does that include you?"

My face turned a light shade of pink and I looked away. "Have you tried talking to her about…well…everything?"

"Mm, hmm. She wouldn't stop complaining about hunger though. I couldn't get her to talk about anything else. After a while, I couldn't take it anymore. So I just sat myself here and locked her inside."

"Maybe if you broke a deal with her she'd talk?"

"She's a kid. I don't make deals with kids."

"Make an exception. I don't think you really have a choice on this, Yuffie."

She glared at me half heartedly, before she sighed and stood woozily to her feet. Wagging a finger at me, she said, "Okay. But you're in this too, alright?"

I nodded, silently wondering if I was somehow going to regret this in the future.

Taking out her key from her pocket, Yuffie turned and opened her door with fumbling hands. Muttering a few curses, she managed to get it open, and the moment the door swung aside, Spider sprang up from the cot she was sitting on, red in the face with anger.

"I'm HUNGRY!"

In response, Yuffie slammed the door shut again.

I stared at her in disbelief. "Yuffie!"

Shaking her head, she stepped aside. "You see? She's just being a pest. She wouldn't talk when I wanted her talk and now she won't shut up when I want her to."

"But you can't be so harsh with her!"

Yuffie laughed derisively, "Harsh!? Look, Tiffy. She's gotta learn who's boss now if she wants to come with us."

"But that's just the point, Yuffie! She didn't come of her own free will. You made her come!"

Yuffie groaned, leaning against the wall next to the door. "Ugh…Tifa, can't we just talk about this later? I'm really not feeling so hot."

"Now you're using your sea sickness as an excuse. Don't hide from this Yuffie. We can't expect Spider to tell us anything if we treat her more like a prisoner. To her, if we treat her like that, it would be no better then the place she left."

Yuffie snorted, "She could've run off at any point in time. She wanted to come. She just acted like she didn't."

"Maybe she didn't try because she knew she wouldn't get away? Just try and negotiate with her…"

"You do it. I'm afraid I'll either strangle her or throw up all over the place…"

Giving her a look, I shook my head and opened the door, slowly. This was the first time Spider and I really talked. The entire time before, we both had remained silent while everyone else handled things. Now it seemed we would be deciding something together.

Before I opened the door all the way, Spider peeked around, looking ready to shout again, but upon seeing me she froze. Needless to say, this wasn't a very encouraging action.

Clearing my throat nervously, I said, sounding completely awkward. "Um…Hello."

Spider stared at me, with wide eyes. Stepping back, she sat heavily on the bed and meekly stared down at the floor. My heart panged.

"You know…S-Spider…Yuffie would really like to talk to you."

Sniffing defiantly, she crossed her arms and pouted slightly. "I'm hungry."

I bit my lip. "I know that, sweetie…but…but you have to wait till we get to shore. They don't serve food on board."

"Then won't talk."

"…How about this. We'll get you whatever you want once we reach shore. Then will you talk?"

"…Maybe."

I smiled nervously. "Um, okay. How about that then?"

Spider didn't say anything. Feeling the conversation was over, I shut the door.

Yuffie turned to me. "So that's it? Feed her, and she starts talking?"

I leaned against the wall opposite of her and frowned. "Were you not planning on feeding her to begin with?"

"That isn't what I meant."

I sighed. "Yes, I know…"

And from there we talked about…a lot of things. We talked about stuff from her new body, to her new friends, to her feelings about…everything. And I told her of how things had been for the last two years for me, and how strange things got recently. Finally, sleep overwhelmed us both, and with barely stifled yawns we said good night and went to our respective rooms.

There I went into a rather uncomfortable sleep until morning came and woke me.

So we arrived on shore okay. Spider was attracting a lot of stares with her makeshift outfit, and I pointed this out to Yuffie. She only shrugged and said we'd get her clothes of her own, but for now Beatrix could lend something. Beatrix, who overheard, looked ready to protest, but Yuffie gave her a look that said something along the lines of "you owe me", and that was that.

We checked into a backwater hotel in the older part of town. (A lot had been added over the two years. What with a whole wave of people coming in from Midgar) Beatrix let Spider choose some clothes, but all she picked was a simple lavender top with purple pants. No shoes, no socks, no sweater.

Annoyed, Yuffie tried to get her to wear the sandals she and Beatrix had gotten, but Spider wouldn't have it.

Rather then take the sandals, she only glared and snapped, "I'm hungry!"

Aggravated, Yuffie turned to me, some of her hair falling into her eyes. "Tiffy, we'll be right back…we've got to feed this twerp or she'll drive us all insane."

And when she left, Meridian came to me and said, "I suggest you stay here for the time being. It wouldn't be the best thing to go wandering off alone. Julius, Mikau, and Taerk will be seeing a man about some needed supplies. Beatrix and Ern will keep you company."

I didn't want to be left with Beatrix. But I couldn't have said 'no', now could I? Sighing, I nodded wearily. "Fine. That's fine…"

And they were gone.

Gritting my teeth I sat down at my bed, grabbing my backpack. Since I didn't seem to have any thing of importance to do, I figured I'd write in my journal, but then Beatrix sat at the end of the bed, and I glared up at her through my bangs.

Biting her lip, she wrung her hands in her lap and gave me a sidelong glance. Shutting my journal with a snap, I asked crisply, "Yes?"

She rubbed the back of her neck. "Look…um,"

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ern at the other bed, watching Beatrix openly.

"I…I wanted to apologize." Beatrix muttered, going red. "I didn't mean to cause trouble, honest I didn't. It was just…oh bugger…"

I shook my head. "Forget it." I said shortly.

I wasn't really in the mood for 'talking about it', or 'making up'.

Beatrix shook her head. "No, I'm serious. It wasn't right for me to do what I did. I just…I just really wanted to help! You didn't see her. She was a wreck. Mumbling and moping. That can't be the Yuffie you know, can it?"

Grudgingly I shook my head. Couldn't we do this later? I thought sullenly.

"An'…An'…well, I figured, if she got in contact with you again, she'd be alright. And she is! I haven't seen her so chipper!"

"Are you apologizing or trying to prove you didn't do anything wrong?" I snapped, glaring at her.

Ern shook his head and turned away, grabbing the television guide from the bedside table.

Beatrix stuttered. "I-I…no! No, of course not!"

But she had already pushed my limit of patience, and that morning I had little to none. A horrible sleep usually does that people. So does being tricked and surprised left and right the night before. "Barely any time has passed at all. You don't know how any of this will turn out, so I think it's more then a little presumptuous of you to go making conclusions so early on. Especially after what you did."

Startled, she got up quickly. "Sorry…" she muttered, and face turning a dark shade of crimson, she locked herself in the bathroom.

Sighing, I opened my journal again, but instead of writing, I read back through some of my previous entries. I felt guilty, reading through the pages, reliving that last night with Cloud and those few days with Spider. Part of me wanted to kick myself for not seeing things sooner. For being so caught up in my misery and self-pity that I didn't pay attention to details that would have sent red flares up in my head two years ago.

But I've decided such a wish had to be ignored. If I didn't stay in the now, I would only lose my chance to make up for all the things I missed.

So I'll end my entry here.

I'm feeling anxious. This room has a funny smell to it and my legs feel restless. I'm gonna go for a walk. I can't just sit still. If I continue to harbor this nervous energy, I'll go insane…If I haven't already.