The Zany Adventures of Squall & Writer!
By:IfritQuan
This is my 1st fan fic so don't flame me damn u….anyways just a message before I start…
WARNING: This story contains much cussing, random senseless violence, and making Squall look like a fool in various different ways, if u have a problem with it then..umm…Don't read it dumbass -.-"
AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
Squall: walks down the hall in an angry mood
Rinoa: barley keeping up with him Squall!!! GET YOUR HEROIC ASS BACK HERE DAMNIT!!
Squall: stops and sharply turns WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!
Rinoa: I want to talk!
Squall: turns back and continues walking off
Riona: SQUALL DAMN YOU!!
Squall: holds up his middle finger as he walks away
Rinoa: sticks her tongue out and storms off the other way
Squall: Goes into the training room and slaughters all the monsters Ahh I feel better now!
But little did Squall know, that while he had fun causing panic and a huge bloody mess for the employee thingy ppl, Rinoa was ploting her evilllll plan.
Rinoa: Yess…YESS!! SOON MY PLAN SHALL BE COMPLETE!!! scribbles something on paper MUAHAHAHHAHAH
Writer: Walks into the story Konichiwa peop..umm….Rinoa….
Rinoa: completely ignores him still scribbling and cackling manically
Writer:YOU CANT IGNOE ME I AM THE MIGHTY RULER OF YOUR EXISITANCE!!! uses a plushie hammer to bonk Rinoa on the head GUWHAHAHA FEAR ME!!!
Rinoa:uhh durrr….drool
Writer: ….bloody mother fucking hell I did it again…points to the last cast of characters he had the poor fools had no idea what they got themselves into…didn't even finish my story cries
Squall: wipes some blood off his face Ahh much much better evil grin now to my room..
Rinoa: gets up out of the chair she was siting in and scribbles some more stuff on the paper then walks off
Writer: Grrr…floats next to Rinoa down the hall and looks at her plan hmm…GOOD LORD!
Rinoa's paper has crudly drawn stick figures, one has curly hair and the other one has spikey hair. On this paper it shows a box which has zig-zag lines on them, above it says "Skwools Raom" and the rest is very well drawn crayon drawings of a room with piled up corpses in the corner and blood seeping all over the room, a dark shadowy figure stands in the middle of the room with a knife which drips blood on the end
Writer: Gawd damnit wtf did I do…..
Rinoa: gets to Squalls room and starts to throw things around slobering over everything and shouts SKWOOL NO TAWKIE!! SKWOOL DIE NOW!!
Writer: Did that plushie hammer seriously fuck her up that badly?!
Squall: is almost at his room but for some odd reason stops and starts to kick the crap out of people for no apparent reason causing massive blood loss and broken/sprained/snaped in half like a twig/enemy sliced with katana bones
Rinoa: Runs out of the room and down the hall screaming and slobbering everywhere, then sees Squall SKWOLL SKWOOL!!!! Squall turns around and Rinoa tackels him and grabs his Gun Blade WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Squall THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL!?!?
Writer: floats there watching the events unfold while typing Guwhahahah DANCE MY PUPPETS DANCE!
Squall: gets up and jumps at the writer biteing at his ankles RAWR! GRR!
Writer: Bad Slave! Bad Squall!
Squall: snaps out of it GRR WHERE DID SHE GO WITH MY BLADE?!
Writer: points down the hall as she runs toward a door in the middle of the hall marked "DO NOT ENTER!" But I don't think u should go in there…
Squall: Fuck you!
Writer: Grrr….
Squall: chases off after Rinoa screaming various cus words like:
FUCK YOU DUMBASS!
OMG WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM!
STOP YOU RETARD And so on. Rinoas slober flys back into squalls face and his drenched in it omg this is gross…
Writer: GUWAHHAHAAH
Rinoa: jumps at the door head first and bangs it and a huge knot comes up durrr….gets up and opens the door and jumps in
Squall:NOOOOOoooo jumps into the door
Writer: Alright reader(s) I just wana say…I WARNED HIM!!
Squall: Lands in a pitch black area that's damp Where the fuck am I…DAMN YOU WRITER!!
There is a light giggling noise that could be heard all around Squall as he slowly looked around numerous eyes lit up the dark room all pale light gazing at him in the middle of this room. Squall casted the spell "Fria" and the whole room shot a flame as the Fira spell hit a torch at the very top of this cave. Around him were thousands of fan girls/boys who were all drooling.
ILOVESQUALLBITCH4123:OMG OMG OMG!! ITS REALLY SQUALL! GET HIM!!!
BoIfOrSqUa!!421:lunges at squall
Squall: AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! looks around for a weapon to defend himself but can only find a twig AHHH
SqUALLFORPREZ212: jumps onto Squalls head and starts to pull his hair I CAN GET A FOURTUNE ON E-BAY!!!
Squall:BLOODY MOTHER FUCKING HELL GET OFF ME YOU SOB CRAZIED FAN GIRLS!
Squallluverboi9831: Ahem
Squall: okay, GET OFF ME YOU SOB CRAZIED FAN GIRLS/BOYS!
Squallluverboi9831: Much better
Squall: Now where were we? O right, AHHHHH
The thousands of fans jump at Squall trying to get something from him to sell on ebay/worship like god himself. After about 15 mins of Squall screaming, fan girls/boys screeching/writers maniacal laughter. The Writer goes fishing….
Writer: slips on his fishing outfit and sits with his legs dangling over the door way and casts a lure into the sea of fan girls/boys Wonder if the n e thing is biting today…tug on the lure HURRAY! quickly reels in the line only to find a fan girl had the hook stuck in her head as she flopped around damn just another fan…throws it back into the sea but it hit's the wall and splatters into various organs and leaves a nice bloody mess hmm..lets try again recasts line and wait's a few mins and feels another tug Yay! reels up Squall by his torn up leather jacket.
Squall: regains semi consciousness uhhh…writer….you…..
Writer: puts his ear to Squalls mouth expecting a complement
Squall: at the top of his lungs BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCKING RETARD!!!
Writer: AHH MY EAR MY EAR O GOD ITS BLEEDING AHH!!! runs around in circles as ear bleeds and accidentally kicks Squall back in
Squall:FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkvoice fades as he falls in more
Writer: uses mighty writing powers to re summon Squall
Squall: If you could have done that this whole time why didn't u?!?!?!
Writer: Meh, gave me something to write, plus it was funny as hell and im sure the reader was cracking his or her ass up reading about it evil smile looks at reader Righhhhhtttt?
Squall: You sux… Writer: Well if I sux then that means u sux cus im your ruler evil grin again
Squall: That's the stupidest thing ive heard….
Writer: No…This is the stupidest thing you've ever heard: BLAFARGINAGA DOKINHIDENBROUGER!
Squall:….same mother fucking difference…
Writer: grrr…
Squall: So why wasn't Rinoa in there??
Writer: Well, you got sent to the cave of fans and Rinoa got to go to a nice little beach resort in California
Squall: u know that's not fair…
Writer: if it makes u feel any better she got kicked out for shouting and drooling on other ppl
Squall: o goodie…
Writer: alright so now u gotta get yer blade back and while u do that, I shall make fun of you and cause you much torment on your journey
Squall: What was that last part
Writer: umm…I like cheese?
Squall: stop thinking of food!
Writer: whatever..
Squall: Well ima need a weapon after all so wat am I usein?
Writer: One of the most powerful weapons in this land…THE MIGHY STICK OF TRISTAN!! pulls it out and chorus music plays
Squall: Dose that happen every time u do that?
Writer: yea cool effect huh?
Squall: just give me the fucking stick
And so, Squall was about to set off on his journy when suddenly a door appared in front of him and he felt a force behidne him push him in, it was none other than…Seifer! After doing so he jumps in after him as Squall is sent hurdling through this new random door and Seifer following
Writer: Notices ppl looking at him thinking he did this Hey I didn't do shit….
THE PLOT THICKNS!
Squall:AHHHHH!!! UMPHF! Squall had hit sand and a huge cloud of it puffed up into the air where the hell am I?!
Seifer: falls down and lands on Squalls backahh nice comfy landing
Squall:gasp DAMN U!
Seifer:Okay lets go get your fucking blade back
Squall:Why are you helping?
Seifer:Plot twist dumbass…Anyways we should head to town…
As Squall and Seifer agree to become ally's for the time being until he gets his blade back the two walk through the almost endless deserts, Suddenly a huge spurt of sand shoots high into the air and in the distance charging at the two were thousands of tiny pink and purple retarded monkeys were running toward them drooling while doing so.
Squall:Damnit this day isn't getting any better…
Seifer:But its night….
Squall:ALRIGHT SAME MOTHER FUCKING DIFFRANCE!!!
Seifer prepared himself to fight the horde of monkeys as Squall sat next to a cactus and keeped on muttering about the writer and how big of an ass he is, as Squall says this the Writer appears before him and axe kicks his head
Writer: IM WARNING U DAMNIT!
Squall: stupid frigin son of a…
Writer: I dare u to finish that….I SWEAR I WILL THROW U BACK TO THE FANS!
Seifer: Will u 2 stop acting like dip shits and help with the monkey situation! slashes the monkeys as they jump at him
Writer: Grr stupid monkeys bothering me!! uses mighty writer powers to bring forth the following people from their respective worlds:
Dante Demon Slayer Yuna Daughter of High Summoner Braska Tidus Son of Jecht And lastly…A cross dressing turtle…yes..a cross dressing turtle…
Tidus,Dante,Yuna,Squall,Seifer:The hell?!
Writer: O shut up its funny throws cross dressing turtle at monkey and the monkey explodes See! Useful!
Dante pulls out Alastor and slashes monkeys into bits as their orange blood sprays everywhere, Yuna Summons Ifrit and it punches the freaky mutant things, Tidus drools over Yuna who is dressed as a singer and Writer,Seifer,and Squall walk off into the desert toward the town where they suspect Rinoa to be.
The others that were left behind yell: YOU ASS WHOLES HELP!
Finaly after a few hrs. The three finaly make it to the town of Alkaska and as they enter everybody is covered in drool dazed.
Writer: She must be here somewhere…damn plushie hammer made her retarded…
Squall:You're the reason this started?!
Writer: Fuk u she was already planing this flips off squall
Seifer: Will u two girls knock it off!
Writer: Argh im going back to typing! Fuk this…Btw look out above u guys
Seifer&Squall:Wha?
A huge block of cheese falls from the sky and lands on Seifer&Squall and the two were lucky enough that the cheese had wholes and it barley missed them.
Seifer: wow that was lame….
Writer:So u say….pulls Sora out from his world AHAHAH BEHOLD SORA THE MIGHTY EATER OF CHEESE!!! throws Sora at the cheese and he quickly gobbles the cheese up and hurts the 2 boys in the center of the cheese as they are bitten by Soras cheesey-chompers
Seifer:MY EYE WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY EYE?! ITS GOT CHEESE IN IT!!!
Squall: WTF IS ON MY BACK!!
On Squalls back is a parasitic monkey from the previous battles. The monkey ramed its sharply pointed tail into Squalls back and he falls to his knees in pain
Squall: GET IT OFF!!
Thinking quickly Seifer pulls out a piece of chese from his eye and throws it on the monkey and Sora is all over it before you could say "God save the queen!"…………………….
TO BE CONTINUED! Tyvm for reading this story all the way through and if u only skimmed this master piece then go back and read it or no cookies for you!! Now then. I have decided that I would let you, the reader decide where this craziness ends up so vote damn u VOTE! And if u don't I shall send the army of monkys after you 0.o O.O o.0
A).Seifer and Squall get in a fight over Rinoa
B)More cheese rains from the sky and Sora goes crazy
C)Squall and the Writer finaly settle their agression toward each other with an all out dual to the death
D) More Random senseless violence
E)Rinoa regains her sanity and returns the Gunblade and Squall and Rinoa make out for 57 mins
F)Everyone teams up to kill Rinoa for being retarded
G)The writer opens a can-o-whoop-$$ on everyone and summons an army of the undead all wielding plushie hammers making everyone retarded and drualing
H) George Bush brings on the biblical apocalypse comes and huge valcanos sprout up from the ground spewing blood lava which forms in the face of Avril Lavigne's face and she starts to sing blowing up ppls heads and skulls with bat wings shoot out from the deepest regions of hell and spew razor blades at you cuting the flesh off your skin and armies of zombies come from hell aswell, then when u go to heaven you will get in the VIP section, velvet ropes and when ppl ask u how u died, u tell them "I DIED IN THE MOTHER FUCKING APOCOLYPSE YA!!!!"
Sry for so many options but I thought id be funny….anyways I hope u enjoyed this 1st chapter and please give me some reviews, ty.