"When you're ready, Dawn," Giles invited patiently, as he turned his attentions back to the youngster.
"Okay, okay," she replied reluctantly, realising she could put this off no longer. Hiding her nervousness, she mimicked a compere's voice. "Lady and Gentleman... tonight, for one night only, I give you... Dawn... singing 'Always on my Mind' by Elvis Presley."
Buffy and Giles provided the required welcoming applause as Dawn fidgeted nervously again.
"I-I can't do this."
"You can, Dawn... you know you can... you've been playing this for me all afternoon." Giles insisted gently.
"Yeah, but... I can't do it in front of Buffy."
"Why not?" The blonde inquired a hint of indignation in her tone. "What's Giles got that I haven't? Huh? Why can you sing for him, but not for me?"
"It's not like that, Buffy, it's..." Dawn sighed, trying to find a way to explain. "You're my sister... no-one wants to screw up and look bad in front of their older brother or sister. You're like... you've always set an example, you've always been perfect and I don't want you to see that I can't live up to your standards."
"Oh, Dawn," Buffy murmured softly, tears threatening to well up at the contradictions her mind was producing in argument to her sister's explanation. "I'm not perfect... I've screwed up hundreds of times - you just weren't always there to see it. I mean hello? Angel and Spike? Both big mistakes... believe me, I don't want you following in my footsteps at all. The only standard I want you 'living up to' is being happy by being yourself. Okay?"
"Okay," came a quiet mumble from the slightly bowed head. After a moment, Dawn lifted her head once more and strummed an 'E' chord, checking the tuning for the final time before hesitantly beginning her song.
"Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have;
And maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as I...
She paused, struggling to shape the chord correctly.
Giles took the opportunity to lean towards Buffy, whispering, "That's the final polishing we need to do."
She grinned at him in reply, surprised at how easy it was to do so, but stopping as she became aware of Dawn glaring at them.
"Should have."
At last Dawn managed to make her tone forceful in an effort to silence her audience. Satisfied with their stillness, she continued to the bridge, returning to the same gentle voice she had used to begin the song.
"If I made you feel second best, girl I'm sorry I was blind.
You were always on my mind; you were always on my mind.
Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died.
Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied.
I'll keep you satisfied."
She paused for breath - and effect - momentarily before launching into the second verse, her voice a little stronger.
"And maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times..."
Giles felt a lump rise in his throat at the words and quickly swallowed it down. This is ridiculous. I've heard these words before... several times today alone, in fact... and... the first time was one thing... but they shouldn't still be affecting me like this... and yet... I can't seem to help it... they're just so... apt. He chanced a sidelong glance at the Slayer whom he would always consider his, unaware of her tumultuous thoughts as Dawn continued singing.
"And I guess I never told you: I'm so happy that you're mine..."
That was where I went wrong. I never told him how I happy I am with him... how happy I am that he is mine. At least... I hope he still is, after everything I've done. I guess it's about time I talked to him. Will and Xand are right. I need to talk to him, tell him these things and beg, if I have to, for his forgiveness. I guess that means that I need to start forgiving myself.
"Little things I should have said and done;
I just never took the time..."
Yep, that's me too, Buffy silently admitted. Never taking the time to show people that I care. Stupid, selfish Buffy. No wonder Giles did what he did - I never gave him any reason to think that Spike was no threat and that I actually valued his opinion over Spike's. Oh wow, this is gonna take some big-time fixing.
"Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died.
Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied.
I'll keep you satisfied."
Buffy risked a peek at Giles and was surprised to find him watching her just as discretely. She looked away quickly, but not before she felt her cheeks grow warm at the thought that flitted through her mind. Can I keep you satisfied? She was certain she was blushing profusely by now, yet couldn't help answering the thought. I'd like to. A little shiver of something she couldn't describe tingled down her spine and she sternly corrected herself. As a Slayer and a friend, of course. She was barely aware of Dawn reaching the coda as thoughts and emotions raced round her head, vying for her attention
"Little things I should have said and done;
I just never took the time."
One memory in particular stood out; the recollection of Willow's words to her earlier that evening. "That's what this is about, isn't it? All your depression lately, your weirdness... it's all about avoiding how you see yourself and what you feel inside. You can't stand the thought of him forgiving you, because you can't forgive yourself. You hate yourself because you've hurt the one person you really, really care about. Like when I, uh, cheated on Oz with..."
"You were always on my mind..."
It's not the same though...
"You are always on my mind..."
Is it?
"You are always on my mind."
Breaking free of her thoughts as the song ended, Buffy gave Dawn a proud, sisterly, smile and joined Giles in applauding her achievement. "Well done, Dawnie. I knew you'd do it." She paused for a moment, still clapping, before adding softly, "The real thing will go just fine, too... just you wait and see."
Seemingly boosted by this confidence, Dawn smiled shyly back at her sister. "If you say so."
"I do say so." Buffy's smile held in place, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "And you wanna know what my belly's saying? It's saying it's time for dinner. So, why don't you set the table while Giles gets cooking? I, in the meantime am going to do a little packing."
Giles groaned at her announcement. "Buffy, when I told you last night that I had booked a couple of rooms at a bed and breakfast, I meant for one night only... and, considering that you've already packed and repacked twice, I don't think you need to do so, again. We'll be returning on Sunday... not the following week."
"You can never be too prepared, Giles. Isn't that what you've always told me?" Not waiting for an answer, she darted past him and out of the room - almost sprinting up the stairs. Ignoring his plea for her to cut down on the amount of shoes she'd packed, her mind locked on one thought.
This is not good. This is so not good. I want to keep him satisfied? What the hell is wrong with me?