Title: Without Him
Author: Shea P.
Rating: PG...?
Summary: Liam was always one to worry, but when his baby brother disappears, will he contact the others from the band for the first time in a year?
Disclaimer: You recognize it, I don't own it. You don't recognize it? I made it up.

Without Him

Liam lay awake all night, listening to his wife's peaceful, methodic breathing as she slept. When the sun rose, and Karen's alarm buzzed, he rolled over and pretended to sleep (as he had indeed done for several days now) to avoid being asked if he'd slept at all.

Karen rose and Liam listened as the bathroom door closed and the shower started. Liam let out the breath he hadn't been aware he was holding and rolled onto his back, spreading his arms out, over the crumpled sheets and his eyes started to shut. Only halfway, that's as far as they got lately. How long has it been since Charlie was here? A week, two? However long it was, Liam hadn't slept since then, replaying his conversation with his brother in his mind over and over, like a track on repeat, volume cranked so it's the only thing you hear, that no matter what you try to distract yourself with, you can't.

Liam sighed. He didn't even know for sure that Charlie was on that plane. For all he knew, Charlie was home again, safe as he could be, trying to convince Sinjin and Patrick the same thing he'd tried to convince Liam.

Liam rolled over onto his side again, this time with purpose. He picked up the phone and dialed Sinjin's number. He hadn't dialed this number, or Patrick's in almost a year.

Ringing. Ringing. Liam was about to hang up when the phone was answered.

"Talk to me." Sinjin's voice slurred lazily. It just occured to Liam that it must be about 2 AM for Sinjin. 2 AM used to be nothing, but well, Sinjin was never exactly predictable.

"Sinjin?" Liam asked quietly. His voice cracked and tears started to well up in his eyes.

"Liam?" Karen's voice asked quietly from behind him, startling him. She sat down on the bed and rubbed Liam's bare shoulder with her soft hands. "Are you alright?" Liam twisted away and she drew back.

"Shit, man, what's up?" Sinjin's voice shifted from tired to concerned.

"Have, have you seen Charlie recently? In the past couple of weeks?" Liam spit out, the tears spilled from his eyes now and wet the sheets in little salty pools.

"No I haven't. Is that all you wanted? I was asleep. Call me in the morning or something, man." Sinjin's voice went from that concerned tone to irritation, and then the the dial tone buzzed in Liam's ear.

Liam hung up the phone. Karen moved closer and put her arms around Liam from behind, her hands on his chest. "Are you going in to work today?"

Liam shook his head and muttered a barely audible 'no.' Karen hopped off the bed and headed for the door.

"I'll make you some tea." She bounced out of the room. Liam loved her so much, her energy, her bubbling enthusiasm about everything. Seemed the opposite to him now, he'd settled down now, and truthfully thought himself, well, boring.

Sometime while Liam was lost in his thoughts, Megan, his two year old daughter had wandered in and pulled herself up on the bed next to Liam.

"Daddy?" Megan inquired, her big blue eyes staring up at Liam, and he couldn't help but smile. He scooped her up and walked downstairs to the kitchen.

Karen was just putting the tea bag in the mug and turned around to see her husband and daughter right there.

They sat at the small table in the kitchen and Liam drank his tea absentmindedly, staring off into space. Karen could have probably replaced the tea with cough syrup and Liam wouldn've noticed. He finished the tea and stood up.

"Will you take Megan to daycare? I think I'll go to work today." Liam said as he headed upstairs.

Karen sighed. She hated seeing Liam this way, so... dead.

She also knew there was nothing she could do. Liam changed for himself, that's for sure. He didn't change for anyone, nor could anyone dictate how he'd feel or thought. That was one of the reasons she loved him so much. It was also one of the things that irritated her the most.

When they met, about three years ago, she was the good Catholic girl and he was the bad boy from the band. Now it seemed... not reversed, but different, anyway. She was still the good Catholic girl, but Liam wasn't the bad boy anymore.

Liam and Charlie's roles certainly reversed, though. Charlie. The one causing Liam all this grief. She knew Liam hadn't slept since Charlie stopped by and they'd talked. Liam thought he was being sneaky and hiding it, she played along, no use arguing about it.

Charlie, the one who might very well be dead. That's what Liam was so scared about, that his baby brother was gone and he was alone. Liam's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Pace (never Terry and Catherine), were uptight, very religious folk who had cut near all ties with Liam and Charlie when they started the band. Liam was worked his way somewhat onto their good side, having married, having a child, what have you, but they still blamed Liam for Charlie, Liam was the oldest and therefore responsible, I-am-my-brother's-keeper, yada yada. The only reason, Karen suspected, that Mr. and Mrs. Pace even called, or e-mailed, or visited or whatever was Megan. The only grandchild they'd have, since Charlie was a Failure. Charlie was an Addict. Charlie wasn't practicing his faith. The faith he'd been taught since he was a baby, the faith he was baptized into, and this was Not Acceptable.

Liam dressed in what become his usual boring clothes, ready to head off into his usual boring life. He wished his wife and daughter a good day and headed off to work, for the first time in two weeks. He got to the parking lot fine. Then inside, checked in, shrugged off questions, and to his cubicle fine. He sat there, moving back and forth in his swivel chair for about fifteen minutes. His phone rang and it took him four rings to realize it. He ignored it even then. It stopped. He got up. He left.

He drove home distractedly, almost hitting another car. He sat at home on the couch for awhile, he didn't know how long, before leaving again, this time for the cafe where Karen worked three days a week.

She was washing some glasses when he walked in. The only people there were the few breakfasters that faithfully bought a cinnamon bun before work.

"What is it now, Liam?" she asked as Liam leaned against the counter.

"You know, Charlie couldn't have been on that flight. It left only about a half hour after he left our house. That's not enough time to get on a plane, is it?"

Karen put down the glass and the dishtowel. She took her husband's hands in her own and looked him in the eyes. "Don't worry. He disappears all the time. Why don't you go home, have a hot bath, and I'll try and come home early."

Liam sighed and appeared to be thinking it over. He mumbled a 'see you later,' and left.

Liam went home, but he didn't have the bath his wife suggested. Instead, he picked up the phone again, and this time dialed Patrick's number, not caring that he'd be getting him out of bed.

The phone rang. It was picked up, however, after one ring. Patrick was still awake. Well, at least now he wouldn't have to worry about getting him out of bed.

"Hello?" Patrick's voice barked in Liam's ear and Liam hesitated. He never was that close to Patrick. What would Patrick think of him calling after hardly a thought for a long while?

"Hello!" Patrick said again.

"Um, hi, Patrick, this is Liam..." Liam trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Hey hey! It's been awhile." Patrick didn't seem angry. He seemed almost happy. Maybe this was a good sign.

"Um, yeah, have you seen Charlie in the past couple weeks?"

"Yeah, I saw him." Patrick said, and Liam's heart flipped. Yes, Charlie was okay! "He said he coming to see you, did he not show?" Liam's heart sank.

"Uh, he showed up. We had a bit of an arguement and he left. I was wondering if you'd seen him since he left."

"Liam. There's a slim chance he was even on that flight, they're going to publish the list of passengers soon. Stop worrying."

"How did you...?" How did Patrick know why he was calling?

"Sinjin called me after he got off the phone with you. Told me you'd probably call. You need a distraction. Take Megan to the park or something." Patrick always seemed the voice of reason. Maybe that's why Liam hadn't gotten to know him that well. He didn't like the voice of reason.

"Yeah..." Liam agreed quietly.

"Anyway, I was about to get to bed, and I don't want to know how much this call is costing. I'll talk to you later."

Liam hung up the phone. He stared at the wall, the small crack in the plaster that had seemed to be getting bigger.

The door slammed shut and he heard Karen's voice.

"Honey! I think you should see this!" She called up the stairs. Liam floated downstairs, he never really walked.

Karen held the day's newspaper. The front page bore a headline about the plane crash. Liam took the paper from her.

The list was there. Of the passengers. All people Liam didn't know, he was getting relieved. Then, third line from the bottom, after a John Locke, the page bore the name Charlie Pace....

The End