Chapter Two:

George woke up with a mind-numbing headache. He put his hands on his skull to keep the throbbing pain down, but it did not work. He tried tucking his head into his knees, but it didn't work. He tried rolling around on the cold floor moaning in agony but that still didn't work, dispite the number of people who took this such approach.

He felt Mandy's hand on his forhead, and opened his eyes.

"Are you okay," She asked.

"I just have a killer headake." George moaned. "Don't you have one too?"

"It's not too bad." Mandy said, "it's mostly the altitude."

George looked around himself. They were sitting in a small cold hallway presumably inside one of the Vogon constructor ships. George sat up, the pain slowly leaving his head.

"So that was it," Mandy said, "the Earth is destroyed."

"I'm afraid so." George said. "A shame too, just as I was getting used to it."

The pair of them stood up and looked around. The corridor was cold and uninviting; it was built for sheer functionality with a side of intimidation. The last asthetics expert to be aboard the ship had been shot some years before because of his idea of hanging galactic nature scenes along the wall, something the Vogons thoroughly hated.

"Ugly place." Mandy remarked. "I hope all the Galaxy's not like this."

"I don't think so, it's just the Vogons" George said. "You don't want to tangle with them."

"I imagine not." Mandy said. There was another long sileance as the pair of them tried to fully grasp the depth of their predicament. The Earth and everyone and everything they had ever known had been destroyed. At the same time it was very liberating and it was very depressing. The ice cream would be missed.

"I presume they'll find us." George remarked. "I mean, they found Arthur and Ford."

"Hey," Mandy said. "You don't think this is the same ship, do you?"

"No, not likely." George said. "Otherwise, we would have been written into the book. And since we don't show up in it anywhere, I'm assuming that we don't run into them at all."

"Shame." Mandy said. "But they got thrown off the ship, didn't they?"

"Um, well, yes." George said, nervously trying to think of a plan that wouldn't involve them both getting asphyxiated in space. "Well, that doesn't neccissarily have to happen to us."

"How so?" Mandy asked.

"We could, uh, hide better!" George remarked, with a kind of stupid brilliance that was usually regarded as plain stupidity.

"We could," Said Mandy doubtfully. "Or we could reason with the guards."

"But remember what happened to Ford and Arthur when they tried that!" Exclaimed George.

"Yes, but I don't think Ford was going about it quite the right way." Mandy said. "Ford tried to get him to quit his job and do something else. But I doubt that any Vogon guard would want to change their job, since I can't see their job market being very well. I think what the guard needs to understand he is a valuable part of the Vogon operation, therefore deserves to be treated better than a mere servent."

"Ok, good so far," George said. "But how will that get us off the ship?"

"As I figure, the captian and the guard will have a good yelling session. It will go on long enough that they'll eventually want to stop somewhere to eat. When they stop for a quite bite, we'll slip out."

"You know," George considered it, "It's crazy enough it just might work."

"Ok, here comes a guard now." Mandy said. "Just act nonchalant, I'll deal with him," The sounds of cold metal boots were heard across the ground as a Vogon guard approached them.

The guard wasn't expecting much, he just was taking a regular stroll down the hallway. He was very surprised when the human tapped him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me sir," Mandy said. "We're intruders. Your cooks let us on your ship to annoy you. I presume you're probably wanting to throw us out of the airlock."

The guard stopped dead. He hadn't expected to find two humans in the corridor of the ship, and it took him a while to even begin to process what the girl had just said.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," The guard ruminated. "Well, uh, I've never exactly had to deal with intruders before. Are you sure that's right?"

"I'm pretty sure," Mandy said. "A few friends of ours tried to hitchhike on a Vogon ship much like this and they ended up getting shoved out through an airlock."

The Vogon tought for a bit, "Well, that sounds reasonable, but I don't know. Let me consult the handbook." The young Vogon took out a rigid grey book entitled 'The Vogon Guard's Handbook' and started paging through it with great difficult.

Mandy went over to help him. "Ok, you probably want to look under intruders…that starts with and i…there it is!"

"Mmmmmmm." The guard said, reading it.

"'If intruders are caught trespassing on the ship, you must bring them to the captian and at his descression you may throw them out of an airlock.'" Mandy recited. "Well then, it's pretty clear what you should do."

"Uh, ok." The guard said. "Well, um, you better come with me then." Mandy followed the guard politely and George, confused, followed in a bit of a daze.

"Tell me," Mandy said brightly to the guard, "Do you like how you are treated around here?"

"Uh, I never gave it much thought." The Guard said.

"Well think about it now," Mandy said. "The Captian gives you commands and expects you to follow them out, even if they seem stupid or pointless to you."

"Well, that's my job." The guard said.

"I know it is," Mandy said. "But is there anything you like to do that the guard keeps you from doing."

"Well," The guard said. "The captain always complains when I hum."

"There you go." Mandy said. "Do you think it's right that he does that?"

"He has a point when he says it doesn't go with the décor." The guard said.

"Oh," Mandy said, realizing he had a point there. "Is there anything else?"

"Well, I like painting," Said the Guard.

"There!" Said Mandy, falling into a stride. "You like painting! And the captain doesn't like paintings around, does he?"

"No, he doesn't like them very much," The guard said, "He told me to throw out the last batch I made."

"And that's not right," Mandy said, "Artwork is meant to last, not just to be thrown away. He has no right to tell you not to do art!"

"Are you sure?" The guard asked.

"Of course I'm sure!" Mandy exclaimed. "Creativity is a wonderful thing and you shouldn't be ashamed by it! The captain can't make you ashamed."

"Hey, want to see some of my artwork?" The guard said, suddenly excited.

"Sure!" Mandy exclaimed. George had a very bad feeling about it, but decided to go along with it.

The three of them walked down the corridor, the enthusiastic guard leading the way. He took them down another passage to the right, then another to the left. For a moment George thought they were being lead the the guard's quarters, somewhere he definitely did not want to see. However, the guard stopped over a spot in the ground and tapped a floorboard.

"It's under here," Said the guard, excited to let his captives see the work which he toiled and suffered over. Mandy helped the guard remove the metal floorboard and take out several rolls of paper.

"Here, I'll show you this one first." Said the guard, taking out a large scroll and unraveling it. "This one I call 'Ode to the Sea'" He turned the picture to face the prisoners.

George reeled as he felt his stomach try to escape through his mouth and felt his headache start to pick up again. Mandy hick-uped in discomfort. The guard grinned in pleasure.

The closest thing this painting resembled was a nearsighted six-year old trying to draw a fish impaled with a sphere over a sea filled with grotesquely contorted corpses of countless species of beings. It would be a good painting to look at if you were on a diet; you would almost certainly loose your appetite for good.

The guard beamed. "Like it? It reminds me of home."

George could not speek through utter revolsion. Mandy took a while but she found her voice. "I…I rather think it's a promising start! I rather like the…shading, and that dead seal is very detailed. Those, uh, blood drip patterns are very intreauging!"

"Uh, really?" The guard asked.

"Oh yes. I was an art student on the planet you just destroyed," Mandy said. "It is definitely a beautiful painting…um…in it's own right."

"You really think so?" The guard said, looking at Mandy with innocent awe in his eyes. "Want to see another? This one I call 'The Skies over Habacabatar'!"

George very nearly cried out in agony as he jerked his head away. Mandy was able to keep looking at the painting as a sheer act of will.

"Uh, very nice!" Mandy said as George tried not to gag. "Those mutilated…um…birds are very detailed. And, uh, the images of those burning airplanes really provokes something within, doesn't it?"

George jumped as he received a sharp elbow from Mandy. "Uh, yes," George said, trying for words. "I'll say it provokes something. It provokes…uh…feelings…um…in my gut. Very strong feelings of utter…sheer…"

"…understanding…"

"…into the…"

"…subject of the…"

"…description, which is…"

"…so deep, it is…"

"…uh, beyond us to figure out!" George finished in triumph. Mandy and George exchanged a quick wink, knowing they had just done well.

The young Vogon was near tears. "Wow," He said. "I didn't ever think anyone would ever appreciate my artwork! You guys are the best! Can I give you a hug?"

With that the large Vogon pulled George and Mandy into a bone-crunching hug that squeezed the breath from their lungs. They had smelled enough Vogon armpit to satisfy their curiosity for life, and wanted to break out of it. Fortuanitely, the captain's vile voice came over the intercom and ended the moment.

"Number twenty-six!" The captain barked. Apparently this was the guard's number. "Number twenty-six, I know you have two prisoners down there. Stop fooling around and bring them here!"

"Wow, he doesn't even call you by name!" Mandy remarked in a commiserative sadness. "You're just a number to him."

"I know," Said the Vogon sadly, putting his art back into the floorboard. "But everyone's a number to him."

"Still it's not right." Mandy said. "I, for one, would absolutely hate being called twenty-six!"

"I don't know, I'm a little scared of him." The Vogon said.

"It's okay," Mandy said. "You're a bigger man, um, Vogon than he'll ever be. Just stand up to him. We'll back you up."

There was a moment of sileance, broken by the captain coming back on the intercom. "Number twenty-six, I don't have all day! Get down here!"

The guard stood up and started acting all regularly guardlike. "Well," He said, "I guess we should be going." George and Mandy stood up and began silently walking after the guard to meet the captain.