Hakkai stood at the window facing the moon as the soft rays illuminated his barely naked skin. He stood, watching the wind in the trees, the willow branches bending in the rhythm of the night. Hakkai sighed and placed a tired and bruised hand on the wall, resting. For the past nights, Hakkai wasn't able to sleep.
Gojyo. Gojyo. Gojyo.
The name echoed painfully in his mind, consumed his thoughts and energy. Everything about Gojyo, his luxurious red hair, his piercing eyes, his lips.... everything about him made Hakkai want to scream in angst and desire. He ran a hand through his hair, wiping his eyes. Hakkai didn't understand why he had feelings, it was just something about the damn half-breed, something lingering there in is heart, somewhat like a dying flame. Dying, but still there. His hand on the wall was now clenched into a fist. His heart was burning with jealousy of Goku, the damn monkey who inherited all the attention in the world from Gojyo. More than he needed, more than he wanted. And Goku didn't understood the wonder and rarity of Gojyo's love to Goku, the way he glared angrily at Goku, the way he abused Goku and laughed in his face. The fact that Gojyo inside cared for Goku like a brother was intriguing and incredible and fascinating, and Goku brushed it off and took it for granted. God, Hakkai didn't care even if Gojyo hurt him--at least he was Gojyo's, at his mercy, for hate or love. Any emotion, any act from Gojyo. Anything at all. Sanzo knew and he thought it was foolish. Sanzo believed that in times of love, no one could be trusted. And without trust, there is no love. Let go, he said, let go and forget. Loving is too painful because it always ends in sorrow. He doesn't love you. He never will. Let go, Hakkai, just let go and skip the pain, damnit.
Hakkai tried to forget. He tried and mustered any ounce of energy he had to take away the lust and sexual ecstasy, but he couldn't. It was too strong. It owned Hakkai, captured Hakkai, but belonged to him. Gojyo was what Hakkai lived for, the sole reason to survive and keep on going west. If Gojyo wasn't in Hakkai's life, wasn't there for him, Hakkai couldn't live, wouldn't live, or at least he wouldn't choose to. Not after Kanan could Hakkai bare the pain of loss of a loved one.
The wind softly echoed sweet whispers of sleep, and eventually, Hakkai collapsed on his bed and shut his eyes. He slept there for the remainder of the night.
Dawn's harsh light awoke Goku as he moaned in bed and wiped his tired eyes. The sun's piercing rays blinded him for a second as he sat and rubbed his forehead.
"Fuck, what time is it..." Goku mumbled as sat slowly out of bed, feet aching and head throbbing from the night before.
"WheresHakkaihe'supposedtowakemeupand'mhungryyy" he groaned, slurring his words like honey.
But as quickly as he awoke he dropped right back onto the welcoming sheets and began to snore once more, dreaming of lavish food and wine. Abruptly, the door to the inn room slammed open with a bang, revealing a blonde-haired monk with a fan and a tall redhead with a smirk about his face.
"Well well well," said Gojyo as he quickly striped over to Goku's bed and peered at him, "Just like every morning,"
"I don't have time for this," said Sanzo as he smacked the monkey repeatedly, "Get up!"
Goku bolted up quickly, and looking around the room he whimpered, "Oh god, it was here, I just saw it, where did it go!?"
Goku jumped up and hurriedly overturned the bed with one hand, as Sanzo and Gojyo stared at him blankly with equally dumbfounded expressions.
"Goku," said Gojyo slowly after an awkward silence (which included mutterings of Sanzo, mostly, "what did I do to deserve this?")"What the hell are you looking for?" he shouted.
"There...was a pancake," panted Goku, searching under the desk and chairs, "And it was going to eat me! Sanzo, I got so scared--" whack "Oww, why are you always so mean to me Sanzo? What did I do to you?" whined Goku, rubbing his head.
"You are extremely annoying, it's just the fact that I inherited you by unluckiness, damnit!"
"What do you mean Sanzo? What inherited? I'm confused--"whack"I just asked a question!"
"Just shut up and get dressed before I shoot you."
After breakfast in the inn, Hakkai was still sleeping. Resting, more accurately, in his bed. Sleep was robbed of him by the sun and Hakkai was desperate for a bit of shuteye. Sanzo had come into his room to see if he was feeling at all better, but Hakkai just lay there. Eyes shut. Not moving. Sanzo was worried, he could sense his soul was...just...wavering. So he left Hakkai to drown once more. Sanzo retreated back to the dining hall. He sat down at the table with Gojyo and Goku.
"I'm worried," said Sanzo quietly, hands folded.
"Really?! You worried? This is something I have to write down!" laughed Gojyo.
Sanzo's hand clenched into a fist.
"Do you understand what's going on with Hakkai?!" bellowed Sanzo, standing up, as the other customers gazed at him awkwardly. Sanzo slowly sat down and glared at Gojyo.
Gojyo had gone pale, his eyes in a frown, and asked with a rasped whisper, "Hakkai?"
"Yes, Hakkai. He hasn't been sleeping. He's losing energy. His soul is wavering. And it's your fault," remarked Sanzo.
"My fault?! How the hell is it my fault?!" Gojyo yelled angrily, "All I've done is save his life and looked out for him! He's a brother to me, damnit!"
Sanzo sighed and frame sagged.
"That's precisely why it's your fault," said Sanzo as he wiped his brow, "And I can't explain why. But to help Hakkai, there's only two things you can do. One of those things is impossible. So just leave Hakkai alone for a while, or at least don't act as nice,"
"What?! Leave Hakkai alone?" bellowed Gojyo, "What the hell is wrong with him?!"
"I can't explain,"
All this time, Goku had sat silently, barely touching his food. He was thinking, which was a feat all together. Goku knew what was up, he smelled something and his nose is never wrong. Gojyo, without Hakkai…and Sanzo wanting them alone…wait! Goku perked up, his eyes wide. He jumped from the table and sprinted out of the dining hall into Hakkai's room. Goku pounced above Hakkai's still body and shook his shoulders until he opened his eyes. No eye opening.
"Hakkai!" he screamed. "Wake up, please! I need to know something! Hakkai! You need to know something! HAKKAI!" Goku stopped shaking, a few tears coming to his eyes. Dear god…could it be too late? No! He has to know!
Goku ran out of the room as fast as he came in.
"Sanzo! Gojyo! Somebody, help! I think Hakkai's dead!" he screamed as he ran back into the dining hall. Sanzo and Gojyo jumped up as soon as they heard Goku voice. The three bolted into Hakkai's room, and to their surprise, Hakkai was sitting up in his bed, gazing blankly at the window.
"Hakkai! You're alive!" croaked Goku as he sagged to the floor, shaking. Hakkai turned his head slowly to the group. His body was a mess, his eyes with dark circles, his monocle cracked, his hair in jumbles. Sanzo and Gojyo stood there silently. Hakkai just looked at them, no describing how. Just looked, with bloodshot eyes.
"I…am alive," Hakkai said hollowly, "Goku wanted to tell me…something. What …was it?" he asked Goku.
"I…" started Goku, then stopped. "You two need to leave. This needs to be private," Gojyo was very angry at this point, but nevertheless he left with Sanzo.
"Goku…I am…sorry, for…how I've acted," whispered Hakkai as he sank back unto his pillow.
"No, Hakkai, it's fine, it really is!" Goku grasped Hakkai's hand. "Hakkai, I need to know something. Please!"
"Yes?"
"Do you love Gojyo or not!?"
The words struck Hakkai like a spear. With his eyes widened, his breath short, he whispered, "What—"
"Hakkai, he loves you! I'm sure of it!"
Hakkai shut his eyes. "You know nothing of love," he moaned. The words seemed odd coming from Hakkai. Out of place.
"I…do, Hakkai. There was someone. It was like you would die for them, give your very life to save them. And that's what you're doing! You're dieing because of him!"
A small drop of blood ran from the corner of Hakkai's mouth.
"It would seem."
"You don't have to die! He loves you, and you know it!" Tears began to form in the monkey's eyes. He grasped Hakkai's cooling hand harder.
"Hakkai! Don't die! We need you!"
Hakkai whispered softly, "He doesn't love me…you don't understand…"
"HAKKAI! SANZO, GOJYO!" Goku cried as Hakkai's hand went limp and clammy.
Sanzo and Gojyo had been standing at the door, listening in all this time. Sanzo looked wordlessly at Gojyo, his eyes never wavering. Gojyo couldn't look at Sanzo. He gazed at the floor.
"HAKKAI! SANZO, GOJYO!" yelled Goku as the two busted through the door. The sight of Hakkai's pale body sent chills down Gojyo's spine.
"No…" Gojyo whispered, "He can't be gone…not now," Sanzo stood at the door, his hand covering his eyes. He too could not bear the truth.
"It's over…" Sanzo said, collapsing against the wall, "We can't go west…" Everyone remained silent besides the soft moans of Goku.
"Bastard…" whispered Sanzo. Gojyo perked his head up from the sight of Hakkai.
"What—?"
"You bastard! This is your fault!"
Gojyo's expression grew dark.
"My fault?" Gojyo yelled, "You wanna talk, monk?"
"If you had just loved him—"
"Listen monk, I'm not gay. I don't love guys,"
Goku continued to whimper. To much to handle for a monkey.
"You could've saved his life, damnit! His life!"
Gojyo growled and rasied an arm, ready to plant a punch into the monk's filthy stomach.
"You bastard, I'll—"
A shot was heard from Sanzo's gun as Gojyo fell to the floor. Goku's scream petrified the dim atmosphere of the inn's occupants.
Then all was silent.