Chapter 3 - Denethor (1)

"Are you ready?" I ask him.

He takes a deep breath and nods. Although some weeks have passed since the revelation of his life as Faramir of Gondor, he is still somewhat traumatised, but despite this, he is anxious to listen to the tapes I have recently received from Vancouver - a recording of the regression of a man whose long hidden memory told him that in one of his lives he was Denethor, son of Ecthelion, Steward of Gondor - and father of Faramir.

Scarcely able to contain my own excitement, I turn on the cassette player, and press the Play button.

"I'm in a stone city, with a tower of white. My father is the Steward - his duties keep him busy, and he has little time for me. And I am a disappointment to him."

"What is your name?"

"Denethor."

"Why are you a disappointment?"

"Because I am a scholar. I love to read and to learn. He doesn't approve."

At this, Flynn closes his eyes as though in pain, for he remembers too well now how, as Faramir, his father had frequently ridiculed and derided him for indulging in scholarly pursuits.

"He continually flaunts Thorongil to me as an example," Denethor continued.

"Thorongil?"

"He is my father's friend, and is renowned in battle although he is only my age. He is treated with reverence and respect despite this. I feel like an outsider. When I become Steward I vow to do my duty in a way that would make my father proud."

"Do you want to be Steward?"

The reply was instant, almost impatient. "It's nothing to do with what I want, or don't want - it's my duty. It's what I was born to do."

"But your father makes you feel inadequate?"

"Yes," is the quiet reply. "But Finduilas - she makes me feel worthwhile. She's so beautiful. I can't believe she agrees to be my wife."

I look again at Flynn, who has paled at the mention of Finduilas - his mother, with whom he had so little time. His knuckles are clenched tightly, and I press "pause" and ask if he wants to continue. There is no hesitation in his response, although he takes a sip of water.

"Yes - I have to hear it all. I want to hear it all."

"Is it a happy marriage?" comes the voice of the hypno-therapist, and there is a pause before Denethor replies.

"Yes, I believe it to be - and she gives me a son. Boromir."

Another pause. "He's a strong healthy boy, my heir, destined one day to be the Steward of Gondor. Those were happy times, whilst my father was still alive, before I became Steward - relatively free of responsibilities and able to spend time together as a family. Yes, we were happy for a time, but Finduilas cares little for Minas Tirith, and her mood becomes more and more dark. She speaks little to me and I feel she blames me for taking her away from Dol Amroth and the sea. I feel lonely, and draw consolation from my son. But I can do no right for my wife. She accuses me of loving the child more than I love her, and she says I am trying to steal his love, which is nonsense. Boromir adores his mother - as do I."

I look at Flynn, and his face is impassive, but I feel sure that he feels the same excitement as I at hearing someone else speak of places and people that I had believed were the product of an over-active imagination.

"You and Finduilas continue to drift apart?" asks the therapist.

"She tells me she is bearing another child," is the reply. "And this time she carries it beyond a few weeks - there have been others that did not survive, but she is determined that this one will live. The next months see her almost an invalid. She takes a gentle walk around the citadel most days, and then retires to her bed-chamber to rest. Boromir is welcome there, but I am not. She refuses to be a wife to me for fear of hurting the child."

"Does this anger you, or do you understand her fears?" Denethor is asked.

"I try to understand, but the longer it continues, the more impatient I become...and........"

He hesitates until prompted.

"And?"

"I know it's irrational and unjust, but I resent the child. And even more so when it's born early and demands even more attention. Finduilas and Boromir seem obsessed with him, and although I despise myself for it, all I see is an underweight, mewling inconvenience."

"I think many fathers feel that way to begin with." the therapist suggested, and there followed a sardonic laugh from Denethor.

"Maybe - but I never felt this way about Boromir, and my feelings towards Faramir do not change as he grows. And yet I do love him for it is hard not to - he is an affectionate and caring child, but right from his birth I have been unable to control my irritation with him. This angers Finduilas and in my heart, I know she is right, but instead of heeding her, I become more resentful of the child and find even more fault with him. He is so young, but has a mind way beyond his years, and looks at me with eyes that both plead and accuse, understanding not why he incurs my wrath."

There was a long pause before he spoke again, and when he did there was a catch in his voice which was thick with emotion.

"I never gave her the attention she needed. I failed to take seriously her feelings and did not notice how her depression was making her physically ill - but even worse than that, I ignored my own guilt and lay the blame on Faramir's birth - she was indeed weakened by that, but he was not responsible."

"You were in denial," suggested the therapist. "And transferance of guilt is a common reaction."

There was an audible sigh, which obviously came from Denethor, before he continued.

"I see myself in Faramir - a quiet, studious child, who is not what his father wants him to be. By constantly criticising my youngest son, it is as if I am justifying Ecthelion's opinions of myself. I know I hurt him, and I even draw a perverse pleasure from it, whilst at the same time, hating myself for doing so."

The tape continued with further evidence of Faramir's rejection by his father...how he was constantly compared unfavourably to Boromir, and how Denethor resented the love that his firstborn had in abundance for his young brother.

"Boromir is strong," continued the Steward of Gondor. "He is a warrior - fearless, and strong in both body and mind. Faramir loathes the spilling of blood for he ever looks for the good in men and fails to comprehend the evil that is pervading our lands. He feels compassion, which is a weakness in a soldier, and he concerns himself too much with the affairs of wizards. I know Mithrandir's plan, to ingratiate himself with one he hopes will one day wield some influence in Gondor. Boromir is immune to them, but from childhood has Faramir heeded blindly the words of the wizard, who fills his head with tales of elves and sorcery. Faramir shows all too many signs of the elvish blood that ran in the veins of his mother."

Denethor's tone became wistful. "Maybe that was the real problem - he was too like Finduilas. Ever was I reminded of her loss by his presence. Even when he becomes an Ithilien Ranger, and eventually their Captain, I praise him not, although I know he is a good soldier - especially more so because his heart is not in it, despite which he acquits himself well in battle, and his strategies are cunning and invariably prove successful."

I look to Flynn and see that he is very pale, and his eyes are closed. I stop the tape and ask him how he feels, listening to a documentation of his own past existence in the words of another.

He seems lost in thought and it is some while before he responds. "It's hard to explain, even to myself. Everything he says is familiar to me, but in a detached way, as though it's a film I've seen - but sometimes it seems to take over, and I become Faramir."

He looks at me nervously.

"It scares me, for although it lasts just seconds, I lose my identity - I lose myself as I am now, and I think and feel as Faramir."

"Do you want me to stop?" I ask, and he shakes his head.

"No," His voice is little more than a whisper. "I need to know why he did it."

"Evil is a taking grip of our lands," continued the voice on the tape. "From the White Tower I foresee the end of our civilisation - we cannot hold back the threat of Mordor, and man is doomed. But then there comes hope, for the Ring of Power has been found. Boromir goes to Imladris to claim the Ring and bring it to Gondor - but he does not return."

At this point Denethor's voice cracked, and he began to sob. "He died a hero - defending the halflings from orcs…I am proud of him, but my heart is broken."

My eyes are drawn to Flynn once more, and I realize that he is reliving the loss of his beloved older brother. Tears are spilling from his sapphire blue eyes, and as he becomes aware of my gaze, he wipes the back of his hand across both cheeks.

"It's so strong," he says. "I can feel him - he's here with me, my brother - Boromir."

He is deathly pale and trembling. A few weeks ago I would have dismissed his emotions as pure imagination, but I am sure now that he speaks the truth, and the spirit of Boromir is with him.

TBC