Lona shook her head slowly as she heard Elmer start to cry. She
supposed that he thought that she couldn't hear him but each sob was like a
little knife, cutting at her. She blinked her eyes fiercely, trying to
hold her own tears back. She knew that her worries were perfectly
legitimate, of course. It was one of the reasons that she had refused to
get involved with Elmer in the first place. He was just so young and she
was so far from young at this point that it wasn't even funny. Why in the
world would he stay with her when he could be with someone his own age,
someone prettier, someone he had things in common with? She would be dumped like yesterdays' news. She could handle that, of course, but the baby was an innocent. How could she put her little girl through something like that? A tear slipped down her cheek as she thought of where she and the baby would be in a few years when Elmer grew tired of them. How could she explain to a child that it wasn't her fault that her daddy didn't want her anymore, how could she put her baby though that pain? Better for her to never know what having a father was like than to....
'What makes you think Elmer's going to walk out on you, though?' a voice inside softly whispered. 'He had plenty of chances today and he's still here. You've done plenty, said plenty to him to make him hate you.
Didn't work. He loves...'
"He's too young." Lona hissed under her breath. "He can't know what love is! He's too young. I don't even know and I'm...."
'You would if you opened your eyes.' the voice in her head continued.
"He can't really...." Lona looked down at the baby once more as she struggled with herself. Her little eyes were open, staring up with her with such and innocent, wide eyed gaze. How could she let her daughter be hurt like she knew that they inevitably would be in she got involved with Elmer? Okay, maybe if she just had herself to consider, she would have been tempted to give in, to let him in despite her fears but with the baby to consider.....
"I love you," she whispered as she leaned down and pressed a kiss into her daughter's soft, wispy hair. "You and I will be fine on our own,
you know. We don't really need...." And he walked away now, didn't he?
He managed to do that. And if he could do it once then he could do it again, couldn't he? And at a time when the baby would understand, would know what she was losing. Better to lose Elmer now when she couldn't know what a father's love was than later when....
"We'll be fine without him. We don't need him." Lona whispered more forcefully this time just as the baby started to whimper as if tapping into her mother's disturbed emotions.
"What's wrong?" She whispered softly, adjusting her blouse once more and cuddling the baby against her breast, thanking she might still be hungry. No, definitely not hungry. And not wet either, she didn't think although it was a bit hard to tell though the blankets. "What's wrong?"
she whispered again, worry starting to fill her eyes now as the baby begin to fuss more. What if something was wrong with her after all and.... She bit her lip, trying to force her fears back as she struggled to get the baby settled down.
Lona felt tears of fright slipping down her cheeks as she struggled to pull herself over to the edge of the bed, swinging her legs over the side and sitting perfectly still as a wave of dizziness washed over her.
She had a feeling that she probably shouldn't move, that it wasn't exactly smart but if something was wrong with her baby, if anything happened to the baby.... She struggled to hold on to the IV pole with one hand as she shifted the baby more securely in her other arm, somehow pulling herself upright.
It felt like the door was a million miles away but no sooner had Lona started moving towards it than the baby's whimpering diminished into almost peaceful coos. Lona didn't dare turn around though. What if it was a bad sign that she wasn't still whimpering? Oh, this was just never going to work out, the baby needed a totally different set of parents and.
Suddenly Lona felt her legs starting to buckle and she barely had time to let out a scream before the ground came rushing towards her.
"Lona!" She suddenly heard a voice calling her name and opened her eyes to find Elmer there, swooping her up and firmly depositing her back in the bed once more.
"What in the world were you doing?" He demanded as he made sure that she hadn't pulled the IV line out.
"I.... She just started whimpering and....." Lona felt herself starting to cry as she thought of what might have happened if Elmer hadn't.... But Elmer was always there, wasn't he, trying to take care of her. And... She looked in shock at him sitting there now, tears drying on his face as he held their baby tightly in his arms, rocking her slightly.
And his shoulder.... She could see the torn, burnt flesh now and blood slowing starting to seep from the wound.
"Elmer?" she whispered softly. That had to hurt but he had picked her up, had carried her back to bed without even flinching. She closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to think. Seeing their baby cuddled in Elmer's arms, no longer whimpering but cooing up at her daddy.... Was she really going to spare the baby any pain by taking Elmer away from her now or would she just end up with a pain that she wouldn't understand?
Elmer looked down at Lona, not trusting himself to speak, afraid that he would say the wrong thing, knowing that words really couldn't express his feelings properly anyway. He moved over to the bed once more,
cuddling Lona and the baby close. Okay, maybe she was planning to tell him that she didn't want him and didn't want him to have anything to do with the baby but until she actually said that couldn't he just hold her and pretend that they were a family?
"Elmer?" Lona blinked back tears as she looked at him. Okay, she still felt like she was making a serious mistake and that Elmer was much to young to understand love or the commitment a baby required but.... "What do you think of Emma for a name?"
someone prettier, someone he had things in common with? She would be dumped like yesterdays' news. She could handle that, of course, but the baby was an innocent. How could she put her little girl through something like that? A tear slipped down her cheek as she thought of where she and the baby would be in a few years when Elmer grew tired of them. How could she explain to a child that it wasn't her fault that her daddy didn't want her anymore, how could she put her baby though that pain? Better for her to never know what having a father was like than to....
'What makes you think Elmer's going to walk out on you, though?' a voice inside softly whispered. 'He had plenty of chances today and he's still here. You've done plenty, said plenty to him to make him hate you.
Didn't work. He loves...'
"He's too young." Lona hissed under her breath. "He can't know what love is! He's too young. I don't even know and I'm...."
'You would if you opened your eyes.' the voice in her head continued.
"He can't really...." Lona looked down at the baby once more as she struggled with herself. Her little eyes were open, staring up with her with such and innocent, wide eyed gaze. How could she let her daughter be hurt like she knew that they inevitably would be in she got involved with Elmer? Okay, maybe if she just had herself to consider, she would have been tempted to give in, to let him in despite her fears but with the baby to consider.....
"I love you," she whispered as she leaned down and pressed a kiss into her daughter's soft, wispy hair. "You and I will be fine on our own,
you know. We don't really need...." And he walked away now, didn't he?
He managed to do that. And if he could do it once then he could do it again, couldn't he? And at a time when the baby would understand, would know what she was losing. Better to lose Elmer now when she couldn't know what a father's love was than later when....
"We'll be fine without him. We don't need him." Lona whispered more forcefully this time just as the baby started to whimper as if tapping into her mother's disturbed emotions.
"What's wrong?" She whispered softly, adjusting her blouse once more and cuddling the baby against her breast, thanking she might still be hungry. No, definitely not hungry. And not wet either, she didn't think although it was a bit hard to tell though the blankets. "What's wrong?"
she whispered again, worry starting to fill her eyes now as the baby begin to fuss more. What if something was wrong with her after all and.... She bit her lip, trying to force her fears back as she struggled to get the baby settled down.
Lona felt tears of fright slipping down her cheeks as she struggled to pull herself over to the edge of the bed, swinging her legs over the side and sitting perfectly still as a wave of dizziness washed over her.
She had a feeling that she probably shouldn't move, that it wasn't exactly smart but if something was wrong with her baby, if anything happened to the baby.... She struggled to hold on to the IV pole with one hand as she shifted the baby more securely in her other arm, somehow pulling herself upright.
It felt like the door was a million miles away but no sooner had Lona started moving towards it than the baby's whimpering diminished into almost peaceful coos. Lona didn't dare turn around though. What if it was a bad sign that she wasn't still whimpering? Oh, this was just never going to work out, the baby needed a totally different set of parents and.
Suddenly Lona felt her legs starting to buckle and she barely had time to let out a scream before the ground came rushing towards her.
"Lona!" She suddenly heard a voice calling her name and opened her eyes to find Elmer there, swooping her up and firmly depositing her back in the bed once more.
"What in the world were you doing?" He demanded as he made sure that she hadn't pulled the IV line out.
"I.... She just started whimpering and....." Lona felt herself starting to cry as she thought of what might have happened if Elmer hadn't.... But Elmer was always there, wasn't he, trying to take care of her. And... She looked in shock at him sitting there now, tears drying on his face as he held their baby tightly in his arms, rocking her slightly.
And his shoulder.... She could see the torn, burnt flesh now and blood slowing starting to seep from the wound.
"Elmer?" she whispered softly. That had to hurt but he had picked her up, had carried her back to bed without even flinching. She closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to think. Seeing their baby cuddled in Elmer's arms, no longer whimpering but cooing up at her daddy.... Was she really going to spare the baby any pain by taking Elmer away from her now or would she just end up with a pain that she wouldn't understand?
Elmer looked down at Lona, not trusting himself to speak, afraid that he would say the wrong thing, knowing that words really couldn't express his feelings properly anyway. He moved over to the bed once more,
cuddling Lona and the baby close. Okay, maybe she was planning to tell him that she didn't want him and didn't want him to have anything to do with the baby but until she actually said that couldn't he just hold her and pretend that they were a family?
"Elmer?" Lona blinked back tears as she looked at him. Okay, she still felt like she was making a serious mistake and that Elmer was much to young to understand love or the commitment a baby required but.... "What do you think of Emma for a name?"