Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, which is very evident, else I wouldn't be a fourteen year old girl who writes pointless fanfiction, and a famous millionaire who probably spends a lot of time choosing which new Lord of the Rings action figures to buy (no offense intended, just joking)
Author's Note: There are probably the dumbest sonnets ever written! Please review, so long as there are no swears.
Belthazor:
I'm a demon called Belthazor,
My human form is Cole,
I'm not to be mixed up with Balthazar,
A restaurant that gives people spaghetti in bowls.
I wonder how many times I've been vanquished,
Blown up, orbed, frozen,
Or banished!
(I wish Paige had never been chosen!)
I'm really in a fix
Because I need Prue, Piper, and Paige dead,
But if Phoebe finds out I'M a demon in the mix
She'll put an underworld price on my head!
Oh what I would do to repent with Nuns
For trying to kill the Charmed ones!
Paige:
I am only a half-whitelighter,
And I can morph into people and orb,
I never met a darklighter,
And my job is making me bored.
I like to read Harry Potter,
Because it makes wizards sound loads less evil,
I don't like magic hunters and spotters,
And I have reason to believe Cole is the devil!
I accidentally switched bodies with my sister,
And my other sister switched bodies with a water master,
Then I turned into a vampire and got sucked up by a twister,
And the shocker demon keeps breaking the wall's plaster.
I was an evil enchantress in a past life,
And I think Piper is Leo's wife.
Prue:
I am very telekinetic,
Even Andy and Darryl know so,
The person who killed mom is hydrokinetic,
And I vanquished her before Sam Matthews could shout, "NO!"
The deadly sin I got was pride,
And I fell in a bottomless pit,
So Leo orbed me out right before the demon's eyes,
And after I challenged Phoebe to the card game spit.
I'm very sorry I died before
I could vanquish the lazarus demon,
I enjoy to time-travel to when I was four,
And Phoebe just had a premonition of Piper's plane leaving.
Some guy killed me named Shax,
And I then took a ghost train to Halifax.
Leo:
I was made a whitelighter around nineteen-forty-two,
And then I healed Piper from some kind of virus,
And then THEY clipped my wings, and there was nothing I could do,
Just for commiting a random act of kindness!
Wyatt is a murderer,
And Chris doesn't like to talk to me,
Now I see I have such rude sons!
(No wonder Piper divorced me!)
When I got promoted
By some whitelighter from the future,
The Titans got demoted,
And the Charmed ones put through torture.
Once I had to be some dorky handyman
'Cause THEY thought Piper can't know who I really am!
Piper:
I think a demon's out to get me,
So I'll freeze it,
Then say a spell with Paige and Phoebe,
And when it turns to dust I'll just leave it.
I secretly wish I had married Dan,
And Prue had married Leo,
But then Leo vanquished a Grimlock and
I thought Prue shouldn't be with he-oh!
I wish Prue had never multiplied herself
And I hadn't been obsessed with being clean
I told Paige not to go after a demon by herself,
But we all had to be turned into wax dolls that gleam!
Then I got affected with gluttony!
Why does all this bad stuff happen to me?
Phoebe:
Yes, I decided to vanquish the competition,
But hey, that guy did look better as a turkey!
Then I was a mermaid with such surreptition
That no one could see me, even though the waters weren't murky!
I killed the guy I married,
Because he was really the source,
And I think if any longer I tarried
I would have been eaten in dinner's second course.
Some guy from Cairo who really came from New York
Stole an urn, and got chased by a cobra,
Then I explained to my sisters he wasn't some evil dork,
Isn't that the perfect soap opera?
And...can you believe it? Some idiot nearly drained
My scholarly, hard-working brain!