I'm not dead.

Or at least I think not.

And I think therefore I am.

So I am not dead.

Sorry for not updating for a while. It's the Latin teacher's fault. And the fact I was trying to write a 50,000-word novel in the month of November didn't help either. Well since Remus Lupin has been on that train for around four months now I figured I would update. So here!

Chapter Three: Lockhart Actually Did Meet A Werewolf

The train's ceiling was covered with bright orange and mucky blue wallpaper and combined with the pretty dots swimming in front of Gildroy Lockheart's eyes the ceiling was quite beautiful. The dots were swirling and dancing and leaping about and Lockhart felt enchanted. Suddenly the sight of some one leaning over him, saying something he couldn't quite catch, ruined it all. He blinked and the swirling and dancing dots swam away and were replaced by a headache.

"Are you all right?" the man asked him.

"Mmumphuurrrg!" Gildroy muttered and sat up. This apparently meant 'No'. His belongings surrounded him on the floor, but that was not what bothered him mostly. His new beautiful blue robes his mother bought for him on his last birthday were covered in little ink spots. His favorite robes, which matched his eyes, were terribly ruined, as where the pictures of himself, a few luckily blank pieces of paper and a few papers with phone numbers random girls had given him.

"THEY'RE RUINED!" he yelled, releasing some of the horror inside of him. The man just started at him, shrugged and then extended a hand towards him.

"Here, let me help you." Before Gildroy took the hand he finally looked at the man and a look of disgust crossed his face. The man was wearing an ugly brown and patched coat, which looked like it was older than the man himself. His blue jeans were faded and baggy and his shirt was an ugly dark green. His hair was messy and graying and his shoes were an old faded brown and pealing. Obviously this man lacked any fashion sense, but Lockheart did take the hand and was pulled up to his feet.

It didn't take long for Remus to recognize the horror he so unwisely helped. It was Gildroy Lockhart who was the prefect in the marauder's second year. Despite the fact that he was three years older, cursing, pranking and annoying him was the only thing that the marauders and Snape had in common. Snape hated him because of the many times Lockhart caught him sneaking into the potions classroom after hours. Sirius hated him because Lockhart competition when it came to girls. Being a ringleader of the marauders, they hated Lockhart also. In fact, it took a very optimistic person to stand staying five minutes near the blonde terror. Remus usually wasn't an extremely optimistic person. And so to sum it all up, Lockhart will easily start to get on Remus' nerves.

'Lockhart is really starting to get on my nerves,' Remus thought to himself as he helped Gildroy collect the first pages of his mostly unwritten book, Wondering with Werewolves. Lockhart had been telling him of the cousin of the vampire he had once vanquished, who had ran into the train and knocked him down in an attempt to kill him. Unfortunately, well for Remus at least, Lockhart survived.

"Hey I remember you!" Lockhart suddenly exclaimed when the mess was cleared. "You were one of those unstylish Gryffindor kids! I forgot your name, well next time you see your two little annoying friends, tell them that I'm now a famous author and I believe that I still am more stylish than that little Sirius punk..."

Yes, obviously as you can surely imagine, Gildroy Lockhart had spent too much time brushing his hair and looking at the mirror and too little time reading the news. And after rambling on for the next five minutes did Lockhart finally notice that Remus had disappeared back inside his train compartment. "Must have seen that vampires cousin," Gildroy muttered and quickly looked around him (just to make sure there really wasn't a vampire's cousin near.) With a flash of lightning and the roar of thunder, Gildroy ran to Remus' compartment, threw open the door and wildly looked around, spotting the werewolf that was staring at him with his eyebrows raised.

"The vampire returned," he said, sitting down on the other bench.

"Oh," Remus replied and returned to his journal. Silence overcame the compartment as they passed a small town in which all the inhabitants seemed to skip rather than walk.

"So what is your name?" Gildroy asked, as they traveled through a field of suspicious looking cows.

"Remus Lupin."

"Really, now I remember, it is quite hard to remember names when you travel so much and meet so many interesting folk. Especially when so many of my enemies have strange names. Your name is quite strange too, if you don't mind me saying. It kind of has a bizarre sound to it. Reeeeeeemus Luuupin. But don't be ashamed of it! Why I met a yeti a few weeks ago who destroyed an entire city because he was ashamed of his name. I had to go undercover as a mailbox to crack that case, but in the end I suggested that he change his name to Bob and the town was saved.

"That's nice," Remus absentmindedly answered as he wrote down 'Demiguise, Far East?' In all truth, he had only been half listening to Lockhart's rambling, the rest of his mind kept going back to the questions which would stay in his mind for quite some time. What is he going to do once the money Dumbledore gave him is gone? What type of jobs did werewolves get? Where they having a funeral for James and Lily at this very moment? Why didn't he pack more chocolate?

"Hey, you have a diary too!" Lockhart randomly announced as he pulled an impossibly bright lilac diary out of his backpack. Remus could hardily believe that he heard a grown man utter such a word as 'diary.' Little did he know that as Lockheart said the word diary (which will be used seven times until this chapter is over) a mysterious figure walked in front of the train of the train tracks, and was ran over.

He made sure to add in his 'diary' to make sure to get more chocolate before the day is over and to somehow make sure to get a new compartment away from Lockhart as soon as possible. For now, he felt much too tired to gather all his stuff and leave. So he stuck his 'diary' back in his pocket and closed his eyes and tried to keep awake as Lockhart droned on and on and on and on and on about what he was writing in his diary at that very minute.

(Authors note: short? I know. But I wanted to update before vacation. I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!)