A/n: Eldnia writes a wonderful Snape, and I never would have been able to pick this story off the ground if not for her. Thank you!

...the wind that shakes the barley well it rattles in my bones. I wake up with a hunger but for what I do not know. I know somewhere it matters and there's got to be a reason why I feel this way with you... you've given me so much to believe in.

Snape could not fully describe what hearing Lupin's words did to him. For some reason he felt his skin begin to tingle, a slight warmth was beginning to rise in his cheeks. He was at a loss to explain why his pulse quickened, nervousness causing a lump to rise within his throat and thwarting any attempts of reply. He couldn't understand why he suddenly felt lighter, almost weightless as he caught a glimpse of Lupin's grin out of the corner of his eye. Instead, all he could muster was enough momentum to nod his head in acknowledgment.

Again Remus not privy to any of Snape's more private thoughts; undoubtedly Snape would have it no other way. After a few moments of silence he asked, "Are your parents still alive?"

Shaking his head, Snape turned to look at Lupin. "No. They are both dead."

"I'd offer my apologies, but I doubt they'd be wanted."

"Unnecessary Lupin. Their deaths were no particular loss. I'd wished it on them a great many times, so it was somewhat of a relief when it finally occurred."

Remus digested this quietly. Snape had no siblings, no parents. He thought perhaps Snape had a significant other, but dismissed the thought quickly. He wanted to ask more, ask more about Snape's childhood and things he had done while growing up, but Remus was more than a little afraid of opening wounds best left alone. A few more long minutes of silence passed before Remus spoke again. "What do you to when you're not teaching?"

Snape thought about this for a few moments. "I read. About potions mainly."

"What do you do for fun?"

The surprise was evident on Snape's face as his eyes widened in disbelief. Fun had never had much part in his life; he was serious to a fault and had never given much time to amusements or distractions, preferring to immerse himself in his work. "Nothing."

"Nothing? Nothing at all?" Remus' disbelief was plain, he couldn't believe even Snape didn't have fun on occasion. Some kind of fun, at any rate.

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Snape busied himself smoothing his robes. "Well, on occasion I will give out a few extra detentions."

Remus threw his head back and laughed. "Aye, I suppose that could be fun. But that can't be all you do?"

Snape scowled at Lupin. "You may have time to waste on amusing little diversions however I generally find myself far too busy."

Remus stopped laughing but was still grinning at Snape. "That wasn't meant to be insulting, you know." He shrugged. "Perhaps I do waste too much time on frivolous amusements, but they make me happy so I continue to do so."

Snape appeared to consider this for a moment. He had never given much thought to what he would like to do before, things that would make him happy. He had been content to perform his duty as best as he could, but now the war was over, the threat he had been working to eliminate for most of his adult life gone. For the first time in his life, Snape was truly free to spend his spare time how he wished, and until this moment he had never realized that he had been continuing to live I in the past, his routine just as it was before Voldemort's defeat.

"I think..." he began, still mulling over the world of possibilities that lay before him. "I believe I would like to see the sea. I've never been to the sea side before."

"Christmas holidays are coming up. You could always take the time and go to the seaside."

Snape looked as though Lupin had just suggested that he take the time and go to the moon, rather than the couple of hours trip to the coast. "Impossible."

"Why?"

"There are things that I need to do here." Snape racked his brains to think of a plausible excuse as to why he could not go. Finally, he settled on the perfect reason, one that Lupin could not possibly argue with. "I need to be present to make your potion for one."

"Christmas break falls after the full moon, so you need not worry about that."

"I see." Snape watched, slightly in desperation as his only hope of getting out of this mess faded before his eyes. He had never been on holiday before, much less knew what to do with himself once he arrived there. "I'll consider it then." He wouldn't of course, but he hoped that this would satisfy Lupin enough to abandon the subject.

"Skye is nice, even at this time of year."

Snape said nothing, merely nodding. He told Lupin that he was going to consider it and that was as far as he was prepared to take the subject. Nevertheless, he found himself drawn to the thought of walking along the beach, watching the sunset over the horizon while sitting by a roaring fire in the evening with only a book for company. He could be totally alone with this thoughts, the students remaining at Hogwarts over the holidays nothing more than a vague memory as the days melted together in blissful isolation. "Very well. I shall go."

Hesitating, Remus finally said, "Most of the tourist hotels are closed, and those not are booked full. You're more than welcome to use my cottage if you'd prefer the solitude."

"Thank you Lupin but I do believe we can both think of other people we would prefer to spend our holidays with. Or in my case, lack thereof." Forced to spend more than thirteen hours locked in a room with Lupin was more than enough for Snape. The prospect of spending two weeks alone with him in a remote cottage did not appeal to him in the slightest.

"That won't be an issue; I have other plans and won't be home during vacation. I wouldn't force you to spend any more time in my company, Severus."

Looking up sharply, Snape fixed Lupin with a bewildered stare. "I see." He silently reproached himself for the sinking feeling of disappointment that accompanied Lupin's words. He didn't want to spend the time with Lupin in the first place so why should he care if it was Lupin's intention not to be there. "Then, thank you. I accept your offer."

"You're welcome," Remus smiled before glancing at the clock again. Eleven hours left. Enjoying their forced moment of camaraderie and not wanting to push Snape further and risk ruining it, Remus decided not to ask more questions. He reached back over to retrieve the papers and started correcting them again. Time went faster that way, and by the time he had finished, another two hours had passed. Awareness of time brought about a pang of hunger, and Remus looked up to see Snape moving about in the area of the staff room used as a small dining area.

As though feeling Remus' eyes on him, Snape turned. "Would you like something to eat?" he asked, a buttered roll in one hand and a knife in the other.

"That would be wonderful, thank you. Do you need any help?"

"I am the potions master Lupin, I think I can manage a simple snack. What would you like?" The words alone sounded harsh, but Snape's tone betrayed no sign of being so. Rather, he looked perfectly at ease, somehow the ingredients at the table making him feel as though he was back in his class brewing a potion.

"I yield to the Master; whatever you're having will be fine."

Snape smirked slightly, his hands deftly chopping tomatoes and lettuce. Filling two slices of buttered bread with the salad ingredients he finished by adding chicken smothered in a creamy mayonnaise. Cutting it in half, he arranged it on a plate and handed it to Lupin. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Certainly. Water would be nice." Remus was falling short of things to say. It was not that being civil to Snape was difficult, it was having Snape being civil to him for a period longer than five minutes that was proving somewhat tricky.

Filling a goblet with water, Snape picked up the plate holding his roll and walked back towards Lupin. Holding the goblet out to him, he smiled, causing Remus to nearly choke on his sandwich. "Is everything satisfactory?"

"Yes, it's wonderful. Thank you."

Snape retook his seat in silent and began to break apart his roll with his fingers. "Potion making is not too unlike cooking. Tell me Lupin, can you cook?"

"Perhaps surprisingly, I can. More than passably even or so I've been told."

"Yet as I recall, potions was hardly your strongest subject. Why do you suppose that was?"

"Because Professor Tugwood bored me terribly," Remus said with a grin. "I can't stand a boring teacher."

"That is hardly an excuse Lupin. You have the makings of an excellent potion maker if you only saw fit to apply yourself as you should." Filling his mouth with some of the roll, Snape chewed slowly, wondering where this sudden recognition of Lupin's abilities came from.

For what felt like the millionth time today, Snape's words surprised Remus and again he felt the need to answer cautiously. "You're correct about it being a poor excuse, of course. But it wasn't all bad. Taking notes from how Professor Tugwood was, I make sure to do the exact opposite when teaching. It seems to have worked wonderfully so far," Remus finished with a proud smile.

Snape simply nodded and took another bite of his roll. Lupin's teaching methods were not what he himself would use, and his class was very behind, but that could hardly be attributed to him. Unfortunately, there was no denying that Lupin was a very good teacher, and the students responded well to him.

"What first made you like potions so much?"

Snape contemplated this for a few, silent moments. "I believe it was the challenge. If you make the slightest mistake then the potion is ruined. Potion making requires total concentration and attention to the tiniest of details. It is a delicate process that demands the utmost respect and a high level of skill."

"So it's a perfect job for you then."

Snape raised his brow at this. "Perhaps." His words were few, but the were more than he had uttered in conversation to anyone in a long time. Surprised by how easily he found himself confiding in Lupin things that he had told no one else, Snape sighed and ran a hand through his hair. If he was truthful, he was enjoying their conversation, finding it surprisingly stimulating, and he was unable to deny that Lupin's past fascinated him greatly. He still would not say that he had any regard for the man, but his tolerance for him had significantly increased.

"What would you do if you weren't teaching potions?" Remus was honestly curious, and it was evident in his questions and tone.

Shrugging, Snape relaxed back into the chair. "I don't know. Aside from my work for the order teaching is all I have ever done."

"With your skill at potions, you could no doubt become very famous, if you wish it."

Smirking, Snape brought his eyes to meet Lupin's. "With my skill at potions I could do anything, or have anyone that I desired."

Remus laughed at this. "Famous, desirable, and rich to boot. So why haven't you done it?"

"There is very little satisfaction in achieving such things through the magic of a potion. When I attain things I like doing so knowing that it was through my skill and determination, not simply because I could brew a potion that would bestow it upon me, however challenging that potion may be."

Remus raised a brow. "That's very noble of you."

Snape resisted the urge to snort at that. "Not particularly. My reasons are entirely self serving, not because of any moral issues that I may be concerned with."

"Oh? How so?"

"I enjoy the feeling of power and control that achieving these things brings me. Knowing that I can do what so many others require additional help for, it reinforces the fact that I am superior to them." His expression twisted then, turning from the soft thoughtful expression to one full of bitterness and malice. "After a lifetime of being made to feel inferior it is rather a refreshing change."

His words, in what was clear meaning to Remus, fell heavy. Snape felt himself superior to most everyone, true. However, Remus knew he fell far below most everyone else to Snape, and in many ways. He knew he would always be the monster, but he had forgotten it for a bit; lulled in by the companionable conversation. "That makes sense," he said finally.

Snape turned on his seat, his body now facing Lupin completely. "I knew you would understand. You have been treated much the same I imagine. Has it not left you with a desire to prove yourself better than what everyone thinks of you?"

Remus bit back the sarcastic reply that had sprung to his lips and took a deep breath instead. "I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on that," he said finally. "While I have been treated much the same as you describe and even worse at times, my desire to be accepted has caused problems in the past, and is outweighed by the fact that I find joy and acceptance with myself." His lips twisted into a thin smile. "I have no desire to force anyone's view of me, partly because that would be expected from someone like me, and partly because if they refuse to think better of me because of what I am, then I know that will never change."

Turning back to face the wall, Snape lifted his legs and rested them on the table in front of him. He was going to be here a while so he may as well attempt to make himself as comfortable as possible. "So you never want to challenge their prejudice by forcing them too see you in a different light? Sometimes Lupin, force is the only way people will take notice of what you say."

"That was my point, though. Me forcing anyone would be expected of me, causing people's distrust to intensify. I don't want that, Severus."

"Yes, I suppose that makes sense."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Snape, surprised by the sudden end to the conversation he thought was going rather well, turned and looked at Lupin. He was looking down, playing with his hands as they sat in his lap, his expression serious. "Is there something the matter Lupin?"

"No, nothing is wrong, sorry. I was just thinking about what you said."

"And?"

"It's always interesting to have someone else's take on things."

"You seem disturbed, however." Despite Lupin's insistence that he was fine, Snape didn't believe him. The anguish was written all over his face as plain as the nose on Snape's own.

"Hardly disturbed. Thoughtful, perhaps nostalgic."

"Judging by the expression on your face Lupin the thoughts hardly give the impression of being happy ones."

"We've hardly spoken of happy subjects," Remus said with a slight smile.

This was undeniable. The trip down memory lane had not exactly been pleasing for Snape either, much less the realization that the one person he felt comfortable reliving those times with was someone he could barely tolerate. However, during the course of the course of their confinement, Snape had discovered a newfound respect for the Dark Arts Professor. "If you would prefer we can easily sit in silence for the remainder of our stay here."

Throwing a surprised glance at Snape, Remus shook his head. "No, I wouldn't prefer that. I'm sorry if I gave that impression."

"Then tell me what you were thinking about."

Snape's tone bode no argument, nor did Remus think to give any. "Fair enough. I hardly can tell when you are being your normal sarcastic and... severe self. While I have much enjoyed speaking with you, I suppose I can't help but wonder at one point you're going to remember you're disgusted by me."

"I am not disgusted by you." Snape was shocked to hear the words escape his lips, and even more so to discover that they were true. Hearing Lupin's account of how he came to be what he was, he found it harder to find it a fault. Part of him had always assumed that he had somehow brought it on himself, but this delusion was becoming more difficult to believe with every passing moment. He had been playing, was attacked savagely, and had paid dearly for it. No, Snape wasn't disgusted by Lupin and for perhaps the first time, as he brought his eyes back to meet Lupin's, Snape saw the man sitting before him, and not the beast.

Remus raised a brow, surprise again evident on his face. "I can't say I'm not surprised to hear that, for it is rather surprising, although not unwelcome."

"I assure you I am just as surprised as you are."

Remus laughed at that. "Would that put us on even footing? Perish the thought."

Scowling, Snape glared at Lupin. "Not quite." He paused, before adding, "I make better sandwiches."

Remus only laughed harder. "How would you know?"

"Simple. An expert potion maker is unbeatable in the kitchen."

"Be that as it may, I'd personally prefer to be known as better in other rooms."

Snape's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as he shifted in his seat. He was uncomfortable with where his mind went upon hearing Lupin's words, convinced that the Professor couldn't possibly mean what struck Snape. Still, he found himself somewhat curious as his eyes trailed down the lean figure from head to toe, taking in every detail. Catching himself, he shook his head and muttered something incoherent under his breath. "That may be just as well, if you are as poor in potions as I suspect you to be."