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Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun, nor do I own Tootsie Pops…
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Last time on Tootsie Pops:
- Legato dismantled a helpless flower, Timmy gave Legato a blueberry Tootsie Pop, and… Legato made-out with his left arm.
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Today on How many licks does it take? Tootsie Pops!…
( Persons that Number 2: Vash & Meryl )
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Scene: off in the desert somewhere random in Knives' secret hangout evil layer place…
Knives(agitated): "LEGATO!!!!"
Legato: -comes running up from wherever he was at- "Yes, Mastah?"
Knives(looks angry): -holds up the tattered remains of the flower Legato previously destroyed-
Legato: " … "
Legato: "…uh… Mastah, how did you—"
Knives(really mad): "LEGATO!!! How dare you murder a plant! One of my fellow brethren!" –Knives hugs the flower-
Legato: " … "
Legato(thinks for a second): " …but Mastah…"
Knives: "Silence! …I hereby decree that you shall eat tofu & brussel-sprouts and nothing but tofu & brussel-sprouts for one entire year!!!"
Legato: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Legato(thinks for a second): "…you… aren't even that kind of plant."
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Hmmm, guess that means no more sweets for poor, poor Legato.
Legato(in his no-sweets world): "Oh, the agony…"
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Meanwhile:
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In some town with a name that was very likely also name of a month of the year, Vash and Meryl were chilling out on a plain old wooden bench that sat right in front of a scenic water fountain that was bubbling away, wasting precious water that some people need on that DESERT planet.
Vash was crying for some of his sweet, sweet donuts because he had not had any in five whole minutes, and Meryl was telling him to shut up. They were in this predicament and stuck together sitting on this bench because they told Milly that they would meet her there after she finished raiding the local grocery place for pudding.
Unbeknownst to them, a little boy named Timmy was heading right in their general direction and he was about to change the course of their lives forever…or not.
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Timmy: -spots Vash and runs towards him- "Hey, mister! Wanna try a Tootsie Pop!? Tell me how many licks it takes?"
Timmy stares up at Vash, holding up the bag of Tootsie Pops. Vash was so deep in his dreaming-of-donuts-land that he missed just about everything Timmy said.
Vash: "Huh? …licks? …Tootsie Pop …Hey?"
Vash(snaps back to reality): "What's happening?" –looks at Timmy- "…Oh, a child—"
Vash(happy smiles): "Hey, a child! I love children! WannaPutMeInStrangleHolds?"
Timmy: "Uh…" –backs away…s l o w l y.
-bump-
Timmy, in his hurriedness to back away from Vash who was creeping him out with his offers for Timmy to put him in strangle holds, backed into Milly who had just come up from behind.
Milly(smiles): "Hi!"
Timmy: "um…hi…"
Milly: "And what's your name?"
Timmy(timidly): "…Timmy."
-Vash cuts in-
Vash(excited): "Hey! Timmy! Like Tiny-Tim from that Charles Dickens book…"
Timmy, Milly, Meryl: -BLANK STARE-
-crickets chirp-
Vash(a little less excited): "…You know… the one with that guy… and…"
-BLANK STARE-
-crickets chirp-
Vash: "and…"
-BLANK STARE-
-crickets chirp-
Vash: "God bless us everyone?"
-BLANK STARE-
-crickets chirp-
Wolfwood: "AMEN!"
Everyone: "Where did he come from?"
-pause-
Vash: "Well, it was a book that Rem read to me, once…you know…A Christmas Carol."
-BLANK STARE-
Timmy: "Never heard of it."
Meryl: "You can read!?"
Milly: "I like pudding!"
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"Anyway…", Timmy said, "…back to the Tootsie Pops—"
"—anybody want one?"
Vash: -jumps up and down- "Me!"
Milly: "Sorry, I'm already stuffed with pudding…"
Meryl: -exasperated sigh-
Timmy(to Vash): "Alright, mister. What flavor do you want?"
Vash: -looks at his coat- "Um…red!!! Please!"
Timmy reaches into the Tootsie Pop bag.
Timmy: "Um, sorry…I'm outta red"
Vash: -cries-
Timmy: " …"
Timmy looks again into the bag.
Timmy: -holds up a yellow Tootsie Pop- "Mister, how about a lemon flavor, since you've got blonde hair?"
Legato is suddenly seen passing behind Timmy in the crowd, desperately licking whatever might be left of the sweet blueberry flavor that dripped onto his hand…since he won't be allowed sweets any more because of Knives.
Legato(to Timmy): "You're predictable." –he walks off-
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Vash(dries his tears): "I… guess that sounds good." –he holds the lemon Tootsie Pop in front of his face quizzically-
Timmy(to Meryl): "What about you, ma'am? Want a Tootsie Pop?" –makes cute puppy dog eyes pleadingly-
Meryl: "Oh…fine…whatever."
Timmy: "What color do you want?"
Meryl(unsure): -looks around- "Ah…no….um….well?" –her eyes find themselves on Vash, more specifically, his eyes-
Meryl: "How about…green?"
Timmy reaches into the bag.
Timmy: "Yep, we got green" –hands Meryl the lime flavored Tootsie Pop-
Timmy(to Vash & Meryl): "Don't forget to tell me how many licks it takes to get to the center of the Tootsie Pops."
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Meryl stares for a moment at the lime Tootsie Pop. She was about to lick it when she noticed that Vash had yet to lick his lime flavored Tootsie Pop. Meryl stopped, wondering what was wrong.
Meryl: "What's wrong? Why aren't you eating it?"
-long pause-
Vash(determined): "I am trying to visualize it as a donut…but it isn't working"
Meryl: -sigh- "You are an idiot, Vash the Stampede" –licks the Tootsie Pop-
-thinks- …though, a hot idiot…
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And so, Vash and Meryl began to lick their own respective Tootsie Pops. Timmy and Milly were just standing there in front of the bench, watching.
Meryl(counting licks): one, two three…
Vash(counting licks): one, two, three, four, five, seven, eleven, five, eight, seven, five, three, zero, nine…
A few minutes pass.
Vash: "Hey, Meryl…want some of my Tootsie…Pop" -why do I feel so hot…besides the fact this is a desert planet?
Meryl: "I don't know…mine…tastes…pretty good." –I do believe I am getting a bit…dizzy
Vash(smiling goofily): "Why don't we…trade?"
Meryl(feeling giddy): "Sure thing"
They turn towards each other on the bench and bang their heads together by accident. Milly and Timmy are starting to wonder what's going on.
Vash: "Hmmm…trading seems…dangerous…why don't we…share" –Meryl sure is hot
Meryl(evil smile): "Good…idea!" –why do I feel so frisky all of a sudden?
Meryl and Vash move the Tootsie Pops toward each other until the lemon and lime are stuck together. And then, they smile as they slowly lick the combined Tootsie Pops at the same time.
…Which, of course, lead them to licking each other's tongues.
…And then Vash started licking Meryl's face…
…And Meryl came back and licked Vash's face in return…
Vash & Meryl: -yummy
Milly(shock): "…"
Timmy(wide-eyed): "I didn't mean THAT kind of LICKING!!!"
Meryl and Vash then grabbed each other in an embrace…
…then they started kissing like mad…
Timmy: "ewwwwww"
And kissing some more…
Timmy: "ewwwwww"
The Tootsie Pops fell in the sand…
Then some loud moaning was heard in the background…
Milly: "…" –puts a hand over Timmy's eyes-
Then, Meryl hopped on Vash, pushing him further backwards over the bench…causing the bench to lean.
Milly(concerned): "um…Meryl?"
-the bench leaned a little more-
Milly: "Meryl….I think that…"
Vash & Meryl: "Whhhhhhooooooooaaaaaaa!!!" – The bench tipped over all the way, tossing them both into the fountain of water-
-SPLASH-
Milly: "I tried to tell ya…"
Vash(confused): "Ah, it's cold!" -sitting in the water fountain- "What just happened?"
Meryl(disoriented): -looking around & also sitting in the water fountain- "…I'm all wet."
Wolfwood sprints past: "Ha, talk about a cold shower"
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Timmy(wide-eyed): "That was not normal"
Timmy then took a look at the Tootsie Pop bag, looking for answers.
"Ingredients: Sugar, Transmutated-Sugar, Genetically-enhanced-sugar, water, corn syrup, Plant by-products, and SECRET INGREDIENTS."
"Huh….what could that be I wonder?" said Timmy, somewhat panicked and concerned. But he reads onward:
"WARNING: Eating of certain flavors in junction with certain genes of the consumer in an environment of unusually high heat can cause bizarre side effects, up to and including: insanity, horny-ness, cannibalism, food-craving, stupidity, heart failure, gas, sonic-diarrhea, death, illiteracy, mutation, amnesia, and pms. Other unknown side-effects could also occur."
Meryl: "These Tootsie Pops do not sound very safe. I don't think Bernadeli Insurance would cover damages caused by these things."
Timmy thinks a moment then wanders off unnoticed, hording the Tootsie Pops.
Milly: "What do we do now?"
Vash(to Meryl): "How about a date?"
-WHACK-
Meryl: - had just hit Vash with her typewriter- "Ugh!" – walks off.
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Meanwhile in some back alley, in the same town, Timmy was unknowingly being followed.
Legato: "MUST. HAVE. TOOTSIE. POPS."
Timmy: "AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh!!!"
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To be continued
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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Gunsmoke may never know.
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Next time: what happened to all the red Tootsie Pops?
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